Sex is Awesome! Could I multiply it?
February 15, 2010 9:04 PM Subscribe
Relatively new to sex and it's awesome, and constantly getting better. How do we do it multiple times in a night?
The sex itself is fantastic, and we both find it fantastic. The whole how-long-before-we-cum question is getting easier, since I've been able to judge what will make me get to that brink (I'm M, she's F). But, how do we do it multiple times in a night? There's the refractory period thing, which must be a combination of psych and bio, and is hard for me to get over, since in very few cases will I come twice within a short period of time outside of sexytime (masturbation=once for me). And then there's the tiredness problem, which could be alleviated a bit by starting earlier, but how early? I usually go to sleep at 12:30-1, should we start things at 10? Hmm?
So... is there anything that you can do to increase repeatability if the sex and the duration of it is great, but it's a one time affair so far?
And yes, other times of day have been explored.
The sex itself is fantastic, and we both find it fantastic. The whole how-long-before-we-cum question is getting easier, since I've been able to judge what will make me get to that brink (I'm M, she's F). But, how do we do it multiple times in a night? There's the refractory period thing, which must be a combination of psych and bio, and is hard for me to get over, since in very few cases will I come twice within a short period of time outside of sexytime (masturbation=once for me). And then there's the tiredness problem, which could be alleviated a bit by starting earlier, but how early? I usually go to sleep at 12:30-1, should we start things at 10? Hmm?
So... is there anything that you can do to increase repeatability if the sex and the duration of it is great, but it's a one time affair so far?
And yes, other times of day have been explored.
Don't masturbate.
posted by desjardins at 9:09 PM on February 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 9:09 PM on February 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
I don't mean to be glib, but can you try expanding your idea of what constitutes sex? It sounds like what you're saying is that you either don't get more than one erection in one night, or that you don't ejaculate more than once a night. Erections and ejaculation are fantastic for everyone involved, sure, and it doesn't sound like either of you minds aiming for that. I'm just saying that some hardcore kissing, holding, licking, touching, etc. can be hours worth of fun for both of you, too. And they may help pass the "down" time... ahem.
posted by juliplease at 9:11 PM on February 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
posted by juliplease at 9:11 PM on February 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
"Foreplay" isn't just a pre-game activity, son.
Relax, give yourselves plenty of time to hold each other and cuddle after the first bout. I know it sounds like a given, but touch each other. Gently, softly, non-sexually. Enjoy your bodies, maybe drift off for a while. Skin to skin contact is the best aphrodisiac. Kiss; slow, open-mouthed kisses that set things tingling.
Drink plenty of fluids, don''t plan on being productive the next morning, and - most importantly - don't plan marathon sessions. It rarely works. Go with the flow and be mindful that she might get too sore for penetration way before you do.
posted by lydhre at 9:22 PM on February 15, 2010
Relax, give yourselves plenty of time to hold each other and cuddle after the first bout. I know it sounds like a given, but touch each other. Gently, softly, non-sexually. Enjoy your bodies, maybe drift off for a while. Skin to skin contact is the best aphrodisiac. Kiss; slow, open-mouthed kisses that set things tingling.
Drink plenty of fluids, don''t plan on being productive the next morning, and - most importantly - don't plan marathon sessions. It rarely works. Go with the flow and be mindful that she might get too sore for penetration way before you do.
posted by lydhre at 9:22 PM on February 15, 2010
Seconding juliplease. Spend some time really exploring each other's bodies. I don't mean that as a euphemism, I mean literally take the time to learn the physical reactions and idiosyncrasies that all humans have.
A couple months ago, this AskMe answer from psycho-alchemy provided some sage-ass wisdom:
In high school they told me there were three bases with prizes for getting to each one. Later I learned that there were an infinite amount of bases and finding them was the prize.
posted by Jon_Evil at 9:27 PM on February 15, 2010 [11 favorites]
A couple months ago, this AskMe answer from psycho-alchemy provided some sage-ass wisdom:
In high school they told me there were three bases with prizes for getting to each one. Later I learned that there were an infinite amount of bases and finding them was the prize.
posted by Jon_Evil at 9:27 PM on February 15, 2010 [11 favorites]
Here's my suggestion on the tiredness problem: don't just lie there. More specifically, don't roll over and lie in a sleeping position. Fuck, then just relax into whatever position you're in when you finish. When something gets uncomfortable (your leg falls asleep, come starts dribbling, the cat licks your face), get up and smoke a cigarette/have some tea/take a shower/do a bong hit/make a sandwich/wash the dishes. The important thing is to break the seemingly-ubiquitous association between reaching orgasm and feeling sleepy.
While I'm told there's some physiological part of men feeling sleepy after sex, I don't think it's nearly as strong as most people would have you believe. I mean, I usually feel less sleepy after having sex--I'll be feeling all logy, then we'll shag, and suddenly I'll feel perky enough to stay up for several more hours. [But, then, I also don't understand how people can just roll over and sleep after sex without taking a shower.]
One good way of training yourself out of the association is to not fuck in bed. Do it just anywhere else. Also, have sex during the day. Regard sex as "adult play" instead of some magical romantic thing (it's that too), and try doing it even when you're not "in the mood". It's pretty astounding how quickly most people will get in the mood.
And juliplease is definitely right. Part of what will help with the psychology of the refractory period is not demanding a 1:1 correspondence between sex and male orgasm. So, fuck the first time and go clean up. Then, half an hour later (or whatever) go play with your lady's ladybits. I often find that I'm definitely in the mood for more vag-pen sex after giving head for fifteen minutes, even if I started out all floppy and totally uninterested in getting off.
posted by Netzapper at 9:34 PM on February 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
While I'm told there's some physiological part of men feeling sleepy after sex, I don't think it's nearly as strong as most people would have you believe. I mean, I usually feel less sleepy after having sex--I'll be feeling all logy, then we'll shag, and suddenly I'll feel perky enough to stay up for several more hours. [But, then, I also don't understand how people can just roll over and sleep after sex without taking a shower.]
One good way of training yourself out of the association is to not fuck in bed. Do it just anywhere else. Also, have sex during the day. Regard sex as "adult play" instead of some magical romantic thing (it's that too), and try doing it even when you're not "in the mood". It's pretty astounding how quickly most people will get in the mood.
And juliplease is definitely right. Part of what will help with the psychology of the refractory period is not demanding a 1:1 correspondence between sex and male orgasm. So, fuck the first time and go clean up. Then, half an hour later (or whatever) go play with your lady's ladybits. I often find that I'm definitely in the mood for more vag-pen sex after giving head for fifteen minutes, even if I started out all floppy and totally uninterested in getting off.
posted by Netzapper at 9:34 PM on February 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
Echoing the others about not needing to have straight-up vaginal sex + orgasm for it to be worthwhile. It's worth remembering also that as long as you can get an erection, even if you can't come again, you can keep on having vaginal sex too. My husband, especially when he was 18, had a lot of trouble coming more than about once a day, but he could still get an keep an erection easily for hours and he still wanted to have sex even if he couldn't come again, so at least for some guys it's still worthwhile even without the orgasm. You'll have to figure out what works for you by experimenting, but that's part of the fun of having an hours-long fuckfest. If you find you can't get it up after a certain amount of time or orgasms, then see how many times you can get her off if she's still up for it. It's all in the name of science!
And of course, you can do various things to delay your first-and-potentially-only orgasm if you'd rather. Just don't keep to the mindset that sex is over once you come, either way; if you delay your orgasm and she still wants to keep going, then try something else with her. A lot of people feel the pressure is off once they come, anyway, so you might feel more comfortable to experiment once that's out of the way.
posted by Nattie at 10:17 PM on February 15, 2010
And of course, you can do various things to delay your first-and-potentially-only orgasm if you'd rather. Just don't keep to the mindset that sex is over once you come, either way; if you delay your orgasm and she still wants to keep going, then try something else with her. A lot of people feel the pressure is off once they come, anyway, so you might feel more comfortable to experiment once that's out of the way.
posted by Nattie at 10:17 PM on February 15, 2010
My health in general, and cardiovascular health in particular, has throughout my life modulated how many times I can, and want, to have intercourse in a short period / day / whatever. If you start working out a lot and going running you'll likely be hornier and be able to have sex more than once time per day. Do kegel exercises too.
posted by MillMan at 11:28 PM on February 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by MillMan at 11:28 PM on February 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Have you tried in the morning? It's not for everyone (maybe depends if you're a "night owl" or "morning lark") and I know you said other times of day had been explored, but it might be a good time to try. Not that sex is something you need to schedule in at the same time every day, as it's fun to be spontaneous! You could try taking a shower together when you wake up, for some foreplay (and to get clean!)
posted by Eastgate at 2:09 AM on February 16, 2010
posted by Eastgate at 2:09 AM on February 16, 2010
When I was 18, I could reliably have sex twice in a row, sometimes three times, with almost no refractory period, just staying inside the whole time and resting for a few minutes in between. As I've aged, that refractory period has steadily grown. I can still have sex two or three times in a day, but certainly not in a row, bang-bang-bang.
But even if you have a really long refractory period, that doesn't mean that you can only have sex once. (Especially if you listen to the smart people above who are telling you to expand "sex" beyond old-school fucking.) At heart, you just need to figure out how long before you can do a second round, and give yourself at least that long.
So if it's two hours, and you are going to have sex for the last time right before falling asleep at 1130, then basic math suggests that you will need to get it on for the first time before 930.
Now, obviously you don't want to reduce sexy time to boring clock-watching. And everyone's refractory time varies from day to day. Additionally (especially if she's still all wet from the previous sex), you don't always need to be all that hard to begin sex a second time -- and even if you are only marginally hard enough it can be fun to fuck a little, then go back to other activities, then maybe restart the fucking.
tl;dr: Space things out and vary your idea of "fucking." Three times in a row is a real feat; once in the morning, once in the late afternoon, and once at night is no big deal. And don't over-focus on the intercourse unless it's good for both of you.
posted by Forktine at 4:00 AM on February 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
But even if you have a really long refractory period, that doesn't mean that you can only have sex once. (Especially if you listen to the smart people above who are telling you to expand "sex" beyond old-school fucking.) At heart, you just need to figure out how long before you can do a second round, and give yourself at least that long.
So if it's two hours, and you are going to have sex for the last time right before falling asleep at 1130, then basic math suggests that you will need to get it on for the first time before 930.
Now, obviously you don't want to reduce sexy time to boring clock-watching. And everyone's refractory time varies from day to day. Additionally (especially if she's still all wet from the previous sex), you don't always need to be all that hard to begin sex a second time -- and even if you are only marginally hard enough it can be fun to fuck a little, then go back to other activities, then maybe restart the fucking.
tl;dr: Space things out and vary your idea of "fucking." Three times in a row is a real feat; once in the morning, once in the late afternoon, and once at night is no big deal. And don't over-focus on the intercourse unless it's good for both of you.
posted by Forktine at 4:00 AM on February 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Red Bull. Don't masturbate. Try an entire day in bed to see what works so you can learn about yourselves and your bodies without also fighting off sleep.
posted by motsque at 5:03 AM on February 16, 2010
posted by motsque at 5:03 AM on February 16, 2010
I know a lot of people have been saying "don't masturbate," but my advice is the opposite.
Masturbate more. Much much more. Get in the habit of masturbating 3 or 4 times a day. Then when you skip a day, having sex more than once in a row after a day without orgasming should be no problem.
posted by andoatnp at 4:20 PM on February 16, 2010
Masturbate more. Much much more. Get in the habit of masturbating 3 or 4 times a day. Then when you skip a day, having sex more than once in a row after a day without orgasming should be no problem.
posted by andoatnp at 4:20 PM on February 16, 2010
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Which I'm assuming you'll regard as good news. :-)
(Not just being flip -- sex is like any other physical activity, and your endurance will increase over time.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:09 PM on February 15, 2010