I want to be a domestic goddess!
April 11, 2010 3:48 PM Subscribe
I'm moving, but I don't know where yet. I'm a traditional person (sort of...), and I was thinking that I may fit in better in the south. However, I prefer large cities with natural beauty, and the southern large cities I've looked into seem to be lacking in the natural beauty department.
When I say traditional, I mean that I'm basically a future housewife. I want to stay home and take care of the children, cook, clean, knit, what-have-you. I did a mini-version of that in my last relationship in which I'd do the laundry and pick up the stuff he left all over the place, and I actually enjoyed it. But even before then, I fantasized about being super-housewife.
I haven't been forthcoming about this until now, because this desire tends to be criticized. However, this question made me think that if I'm moving anyway, I should put some consideration into moving somewhere I'd fit in.
Politically I'm more of a liberal person, but I don't really care about that. I'm just looking to move some place I can call home, and I don't want to be in the minority when I go there because, to be honest, I don't want to have only a slim picking of men who want the lifestyle I do.
If the above things didn't matter, I would move to Portland, OR or any of the major hubs in Colorado.
Are there any large (over 300,000) cities in the south with natural beauty? Or, are there any places in Portland, OR or in major cities in CO where I'd fit in and wouldn't be in a small minority?
The only places I'm not willing to consider are OH, WI and Utah, for personal reasons.
When I say traditional, I mean that I'm basically a future housewife. I want to stay home and take care of the children, cook, clean, knit, what-have-you. I did a mini-version of that in my last relationship in which I'd do the laundry and pick up the stuff he left all over the place, and I actually enjoyed it. But even before then, I fantasized about being super-housewife.
I haven't been forthcoming about this until now, because this desire tends to be criticized. However, this question made me think that if I'm moving anyway, I should put some consideration into moving somewhere I'd fit in.
Politically I'm more of a liberal person, but I don't really care about that. I'm just looking to move some place I can call home, and I don't want to be in the minority when I go there because, to be honest, I don't want to have only a slim picking of men who want the lifestyle I do.
If the above things didn't matter, I would move to Portland, OR or any of the major hubs in Colorado.
Are there any large (over 300,000) cities in the south with natural beauty? Or, are there any places in Portland, OR or in major cities in CO where I'd fit in and wouldn't be in a small minority?
The only places I'm not willing to consider are OH, WI and Utah, for personal reasons.
If I understand your question, you want a city with:
-300,000+ population
-Men who are interested in partners with super-housewife aspirations
-Natural beauty (somewhat similar to Portland, OR or CO)
Washington, DC? There are a bunch of...future-super-housewife-loving-men, the population is 600K, and lots of people call it home. The problem with the "natural beauty" you're looking for is that most of the Southern cities I've seen are beautiful in vastly different ways than Portland and CO are. DC has a lot of water and beautiful trees (including cherry blossoms), some walking paths (Rock Creek Park, Billy Goat Trail/Great Falls) plus it's a couple hours' drive from mountains for skiing in the winter or camping in the summer.
The major problem that you'll face in the South is that your previous question suggests you want cool weather, and during the summer (especially August) DC and many other Southern cities are about as cool as a sweaty armpit. Sometimes the air's so humid it feels viscous.
posted by sallybrown at 4:10 PM on April 11, 2010
-300,000+ population
-Men who are interested in partners with super-housewife aspirations
-Natural beauty (somewhat similar to Portland, OR or CO)
Washington, DC? There are a bunch of...future-super-housewife-loving-men, the population is 600K, and lots of people call it home. The problem with the "natural beauty" you're looking for is that most of the Southern cities I've seen are beautiful in vastly different ways than Portland and CO are. DC has a lot of water and beautiful trees (including cherry blossoms), some walking paths (Rock Creek Park, Billy Goat Trail/Great Falls) plus it's a couple hours' drive from mountains for skiing in the winter or camping in the summer.
The major problem that you'll face in the South is that your previous question suggests you want cool weather, and during the summer (especially August) DC and many other Southern cities are about as cool as a sweaty armpit. Sometimes the air's so humid it feels viscous.
posted by sallybrown at 4:10 PM on April 11, 2010
My first two suggestions would be Asheville, N.C. and Knoxville, Tennessee. That is, assuming that you are looking at the sizes of SMSAs and not just the cities themselves in considering your 300K criterion.
Otherwise, consider Greenville, S.C.
posted by yclipse at 4:11 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Otherwise, consider Greenville, S.C.
posted by yclipse at 4:11 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
What about Knoxville, TN?
600,000+ people, mostly "traditional" values, a growing cultural center downtown, home of the University of TN, and a short drive from the beautiful Great Smoky Mountains National Park.
posted by peachykeen at 4:11 PM on April 11, 2010
600,000+ people, mostly "traditional" values, a growing cultural center downtown, home of the University of TN, and a short drive from the beautiful Great Smoky Mountains National Park.
posted by peachykeen at 4:11 PM on April 11, 2010
Charleston, SC. The wife yells Mount Pleasant at me from across the room. It gets hot. But damn, it's Charleston! Doesn't get much better than that.
posted by theichibun at 4:11 PM on April 11, 2010
posted by theichibun at 4:11 PM on April 11, 2010
I actually think what you want is not really all that rare, and nobody should be criticizing it. If you are in fact interested in Seattle, I met a lot of techie guys there who were on the hunt for exactly the kind of marriage you're describing. I mean, it seemed like they'd be open to either, but they wanted a wife and a family, and they already had a stable upper middle class lifestyle, and they didn't really need a financial contribution from anyone else.
posted by Ashley801 at 4:12 PM on April 11, 2010
posted by Ashley801 at 4:12 PM on April 11, 2010
My answer to this is Louisvlle KY, but that's my answer to most 'where do I want to move' questions that I have been asked over the years. There are lots of parks, lots of natural beatuy, politically fairly moderate (despite what you may hear), and there are lots of people there. I love the place and am trying to get there myself for good, after living very close for much of my life.
posted by deezil at 4:13 PM on April 11, 2010
posted by deezil at 4:13 PM on April 11, 2010
Savannah, GA is an incredibly beautiful city in the warmer months and has a pretty diverse mix of people from my (limited) experience there, although its population is less than what you might be looking for.
posted by deacon_blues at 4:13 PM on April 11, 2010
posted by deacon_blues at 4:13 PM on April 11, 2010
Response by poster: I don't mind a presence/absence of cold either way.
posted by biochemist at 4:14 PM on April 11, 2010
posted by biochemist at 4:14 PM on April 11, 2010
Lexington, KY would probably fit. Not a big fan myself but natural beauty it has, with plenty more nearby, The economy hasn't taken anywhere near the hit that other places have, either.
posted by dilettante at 4:18 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by dilettante at 4:18 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I did a mini-version of that in my last relationship in which I'd do the laundry and pick up the stuff he left all over the place, and I actually enjoyed it. But even before then, I fantasized about being super-housewife.
I'm confused. I'm actually not sure what you're question is, and I'm not sure how this is relevant.
I have a few questions:
a) are you currently married?
b) do you have children?
c) how do you support yourself, i.e. do you have a job?
If you are married, then presumably your husband is part of this decision process?
If you are not married and do not have kids, then I think your question has very little if anything to do with geography and is instead: "how can I meet a (rich), nice man and how can I become a housewife?"
I'm not trying to be rude about it, b/c I think the question is honest enough, but I think that may be your real question? Am I missing something here?
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 4:22 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm confused. I'm actually not sure what you're question is, and I'm not sure how this is relevant.
I have a few questions:
a) are you currently married?
b) do you have children?
c) how do you support yourself, i.e. do you have a job?
If you are married, then presumably your husband is part of this decision process?
If you are not married and do not have kids, then I think your question has very little if anything to do with geography and is instead: "how can I meet a (rich), nice man and how can I become a housewife?"
I'm not trying to be rude about it, b/c I think the question is honest enough, but I think that may be your real question? Am I missing something here?
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 4:22 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
what "your," not "you're"
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 4:23 PM on April 11, 2010
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 4:23 PM on April 11, 2010
Response by poster: a) No
b) No
d) No
c) I'm a student
I'm not looking to become a housewife right now, but that is my eventual goal and I want to be somewhere where I can pursue that. Basically, I just don't want to move again whererever I end up, so I'd like to make sure I find a place where there are people who share my desires.
I will say that I prefer very-long-term relationships prior to marriage, so I will be dating with that in mind, but ultimately the housewife goal is a distant (but important) one.
Hope that helps! And no I didn't think you were being rude.
posted by biochemist at 4:29 PM on April 11, 2010
b) No
d) No
c) I'm a student
I'm not looking to become a housewife right now, but that is my eventual goal and I want to be somewhere where I can pursue that. Basically, I just don't want to move again whererever I end up, so I'd like to make sure I find a place where there are people who share my desires.
I will say that I prefer very-long-term relationships prior to marriage, so I will be dating with that in mind, but ultimately the housewife goal is a distant (but important) one.
Hope that helps! And no I didn't think you were being rude.
posted by biochemist at 4:29 PM on April 11, 2010
I've been a housewife in New York City and in Seattle, and haven't had any problems finding other housespouses to be friends with, and nobody seems to think it's odd. You're worrying about something that isn't actually a problem. Liberal and northern cities have plenty of full-time parents and homemakers, just like conservative and southern cities do.
Mr. Corpse was a drummer in a hardcore band when I met him; he didn't have "FUTURE BREADWINNER" stamped on his forehead, just as there were few indications that I was destined to be a housewife. If you really are a 19-year-old "science freak" why not follow that passion for now, understanding that being a parent and homemaker can come along at any time and in any place?
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:29 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Mr. Corpse was a drummer in a hardcore band when I met him; he didn't have "FUTURE BREADWINNER" stamped on his forehead, just as there were few indications that I was destined to be a housewife. If you really are a 19-year-old "science freak" why not follow that passion for now, understanding that being a parent and homemaker can come along at any time and in any place?
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:29 PM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Of the top of my head, I feel like the triangle area (North Carolina) might be a good fit for you, but it might be hard for you to meet folks (it's car-culture, which I think makes it harder to get out there and meet folks) -- or New England. Lots of nature in both of those parts, lots of folks living the old-school main street life of yore, and more politically liberal than other places of same.
posted by pazazygeek at 4:42 PM on April 11, 2010
posted by pazazygeek at 4:42 PM on April 11, 2010
You're worrying about something that isn't actually a problem.
I tend to agree. Just find a place you like where you think you might be able to meet a mate. After all, there's no statistical way of equating your desire to become a housewife with geography. Lots of conservative, "traditional" places have high divorce rates and single moms, and lots of progressive, "urban" places have happy couples. And the inverse is true as well. Geography does not seem to be a deciding factor either way. What can be generalized is that the realities of contemporary economic life indicate that single-breadwinner families are the exception and not the rule.
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 4:58 PM on April 11, 2010
I tend to agree. Just find a place you like where you think you might be able to meet a mate. After all, there's no statistical way of equating your desire to become a housewife with geography. Lots of conservative, "traditional" places have high divorce rates and single moms, and lots of progressive, "urban" places have happy couples. And the inverse is true as well. Geography does not seem to be a deciding factor either way. What can be generalized is that the realities of contemporary economic life indicate that single-breadwinner families are the exception and not the rule.
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 4:58 PM on April 11, 2010
I'm confused as to why Colorado is out of the running? Plenty of the people I know here prefer traditional-style relationships, and natural beauty more than abounds.
posted by mynameisluka at 5:05 PM on April 11, 2010
posted by mynameisluka at 5:05 PM on April 11, 2010
Seconding the Knoxville suggestion. I just visited last week (my family is potentially moving there soon as well) and it is gorgeous. The mountains are beautiful, and I can only imagine how amazing the trees must look in the fall. There's a river that runs by the city too.
posted by JDHarper at 5:21 PM on April 11, 2010
posted by JDHarper at 5:21 PM on April 11, 2010
1. Assuming you're in your early twenties, it may be unrealistic to think that your next move is to the city where you'll live all your days. Let's say you meet the man of your dreams in Knoxville and his job moves -- since that's the family income, you're moving too.
2. There is no city in America where you won't find couples with only the husband working outside the home. There is no city in America where such couples would be stigmatized. It's one of the standard set-ups. I live in Madison, WI, which is extremely open to all kinds of family groupings, traditional or not, and there are tons of stay-at-home moms here, who are in no way pariahs. So if you want to live in Portland or one of the big cities in Colorado, do it! The lifestyle you're looking for will be available to you there.
If you want to live in a place that meets your other criteria, and where, as I understand it, there should be lots of men who will take it as a given that their wives won't earn money, you could try Colorado Springs.
posted by escabeche at 5:33 PM on April 11, 2010
2. There is no city in America where you won't find couples with only the husband working outside the home. There is no city in America where such couples would be stigmatized. It's one of the standard set-ups. I live in Madison, WI, which is extremely open to all kinds of family groupings, traditional or not, and there are tons of stay-at-home moms here, who are in no way pariahs. So if you want to live in Portland or one of the big cities in Colorado, do it! The lifestyle you're looking for will be available to you there.
If you want to live in a place that meets your other criteria, and where, as I understand it, there should be lots of men who will take it as a given that their wives won't earn money, you could try Colorado Springs.
posted by escabeche at 5:33 PM on April 11, 2010
2nd'ing asheville.
(The people's republic of) Boulder in colorado- it's not over 300,000, but it's a college town, very progressive and is close enough to denver.
posted by TheBones at 5:34 PM on April 11, 2010
(The people's republic of) Boulder in colorado- it's not over 300,000, but it's a college town, very progressive and is close enough to denver.
posted by TheBones at 5:34 PM on April 11, 2010
I moved from the Denver suburbs to Greensboro, North Carolina about 2 years ago. There is nothing (nothing!) in North Carolina that compares with the Front Range in terms of natural beauty. People here don't like to hear that, but it is true.
Fort Collins has won some awards for being "livable."
Ultimately, I don't think you should choose where you live as a 19-year-old based on what your life might be like 10 years from now. What seemed fun at 18 or 19 (picking up after him!) might really lose its luster in the long run.
Right now, live where you can get a good education, and then live where you can get a good job. There are housewives everywhere.
posted by jeoc at 7:00 PM on April 11, 2010
Fort Collins has won some awards for being "livable."
Ultimately, I don't think you should choose where you live as a 19-year-old based on what your life might be like 10 years from now. What seemed fun at 18 or 19 (picking up after him!) might really lose its luster in the long run.
Right now, live where you can get a good education, and then live where you can get a good job. There are housewives everywhere.
posted by jeoc at 7:00 PM on April 11, 2010
Well, just as a data point, I live outside San Francisco and know several stay-at-home moms (in SF and Oakland, both of which are over 300K). It really isn't looked at oddly by anyone I know. And SAMs meet each other through play groups, their kids schools, etc, so I don't see how you'd have a problem finding a circle of like-minded folks. Plenty of natural beauty around the SF Bay Area, too.
posted by JenMarie at 7:49 PM on April 11, 2010
posted by JenMarie at 7:49 PM on April 11, 2010
I think your assumption that southern locations would be more "accepting" of housewifery is wrong. Having lived in IA, L.A., SC and NE, and being a housewife myself, I have found it much more important to me to be where there are more liberals around. Ultimately, you want to connect with a man that you're compatible with on lots of levels... politically, spiritually, sexually and domestically. Having a person/parent at home is more an economic and philosophical decision than it is political, when you get to the heart of it.
If I could live in the Pacific Northwest, I'd go for it in a heartbeat.
posted by wwartorff at 9:25 PM on April 11, 2010
If I could live in the Pacific Northwest, I'd go for it in a heartbeat.
posted by wwartorff at 9:25 PM on April 11, 2010
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posted by pintapicasso at 4:06 PM on April 11, 2010