If I had a nickel for every parent... I'd have $0.20!
March 29, 2010 7:03 PM   Subscribe

My life is complicated and so are my wedding invitations. Help me word this thing, please!

My parents are divorced and both are remarried-- with 4 different last names among them. We are all paying for the wedding as one big dysfunctional family. I don't want to give a laundry list of names on the invite but I want people to know that my parents are hosting. My best idea so far sounds redundant: "The parents of hooper4 request the honor of your company at the marriage of their daughter to Mr. Fiance....". Not just redundant, but also dull! How can I word this without saying their names but still including them all?
posted by hooper4 to Human Relations (24 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Daughter and Fiance
Together With Their Parents
Invite You to an Awesome Wedding!

(people use this phrasing all the time - minus the "awesome").
posted by moxiedoll at 7:04 PM on March 29, 2010

(HER parents, in your case).
posted by moxiedoll at 7:06 PM on March 29, 2010

The world is full of complicated families inviting people to their weddings. Google wedding invitation wording. One hit I got using "Wedding invitation wording parents remarried" suggests:

Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Myers
Mr. and Mrs. Marc Velez
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Anne Catherine


Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Myers
Mr. and Mrs. Marc Velez
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of the daughter of Mr. Myers and Mrs. Velez
Anne Catherine


Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Myers
Mr. and Mrs. Marc Velez
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of Anne Catherine Velez

You would obviously have to modify that so it's "Mr. Joe Smith and Ms. Jane Doe" etc. since your parents and their spouses don't share last names.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:09 PM on March 29, 2010

I really don't want to say their last names. I think it will be flat out confusing. I've done an exhaustive google search but can't find a good example of how NOT to say their names. I should have written the invitation before I started planning the wedding, because now my brain is too overloaded with colors and flowers and $$$$!!!! to be creative.
posted by hooper4 at 7:15 PM on March 29, 2010

"Together with their families" is the phrase commonly used for such common situations i.e. Together with their families, John Smith and Jane Doe request the honor of your presence...
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:16 PM on March 29, 2010 [9 favorites]

Bride's name and her family invite you to her wedding to Fiance?
posted by coppermoss at 7:17 PM on March 29, 2010

Similar situation here, except my mom isn't remarried, but is in a long-term relationship, but was still using my dad's last name, but i considered her boyfriend 'family'....and yeah, anyway...
we used "Together with their families, GEM and notsnot invite you to celebrate..." big enough word to include everybody important to us. (luckily my parents are still good friends and their SOs are cool with that)
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 7:17 PM on March 29, 2010

Yeah, the only problem I see with moxiedoll's suggestion -- which is by far the simplest -- is that it's usually phrased as "their" parents, making it seem less like hosting. I know don't automatically assume the parents are hosting when I see that phrasing. But since you don't want to actually put their names on the invites, it's probably the cleanest.

That being said, your wording is also probably fine -- honestly, no one is going to read the invite and think it's weird or strange. You might get some kudos for coming up with a creative way around this problem.

If you are less concerned about the proximity of your and your fiancé's names, you could even do this:

and her parents
request the honor of your presence at her marriage to
[son of mr. and mrs. fiancé]
on [day], [date], 2010
7:30 pm
posted by devinemissk at 7:21 PM on March 29, 2010 [3 favorites]

You really should not stress about this too much. People know that families are complicated these days. Why not just list all the names?

Mine was done like this:

We invite you to share our joy
at the marriage of our daughter gudrun
to Fiance's name
The ceremony will take place ...

We hope you will be our guests at the reception ...

Names of gudrun's parents listed here at the end

I think you will need to put some names in, but you can just list names at the end like we did, rather than spelling every relationship out. As long as people know who to rsvp to, it should be ok. (Really, it will. You care way more about this than anyone outside your family will ... try to relax ... and congratulations on your wedding!)
posted by gudrun at 7:30 PM on March 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

In a complicated wedding last year, we went with:
Together with their families,
Bride and Groom
Invite you to join in the celebration of their wedding
posted by mmf at 7:46 PM on March 29, 2010

I am here to admit that I literally never read the words on a wedding invitation. I glance at it and probably make a quick judgment as to how pretty it is, and then I immediately look at the date and time, and then check my calendar and post it on the fridge, with any inserts on top so that I remember to send them back and/or use them to book a hotel.

I'm not at all trying to say that something you consider important isn't important, but just to assure you that whatever it says, most people won't think it's weird.
posted by palliser at 8:12 PM on March 29, 2010 [5 favorites]

Perhaps you could modify If only I had a penguin...'s suggestions to omit last names, i.e.
Bob and Carol
Ted and Alice
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of Roberta Alice...

I think this format is really nice, but using first names only might seem too casual depending on your wedding and family.

Like mmf we used the "Together with their families..." option for ours but we were also paying for things mostly ourselves with some contribution from one side and this avoided sidelining the parents that couldn't help due to financial circumstances but were just as supportive in other ways.
posted by k_tron at 8:14 PM on March 29, 2010

I know you want your invitees to know your parents are hosting, but I don't think it is necessary. People usually assume the parents are hosting even if they are not.

I would go with:

Jane Bride and Dick Groom invite you to join them as they celebrate their union in marriage.

This way you leave all the parents out.
posted by fifilaru at 8:18 PM on March 29, 2010

Same situation as you, and we did "Together with their parents". Kind of stuck in the craw of my in-laws who are EXTREMELY traditional and formal people, so I think kind of resented not actually being mentioned on the invite. But I don't care ;)
posted by wwartorff at 8:22 PM on March 29, 2010

The only people that will care how this is worded are the people whose names are on it/off it and since you have a bunch of complicated relationships either put them all on there or none at all. This is the only way not to offend anyone who actually reads that part. My vote is for just the bride and groom's names.

I just got a wedding invite today and skipped over all that stuff just like I ignore banner ads on web pages.
posted by thorny at 9:09 PM on March 29, 2010

Nthing "together with their families." I also come from an extremely complicated family. Additionally I would rather not be married than have my abusive stepfather's name on my wedding invite. So fiance and I announced that this would be the wording, and basically did not want to hear any feedback about it. Problem solved.
posted by BlahLaLa at 9:51 PM on March 29, 2010

I like k_tron's suggestion - if using first names only doesn't seem right, I think it would also be just fine to include all the parents' last names. You might have to choose a landscape-oriented invitation. :-) I think I would also put your last name on there too, if you're using the parents' last names.
posted by lakeroon at 11:10 PM on March 29, 2010

If you want to list their names, do. It's perfectly okay to mane the hosts in any accurate manner. It also gives people information about your interesting family, which may be helpful.

The families of Jane Alexandra Harris
Jane Jones-Smith & Fred Flintstone
Anthony Harris & Roger Ackroyd


The parents of Roberto Garcia-Romerez
Juliana and Roberto Romerez

have the pleasure of inviting you to the wedding of Jane and Roberto.

Saturday, June 10, 2010, 11 a.m.
East Yourtown Community Church
187 Country Lane, East Yourtown, ohio

Brunch and Boogeying will follow at
Huey's House of Rock-n-Roll
Corner of Main & High Streets, Yourtown, Ohio

If you prefer it to be simpler, moxiedoll's recommendation is good.
posted by theora55 at 7:56 AM on March 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is about pleasing your parents, because this is how they get credit for paying for things. Do what they want, no one else will care, as palliser rightly notes.
posted by slow graffiti at 10:33 AM on March 30, 2010

There was a related question quite a while ago. I'm going to re-use my answer:

Oh, man. With a total of 8 parents and step-parents, we wanted to avoid the whole thing, and chose the more formal,

"The honor of your presence
is requested
at the marriage of ..."

with no parents names whatsoever. No one objected. Of course, no one was funding it other than us, either ....
posted by timepiece at 10:51 AM on March 30, 2010

"The pleasure of your company is requested
at the wedding of
Hooper 4
Date, time, place

Parents names"

That's how we did it. My parents (both sets) were helping to pay, so it was all of their names down at the bottom, almost like a signature. I know, it's not for everyone. These situations are awkward. And to top it all off, both sets of DH's parents (who were not paying for any of it) were mad that their names weren't included. And one of my parents was mad that the other was included. If I had it to do over, I'd probably just have my and DH's names on there, and include a separate reception card with my parent's names as the hosts.
posted by Knowyournuts at 10:54 AM on March 30, 2010

What you want is a smaller version of a calling card for each parental combination.

The invitation can have two small slits opposite the wording or below it (like a graduation announcement) or just enclose it on top of the invite.

The person receiving the invitation determines the card. Invitations to your personal friends it but friends of your parents and distant relatives would probably appreciate getting a card since they might not remember just who you are in relation to your parents' names.

Some of my relatives have no clue that the name they call me is not real first name. Some of my multitudinous varieties of step-relatives don't know my last name. There would be major freaking out if they ever got an invitation with my legal moniker.
posted by jaimystery at 12:01 PM on March 30, 2010

that should read: invitations to your personal friends don't need it but . .
posted by jaimystery at 12:31 PM on March 30, 2010

We went with the passive "The honor of your presence is requested at the wedding of" (preferring "wedding" to "marriage", since, you know, the marriage should go on and on). As far as indicating that your parents are hosting, I like Knowyournuts suggestion of a separate reception card if you're really interested in indicating that they're hosting (although as a guest I'm not sure I would understand what the implications are of that).
posted by rustcellar at 1:38 PM on March 31, 2010

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