How do I tell her I love her?

February 23, 2010 2:57 PM

How do I tell my girlfriend I love her? It never seems to be the right time and its gone on so long now that its getting harder and harder. We've been going out for about 9 months now..... I think I have made it very clear what my feelings are, but haven't actually said "I love you".
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (46 answers total)

Pick a romantic moment and then say the words: "I love you."
posted by Behemoth at 2:59 PM on February 23, 2010 [4 favorites]

Start a really sensual make-out session, and then in the middle pull back, pause, look deeply into her eyes, and say "I love you" ... then continue with even more-passionate making-outage.
posted by kthxbi at 3:00 PM on February 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

Pick a romantic moment and then say the words: "I love you."

Or do the opposite: get drunk with her and blurt it out.
posted by yeti at 3:04 PM on February 23, 2010 [10 favorites]

make a mix of cheesy music that contains "i love you" in all the titles. she will get the hint. van morrison's "you're my woman" is pretty good too.
posted by mlo at 3:04 PM on February 23, 2010

Dude, just say it. Doesn't have to be some romantic moment. It could be while the two of you are washing dishes. Just do it.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 3:05 PM on February 23, 2010 [38 favorites]

It seems like part of your problem is the degree to which you're building this moment up in your head, to the detriment of ever actually arriving at it.

The next time you're together and she does something funny/adorable/charming/sexy/etc and you feel that surge of affection in your chest? Say "I love you." Because you do. And she should know.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 3:06 PM on February 23, 2010 [3 favorites]

Dude, if you just can't come out with it in a naturally, don't try to force it with some AskMefi screen play. Seriously, just tell the woman you love her.
posted by lobstah at 3:07 PM on February 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

Seconding DHD - just do it. And you'll be surprised how much easier it becomes to say after that.
posted by swngnmonk at 3:07 PM on February 23, 2010

Do you play the guitar/ukulele/banjo/mandolin? If you are afraid of actually speaking the words, you could start by singing them to her! I imagine it could be less awkward since it would just be a phrase of whatever song you pick or write. There are certainly enough songs that feature the lyrics "I love you" (I'm partial toward I Will), and one of them is sure to be appropriate.
posted by halogen at 3:08 PM on February 23, 2010

/ in a
posted by lobstah at 3:08 PM on February 23, 2010

That, or get drunk. That's how it worked for both of us in my case.
posted by halogen at 3:09 PM on February 23, 2010

I think the pressure of waiting for just the right romantic moment might be stressing you out. Instead, just bust out with it the next chance you get, whether it be on the phone to say good night, when you next see her in person, over a morning cup of coffee, etc. It doesn't have to be a show-stopper, just slip it into a normal greeting. "Good night, honey, I love you." That would melt my heart, anyway.
posted by JenMarie at 3:09 PM on February 23, 2010 [3 favorites]

Just don't do it the way I did.... in the middle of a big blowout fight, claim that you're so upset because guess what! YOU LOVE HER!

I like what Narrative Priorities said. The next time you feel that giant rush of affection just say, "You know what? I love you." Then give her a soft, quick kiss on the lips and go back to what you were doing.
posted by Night_owl at 3:11 PM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Start a really sensual make-out session, and then in the middle pull back, pause, look deeply into her eyes, and say "I love you"

Don't do it in bed/sexy time, because she might think you're just talking with your libido.

Just tell her!
posted by applemeat at 3:13 PM on February 23, 2010

Yep, this doesn't need to be one of those crossing-the-Rubicon moments. A couple of friends of mine, now married, said "I love you" to each other while quite drunk. The next morning, groggy and hungover, she asked him "Did you tell me that you loved me last night?" He replied that he was pretty sure he did, and that she had done the same. They high-fived and then went to breakfast.
posted by craven_morhead at 3:13 PM on February 23, 2010 [13 favorites]

I agree with Narrative Priorities. Simply say it when you feel it, no big set-ups necessary.
posted by DrGirlfriend at 3:13 PM on February 23, 2010

Oh, just text her "I <3 u" :)
posted by Jacqueline at 3:16 PM on February 23, 2010

It's not supposed to be a Perfect Romantic Moment. It's not supposed to look like the movies. It's not supposed to be a chore you have to schedule or plan for.

Are you seeing her tonight? Tell her you love her. Are you seeing her tomorrow? Tell her you love her. Are you long distance? Call her and tell her you love her.

She might be sure you have feelings for her, but man is it nice to hear those words. Not on special occasions, not at the end of a romantic dinner, not standing in front of the bloody sunset, but after you've sneezed. After you dropped the remote. While walking down the street. When you're getting dressed in the morning. It's one of the best ways to feel close to someone.

Don't force it, but when you feel it tight in your chest or happy in your belly, say it.
posted by lydhre at 3:17 PM on February 23, 2010 [3 favorites]

Echoing the advice above - just say it when you're feeling that swell of feeling, whenever it next happens. Don't drag it out.
posted by foodmapper at 3:20 PM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Seconding on not telling her during makeout/sexy time. Just tell her when you're with her and you feel it.
posted by sid at 3:21 PM on February 23, 2010

Write it on the bathroom mirror. Or a sticky note on her computer. Or stick it in a book & let it drop as you're walking by... It's not exactly "saying," but you could have some fun with it and acknowledge the feelings for both your benefit while you work on your phobia.
posted by Ys at 3:31 PM on February 23, 2010

Heck, don't take our word for it. Take some good advice from Billy Joel and Tell Her About It.
posted by bryon at 3:32 PM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Other people might disagree with me, but I think if you are too nervous to say the words, you can put it in a note for her. In fact, I think it would be incredibly cute and charming and I would keep a note like that forever.
posted by Ashley801 at 3:33 PM on February 23, 2010

Yep, just say it any old time. It doesn't need to be some cinematic, music-swelling sort of moment. In fact, there's something really romantic and authentic about saying it during some mundane moment, while you're hanging out or eating dinner or whatever.
posted by lunasol at 3:35 PM on February 23, 2010

Say, "I am so nervous to tell you this because it's been building up for so long, but I have to let it out now - I love you!"
posted by serazin at 3:48 PM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Watch Hear My Song with her.
posted by tigrefacile at 3:55 PM on February 23, 2010

Make a home-made card (extra points for crayon), send it to her through the mail and write inside, "I love you."
posted by Morrigan at 4:22 PM on February 23, 2010

Do it first thing in the morning sometime right as she wakes up, especially if it's right before she/you leaves. Unless she's not a morning person in which case she might misshear you and think you're trying to wake her up and flip you off so basically that's one issue.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:25 PM on February 23, 2010

Don't make a big deal out of it. You love her. Next time you see her doing something awesome that reminds you of this fact, say - you are so awesome. I love you.

nthing others though - don't say it for the first time during sex.
posted by media_itoku at 4:48 PM on February 23, 2010

You are letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. The next time you think of it [aside from during sex, as mentioned], you say, "Hey, I don't know if I told you this before, but I love you."
posted by chazlarson at 4:56 PM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Every moment is the perfect romantic moment. Go ahead and say it, you soft get!
posted by scruss at 5:01 PM on February 23, 2010

You: "Guess what?"

Her: "What?"

You: "I love you."
posted by AlisonM at 5:18 PM on February 23, 2010 [5 favorites]

Seriously just give them a hug. Kiss them on the lips/cheek. Say "hey," to get their attention, but before they get even a second to wait, just say the "i love you."

Or if you want bad advice, at the end of a phone conversation just say it really quick if you want to be stealthy.
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 5:21 PM on February 23, 2010

Honestly, just be like, "Btw, baby, I meant to tell you like 3 months ago - I love you.' make a joke out of it, and you will both be saying it soon. Screw the 'romantic moment'.
posted by JakeBarnes at 5:44 PM on February 23, 2010

Just say it when the spirit moves you, and don't overthink it.
posted by pickypicky at 6:16 PM on February 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

Text????

ewwwww.
posted by flabdablet at 6:39 PM on February 23, 2010

My boyfriend waited eight months and then wrote "I love you" in my birthday card. Which I read and didn't notice because he'd bought me an awesome present and I was so fixated on that. He told me he'd been "saving it up". Which I found hilarious and adorable. But honestly, I wouldn't have cared how he said it. It was that he said it at all. Tell her!
posted by t0astie at 6:59 PM on February 23, 2010

The words are hard to say, but easier to whisper/mumble when you're nervous. Do it when you're laying super close together, so you don't have to talk at normal volume. I feel like whispering it into the person's neck/ear area is easier at first when it's still scary to say it. Just whisper their name to make sure they know to listen, they'll say "what?" and you whisper it. Done!
posted by KateHasQuestions at 7:05 PM on February 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

Send a rose. With a note.



PS- Single rose, doesn't have to be a red one.
posted by xm at 8:19 PM on February 23, 2010

Just say it! When I realized I loved my then-boyfriend/now-husband, I just called him up on the telephone (outdated technology now, I know) and rambled something nutty about how it just hit me and boy was I dumb for not realizing it sooner and I just had to tell him immediately! He laughed, because I'm a bit of a goof when I get to rambling, and was absolutely melty and delighted.
posted by Eshkol at 10:04 PM on February 23, 2010

She is worried that you don't, in fact, love her. No matter how you say it, it will be great. It's like a lovely gift, don't hold it back from her any longer.
posted by dave99 at 4:10 AM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

Unless your life is a sitcom, just say it whenever you feel like it.
posted by chunking express at 5:44 AM on February 24, 2010

Sugarlips(or whatever her name is), I don't know why it's taken me so long to put it in words, but I'm in love with you, and have been for a while.
Either say it, or have it put on a cake and give it to her.
posted by theora55 at 10:18 AM on February 24, 2010

If you mean, say it. But get over the idea of something reciprocal, at least right away. The gift is in saying it and not having it tied to her saying or doing anything about it.

Before leaving one day (way back when), I simply looked at her, said I do love you, kissed her goodbye and said have a great day.

Texting - boo hiss
Writing it down - doesn't have the gravitas

say it
posted by fluffycreature at 11:09 AM on February 24, 2010

Next time she asks you to do something for her, tell her "As you wish".
posted by consummate dilettante at 5:50 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

Don't tell her for the first time in bed. She may wonder if you really mean it.
posted by streetdreams at 12:21 PM on March 3, 2010