Advice for the bride
March 21, 2010 6:33 PM   Subscribe

Help me come up with some cute or funny advice for a bride-to-be. It's for one of those activities at a bridal shower where everyone writes little bits of advice in a book for her to keep, along with a recipe. I can't stand the usual "let him think he's in charge" old-fashioned sexist stuff, and I think she'd appreciate a joke or a quote or something that's a bit more up to date than that.

At my own bridal shower my friends did a similar thing, and people included some of the old-fashioned stuff, personal jokes about my guy, quotes from books we've both read, and lube recommendations. I don't know the bride (or groom) well enough to make personal jokes, although she's got a great sense of humour and wouldn't mind dirty jokes in general. I'd like to leave the personal stuff to her close friends, which leaves me with... what?
posted by harriet vane to Human Relations (16 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
Never go to bed mad,
Or your marriage will be very sad.
Your sex will be better
Your heart be unfettered,
And you'll both be happy and glad.
posted by srbrunson at 6:42 PM on March 21, 2010

some quotes:

I first learned the concepts of non-violence in my marriage.
Mahatma Gandhi

For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin...then the sweet, sweet innards...
Homer Simpson.
posted by smoke at 7:26 PM on March 21, 2010 [2 favorites]

This story is from Dear Abby, several decades ago but I still like it -

On her wedding day, a young woman asked her mother, "What is your secret for a successful marriage?" The mother replied, "I decided on my wedding day to make a list of 10 annoying things your father does that I would automatically forgive." The daughter said, "I would love to see your list." The mother replied, "Oh, I never wrote it down but every time your father does something annoying, I say to myself, 'Luck for him that that's on the list!'"
posted by metahawk at 7:42 PM on March 21, 2010 [9 favorites]

My single best piece of marriage advice is to buy a comforter/duvet one size larger than the bed. So for a queen bed, get a king-sized comforter. It solves probably 25% of marital arguments right off the bat. :)

I'm sure you could come up with a cleverer way to phrase that, even draw a picture if you're artistically inclined!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:10 PM on March 21, 2010 [10 favorites]

Always assume that they're trying to help you, not insinuating or accusing anything, and that will save you from a lot of stress and quite a few arguments, too.
posted by shesaysgo at 8:29 PM on March 21, 2010

A Perl of Wisdom: There is more than one way to do it (aka Tim Toady).
posted by carmicha at 8:40 PM on March 21, 2010

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.

-Ogden Nash
posted by ambrosia at 9:28 PM on March 21, 2010 [2 favorites]

"Never go to bed angry.
Stay up and fight!"

- Mae West
posted by toodleydoodley at 10:55 PM on March 21, 2010

Response by poster: These are great, please keep 'em coming :)
posted by harriet vane at 12:35 AM on March 22, 2010

When I think of my relationship where I had a partner who took the "don't go to bed angry" thing to heart with the best of intentions, my mental association with that is basically "Torture via interrogation starvation and sleep deprivation".
I want to add death camps, Guantanamo bay, and the Milgram experiments, but you'll think I'm joking, and oh dear Allah/Shakti/Buddha...
I'm so, so not.

One otherwise loving partner insisting you carry on a 'disagreement' well after 3am after a really long day, when you're tired, feeling crap, we haven't had any/enough food, until we 'sort it out' is... well.
I cried. And cried.
And still feel pretty horrible about the entire concept.

And my suggestions that couldn't we say, 'sort it out' after we had slept, and eaten, and where in the cold light of day it could all be resolved in about say 15 minutes, were always vigorously opposed out of his GENUINE fear, that going to bed angry would damage our relationship, and that it meant we didn't love each other enough to... well, yeah, 'stay up and fight'.
Oh. What a dope.

(Also, some people appear to have a kind of endorphin rush when they finally 'sort things out', in the 'rush of relief' thing, even if they were 'wrong'. Me? I just feel like absolute shit because I've been in an argument for the last however long time, and want to go hole up in a cave and cry til I feel better. *Especially* when I was 'right' - because I never wanted to disagree in the first place.

Seriously, I am never going to put up with that shit again, but I still get a little PTSD when people trot out *that* little gem of wisdom (which I have seen give similar results over, and over, and over).

So, a better 'expansion' on that:
LEARN how to not go to bed angry. Learn how to agree to disagree while not ignoring it, and being able to *take it up later*. A flatmate showed me an exercise in the book "The Ethical Slut" called 'The Twenty-Minute Fight'. Where you actually practice having a disagreement for 20minutes, and then respectfully agree to *stop*, and take it up at a future scheduled date. I think the scheduling is important. If it's important enough to argue about, it's important enough that you should be willing to take it up at a different time where you can be fed, slept, and have a relatively clear head.

I'm practicing this one. Let you know when I get it.
posted by Elysum at 2:55 AM on March 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

To the groom: if you want her to have sex, do the dishes!
To the bride: if you want him to do the dishes, have sex!
posted by yawper at 7:25 AM on March 22, 2010

The happy bride told her mother on her wedding day, "I'm just so excited, I'm at the end of all my worries and troubles!" And the wise mother said, "Yes, dear, you just don't know which end."
(Not really advice, but very true)
posted by luvmywife at 7:30 AM on March 22, 2010

Anyone who thinks they've won a family argument has actually lost it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:02 AM on March 22, 2010

Elysum - I couldn't agree more. Well said.
posted by iceprincess324 at 9:45 AM on March 22, 2010

“Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.”
Honore de Balzac

“Marriage is the result of the longing for the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue.”

“Compromise, if not the spice of life, is its solidity. It is what makes nations great and marriages happy.”

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”
Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

(I believe in all of these - especially with one divorce under my belt, and thirteen years together (seven of them married) to the guy who wanted to BE married, not just GET married.)
posted by peagood at 2:02 PM on March 22, 2010

If you fight,

fight naked.

-- from a card my dad gave us (with a related picture inside)
posted by rw at 3:32 PM on March 23, 2010

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