Did no one learn from Tiger's mistakes?
March 24, 2010 5:46 PM   Subscribe

Which should I secure first, new work or new shelter? Gawd, what a day.

So that I could follow some tweets that might tell me if I'm being laid off or not, my long-time live-in boyfriend let me borrow his Droid phone. I guess he forgot about the SMS convos he was having with no fewer than three women. One even discussed their "anniversary" next week and having sex on the stairs.

I want to move out as soon as I can find an apartment I can afford. No kids, no reason to go through a lot of therapy over this as far as I can tell.

Except remember that part about being laid off? I still don't know if it's happening or not, and even if I don't lose my job everyone is to take pay cuts. (Don't know how much yet.) If I'm not laid off this time I will be soon, so I need to find something else ASAP anyway.

Which do I do first, find a job or find an apartment? I'm so very eager to get out, but I don't even know how much I can afford to pay in rent right now. He still doesn't know that I know, and I probably need to keep it that way until I have somewhere to go.
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (23 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Ask yourself:
Which is causing you the most stress right now?
Which can you accomplish in the shortest period of time?

Take care of that first. Were I in your shoes, the clear winner would be finding a new place to live.
posted by sallybrown at 5:48 PM on March 24, 2010 [7 favorites]

I'd get as cheap of an apartment as I could find and go ahead and go, worst case scenario you get laid off and get unemployment, which, since you have a super cheap place, will still pay your rent.
posted by julie_of_the_jungle at 5:49 PM on March 24, 2010 [3 favorites]

Geez...sorry about your really crappy day! If you need to get out ASAP you may want to check Craigslist and rent a room from someone until you know better what your finanical situation will be (ie: so you won't sign a one year lease tomorrow and learn that you are being downsized the next day). You also probably deserve an Oscar for not letting on that you know about his very busy social life. Good luck and I am keeping my fingers crossed that you won't get laid off!
posted by MsKim at 5:51 PM on March 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Place to stay first, then job. Any friends you could confide in who'd be happy to loan you an extra room for minor compensation? Do that. Or find a cheap room to rent nearby. Once the job situation is settled, you can move on from there.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's definitely a lot all at once. And good luck.
posted by darksong at 5:54 PM on March 24, 2010

Yes - look for a short term lease or try to negotiate one and get out. I have had places with three month leases.
posted by Mid at 5:55 PM on March 24, 2010

Oh fawk, I'm so sorry about your day. New place first. Imagine how awful it will be if you are laid off and you're in the same space as your asshole boyfriend? You need your own space/support of friends to deal with the latter if it happens.
posted by meerkatty at 6:00 PM on March 24, 2010

Look for new living situation. It is much easier to find a place to live when you have a job, and likewise it is much harder to find a job if you have don't have somewhere to live.
posted by milarepa at 6:02 PM on March 24, 2010 [7 favorites]

Now that's a crappy day. I'll join the chorus that says apartment first. If you do lose your job then you won't be financially stuck living with Mr. Fancypants and having to put "unemployed" on apartment applications. Best of luck to you!
posted by archivist at 6:06 PM on March 24, 2010

Apartment before job, but holy christ -- I'd be sure to get myself to a bar this weekend (preferably on a sympathetic friend's tab - only slightly kidding.). I am so sorry this has happened to you.
posted by june made him a gemini at 6:08 PM on March 24, 2010

Any friends or family you can crash with for awhile? That might be the safest until you know about your work situation, without stressing you further on finding a place to live.

Surround yourself with supportive family/friends. Sorry about your day.
posted by 6:1 at 6:09 PM on March 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

if you can keep a cap on what you know about your man, and work quietly on getting yourself slowly established somewhere else, and use your move on an emotional level as well (like, quietly, cleanly, and independently getting the hell out, you will be in a stable place when it comes time to find that job. maybe a friend knows of a place to rent.
posted by lakersfan1222 at 6:11 PM on March 24, 2010

I am sorry you had a crappy day and I have to applaud you for not giving a piece of your mind to the bf. In the meanwhile, I second getting a place to stay, if you are near a University or college maybe you can find a room to rent with roommates, also try roommates.com.

Another option is of course to crash with family or friends for some time. If renting is the only option, then get a cheap place (studio/one bedroom) for a short lease with a renewable option.

And definitely surround yourself with supportive and positive people. Hope everything works out.
posted by VickyR at 6:24 PM on March 24, 2010

You gotta get a place to stay first in my opinion. Move out pronto.
posted by fantasticninety at 6:26 PM on March 24, 2010

Get a TEMPORARY place to live -- short-term rental, no long leases. Then once you've lined up permanent employment, get a place to live near work (or a relatively easy/direct commute).
posted by Jacqueline at 6:36 PM on March 24, 2010

Really sorry your day's been so thoroughly rotten. And yes: Housing is first priority. If you do not have a job NO ONE will consider your housing application. Been there, done that.

In fact, in many areas, between 6 and 18 months of steady employment with the same employer are required to be taken seriously as housing applicant, regardless of ability to pay up front. So in fact, just having a job and/or money in the bank is not sufficient.

Also, don't overlook the benefits of a storage unit as an interim solution: It's a lot easier to find a couch than find an apartment, and not having to worry about the disposition of your stuff is cheap way to cut your housing stress in half. Trust me.
posted by Ys at 6:37 PM on March 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yow. I wish I could buy you a round or something, sorry you had all this happen at once. I also agree finding another place is a first priority, but make sure it is someplace that you can afford given the circumstances. Maybe see if anyone needs a roommate or housesitting job, anything just to give you some breathing space.

If he is indeed totally clueless that you know, take care of yourself first and see what you can get sorted out for yourself before confronting him. I don't know what your lease situation is, but maybe you can kick him out?
posted by Wuggie Norple at 6:51 PM on March 24, 2010

Uggh. I am sorry that this happened to you. But it sounds like the short-term inconvenience is something that's going to avert a disaster down the road. What a schmuck.

Seconding Jacqueline. See if you can get a short-term lease - month-to-month or a bit longer. Or, rent a room. And definitely get out now.

Again, I am so sorry that this happened to you. It'll work out.
posted by underdetermined at 6:56 PM on March 24, 2010

Now that you know, unless you're an incredible actress, your boyfriend will figure out something's wrong soon. I'd strongly suggest finding a cheap place pronto.
posted by Malor at 7:03 PM on March 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Congrats on being so proactive and strong-willed, which will come easier if you get into a new housing situation ASAP. Like by the end of the month. I would search sub-lets and rooms for rent, chances are there's someone scrambling to move a new person in by April, which might give you some negotiating room. Especially if you feel like being upfront about your situation. Do not stress about acting as if you're unemployed right now. There is still (hopefully) severance and unemployment to factor in. Take things as they come and good luck!
posted by Juicy Avenger at 7:13 PM on March 24, 2010

How about a quick roommate situation? Check out roommates.com or Craigslist. (I'm obviously suggesting you get the hell out of Dodge first.) You won't have to worry about forking over first, last, security, etc., and if it's inexpensive enough, you should be able to find a gig to cover the rent should (God forbid) you get laid off. Good energy out to you.
posted by notjustfoxybrown at 7:26 PM on March 24, 2010

Get new housing first, ideally with no more than a 6 month lease. If you are looking for work you may want to have location flexibility.

Sorry your beau is a jackass.
posted by chairface at 9:45 PM on March 24, 2010

Thinking about this a little more, are you sure he was trying to hide this from you after all? I think I'd be a little more on top of my paranoia game if I were fooling around with one person, no less three.

The only reason why this would matter is if he's trying to tell you something (albeit in a tactless, disgusting way) and he already has plans to move out. Obviously this isn't something to rely on, and it's probably best you get away from a place that is associated with such an asshole anyway.

However, if you truly find yourself in a bind with money to the point where down payments, deposits, application fees, and other misc moving costs are going to tip the scale, and if I'm understanding "long-time live-in boyfriend" to mean he's treating you like this under your own roof, it might be worth confronting him about.

But only if.
posted by june made him a gemini at 4:26 AM on March 25, 2010

I would normally MeFi-mail this, but since you're anon, I can't. If you're in NYC, I have a room available in Astoria Queens, and even though I was looking for a long-term roommate, I could do short term for now. I just need it filled. The landlord does require a deposit. I've been here 5 years it's a great place. Get in touch if you're interested.
posted by AlisonM at 5:16 AM on March 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

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