Question about middle-aged women and being overweight
May 12, 2010 3:57 PM   Subscribe

Question about middle-aged women and being overweight

Last school year I had a college roommate whose parents would come pick him up for the long weekends. The father was a tall and handsome man who was fit and strong. The mother was a woman who was maybe 50 to 75 pounds overweight for herself (I am sure she was more attractive in her younger days). It was very odd to me seeing such a couple together, so much that I had to ask on MetaFilter. (It would be easy to say let them be they have their own reasons for being together. However this is MetaFilter I am hoping for something deeper.)

I have to ask, and I will be direct, why does the man still stay with her? With divorce culture so strong I would have expected they would have split already. Does he really find her attractive? I am serious. Maybe they are staying together for the children; he told me he has two other siblings. Is he happy in such marriage? Is he truly happy with such a woman? Would he lust for other women? Would he put pressure on her to lose weight? Is such a relationship healthy? The balance seems to be off; the man seems have the better hand. Would he be tempted to cheat with other attractive women behind her back? What are some of the possible reasons a man might stay with a wife like herself? It just doesn't make sense to me.

I didn't want to mention this in person for obvious reasons. I am asking the above questions here out of curiosity. (The lack of people that I can ask without causing offense or can able to give me a straight answer without jokes also has something to do with it). The minor secondary reason is as follows: I reason if it can happen to someone else it can happen to me. I believe with knowledge and preparation I will understand what lead to the events above.
posted by abbat to Society & Culture (10 answers total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: This is kind of an unanswerable question -- every relationship is different -- and this is kind of the same idle-curiosity-plus-awkward-phrasing thing we were just talking about recently. -- cortex

Beauty fades, tits fall, but a good personality endures?
posted by lizbunny at 4:00 PM on May 12, 2010

The only person who can answer this is the person in the relationship.

And are you seriously saying that if you married a woman and she got fat, you'd divorce her? WTF?
posted by youcancallmeal at 4:01 PM on May 12, 2010 [5 favorites]

I think you'd have to ask HIM.

A couple of possibilities spring to mind, though:

He loves her.

If he doesn't love her, he is loyal to her for bearing and raising their children.

He likes big women.
posted by small_ruminant at 4:01 PM on May 12, 2010

This is really egregious chatfilter. But I will say: it's always foolish to assume that others share your ideas of what is and is not attractive.
posted by lunasol at 4:01 PM on May 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

Maybe they love each other.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 4:02 PM on May 12, 2010 [3 favorites]

Seriously? You really really really need to get out of your parents' basement and start interacting with actual people. Relationships are about more than physical attraction, and even then physical attractiveness is about more than weight.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:04 PM on May 12, 2010 [5 favorites]

We don't know these people, so how can we possibly give you any answers that aren't purely speculative?

But here's my speculation: Maybe he fell in love with her because of every other reason besides her looks (not that her looks hurt), and maybe that's why he's still in love with her. Maybe he loves her because she knows him better than anyone, and he trusts her, and she's he's best friend...and she's wicked good in bed. It might sound unbelievable to you, but fat people can be good in bed just like skinny people. Also kind, trustworthy, good friends, etc.

My question to you: Why is your opinion of men so low that you would immediately jump to the assumption that a man you perceive as attractive/fit could not possibly love a woman *you* do not think of as attractive/fit?
posted by rtha at 4:05 PM on May 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

There's a whole lot of aphorisms that come to mind, but I think that the simplest are "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and "looks aren't everything."
posted by desuetude at 4:05 PM on May 12, 2010

posted by youcancallmeal at 4:05 PM on May 12, 2010

While looks matters to varying degrees when individuals first meet, as time goes on, looks tend to matter less and less.

His love for her probably has only a tiny bit to do with how she looks.
posted by k8t at 4:05 PM on May 12, 2010

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