Inappropriate toilet music
April 21, 2010 7:19 AM   Subscribe

What mildly amusing or inappropriate background music can I play in a bathroom?

In a few weeks I will be attending a camping event in a field attended by a small community of friendly people.

Some upmarket portable toilets have been arranged for this event, and if it's the same as last year, the toilets come equipped with a tape player with which to provide background music.

This immediately gives me the idea of making a bathroom themed mix tape. Songs about toilets, songs with toilet or bathroom based double entendres, or songs which for any reason it would be funny or inappropriate to hear in the bathroom.

"Sitting, waiting, wishing" by Jack Johnson got me started...

More ideas?
posted by emilyw to Media & Arts (69 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
"She Came In Through The Bathroom Window" is sort of obvious, even with the lack of windows.
posted by rokusan at 7:22 AM on April 21, 2010

Zappa's "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow" comes to mind.
posted by 6550 at 7:22 AM on April 21, 2010

For some reason, "At Last" by Etta James came to mind.
posted by cabingirl at 7:22 AM on April 21, 2010 [3 favorites]

Christmas music might be funny, even though it's not bathroom related, just because it would be so unexpected.
posted by cabingirl at 7:23 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

(But myself, I'd probably be less subtle and go straight for The Dayglo Abortions.)
posted by rokusan at 7:24 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

There's an art installation in a bathroom at a gallery near where I live that plays "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Stewart, and encourages you to vamp in the mirror, after you flush. Maybe not inappropriate in the right direction, but still.
posted by activitystory at 7:24 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

We had a part one time where we played a tape of sound effects from the Star Trek bridge (so, like, ambient computer noises and doors opening and closing and such). It was great.

Another time we had a loop of Spanish Flea going.
posted by dirtdirt at 7:25 AM on April 21, 2010 [3 favorites]

That Smell by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
posted by travis08 at 7:25 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wipe Out
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 7:26 AM on April 21, 2010 [3 favorites]

Oh, and "Enjoy" by the Descendents, depending on the crowd. That one's pretty gross, though.
posted by activitystory at 7:27 AM on April 21, 2010

Will spicy food be served? If so, how about "Ring of Fire"? (Sorry, had to do it. Also, I just wanted to note that this will almost certainly be my kids' favorite AskMe of all time.)
posted by brandman at 7:27 AM on April 21, 2010

Camper Van Beethoven - Axe Murderer Song - Why do axe murders always attack, when you're partially nude or taking a bath...
posted by nomisxid at 7:28 AM on April 21, 2010

posted by le morte de bea arthur at 7:30 AM on April 21, 2010

Yellow River
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 7:33 AM on April 21, 2010

Weird Al's "Constipated"
posted by mkb at 7:33 AM on April 21, 2010

Push It by Salt-N-Pepa
posted by defreckled at 7:34 AM on April 21, 2010 [6 favorites]

Oh Shit.
posted by googly at 7:34 AM on April 21, 2010

Old Man River (Paul Robeson, from Showboat).
Too Much Pressure (Bowie).
Waterfalls (TLC).
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:34 AM on April 21, 2010

Baby Got Back? Rumpshaker?
posted by pointystick at 7:37 AM on April 21, 2010

Yakety Sax. Because the answer is always "Yakety Sax."
posted by JoanArkham at 7:40 AM on April 21, 2010 [9 favorites]

Constipation Blues by Screamin Jay Hawkins.
posted by Dr-Baa at 7:41 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

For some reason I'd find "Watercolors Of Brazil" completely unsettling in a bathroom setting
posted by The Whelk at 7:45 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

drop it like it's hot, snoop dogg.
posted by crawfo at 7:46 AM on April 21, 2010

You know, it's not bathroom-specific, but for some reason, hearing Herb Alpert's "Spanish Flea" in any kind of waiting-type situation cracks me up.
posted by Greg Nog at 7:47 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

the Alka-Selzter jingle. On an endless loop.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:49 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

In the Spanish Flea-Waiting Music vein, maybe a MUZAK or MIDI version The Girl From Ipanema ?
posted by The Whelk at 7:54 AM on April 21, 2010

like this, say
posted by The Whelk at 7:54 AM on April 21, 2010

Bad Moon Rising by CCR, if only because so many people mishear the lyrics as "there's a bathroom on the right".
posted by spinto at 8:02 AM on April 21, 2010

Let go, then Move.
posted by cashman at 8:03 AM on April 21, 2010

"30 Years in the Bathroom," The Wonder Stuff
"Mirror in the Bathroom," English Beat
"The Emperor of the Bathroom," The Minus Five
"Ode de Toilet (The Toilet Song), Brad Paisley
"What If," King Missile ("what if I wished I was a toilet bowl")
posted by dlugoczaj at 8:19 AM on April 21, 2010

The Jeopardy theme.
posted by sanka at 8:19 AM on April 21, 2010 [2 favorites]

OH, I forgot "Never Going to the Bathroom Again," Harry and the Potters!
posted by dlugoczaj at 8:20 AM on April 21, 2010

Jeez, they just keep coming. "Shaving Cream," Benny Bell.
posted by dlugoczaj at 8:21 AM on April 21, 2010

John Lennon's "Nobody Told Me" has the line "there's matches in the bathroom, just below the stairs".

That ooga chacka song ... "Hooked on a Feeling"
posted by Abbril at 8:25 AM on April 21, 2010

Man, I'm sorry, I really love this thread--

"Sit Down to Piss," David Rovics (especially if your camping group is leftist-political)

(I really want you to post a playlist of what you end up with, btw.)
posted by dlugoczaj at 8:28 AM on April 21, 2010

"Tomorrow" by Silverchair:

There's no bathroom, and there is no sink
The water out of the tap is very hard to drink
Very hard to drink
posted by MexicanYenta at 8:28 AM on April 21, 2010

Log Bass- Rapeman
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:47 AM on April 21, 2010

The Monster Mash.

Now, if you are looking for songs that specifically mention toilets, that's a slightly different question. But if you are really looking for "most inappropriate background music for X activity" then the Monster Mash is, always, the most inappropriate song possible, under any circumstances, even during actual monster mashes.
posted by Damn That Television at 8:53 AM on April 21, 2010 [18 favorites]

Don't Stand So Close to Me by The Police
Hakuna Matata from The Lion King (for the "clearing the savanna" Pumba interlude section)
2nd-ing Ring of Fire
Let's Get It Started by The Black-Eyed Peas
Taking Care of Business by Bachman Turner Overdrive
posted by iceprincess324 at 8:58 AM on April 21, 2010

Can I suggest that you play a comedy tape at some point too?

When I was last at the (awesome) Ruby Bar in Copenhagen they were playing Eddie Murphy (can't remember which show) and it was a challenge to keep my aim on target.
posted by HopStopDon'tShop at 9:09 AM on April 21, 2010

Why don't we do it on the road - The Beatles
posted by Omnomnom at 9:09 AM on April 21, 2010

Maybe Log, or Tubthumping

Or going in a whole other direction, Samuel Barber's Adagio For Strings seems pretty inappropriate, also Carl Orff's O Fortuna, or the theme from Schindler's List.
posted by wabbittwax at 9:15 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

So a friend of mine related a story about visiting an apartment where the (college-age) residents had put speakers for an apartment-wide sound system in every room, including the bathrooms, and and hooked up this sound system to one of the computers. He further relates how once he was in the bathroom when one of them started playing Starcraft, and how there's something really unique about being told "you must construct additional pylons!" mid-business.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:25 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

Personally I wouldn't go for double entendre lyrics, since many people may not pay much attention to normal-sounding ambient music, much less analyze meanings, when there's other activities going on outside the latrine. The approach I'd take is to go for complete cheese, like run New Kids On The Block "Hanging Tough" in an endless loop or something. Hey, weird, that was unintentional but.... "Hanging Tough"... I guess that fills the bill right there.
posted by crapmatic at 9:27 AM on April 21, 2010

Hayseed Dixies - I'm Keeping Your Poop
posted by sveskemus at 9:37 AM on April 21, 2010

Here's That Smell on youtube. Heh.
posted by Listener at 9:51 AM on April 21, 2010

For some reason, The Monster Mash comes to mind
posted by asuprenant at 9:53 AM on April 21, 2010

If you really want to go over the top... might I suggest changing the tape each day?
Day #1! Brilliant because it's obvious.
Day #2! AHAHAHAA!!!
Day #3? Rick Astley, Never Gonna Give You Up? Or maybe the Grinch... just because...
Day #4! Awe yeah!

By the second day, people will be curious to hear what plays the next day. Or, if you have multiple toilets, you could put a different tape in each and see which people find the most funny.
posted by 2oh1 at 10:24 AM on April 21, 2010

Rick Astley would be particularly funny if you could somehow label the TP roll (or TP roll holder) with a sign that says Rick.
posted by 2oh1 at 10:26 AM on April 21, 2010

Many fantastic suggestions! Keep 'em coming! The Spanish Flea is exactly the kind of inappropriate I was thinking of.

Practically speaking, it does need to stay reasonably family friendly, although the more way out suggestions have been making me laugh anyway.

I might be able to do several tapes but I think there may be some competition to provide the toilet music. Last year we had a day of happy hardcore and a day of techno...
posted by emilyw at 10:36 AM on April 21, 2010

lol I have done many things to Happy Hardcore music but "try to defecate in a socially acceptable area" is not one of them

If you choose to go that route again, let me suggest the Happy2bHardcore albums by Anabolic Frolic. They are the happiest of hardcore.
posted by Damn That Television at 11:05 AM on April 21, 2010

Do you have room for the Tapeworm of Love? Tapeworms are a great bathroom fear, and there's some constipated-like grunting towards the end of the song.

My favorite WTF bathroom soundtrack was in the Madeleine restaurant chain in Texas, where you get... French language lessons? Perhaps for the night business-makers.
posted by whatzit at 11:33 AM on April 21, 2010

Comedy/novelty music in the bathroom just seems so wrong, that it must be right. so, some suggestions:

Any Old Iron by Peter Sellers

Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight? by Lonnie Donegan

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life by Monty Python

You Gotta Go OWWWWW! by Spike Mulligan

Bonus: find a recording of the Monty Python theme (Liberty Bell March by John Philip Sousa) because it ends with a loud fart, always appreciated in any bathroom situation
posted by motown missile at 11:51 AM on April 21, 2010

Once during a family road trip my brother went into the bathroom at the diner where we were having lunch and moments later everyone in the restaurant could hear him singing "We've Only Just Begun."
posted by kirkaracha at 12:28 PM on April 21, 2010

Bruce Cockburn - Waiting For A Miracle
Tom Waits - Way Down In The Hole
Mojo Jixon - I Ain't Gonna Piss In No Jar

Or if you want people to feel like they're part of something big and exciting, Also sprach Zarathustra.
posted by knile at 12:38 PM on April 21, 2010

Over The Rhine has a song about potty training called The Poopsmith Song. Its chorus ("Poop in the potty, poop goes in the potty!") will get drilled into the head of anyone using the portajohn, I promise.
posted by EarBucket at 1:58 PM on April 21, 2010

Jingle Smells; a whole album of (Christmas, unfortunately) music performed via fart noises.
posted by bookdragoness at 3:33 PM on April 21, 2010

A part of a foreign language instructional audio/tape?

or part of a Bible on tape?
posted by NikitaNikita at 4:09 PM on April 21, 2010

Also, Nothing Compares 2 U jumped in my head as a random song.

Probably because I've been in cars where a bible tape, foreign language tape, and Sinead O Connor CD have been stuck in the dashboard CD/tape player.
posted by NikitaNikita at 4:11 PM on April 21, 2010

I'm not sure if this is funny to anyone but me but the first thing that came to my mind is Singing in the Rain.
posted by CwgrlUp at 4:41 PM on April 21, 2010

Of course someone's already suggested "Shaving Cream", but just as good would be "Go Take a Ship for Yourself", or "I'm the Guy Who Took a Ship for Myself", also by Benny Bell.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 4:53 PM on April 21, 2010

Oh Yeah by Yello
The Batman Theme Song by Danny Elfman
On My Own from Les Miserables
That song with the dogs barking Jingle Bells
posted by dephlogisticated at 5:06 PM on April 21, 2010

No lyrics or double entendre, but my first thought was Raymond Scott's Powerhouse, mostly associated with the factory scenes in various Looney Tunes cartoons.
posted by lekvar at 5:37 PM on April 21, 2010

Screamin' Jay Hawkins, Constipation Blues.
posted by Pallas Athena at 7:19 PM on April 21, 2010

Split Enz - Dirty Creature, or Six Months in a Leaky Boat
Bill Withers - Lean On Me (or, 'Use Me')
Supertramp - Give A Little Bit, Easy Does It, or Even In the Quietest Moments
Vanessa Williams - Saved The Best For Last
Bob Seger - Like a Rock
Cat Stevens - The Wind
Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water, or Feelin' Groovy
Soundgarden - Let Me Drown, Head Down, or Burden in my Hand
Sixpence None The Richer - There She Goes
posted by Hardcore Poser at 8:27 PM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

The Lone Ranger Theme
Anything by Spike Jones and his City Slickers
posted by exphysicist345 at 6:45 PM on April 24, 2010

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