Tell you what. Keep the cookies, I just want my job back
February 1, 2010 3:33 PM Subscribe
Help me word a delicate email. I need to make it clear that the professional favor I’m about to extend to a "frenemy" is something I expect to be reciprocated once they get the job.
Someone in my social circle is on the cusp of being promoted to a position as my manager, at a company where I freelance. She wants me to put in a good word for her with my higher-ups. My contract with this company is runs out in a matter of weeks, and I desperately need it to be renewed for another term.
She could easily do this for me in her new capacity, but she has not hinted that she would. All she has offered is to “bake me cookies” as a thank you. But as this is not a personal favor I’m doing for her but rather a professional one, I would like to have her know that I hope for a professional favor from her in exchange, not a personal one (like cookies.)
For what it’s worth, I am currently one of the most favored people in my position, so it is likely that I would have my contract renewed even without her help, but if she gets the manager job the choice will fall entirely to her. She knows my desires to have my contract renewed but has not said anything related to it at all. All she says is “I would really owe you a lot of yummy cookies.” What I'd like her to say is "I would definitely talk you up in return, when the day comes to decide contract renewals."
Seeing how it is increasingly likely she will get the job no matter what, I feel I have to give a good reference or else she’ll find out about it later and wreak revenge. I can't just sit this one out.
To make things worse: I would HATE to work for this person, though if it were a choice between working for her and unemployment, I’d live with it. She does not know I feel this way. However I feel I could still give her an honest and positive reference to my higher ups because my personal dislike of her doesn’t mean she would do her job poorly.
My reasons for disliking her are relevant to this question: she is incredibly opportunistic and self-serving. I would normally be thrilled to recommend a friend to this position without expecting any sort of recompense, but with this “friend” specifically, every interaction we’ve ever had has been her asking “what can you do for ME?” If you can do something for her, she's sweet as can be. If not, you might as well not exist. While her attitude has turned off many people in our social circle, I don’t think that it makes her a bad manager. I therefore feel pretty okay about being opportunistic myself in regards to this interaction with her.
I also feel a need to protect myself from being taken advantage of, as she has betrayed my trust on occasion, which is why I would like to have a clear understanding with her of “tit for tat.” I once went out on a limb to tell her of an inside scoop job opportunity she and I could have teamed up on together, and she chose to submit herself and her friend instead, without telling me. I could see her taking my positive reference and then not renewing my contract, just so she could pull a power trip.
So if I’m going to stick my neck out for her, I hope she will pay me back by keeping me in mind for a renewed contract. I’d like to send her an email that subtly and politely suggests this, without being crass. I know she doesn't legally owe me anything, but I'd like her to know the expectation is there, and that cookies don't cut it. Please help!
Someone in my social circle is on the cusp of being promoted to a position as my manager, at a company where I freelance. She wants me to put in a good word for her with my higher-ups. My contract with this company is runs out in a matter of weeks, and I desperately need it to be renewed for another term.
She could easily do this for me in her new capacity, but she has not hinted that she would. All she has offered is to “bake me cookies” as a thank you. But as this is not a personal favor I’m doing for her but rather a professional one, I would like to have her know that I hope for a professional favor from her in exchange, not a personal one (like cookies.)
For what it’s worth, I am currently one of the most favored people in my position, so it is likely that I would have my contract renewed even without her help, but if she gets the manager job the choice will fall entirely to her. She knows my desires to have my contract renewed but has not said anything related to it at all. All she says is “I would really owe you a lot of yummy cookies.” What I'd like her to say is "I would definitely talk you up in return, when the day comes to decide contract renewals."
Seeing how it is increasingly likely she will get the job no matter what, I feel I have to give a good reference or else she’ll find out about it later and wreak revenge. I can't just sit this one out.
To make things worse: I would HATE to work for this person, though if it were a choice between working for her and unemployment, I’d live with it. She does not know I feel this way. However I feel I could still give her an honest and positive reference to my higher ups because my personal dislike of her doesn’t mean she would do her job poorly.
My reasons for disliking her are relevant to this question: she is incredibly opportunistic and self-serving. I would normally be thrilled to recommend a friend to this position without expecting any sort of recompense, but with this “friend” specifically, every interaction we’ve ever had has been her asking “what can you do for ME?” If you can do something for her, she's sweet as can be. If not, you might as well not exist. While her attitude has turned off many people in our social circle, I don’t think that it makes her a bad manager. I therefore feel pretty okay about being opportunistic myself in regards to this interaction with her.
I also feel a need to protect myself from being taken advantage of, as she has betrayed my trust on occasion, which is why I would like to have a clear understanding with her of “tit for tat.” I once went out on a limb to tell her of an inside scoop job opportunity she and I could have teamed up on together, and she chose to submit herself and her friend instead, without telling me. I could see her taking my positive reference and then not renewing my contract, just so she could pull a power trip.
So if I’m going to stick my neck out for her, I hope she will pay me back by keeping me in mind for a renewed contract. I’d like to send her an email that subtly and politely suggests this, without being crass. I know she doesn't legally owe me anything, but I'd like her to know the expectation is there, and that cookies don't cut it. Please help!
"... but has not said anything related to it at all. All she says is “I would really owe you a lot of yummy cookies.”
You don't speak CYA, do you?
She gave you the wink and nod.
posted by 517 at 3:41 PM on February 1, 2010 [7 favorites]
You don't speak CYA, do you?
She gave you the wink and nod.
posted by 517 at 3:41 PM on February 1, 2010 [7 favorites]
Don't stick your neck out for her. Give her an honest recommendation, but do not go over the top. When she (as you say, inevitably) gets the job offer her congratulations and hey - if she gives you cookies, she gives you cookies.
But do not, DO NOT do anything for her that you wouldn't do for any other colleague. You know that you won't get anything in return and you will feel bitter and resentful about it when she lets you down. She's made it clear that she does not see this is a quid pro quo. Also, your rise in your own career should be on your own merits, and not based on favors that you've done in the past.
Though yes, I understand that the favor trading is all too important in "the real world," you shouldn't allow yourself to be in a position where you're hanging on by the promise of someone else's favor is what I'm saying - it's too precarious, both in terms of your career and your mental health.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:43 PM on February 1, 2010 [5 favorites]
But do not, DO NOT do anything for her that you wouldn't do for any other colleague. You know that you won't get anything in return and you will feel bitter and resentful about it when she lets you down. She's made it clear that she does not see this is a quid pro quo. Also, your rise in your own career should be on your own merits, and not based on favors that you've done in the past.
Though yes, I understand that the favor trading is all too important in "the real world," you shouldn't allow yourself to be in a position where you're hanging on by the promise of someone else's favor is what I'm saying - it's too precarious, both in terms of your career and your mental health.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:43 PM on February 1, 2010 [5 favorites]
Sounds like she's keeping it casual, what with all the "lots of yummy cookies" talk. I recommend the same approach. Something like "You know, the cookies sound nice, but here's an idea: my contract's up for renewal soon and it would be awesome if we could scratch each other's backs here... What do you think?"
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 3:44 PM on February 1, 2010
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 3:44 PM on February 1, 2010
Say what The Winsome Parker Lewis (who, as I understand it, can't lose) suggests. But for the love of all that is holy, don't say it in email or any other hard copy form.
posted by ErikaB at 3:47 PM on February 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by ErikaB at 3:47 PM on February 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
I, unfortunately, know a lot of people like this.
These people don't do anything based on a sense of loyalty or "the right thing to do." They do things based on what they feel like doing, what will make them look good (or what will prevent them from looking bad), and what will get them ahead.
So I don't think you should rely on getting her to do this out of a sense of obligation or reciprocity. She may not have those senses. I think you need to figure out how her renewing your contract will either make her look good or get her ahead. Or make it something she feels like doing/wants to do.
Also, how did she ask you to do the favor for her? It sounds like she was pretty straightforward about it, right? So I think you can be equally straightforward with her. But yeah, probably best not to do it over email.
posted by Ashley801 at 3:52 PM on February 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
These people don't do anything based on a sense of loyalty or "the right thing to do." They do things based on what they feel like doing, what will make them look good (or what will prevent them from looking bad), and what will get them ahead.
So I don't think you should rely on getting her to do this out of a sense of obligation or reciprocity. She may not have those senses. I think you need to figure out how her renewing your contract will either make her look good or get her ahead. Or make it something she feels like doing/wants to do.
Also, how did she ask you to do the favor for her? It sounds like she was pretty straightforward about it, right? So I think you can be equally straightforward with her. But yeah, probably best not to do it over email.
posted by Ashley801 at 3:52 PM on February 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
Agree to be a reference for your "frenemy". If anyone asks you for your opinion, just state that you have worked together in the past. If you feel like giving her a glowing reference for some reason, well, that's fine too.
If you have any criticisms, try to tone them down. You could say something like "I wonder how well she will fit into a collaborative, team environment..." or "I wonder how she will fit in with our team's values". Try to remain positive. But, depending on your relationship with your supervisors, it would be wise to be cautious.
Besides, by acting as a reference for a potential supervisor, you're being put in a difficult position. Politically, it would be wise to provide the minimum information necessary. As a contractor, you can't afford to stick your neck out. "Yes, I've worked with her in the past. Yes, she went to XX school."
Remember, a mistake far to many people make in these sorts of political situations is saying too much.
I wonder how this "frenemy" would determine how much of a glowing reference you provided her with. These sorts of things are supposed to be confidential, and you should not commit anything to email.
It would be pointless (and rather unclassy) to do some sort of quid pro quo promise to exchange favours.
First of all, if you agree to act as a reference (and you should), your frenemy is going to owe you. She might not remember that social obligation in the future, but if you ask her for something in return, she will definitely remember your ask. What's worse, it's doubtful she will actually help you out - you've said yourself that you're a prime candidate for the job, and all you're worried about is protecting yourself from her.
So, don't turn down her request, provide the minimum validation necessary, and avoid asking for favours from a snake.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:56 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
If you have any criticisms, try to tone them down. You could say something like "I wonder how well she will fit into a collaborative, team environment..." or "I wonder how she will fit in with our team's values". Try to remain positive. But, depending on your relationship with your supervisors, it would be wise to be cautious.
Besides, by acting as a reference for a potential supervisor, you're being put in a difficult position. Politically, it would be wise to provide the minimum information necessary. As a contractor, you can't afford to stick your neck out. "Yes, I've worked with her in the past. Yes, she went to XX school."
Remember, a mistake far to many people make in these sorts of political situations is saying too much.
I wonder how this "frenemy" would determine how much of a glowing reference you provided her with. These sorts of things are supposed to be confidential, and you should not commit anything to email.
It would be pointless (and rather unclassy) to do some sort of quid pro quo promise to exchange favours.
First of all, if you agree to act as a reference (and you should), your frenemy is going to owe you. She might not remember that social obligation in the future, but if you ask her for something in return, she will definitely remember your ask. What's worse, it's doubtful she will actually help you out - you've said yourself that you're a prime candidate for the job, and all you're worried about is protecting yourself from her.
So, don't turn down her request, provide the minimum validation necessary, and avoid asking for favours from a snake.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:56 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
To be clear: NO EMAIL.
If your frenemy asks you for this, just say "Tell them to give me a call."
You need to stand up for yourself. If you do it the right way, she will respect you.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:06 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
If your frenemy asks you for this, just say "Tell them to give me a call."
You need to stand up for yourself. If you do it the right way, she will respect you.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:06 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Take the cookies, make sure they are yummy. I'd like some cookies.
Goes without saying, don't say anything about reciprocating professional favors.
posted by mallow005 at 4:09 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Goes without saying, don't say anything about reciprocating professional favors.
posted by mallow005 at 4:09 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think the " lots of yummy cookies" is as close as you are going to get to an actual acknowledgement...but if you want to test it, ask if all the cookies will be delivered at once, or in installments.
posted by lobstah at 4:09 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by lobstah at 4:09 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
I came here to say what grapefruitmoon said. Also: if you are approached by the company for a reference, you can point out that you'd be working under the person you're recommending, which casts that recommendation in a different light.
From what you describe, I would only give a recommendation that stands on its own merits, without even the expectation of cookies down the road.
posted by adamrice at 4:14 PM on February 1, 2010
From what you describe, I would only give a recommendation that stands on its own merits, without even the expectation of cookies down the road.
posted by adamrice at 4:14 PM on February 1, 2010
As you said above, you don't particularly like you as a person, but you don't think she'd be a bad manager and that you'd rather work under her than be unemployed. As your manager, she will be the one who decides whether or not to renew your contract. It seems to me that it makes good strategic sense to be on this persons good side, and she's given you the means to get there. What you don't want to do is set this up as some sort of Quid pro quo - let her think you are overjoyed to have her as your manager, and then, when you congratulate her on her new position, you can bring up the fact that your contract is ending soon and you'd like to continue working with her. Manipulative people can smell attempts at manipulation a mile away - I would avoid any interaction with her that would make her think that you are trying to get something out of her. Keep it about her, and she should come around to your side.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 4:15 PM on February 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by The Light Fantastic at 4:15 PM on February 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
er...you don't like her as a person....
posted by The Light Fantastic at 4:16 PM on February 1, 2010
posted by The Light Fantastic at 4:16 PM on February 1, 2010
Dear god no email. I'd say that even if you trusted this person, but under the circumstances, while it's not quite The Worst Idea Ever, it's definitely right up there under "invading Russia in the winter." Do it in person, on the phone, or not at all.
And unless this person is way up there on the autistic spectrum or for some other reason is just totally deaf to social cues, there is a limit to how forceful/obvious you can be before it'll be insulting. You may be treading that line already; better to have someone who's lukewarm and will at least bring you cookies than someone who thinks you're a hamfisted, aggressive careerist in a position of power above you.
posted by Kadin2048 at 4:35 PM on February 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
And unless this person is way up there on the autistic spectrum or for some other reason is just totally deaf to social cues, there is a limit to how forceful/obvious you can be before it'll be insulting. You may be treading that line already; better to have someone who's lukewarm and will at least bring you cookies than someone who thinks you're a hamfisted, aggressive careerist in a position of power above you.
posted by Kadin2048 at 4:35 PM on February 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
Nthing the dear god don't put this in writing chorus. Are you insane?
Cookies was the wink and nod, indeed. If you're dying for something more concrete, do it by phone, or even better in person. No evidence!
posted by rokusan at 4:50 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Cookies was the wink and nod, indeed. If you're dying for something more concrete, do it by phone, or even better in person. No evidence!
posted by rokusan at 4:50 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
It's not especially crass to say, "Hey, I'm interviewing at your company. Could you put in a good word?" It is crass to say "Hey, I'm interviewing at your company; if you put in a good word for me, I'll put in a good word for you when your contract is up." Even someone who is very opportunistic would probably avoid the latter phrasing.
"I owe you yummy cookies" is a polite way to communicate reciprocity in this situation. If she said "You're a lifesaver!" would you assume she literally thought she'd die without you? This is like that.
posted by Meg_Murry at 5:01 PM on February 1, 2010
"I owe you yummy cookies" is a polite way to communicate reciprocity in this situation. If she said "You're a lifesaver!" would you assume she literally thought she'd die without you? This is like that.
posted by Meg_Murry at 5:01 PM on February 1, 2010
Do recommend her if she deserves it.
Do not demand "tit for tat," not even just verbally. You're trying to bribe your future boss, when you know your future boss is "incredible opportunistic and self-serving." She doesn't have to keep the promise, she may not want you working for her once you tell her you're willing to bribe her, and she clearly (from your description) doesn't care about anyone else's career but her own.
It's probably really stressful waiting for a renewal, but don't let a desire for control over the situation drive you to this.
posted by sallybrown at 5:02 PM on February 1, 2010
Do not demand "tit for tat," not even just verbally. You're trying to bribe your future boss, when you know your future boss is "incredible opportunistic and self-serving." She doesn't have to keep the promise, she may not want you working for her once you tell her you're willing to bribe her, and she clearly (from your description) doesn't care about anyone else's career but her own.
It's probably really stressful waiting for a renewal, but don't let a desire for control over the situation drive you to this.
posted by sallybrown at 5:02 PM on February 1, 2010
Make the recommendation in order to cover your ass - if this person becomes your boss you do not want to have not endorsed them. That's the most important thing you can do to maximise your chances of getting your contract renewed.
And yeah, I agree that "yummy cookies" is as explicit as either of you want to get about this. You cover her ass, she's very likely to cover yours. You said she knows you need this renewal, so I think everyone's cards are on the table.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:47 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
And yeah, I agree that "yummy cookies" is as explicit as either of you want to get about this. You cover her ass, she's very likely to cover yours. You said she knows you need this renewal, so I think everyone's cards are on the table.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:47 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Look, even if she explicitly promised to renew your contract, it wouldn't protect you. She could easily break that promise, and what recourse would you have?
No, all you can do is communicate your expectations. "Sure I'll put in a good word. I'm looking forward to working with you." Translation: I'm totally taking it for granted that you will be renewing my contract and we will be working together for a while. It's up to her whether she meets those expectations or not — but then, it would be up to her no matter what sort of conversation you had.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:07 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
No, all you can do is communicate your expectations. "Sure I'll put in a good word. I'm looking forward to working with you." Translation: I'm totally taking it for granted that you will be renewing my contract and we will be working together for a while. It's up to her whether she meets those expectations or not — but then, it would be up to her no matter what sort of conversation you had.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:07 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Good God, just do the right thing.
posted by unSane at 6:10 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by unSane at 6:10 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Agree that getting any more explicit than you already have is a bad idea.
1. She already knows what you want.
2. Once she has the job, you will have lost power over her.
3. Since you will no longer have any power over her, she will only give you what you want if she likes the idea of doing so.
4. If you try to involve explicit debts, obligation and guilt then she will no longer like the idea of doing you any favors.
5. See #3.
posted by jon1270 at 6:21 PM on February 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
1. She already knows what you want.
2. Once she has the job, you will have lost power over her.
3. Since you will no longer have any power over her, she will only give you what you want if she likes the idea of doing so.
4. If you try to involve explicit debts, obligation and guilt then she will no longer like the idea of doing you any favors.
5. See #3.
posted by jon1270 at 6:21 PM on February 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
I would go out of my way to NOT ask for anything from this person, and do what you have to do to ensure that it's known to a minimum of people that you said something in her favour but nothing specific that anyone will remember or be able to quote.
You don't want this person to have anything against you, but you really don't want her to have anything to hold over you either. Particularly if she is likely going to get the job whatever you say, by tying your renewal to your reference, she has all the power and when you do get the renewal that you seem to think you likely will anyhow - you'll owe her anyhow.
No matter how this plays out she may make it out that you owe her anyhow - so do what you can to document the renewal on merits or even try to accelerate the schedule in some way to make that happen before she gets there.
In fact you could at once be perfectly (well, close) honest, provide the recommendation AND get yourself off the hook by going to the hiring manager and saying that you don't feel comfortable (for the whole team, the good of the company, whatever) that you would have a personal relationship with the person who would hire you, should she get that job. Which she should (you would say) - but that it would be best to get the renewal on the books before she comes on so that no one will feel uncomfortable once your prior relationship becomes known. I think it's totally legit to disclose the relationship AND in both yours, your frenemy's, and the company's interest to get you tied down before she gets the job and the water gets muddied.
Or something like that.
posted by mikel at 6:59 PM on February 1, 2010
You don't want this person to have anything against you, but you really don't want her to have anything to hold over you either. Particularly if she is likely going to get the job whatever you say, by tying your renewal to your reference, she has all the power and when you do get the renewal that you seem to think you likely will anyhow - you'll owe her anyhow.
No matter how this plays out she may make it out that you owe her anyhow - so do what you can to document the renewal on merits or even try to accelerate the schedule in some way to make that happen before she gets there.
In fact you could at once be perfectly (well, close) honest, provide the recommendation AND get yourself off the hook by going to the hiring manager and saying that you don't feel comfortable (for the whole team, the good of the company, whatever) that you would have a personal relationship with the person who would hire you, should she get that job. Which she should (you would say) - but that it would be best to get the renewal on the books before she comes on so that no one will feel uncomfortable once your prior relationship becomes known. I think it's totally legit to disclose the relationship AND in both yours, your frenemy's, and the company's interest to get you tied down before she gets the job and the water gets muddied.
Or something like that.
posted by mikel at 6:59 PM on February 1, 2010
You have absolutely no way to make her uphold any sort of promise, so I don't see the point in trying to extract one from her. She has mildly hinted that she would owe you, but you know she is neither a loyal nor trustworthy person. She will do what suits her, hopefully that means renewing your contract. She is more likely renew the contract of a "friend" who she believes is loyal to her and likely to do things for her in future, that one who she will likely feel betrayed her if you don't recommend her (I'm not saying not recommending her would be a betrayal, but she won't be pleased).
So you give an honest recommendation because a) she's getting the job anyway and b) not giving her a recommendation is likely to only hurt you in the end.
The most I would say to her (not in any written form) is I sure will feel better when you bake me those cookies after you get this job and leave it at that.
posted by whoaali at 7:36 PM on February 1, 2010
So you give an honest recommendation because a) she's getting the job anyway and b) not giving her a recommendation is likely to only hurt you in the end.
The most I would say to her (not in any written form) is I sure will feel better when you bake me those cookies after you get this job and leave it at that.
posted by whoaali at 7:36 PM on February 1, 2010
I'm not convinced 'cookies' = renewal.
I'd call her (yes, no e-mail) and say something along the lines of, 'This works out so well for us both. I'll be delighted to put in a good word for you, and if you do get the job, it will be fantastic to have an advocate for me working in that role, since my contract renewal is up in X weeks.'
Leave it at that.
posted by yellowcandy at 9:08 PM on February 1, 2010
I'd call her (yes, no e-mail) and say something along the lines of, 'This works out so well for us both. I'll be delighted to put in a good word for you, and if you do get the job, it will be fantastic to have an advocate for me working in that role, since my contract renewal is up in X weeks.'
Leave it at that.
posted by yellowcandy at 9:08 PM on February 1, 2010
No email about anything with her. No direct statements of anything. She will have power and you can not afford to trust her. Recommend her on what you can legitimately do. Possibly, and only if totally appropriate in your context, send the recommendation by email and blind copy her on it. Enjoy cookies. Repeated for emphasis: No email about anything with her. No direct statements of anything. She will have power and you can not afford to trust her.
posted by kch at 10:06 PM on February 1, 2010
posted by kch at 10:06 PM on February 1, 2010
I am sorry to say it but she is so not going to renew your contract no matter what you do. The fact that you don't want to work with her probably means that she doesn't want to work with you either. The fact that she went behind your back to apply for another job with a friend instead of with you proves it. She mentioned cookies instead of "it would be great to work together" for a reason.
So, how much do you trust your current boss or bosses' boss? If you do, you can go to them and ask that your contract be renewed before your frenemy comes on board due to a potential conflict of interest. You could also say that you recommend her for the job because your personal dislike of her doesn't mean she won't be a good employee. If you're liked well enough by them, they'll get the hint and think twice about hiring her.
If I were you, I'd do anything I could to try to prevent working with her, as it's not going to end well for you.
posted by hazyjane at 10:47 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
So, how much do you trust your current boss or bosses' boss? If you do, you can go to them and ask that your contract be renewed before your frenemy comes on board due to a potential conflict of interest. You could also say that you recommend her for the job because your personal dislike of her doesn't mean she won't be a good employee. If you're liked well enough by them, they'll get the hint and think twice about hiring her.
If I were you, I'd do anything I could to try to prevent working with her, as it's not going to end well for you.
posted by hazyjane at 10:47 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Yeah, keep it about her. If you do what she wants, she will see you as someone who does what she wants, and so she'll try to keep you around until you don't or until there's something else she wants more. Don't expect fairness or respectful tit-for-tat to drive anything. You're cute and try to please her, so she takes care of you, minimally -- it'll be like being her pet.
posted by salvia at 10:53 PM on February 1, 2010
posted by salvia at 10:53 PM on February 1, 2010
Look at it from her point of view. You give her a good recommendation, she gets the job. She's now your manager. Your contract renewal is now up to her. You've already said she is "opportunistic and self-serving". Would it serve her interests to keep you around? Or not?
If it was me, I would give her the *professional* reference she deserves, no more, no less. One can only hope that when it's time for her to renew your contract, she will extend you the same courtesy. But there is absolutely no way you can rely on it, so I wouldn't mention anything explicit if I were you.
Really, she is the one with the power here. You've already mentioned that she will get the job on balance no matter what. Once she has the job, well...you've got nothing over her.
posted by humpy at 1:37 AM on February 2, 2010
If it was me, I would give her the *professional* reference she deserves, no more, no less. One can only hope that when it's time for her to renew your contract, she will extend you the same courtesy. But there is absolutely no way you can rely on it, so I wouldn't mention anything explicit if I were you.
Really, she is the one with the power here. You've already mentioned that she will get the job on balance no matter what. Once she has the job, well...you've got nothing over her.
posted by humpy at 1:37 AM on February 2, 2010
Do you want your boss to think you're the kind of person from whom favours can be bought? Possibly spread that information around your workplace, leak to other related employers and recreuitment agencies? If so, then by all means, take the cookies or try to arrange some sort of back scratching.
Or you could take the moral high ground and tell your frenemy you will give them a recommendation, no need for cookies or any other favours, thank you very much. That way you can give them the recommendation you feel the deserve, and keep your integrity, personally and professionally.
All very easy for me to say sitting on the sidelines :)
posted by Admira at 3:54 AM on February 2, 2010
Or you could take the moral high ground and tell your frenemy you will give them a recommendation, no need for cookies or any other favours, thank you very much. That way you can give them the recommendation you feel the deserve, and keep your integrity, personally and professionally.
All very easy for me to say sitting on the sidelines :)
posted by Admira at 3:54 AM on February 2, 2010
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Bigger question, though, is why put in a good word for this person at all, given your clear dislike for her. If you just want to CYA in case she does get the position, consider giving a lukewarm recommendation (again, not in writing).
posted by seventyfour at 3:38 PM on February 1, 2010