February 2, 2005
11:38 AM   Subscribe

I've decided to hire a prostitute. How should I best go about this to have a reasonably good, safe time? Does cost make a big difference? I'm in London.
posted by Pretty_Generic to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (100 answers total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- cortex

Did you mean to post this non-anonymously?
posted by bshort at 11:41 AM on February 2, 2005

Yeah, he did. He's a braver man than I.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 11:43 AM on February 2, 2005

I say kudos for doing so, but I have no help for the question.
posted by FlamingBore at 11:44 AM on February 2, 2005

There is a long anonymous comment posted by proxy through Jessamyn here that I think you might find useful. It's geared towards answering this question for an American couple interested in hiring someone for a threesome, but there is lots of detailed general advice about how to go about having a good experience with hiring a (relatively high-end) sex worker that seems like it could be relevant for you as well.
posted by redfoxtail at 11:48 AM on February 2, 2005

From what I've heard (from someone once associated with the "business"). . . let her guide the conversation, make suggestions. If it's legit, she's as worried about you as you are about her. Expect her to get a phone call; they just want to know she's ok. Treat her like a human being and she's likely to do the same for you. I can't say much about cost; expect to shell out at least $350 US minimum.
posted by tr33hggr at 11:51 AM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: I'd much rather go to them. Is that something that's easy to do?
posted by Pretty_Generic at 11:52 AM on February 2, 2005

I can't vouch for its accuracy, but Punternet has info on UK prostitution, plus reviews of various girls.
posted by Pericles at 12:00 PM on February 2, 2005

No idea on that one. Visit a gentleman's club and wait until your strike up a conversation with someone that interests you? It's not a sure thing though.
posted by tr33hggr at 12:02 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: Putnernet looks perfect, thanks.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 12:02 PM on February 2, 2005

Be sure to let us know how it goes.
posted by batboy at 12:08 PM on February 2, 2005

Try taking a look at cityguide.com and eros-guide.com. They have sections for London. The girls (or their agencies) post ads and advertise whether they're outcall or incall (you want incall unless you feel like shelling out for a hotel room). If you click through enough of the girls you should be able to get an idea of what the prices are.
posted by cactus at 12:10 PM on February 2, 2005

Things didn't work out, huh?
posted by driveler at 12:59 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: That's right.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 1:00 PM on February 2, 2005

Wow. I shall foreverafter say "balls" to all anonymous postings, and point to this thread as evidence that anonymous posting isn't needed.

I seem to recall a MeFi (or Memepool) link to a prostitute reviews webpage for Vancouver city. I'm sure the idea has taken off, and that there's a similar setup for London.

Rock'em, P_G!
posted by five fresh fish at 1:04 PM on February 2, 2005

Wow, P_G, you've got some huge balls.

When I spent some time in London a few years back, I was offered on a couple occasions to go get a rub 'n' tug. Didn't accept, so I don't know much beyond that, but that's probably a path to follow.
posted by mkultra at 1:19 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: Maybe I should have gone anonymous - this is definately going to come up during my application for Supreme Court Justice next month.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 1:22 PM on February 2, 2005 [5 favorites]

Here's a couple of other review sites, perhaps for cross-referencing (link, link).

Not to belabour the point, PG, but I am supremely impressed at the non-anonymous post. I hope you have a great time.
posted by bachelor#3 at 1:23 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: I've completely got over any moral problems with prostitution. It's a job, and it's a hell of a lot better than meat-packing, in terms of capacity for staff enjoyment.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 1:26 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: You know. Meat-packing. In a factory.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 1:27 PM on February 2, 2005

And staff. As in the employees.
posted by kindall at 1:38 PM on February 2, 2005

is amsterdam too far to go? i bet they're used to n00bs there.
posted by Hackworth at 1:42 PM on February 2, 2005

I think Amsterdam is probably your best bet. It'll probably be safer, cheaper, and a more positive experience. Worth the travel costs.
posted by Jairus at 1:52 PM on February 2, 2005

Look, I realize strictly speaking, that I'm not answering your current question, but I have to offer this: before you go ahead with this plan, please make sure you reflect for a bit on whether this is really what you're looking for.

The vicious self-esteem cycle previously discussed is a very real (and more common than you know) thing, and going this route may actually make things worse in that respect.

Is it possible that ultimately you want a way out of this rut of yours? If so, I suspect that you might get even more depressed (not to mention broke) following such an encounter. Just ask yourself, is it really just sex that you're looking for, or are you seeking a genuine sense of being worthwhile, loved and/or wanted. If it truly is the former, and you think that's worth hundreds of bucks then go right ahead, qualm-free and guilt-free. But if it's not, as I suspect, then please reconsider things.
posted by drpynchon at 1:53 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: I want a meaningful relationship. But unfortunately I can't get one, and if I don't have sex soon, it's clock-tower-sniper-time. I've decided that since I can only live once, I should stop waiting for a more meaningful situation and make the most of what I have, which is the contents of my wallet, in order to satisfy my needs.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 1:58 PM on February 2, 2005

Sex always entails more than just in-out-in-out. Are you really missing sex or do you miss the intimacy? If it really is just the sex, (which I find very difficult to believe as the physical body can't differentiate between your hand or someone elses) then grab a card from a phonebooth in Central London, but otherwise it's really, really going to make you feel a whole lot worse.
For a cute guy like you there should be no problem with a one-night-stand which is at least between equals and won't carry the massive self-esteem killer. Try AKA on a Saturday night or one of the student pubs (UCL is good. So is Royal Holloway)
posted by quiet at 3:31 PM on February 2, 2005

Well, I was in London once with a bunch of marines (don't ask). I remember that a couple of them didn't have any problems finding hookers. Seems to me that we were in Picadilly Circus, would that make sense? Also, most strippers are hookers. You could go to a strip club and proposition one of them while getting a lap dance. You could also ask hotel doormen who are always in the know about whatever you want. Don't you know where the seedy parts of London are located? Just go there and the hookers will find you.
posted by Juicylicious at 3:35 PM on February 2, 2005

It's a job, and it's a hell of a lot better than meat-packing, in terms of capacity for staff enjoyment.

Since you added this as justification for your post, I'll respond. Prostitutes do not "enjoy" their job. No little girl says "I wanna sell my body when I grow up."

Sorry Jessamyn, I couldn't stop myself.
posted by Juicylicious at 3:43 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: Prostitutes do not "enjoy" their job.

Sounds like a gross generalisation to me.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 3:45 PM on February 2, 2005

The only prostitute I ever knew enjoyed her job perfectly well - though to her it was just that - a job. She didn't get off on having sex with men... because she's gay. But in fact sex wasn't the most of it. She spent most time just talking to lonely guys, giving them a "girlfriend experience" or escorting them to dinner.

As mentioned in a previous thread, do a Google search on the word courtesan - that should bring up lots of websites showing higher-end prostitutes. But also check out a site like Craigslist - plenty of professionals advertising there.

Have to second the other posters though... with all the respect in the world it seems your problem is just a lack of confidence. From your photo I can see you're good looking... men many times worse looking than you have plenty of luck picking up women in clubs. Picking someone up in a club will give you a longer experience plus at least the outside chance of a meaningful relationship. And it's much cheaper!
posted by skylar at 3:58 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: I have tried you know. Thanks for the advice, Craigslist looks useful.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 4:00 PM on February 2, 2005

What juicylicious said. I'm trying really hard not to be all snarky and judgemental here, but the level of "woo! go exploit women!" attitude in this thread (probably from some women as well) is just...wow.

Yeah, I know not all prostitutes are forced into it and that it's entirely possible that some of them enjoy their job. But...go with the one-night stand, dude.

Oh, and if I ever found out a guy I was with had been with a prostitute (I don't know how I would, but still), well, ew.
posted by eatcherry at 4:06 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: Children don't grow up wishing to be tax accountants either. It's a job.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 4:07 PM on February 2, 2005

You knew you were going to get responses like this; might as well come from me (and drpynchon).

I think this is a terrible idea. I'm not opposed to prostitution or to people who visit prostitutes, and I thought this was an interesting question to see on the green. But then I read this thread, which reveals that you have a lot of self-confidence issues. I don't think you're in a state to responsibly visit a prostitute. How do you think you're going to feel after completing your little assignation. Skipping down the street with the fact that you've finally let out your pent-up sexual anguish? It's much more likely that you'll psychologically damage yourself. Sex, especially to someone in your admittedly desperate mindset, is not merely a need that has to be fulfilled; it carries a lot of psychological self-identification baggage with it. This isn't about you getting not enough sex. You aren't attacking the problem at the root, you're hitting the symptom, and it's only going to make things worse.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck to you.

on preview: I see more people are jumping on this bandwagon. Listen to them.
posted by painquale at 4:33 PM on February 2, 2005 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: I'm not going to psychologically damage myself. It's quite obvious I have no real sense of shame in terms of religious or cultural ethics. What I have instead is cold, hard, vibrating logic. I'm not going to achieve mutual love by doing this, nor am I going to hurt anyone - I'm going to get laid, they're going to get cash. That's simple progress.

I suspect that the people who say I should stick to masturbation and being rejected in bars have had sex in the last half-decade. I am a person for whom sex is actually a very important thing. I like it, it's nice, and despite quiet's claims to the contrary, my physical body can tell when there's someone else on the end of it. 9/10 housewives prefer it.

I doubt you understand how difficult it is for me to get laid. The empirical evidence should offer clues. The truth is that there are many men like me, particularly in Britain. We are well meaning, and we care about other people. Society fucks us over in every way but that which we desire. Several of my friends are unwilling virgins, despite being reasonable-looking, without even a religious excuse. It just doesn't happen. I'm not an alpha or beta male - I am the omega man, and I have to accept the cards that are dealt me.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 4:48 PM on February 2, 2005

Yeah, after reading some of the other thread, I have to say don't get a hooker. The self-esteem problems caused by this action will never be outweighed by any it solves. And really, I have to agree that I have seen much worse looking men than you get dates and sex (I am very serious, I thought people were probably being nice to boost your esteem but really you'll be just fine if you put yourself out there). Many fish in the sea...one will bite. Just don't pay them to.
posted by rooftop secrets at 4:52 PM on February 2, 2005

I suppose you could come to America a la Love Actually...girls will dig your accent. I am semi-serious about that.
posted by rooftop secrets at 4:53 PM on February 2, 2005

As one omega man to another, I say Amen to that. Mind you, I've always been of the opinion that the only madame worth visiting is Madame Palm (and her beautiful five daughters). I've no moral problem with prostitutes though.
posted by seanyboy at 4:57 PM on February 2, 2005


I don't really think it's that useful, at this point, to be urging that PG attack the problem at the root, rather than hitting the symptom, or that this act (as infrequent as it is likely to be) will cause self-esteem problems (I'd be fascinated to see any really good studies - double-blind? - on that), or to get into a general discussion of why prostitution isn't a good thing (in an ideal world, it certainly is true that it wouldn't exist, but ... ) PG seems to know what he's doing, and now that he's heard a range of opinons, perhaps it would be a good time to stop discussing morality?
posted by WestCoaster at 4:59 PM on February 2, 2005

I checked the other thread, and based soley upon your pictures and your writing, I can't see it being necessary. I have no opinion on whether it's a good/bad idea.

Join a band. Seriously.
posted by Jack Karaoke at 5:02 PM on February 2, 2005

Come on people.
- Take one non-anonymous question
- Add two non-anonymous photographs
- Sift PG's comments from the earlier thread
- Combine with PG's comments in this thread
- Add a couple of MetaTalk threads into the mix
- Simmer in an unbaked mind for 30 seconds or so.
I think we're being had by a pretty clever comedy mind.
posted by spock at 5:04 PM on February 2, 2005

The truth is that there are many men like me, particularly in Britain.

Are any of them over six feet tall, somewhat geeky, very smart, and possessing good grammar and a large vocabulary? Send 'em to me. Please.
posted by beth at 5:07 PM on February 2, 2005 [1 favorite]

Sex always entails more than just in-out-in-out.

I assure you that this is simply not true. My wife and I, who are one anothers' sole lifetime partners, occasionally have [gasp!] a really good fuck. And it's just a horny, body-pounding, straight-up fuck, with none of the intimacy and etcetera of love-making. It's just an in-out-in-out fuck for fucks' sake, nothing more, nothing less.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:11 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: I think we're being had

That's highly illogical. I am being serious, although I have a perpetual comedy thing going on (which may explain my romantic failures).
posted by Pretty_Generic at 5:13 PM on February 2, 2005

Have you tried Adult Friend Finder? (Obviously NSFW.) Never tried it, myself, but it seems like a reasonable (and free/cheap) alternative to hiring a prostitute.
posted by Dr. Wu at 5:14 PM on February 2, 2005

in an ideal world, it certainly is true that it wouldn't exist, but ...


In an ideal world, prostitution would be performed solely by people who actually do want to make a living by having sex with strangers, and not because they're more or less forced into it by past history or circumstance.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:17 PM on February 2, 2005

Finally, P_G, have you give the Internet personals thing a go? I've a couple friends who have had good success with finding fuckbuddies or true love.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:18 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: Yeah I have. For some reason I'm very successful with Canadian women, cept for the ocean thing.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 5:19 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: By very, I mean "two responses".
posted by Pretty_Generic at 5:20 PM on February 2, 2005

It wouldn't surprise me, spock. He's certainly quite clever and comedic as has previously been evidenced. Still, I've known plenty of men who are bright, funny, decent, and far from repulsive but just can't get laid. And they always sink into the same self-feeding depression. If he's aping it that's fine, all the better -- one fewer person on the margins.

Look PG, assuming you're not just fucking with us...

At the risk of raising the ire of some of the ladies in the audience, I'm going to give you some advice -- and this is based on years of painful personal experience from someone who wasn't too unlike you a few years back. Despite all the talk of good personalities, senses of humor and all that crap, the majority of women are sexually attracted to three things about men. The first is looks. The second is power. And the third is a clever game of smoke and mirrors which some call "confidence." At your age, the second is less of interest, but unfortunately you are also profoundly lacking in the third, and it smells of death. I realize you probably have some primal urge to be honest with potential paramours -- that you think this is somehow a way of wearing your heart on your sleeve and being vulnerable, but it just plain isn't attractive. Playing the hopeless loser is never going to set any girl's heart aflutter. Believe me, all those alpha idiots that are getting action have intuitively picked this up because they just don't bother to overthink things. And the vast majority of them are now faking it. I know it's upsetting. I know it probably hints of misogyny. But once you come to grips with the fact that this is just part of how we socialize, with the fact that all people (not just women) are incredibly attracted to a quality that can be easily fabricated (especially by someone as smart as yourself), you will get over this hump and be the better for it.
posted by drpynchon at 5:53 PM on February 2, 2005

have fun, Pretty, but be safe--you know where they've been. : >

(i'm thinking there are some nice, lonely exchange students somewhere near you at this very moment tho who might be better)
posted by amberglow at 5:53 PM on February 2, 2005

drpynchon makes very very good points too.
posted by amberglow at 5:54 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: Thanks drpynchon, that's food for thought.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 6:02 PM on February 2, 2005

Pretty, you know we love you. : >
posted by amberglow at 6:07 PM on February 2, 2005

I have heard repeatedly that smell is one of the largest parts of a "turn on" for females.
Not talking a "bad BO smell" will turn them off (even though that is obvious).

Gotta find someone who you smell right to them.
posted by edgeways at 6:10 PM on February 2, 2005

Pretty Generic, on preview I notice some amazing advice from people who are writing with the utmost compassion - you'd be well off to follow it.

Must say I was miffed to read your snarky comment saying that those people who reckon it's easy to pick people up in bars have probably got laid in the past five years. What does that tell you? If your cold, hard logic is working correctly it should indicate that yes, even the geeky Metafilter crew can pick people up occasionally. And if we can, you can. Not necessarily the world's best, most beautiful, most intelligent woman... but someone, and probably a lot more deserving of your time than a prostitute. I've got friends who are nowhere near as good looking as you and with about a tenth of your IQ... and yet from time to time they still pull and get a night of sex.

There's this sour implication in your words that everyone else gets it easy and you're the only mega super loser out there upon whom all sorts of shit rain down. This is why people are questioning whether your posts are for real or some sort of put-on.

You're clearly very intelligent, you have a whole community of people on AskMeFi who care about you and want you to succeed (including me), but your responses to us all make you seem like an obnoxious twat.

You think we're all studs? Think we can all have our pick of whoever we want? No. It's nonsense. We're all in the same boat here - and that's because for each person who fancies us, there are about ten thousand more who couldn't give a damn. You have to learn to live with this sad reality, which is shared by most of us. But if you willingly project an aura of negativity, you are guaranteed to shut off a few more potential options (though admittedly some chicks really dig the whole morbid thing.)

By all means go and see a prostitute, but the more hopeful means of achieving your stated aim of having a meaningful relationship would be to get out there on the town, swallow your pride, drop the negativity and introduce yourself to people. If it makes it easier, come up with an alter ego... someone who exudes confidence and is fun to be around. Try it for a night, with all sincerity, and see if you have any more luck. That is if you actually _want_ to succeed in this endeavour.
posted by skylar at 6:17 PM on February 2, 2005

Response by poster: even the geeky Metafilter crew can pick people up occasionally

Sure; I can't. Get it? I have done everything people have suggested, over a period of many years, and I can't. I don't project negativity. I am fun to be with. I just can't form relationships. It is no longer healthy for me to have hopes which are repeatedly crushed. Realism is progress.

There's this sour implication in your words that everyone else gets it easy

As I said earlier, "there are many men like me"; I know my situation is common despite being rarely spoken of.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 6:30 PM on February 2, 2005


I think your proposed solution is no different from a variety hypothetical solutions other people have to hypothetical problems -- although some folks here want to turn it into something about them. ("X isn't working for me. I'm getting pretty upset about it, so I'm going to do Y." That's not unusual, and it's a valid, short-term fix.)

So what? Do what you need to do. I really hope it will help you -- actually, I think it will. Do it. Maybe you will take from the experience the idea that you are worth being with. I don't know you, but I think everyone is worth being with, to some extent, to someone.

That said...
I don't project negativity.


Sure; I can't. Get it?

...directly contradict each other. The short-term problem? Well, it looks like you've found a pretty good solution for it. You'll end up feeling better, and that's a step in the right direction.

The long-term problem? That, you need to work on. Yes, you have the ability to form a relationship. Maybe you don't know how, maybe you suck at it, but those aren't the same things as being incapable. As for long-term solutions, invest in a therapist also.

I think therapist + prostitute may be your answer.

Best of luck. You'll get there.
posted by mudpuppie at 6:58 PM on February 2, 2005 [1 favorite]

Honestly, P_G, come to the United States. Women here are completely irrational about British accents. In particular, come to a university for a year of study abroad, even if you've already finished school. I would have fallen all over myself to date a cute nerdy funny British guy in college. American girls will get you.
posted by onlyconnect at 7:35 PM on February 2, 2005

I think even if we disagree with P_G's decision, we should remember that askme is supposed to be for helpful answers. I.e. I think we should stop trying to talk him out of it.

My advice: I have seen many reports on TV and in magazines about high-end prostitutes who operate websites meet their clientele through online contact, and seem to be pretty happy with their work. Since they seem to be independent contractors, so to speak, there is vastly reduced chance of them being exploited by a pimp or whatnot. Plus they probably have be good to strike out on their own, right?

I'm not sure how to meet them except by googling.
posted by mai at 7:37 PM on February 2, 2005

My 2 cents - I don't have any advice about how to go about getting a prostitute. But during your last thread about finding a date, it occured to me that the english dating scene is unbelievably difficult. I was there for 9 months when I was 19 and I felt pretty confident & comfortable with myself even though I'm a bit quiet. (I went out on my own to bars, shows, etc. and really enjoyed myself.) I just could not figure out the dating scene/social scene with people who were my age into their mid-late 20's. It was uncanny, how impossible it was to find a date. When I was traveling elsewhere or at home, it was 10 times easier.

You're a cute guy! Whether you decide to see a prostitute or not, I think you should try a change of scenery. Travel a bit, hang out with people from the youth hostels, take a job abroad, something... On preview, what onlyconnect said.
posted by sophie at 7:53 PM on February 2, 2005

Maybe it'll turnout that having this prospect in your back pocket will make you feel more free to keep trying the traditional routes.
posted by NortonDC at 8:23 PM on February 2, 2005

I was going kind of crazy for a while when I was about your age, occasional prospects and odd situations where everyone said `It's a sure thing' and it turned out she wasn't interested.

Anyway, I decided to opt out for a year or so at about age 25. `Sod it, I'm not going to try and get a girlfriend this year', and I lived a year for myself. It was pretty good, too. Lots of disposable income, did some travelling, had a good time, met some good people.

About a year later I finally hooked up with someone who I had met at that time. We've since bought a house and are happily living together.

So, whether you pay for sex or not, keep enjoying life! Just don't confuse sex with intimacy. As other people said, you've got guts posting non anonymously.
posted by tomble at 8:25 PM on February 2, 2005

And the third is a clever game of smoke and mirrors which some call "confidence."

I think this may be an essential point. I honestly believe that body language and voice timbre make or break the first impression.

There are a ton of resources for people looking for fuckbuddies.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:37 PM on February 2, 2005

Second, third, fourth, whatever the suggestion you try looking in the States. My university is filled with girls who would very likey go crazy just from the British "accent". Even without it, the supply/demand ratio here is very much in favor of your type.
posted by casarkos at 8:50 PM on February 2, 2005

And if we can, you can.

This is the essential fallacy underlying the naysayers' point of view here. It doesn't matter how attractive or interesting P_G is; some people have it, some people don't. P_G, if he's being honest with himself and us, doesn't; neither do I. Why? I haven't the foggiest. But, as P_G has said so eloquently above, fighting the inevitable only makes it worse.

I do think, though, that the suggestion for Adult Friend Finder is a good one; the entire premise is that it's only about sex, and completely leaving aside moral and self-esteem issues, why not try to save yourself a few bucks?
posted by IshmaelGraves at 9:07 PM on February 2, 2005

I must say, a move to the US if even temporarily would probably do you a lot of good, if you can setup a decent support network beforehand.. And in the state that you're currently in, I think such a drastic measure may be warranted.
posted by drpynchon at 9:32 PM on February 2, 2005

heck, I'm sure it doesn't cost much to fly London --> NYC for a vacation. Trolling the right Manhattan bars with that accent could be a winner for you.

But the therapist option sounds like a winner as well, and probably one that will have more long-term benefits for you. Good luck.
posted by Vidiot at 9:34 PM on February 2, 2005

Better than saving the few bucks, Ishmael, is that you can actually develop a decent sexual relationship if you've got a fuckbuddy. You'd get to know what works for each other and get to care about pleasing one another. With a hooker, it's all about one's own self. As much as I've enjoyed the occasional greedy fuckfest with my wife, lovemaking is better.

Don't go to the USA, PG! Come have a Canadian girl!
posted by five fresh fish at 11:13 PM on February 2, 2005

Forgot to mention, as well as one-on-one sessions with prostitutes, there are some groups that organise "parties" with several guys and several ("professional") girls. Having never done this I have no idea what it's like, but the site contains links to reviews on Punternet, so you can make up your own mind.

I have another suggestion, if it's pure sex you're after. This won't be as easy as hiring a prostitute, but in terms of getting sex it may be easier than regular dating. You might want to look on sites like this one and this one to search for swinging clubs that allow single men.

Some of these clubs will be places where sex goes on; others are more like socials, with the sex going on when people go home. It's arguably another emotional minefield entirely, but does carry with it two advantages. One, that you're not spending hundreds of pounds for an experience that lasts only a few minutes. Secondly, that the people you meet there will be "real", ie there's the outside possibility of forming some kind of human connection - whereas with a prostitute there is next to none at all. Still, I don't think any of these scenarios is a replacement for forming a proper bond with a member of the opposite sex... you're still more likely to find that by hitting the clubs and bars (whethere in the UK or US!)
posted by skylar at 1:41 AM on February 3, 2005

Response by poster: I'm hiring Sandra for an hour on Sunday, based on her Punternet reviews.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 5:11 AM on February 3, 2005

Well, good luck...be safe... and let us know how it goes. (What's the etiquette for updates? Would it be acceptable to do a followup on MetaTalk?)
posted by skylar at 6:29 AM on February 3, 2005

The only thing I really have to add here, besides the "come to the US" idea, is that you are 21 and 21 is young as hell. The urgency will recede a bit as you get older.

Also, when my ex was in the Navy & about your age, he went to prostitutes in various ports all over the world. He didn't catch anything, he didn't end up with lifetime shame, he didn't acquire any psychological issues and he didn't become some strange creeping night being following streetwalkers around, only able to be aroused by feather boas and hot pants. He is pretty normal and still one of my close friends. And the fact that he'd been with hookers in his teens and early twenties didn't bother me, the girlfriend of his late thirties and early forties, at all, in fact I thought it was kind of cool.
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:00 AM on February 3, 2005

Good for you for posting this.

Bad to all of those who have condemned or criticized you. Don't worry about emotional or self-esteem scarring. It is your life, enjoy it in any way you see fit.

One suggestion: travel to S. America and you won't have any problems finding attractive girls to entertain you.
posted by eas98 at 8:09 AM on February 3, 2005

Do what the fuck you want. Ignore most of the advice from the I heart snoopy crowd.

Glad to see punternet site was suggested. Been trying to remember the name of that site for ages. Seems like a great resource.

Also, ask around. More people get serviced then you would think.
posted by Frasermoo at 8:58 AM on February 3, 2005

'professionally serviced'
posted by Frasermoo at 8:59 AM on February 3, 2005

After you find out whether she's actually an educated (or well-informed) gal, and can hold up her end of a conversation, I suggest you hire her a second time for several hours. Take her out to supper, treating it as a practice dating scene. And be sure to ask her for tips about getting real dates. I'll bet dollars to donuts that if she is half what they advertise her to be, you'll get a ton of good advice from her.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:48 AM on February 3, 2005

Well, mazel tov, PG.

I think fish's advice is worthwhile, too. From the 'first time' section of the site, it sounds like the women who work there are hired partly for their social skills. They offer the option of evening and dinner dates, so are prepared to provide company as well as sex. And the continual reassurances of a real GFE make me think that there must be a lot of lonely men in this world. (200 pounds an hour, though? Yikes.)

And they all look so... ordinary. I mean, very pretty, obviously, but otherwise just like any other young woman.
posted by jokeefe at 10:59 AM on February 3, 2005

Am I the only one checking this on a fairly frequent basis today waiting for an update??
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 8:54 AM on February 6, 2005

Response by poster: Glad someone's taking an interest. I'm off out now.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 10:32 AM on February 6, 2005

Good luck, PG! Remember, put a helmut on your soldier before you send him into battle!
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 10:48 AM on February 6, 2005

Response by poster: Best money I ever spent. Or rather (seeing as the condom split), best money I ever spent assuming I don't have HIV.

Actually, she assured me she was disease-free. I believe her. She was stunning. She's not on the pill. Liver problems. But she'll get one tomorrow.

She was amazing.



Do you people want detail? I have detail.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 12:47 PM on February 6, 2005

Response by poster: "So, where in Germany are you from?"
"I'm from..... Berlin. East germany."
"Are you really from Germany?"
"Yes, of course. Why?"
"You took a long time to answer. I thought maybe it was an act."
"OK, I admit it. I'm from Paraguay."

She was funny!
posted by Pretty_Generic at 12:48 PM on February 6, 2005

Wait, you mean the people saying this was a terrible mistake and that your self-esteem would never recover were *wrong*?!? I'm shocked! Shocked!

Good for you, PG. Thumbs up.
posted by Justinian at 1:29 PM on February 6, 2005

Oh, but on a more serious note; you probably do want to get tested for stuff at some point. That doesn't have anything to do with whether the girl is nice or not, or a pro or not. It's just one of the pitfalls of being sexually active. Condoms split occasionally and you gotta take it in stride... while getting tested ;)
posted by Justinian at 1:33 PM on February 6, 2005

Well, I'm glad it worked out for you, PG. Thanks for updating us.
posted by jokeefe at 3:36 PM on February 6, 2005

*patiently waiting to see whether P_G will have the balls to post potential ItchFilter post non-anonymously*

No really, I think you should take fff's advice and ask her out for dinner too and get some dating tips. Sounds like you two got along just fine. (And do get tested, although recognize that it may take about 3 months [?] for things to show up, so you may want to wait just a bit.)
posted by onlyconnect at 3:38 PM on February 6, 2005

Jeez p_g. I want detail. I'm guessing that for the first time ever I could have said Get Your Own Fucking Blog, and meant it as a serious request. Like Please. Now. Get a blog. Tell us everything.
posted by seanyboy at 4:58 PM on February 6, 2005

Jeez p_g. I want detail. I'm guessing that for the first time ever I could have said Get Your Own Fucking Blog, and meant it as a serious request. Like Please. Now. Get a blog. Tell us everything.

Blow by blow?

(oh, c'mon, someone had to make that joke!)
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 5:23 PM on February 6, 2005

I'm glad things worked out for you Pretty Generic. I'm not interested in carnal blow-by-blow but I'd like more followup and a summary of the overall experience if you have the time. Email's in the profile if you don't want to post here.
posted by onalark at 8:52 PM on February 6, 2005

Yeah, come on Pretty Generic, you've given us the big build-up, made the tension rise almost to the point of ecstasy... then kept us hanging... so now we want the mighty explosion of detail!

Glad it went well for you. I'm extremely confident you won't have HIV. I'm no medical expert but did read a thing saying it was much more difficult to get HIV through vaginal/oral sex than through other forms (though obviously the case of a place like Africa show it is possible). Clearly this is anecdotal (!) but I only know two people with HIV and they're both gay.

Finally... was your encounter first thing in the morning? You seemed to be back in front of the computer by quarter to one in the afternoon!
posted by skylar at 12:10 AM on February 7, 2005

Remember P_G is in London, skylar.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:15 AM on February 7, 2005 [1 favorite]

well done the lad.
posted by Frasermoo at 8:57 AM on February 7, 2005

Is Paraguay really considered somehow 'less hot' than Germany? Why the need to lie?
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 12:48 PM on February 7, 2005

Response by poster: She was kidding.

Fondling, french-kissing, body-licking, cunnilingus, fellatio, doggy, her-on-top, missionary, shower (actual, non-golden), more fellatio, handjob and yet more fellatio. I think. She was smart and funny and gorgeous, and very clearly in it for the money. I also genuinely think she liked me, which is a boost regardless of whether it was an act.

I only came once. Seriously. I went there afraid that I would embarass myself with the speed, and if anything the reverse was true. I blame the antidepressants. It didn't really reduce my enjoyment of the experience though.

P_G recommends traditional latex-based condoms.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 1:51 PM on February 7, 2005

That's a good recommendation, since many non-latex condoms don't stop the transmission of HIV.
posted by Justinian at 4:18 PM on February 7, 2005

Christ on a stick, I can't believe it took me so long to check this thread for updates. Good for you, P_G; glad it worked out!
posted by hot soup girl at 5:14 AM on March 2, 2005

That's a good recommendation, since many non-latex condoms don't stop the transmission of HIV.
posted by Justinian at 4:18 PM PST on February 7

This comment is worthless without a citation. It could be quite dangerous. Please do not make such statements without backup.
posted by dash_slot- at 1:16 PM on December 12, 2005

I think Justinian was just thinking of the lambskin condoms, which almost certainly never show up in a sex-for-money encounter.

I'll bet P_G used polyurethane, which is just as safe as latex STD-wise, but is more susceptible to splitting.
posted by trevyn at 11:40 PM on December 13, 2005

Also, most strippers are hookers.

So not true.

And good for you P&G. Until the current administration, I'd always wanted to move to Amsterdam and start the Texas Embassy and Bordello. (Chicken fried steak and long legged blondes...who doesn't love that?) Now, Texas...not such a great branding image. ;)

Me, I'm all for prostitution when it's call girls like the one PG hired, or when it's in house at some of the places I toured in Holland, Belgium and Germany.

I agree with the advice above about hiring her to ask questions about dating, but I also think that it's fair to note that dating in the UK (for men) is more difficult than in most other western countries. I don't have statistics, but I wonder if there are significantly less women than men in the 16-28 year old demographic. It seems like all the guys I know in the UK that fall in that age range seem to have trouble finding dates.
posted by dejah420 at 1:57 PM on December 15, 2005

You can find hookers on the web anywhere in the world.
posted by patcoston at 10:52 PM on January 23, 2006

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