Pardon me. That was my shoe farting.
January 11, 2010 5:50 PM   Subscribe

My shoes make a farting noise when I walk. What can I do about it?

I have these very comfortable Converse Chuck Taylor slip on shoes.

The shoes are great. Comfortable and cool and I love them, except for one really annoying and embarrassing fact. The right shoe makes a farting noise when I walk.

I have tried putting talcum powder in the shoe and tried using inner soles but nothing seems to help. I found this related AskMe but it's about external squeaking whereas my issue is with farts from inside the shoe.

Any ideas would be gratefully considered.
posted by chairish to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (22 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
L.L. Beans tend to do that. Try baking soda.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 6:10 PM on January 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

I was going to say "talcum powder" when I saw the question on the green. Looks like you tried it...but have you located where the powder is being shot out from? Find the area, and use some kind of filling glue to seal the area.
posted by hal_c_on at 6:24 PM on January 11, 2010

mine do that too. though i was just genetically broken.... good to know.
posted by chasles at 6:26 PM on January 11, 2010

Throw them away.
posted by fixedgear at 6:38 PM on January 11, 2010

Just to clarify, that was not meant to be snarky. I had a pair of shoes that I loved dearly, but they made noise. I tried every thing, but nothing helped. I changed laces, insoles, powder. It broke my heart, but I just donated them to charity. Life is too short.
posted by fixedgear at 6:47 PM on January 11, 2010

You could try actually farting as you walk, so that no one can tell the difference.

But seriously, might this be solved by wedging a small plastic tube (kind of like the one that comes with a can of WD-40) in the shoe somewhere so that air flows through the tube instead of taking the path that is producing the farting noise?
posted by XMLicious at 7:00 PM on January 11, 2010 [6 favorites]

Maybe try a different pair? Maybe that pair will fart on the left but not the right and you can keep the silent pair.
posted by chazlarson at 7:00 PM on January 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

In high school, my favoritest pair of boots got a hole in the heel. While this didn't bother me aesthetically or physically, the heel slowly gathered a collection of small rocks and plastics that would jangle around every time I stepped. It was likely that I was leaving a small trail everywhere I went, but I was so embarrassed by this sound that I moved too quickly and never turned around.

After a month of this, my father filled the hole with bright yellow foam he'd been using to patch up the house. Except that he didn't fill it all the way and there was still some jangle and to add insult to injury, there was a permanent bright yellow wad of gum-looking substance stuck on the bottom of my too-cool-for-you boots.

Luckily for you, it appears there's
posted by june made him a gemini at 7:01 PM on January 11, 2010

Do they have a removable insole? If they do, you can try putting a layer of sandpaper in between the insole and the shoe bottom. Doesn't always work, but it has solved the shoe-fart problem on several pairs of my Keens over the years.
posted by chez shoes at 7:10 PM on January 11, 2010

Buy better-fitting shoes.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:41 PM on January 11, 2010

I had the same problem with my Chucks. I found that it went away after I wore them all to hell (which is, of course, the way they're meant to be worn).

It also went away when I bought a better fitting pair.
posted by hafehd at 7:58 PM on January 11, 2010

I'm willing to bet a small part of the sole has come unglued, just enough to act like a whoppie cushion. A small bead of glue around the sole where it meets the bumper might help.
posted by Marky at 8:12 PM on January 11, 2010

Oh no! I had a brand new pair of pumps that started to fart on my first day at a new job; man, that sucked. I first tried poking a bunch of holes into their padded insoles with a pin but then they started farting in chords. It took slashing the linings with a razor to cure them of gas but that left them looking like crap when I took them off so I gave up and tossed them.

posted by jamaro at 8:13 PM on January 11, 2010 [5 favorites]

My cons retain their dignity when I wear thicker socks.
posted by TimeDoctor at 9:20 PM on January 11, 2010

I'm so glad to hear it's not just me. The only thing that's 'helped' is wearing socks with the damn flatulent shoes. It's not really much of a cure when they're meant to be worn barefoot, but it's all I've got.
posted by Space Kitty at 10:54 PM on January 11, 2010

Thanks for these suggestions. I am going to try some of these ideas out over the next few days and will report back my results.
posted by chairish at 11:41 PM on January 11, 2010

Mount a tour of comedy clubs.
posted by segatakai at 4:52 AM on January 12, 2010

Can you figure out what surfaces are making the fart noise? To fix it, throwing talcum powder everywhere isn't as helpful as figuring out exactly where the problem is. Possibilities: your heel and the side of the shoe, your foot and the insole of the shoe, the insole of the shoe and the sole structure underneath that, etc. You can then make sure that the edges of that air pocket don't seal, using stick-on heel cushions, for example, or fluffy socks, or talcum powder. If it's inside the structure of the shoe, though, it'll be hard to get in there and fix it.
Another possibility is a hole in the outside sole of the shoe (like many shoes, Chuck Taylors have a honeycomb structure of air pockets for cushion) If one of those air pockets has a small hole in it (say, from wear on the bottom of the shoe, or stepping on a nail), the air will fart in and out, and your best bet is to make the hole large enough that there's no pressure build-up.
good luck!
posted by aimedwander at 6:23 AM on January 12, 2010

If the shoe farts, wear it.

couldn't resist
posted by vers at 7:20 AM on January 12, 2010

Throw them away.

Only solution I've found, as well (although I have this trouble more with nice leather shoes).
posted by Rash at 8:34 AM on January 12, 2010

Are they new low-tops, by chance? I, too, find that Chucks just do that until they start to break in.
posted by mendel at 6:39 PM on January 12, 2010

And in a very belated follow-up:

Talcum powder / baking soda, applied regularly was my saving grace.

Awesome fix, as long as applied regularly.
posted by chairish at 11:46 PM on March 6, 2010

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