From 0 to multiple orgasms in 60 days
December 12, 2009 7:20 AM   Subscribe

I've met a delightful young woman who floats my boat in many, many ways. Through a variety of circumstances, she has almost no experience at sex. She is a quick and avid learner. Please help me find resources for practical virgins who don't know much about their sexuality that want to figure out what works for them. Lean towards fun, open, smart. I want our discovery process to be a delightful, fun, awesome experience for her. Books, websites, video suggestions?
posted by jdfan to Human Relations (12 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

There are a ton of previous AskMes that overlap a lot with your question, and will probably have a lot of suggestions and resources for you.

But my actual advice is to research less, and hump more. You get good by doing, not by reading about it. The more time you guys can spend naked and having fun, the more chances she will have to figure out what floats her boat. And not just naked-with-intent-of-fucking -- spend lots of time naked and just being together, feeling good, learning how things feel and respond.

That, and lots and lots of experimentation. Positions, toys, lubes, costumes, role play, story telling, etc. Lots of it -- probably most of it -- will make you laugh rather than turn you on, but you'll only know what works if you are open to trying new things.
posted by Forktine at 7:27 AM on December 12, 2009

Lots of books referenced within.
posted by stratastar at 8:00 AM on December 12, 2009
posted by royalsong at 8:22 AM on December 12, 2009

If this helps, the campsite rule is in effect.

Forktine, I'll be the first to admit that my search fu might have failed me. I didn't find a good hit in previous questions. And I'm kind of hoping for people to identify resources like stratastar and royalsong did.
posted by jdfan at 9:09 AM on December 12, 2009

The Midwest Teen Sex Show podcast, or something like that. Very funny, and very good info on basic sex stuff.

You might also find a sex shop in your area that has classes. The Pleasure Chest offers many that are affordable, fun and interesting. They range from how to strip for your man to serious bondage and BDSM.

Dan Savage has a good column that covers the range of sex and relationships in a witty and wonderful way. He's online now, you might read and share some of the columns with her.

Agree with the practice more theory. Being comfortable in your own skin really helps to understand what's going on. Play, tickle, wrestle, snuggle, laugh.

I'm glad you found someone wonderful, and you sure sound "Good, Game, and Giving"! Have fun!
posted by Jinx of the 2nd Law at 10:24 AM on December 12, 2009

i've heard good things about the guide to getting it on.
posted by thinkingwoman at 10:43 AM on December 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

1. Consider not taking Dan Savage's advice seriously, and especially consider not encouraging her to. He tends toward the ignorantly misogynist, which is not a pleasant place for a woman to be. Especially one who has any reason to feel vulnerable.

2. Susie Bright! Any books of hers, and/or her website.
posted by so_gracefully at 10:48 AM on December 12, 2009

People don't get better at anything by "just doing it". You have to think about it and talk about it, which you are doing. Don't let anyone tell you to shut off your brain when you go into the bedroom.
posted by TypographicalError at 11:10 AM on December 12, 2009

The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education has some basic, no-nonsense information that I wish had been around when I was new to this stuff. Their publications include detailed information on the female and male genitals, a compact guide to clitoral sex, and some very interesting yet poorly understood facts about virginity and the hymen.
posted by sively at 11:32 AM on December 12, 2009

Does she masturbate? If she hasn't, or doesn't do it much, she should. She should take some alone time (without you there) to figure out how her body likes to be touched and how she responds to various stimuli. Learning about herself that way will serve her in far greater ways than will learning how you can get her off.
posted by decathecting at 2:27 PM on December 12, 2009

Violet Blue has a How-To page that links to lots of good info on techniques, accessories and communication. She also has a page for under-18s I Can Has Sex Ed that links to resources specifically for younger women, but I think would be educational for women of all ages who are inexperienced and looking for reliable, sex-positive information.
posted by harriet vane at 1:07 AM on December 13, 2009

Thank you, everyone! Yes, we talk a whole lot. She had/has some body issues and has never masturbated. On top of that, her only prior (and single) experience was not that great.

That said, we are progressing slowly and carefully with full communication along the way. And she is really enjoying it.

Thank you for these resources... I'm going to share them with her.
posted by jdfan at 7:38 AM on December 13, 2009

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