oh God, that was terrible.
December 10, 2009 9:57 AM Subscribe
I'm looking for more silly jokes involving tents and wordplay. Examples inside.
Example: Man goes to psychologist. Says he's having a reoccurring dream where he turns into a teepee, then a wigwam, then a teepee, then a wigwam. What does it mean, doc? Doc says: "I think you are too tense" (er, two tents!)
2nd example: Did you hear about the fire at the campsite? It was intense (in tents!!!!)
Alternatively, if you have the gag ("intense") but not the joke, maybe we can work from there.
Example: Man goes to psychologist. Says he's having a reoccurring dream where he turns into a teepee, then a wigwam, then a teepee, then a wigwam. What does it mean, doc? Doc says: "I think you are too tense" (er, two tents!)
2nd example: Did you hear about the fire at the campsite? It was intense (in tents!!!!)
Alternatively, if you have the gag ("intense") but not the joke, maybe we can work from there.
As Alexander the Great led his troops into Persia, his soothsayers urged him to cease from conquest and reign content as king of all Greece. The divine Alexander, in his pride, was wont to brush these warnings aside, until one day, lightning struck from a clear sky and completely destroyed the royal bivouac.
"A portent!" cried the priests.
"Whadya want," said Alexander, "we get them at cost."
posted by ormondsacker at 10:25 AM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]
"A portent!" cried the priests.
"Whadya want," said Alexander, "we get them at cost."
posted by ormondsacker at 10:25 AM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]
There is an apocryphal camping shop in the UK that ran a promotion during the low season whose strapline was...
... wait for it
.. "Now is the winter of our discount tent"
posted by MuffinMan at 10:32 AM on December 10, 2009 [8 favorites]
... wait for it
.. "Now is the winter of our discount tent"
posted by MuffinMan at 10:32 AM on December 10, 2009 [8 favorites]
Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam.
posted by m1ndsurfer at 10:46 AM on December 10, 2009
To keep his wigwam.
posted by m1ndsurfer at 10:46 AM on December 10, 2009
Camping: its intense!
posted by jefficator at 10:58 AM on December 10, 2009
posted by jefficator at 10:58 AM on December 10, 2009
"I'm going camping ", Tom said intently.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 11:02 AM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Confess, Fletch at 11:02 AM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]
Yeah, any time anybody ever says "That was intense" I immediately follow up with "Like camping".
posted by theRussian at 11:12 AM on December 10, 2009
posted by theRussian at 11:12 AM on December 10, 2009
Ever seen a boy scout orgy?
It is fucking in tents.
posted by Darth Fedor at 11:18 AM on December 10, 2009 [4 favorites]
It is fucking in tents.
posted by Darth Fedor at 11:18 AM on December 10, 2009 [4 favorites]
You heard about the guy who repaired gold panning equipment while camping?
He specialized in in-tent sieve care.
posted by mosk at 11:42 AM on December 10, 2009 [2 favorites]
He specialized in in-tent sieve care.
posted by mosk at 11:42 AM on December 10, 2009 [2 favorites]
Is that a tent in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
posted by rancidchickn at 11:58 AM on December 10, 2009
posted by rancidchickn at 11:58 AM on December 10, 2009
OK, this is not exactly a joke, but your question made me think of Between the Lion's Monkey Popup Theater. Best kids show ever...
And, now that I think of it, I know a yiddish joke that peripherally mentions tents - A mol iz geven drai Indians. . And yes, there is an english translation below, but it does hinge on some knowledge of Jewish custom.
posted by Philbo at 12:05 PM on December 10, 2009
And, now that I think of it, I know a yiddish joke that peripherally mentions tents - A mol iz geven drai Indians. . And yes, there is an english translation below, but it does hinge on some knowledge of Jewish custom.
posted by Philbo at 12:05 PM on December 10, 2009
A creative writing student was dismayed to get his short story back with a C- grade in red across the top. He met with the teacher after class for an explanation.
"It was really a quite well written story about nomadic tribes in ancient Israel," said the teacher.
"So what was wrong with it?"
"Didn't you read the assignment? You were supposed to use the present tense."
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 12:29 PM on December 10, 2009
"It was really a quite well written story about nomadic tribes in ancient Israel," said the teacher.
"So what was wrong with it?"
"Didn't you read the assignment? You were supposed to use the present tense."
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 12:29 PM on December 10, 2009
The Infamous Sherlock Holmes Camping Joke:
Sherlock Holmes and His sidekick Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up the tent site, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his trusty friend with a shake…
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replies, “I see millions of bright stars.”
Holmes then asked… “What does that tell you?”
Watson thought for a moment before answering: “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Sherlock, What does it tell you?”
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. “Watson, you moron, someone has stolen our tent.”
posted by drlith at 12:39 PM on December 10, 2009 [4 favorites]
Sherlock Holmes and His sidekick Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up the tent site, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his trusty friend with a shake…
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replies, “I see millions of bright stars.”
Holmes then asked… “What does that tell you?”
Watson thought for a moment before answering: “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Sherlock, What does it tell you?”
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. “Watson, you moron, someone has stolen our tent.”
posted by drlith at 12:39 PM on December 10, 2009 [4 favorites]
I've heard, "Intense, like a circus fire" which is a slightly more morbid twist on the camping pun.
posted by devilsbrigade at 12:57 PM on December 10, 2009
posted by devilsbrigade at 12:57 PM on December 10, 2009
Not a joke per se, but how about the classic (homophobic) one liner
"He's more camp than a row of tents"
posted by trialex at 1:14 PM on December 10, 2009
"He's more camp than a row of tents"
posted by trialex at 1:14 PM on December 10, 2009
A guy goes to the doctor for a physical exam. The doctor completes the exam and tells the man
"You're in perfect health, except that you have no nipples"
"Yes", the man replies, "my entire tribe of 500 people does not have nipples."
"Wow", the doc says "what is the name of your tribe?"
"the Indian-nippless 500"
posted by Four Flavors at 3:36 PM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]
"You're in perfect health, except that you have no nipples"
"Yes", the man replies, "my entire tribe of 500 people does not have nipples."
"Wow", the doc says "what is the name of your tribe?"
"the Indian-nippless 500"
posted by Four Flavors at 3:36 PM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]
(my dads a neurologist... he looooves this one)
A guy walks into a neurologist's office... guy says "Doc, I have this problem. When I'm nervous or upset I just can't stop myself from saying "tee pee, wigwam, tee pee, wigwam, ..."
The doctor thinks for a moment and replies,
"I think it's obvious. You're just too tense."
Haha, get it? Two tents? Too tense? I know. Amazing.
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 8:33 PM on December 10, 2009
A guy walks into a neurologist's office... guy says "Doc, I have this problem. When I'm nervous or upset I just can't stop myself from saying "tee pee, wigwam, tee pee, wigwam, ..."
The doctor thinks for a moment and replies,
"I think it's obvious. You're just too tense."
Haha, get it? Two tents? Too tense? I know. Amazing.
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 8:33 PM on December 10, 2009
I heard of a Native kid that drank 10 gallons of tea one night. Poor guy, that night he drowned in his tea pee.
posted by idiotfactory at 9:08 PM on December 10, 2009
posted by idiotfactory at 9:08 PM on December 10, 2009
Ha, this Q is funny to me because, like theRussian, I always follow up any mention of camping with a pun about it being intense...
Anyway, I don't know any more jokes like this but as far as the second half of your request (gags to work on), how about:
Utensil
Tensile
Pretense
Portents
Extent(s)
Retention
Attention
Intention
etc...
posted by sprocket87 at 9:41 PM on December 11, 2009
Anyway, I don't know any more jokes like this but as far as the second half of your request (gags to work on), how about:
Utensil
Tensile
Pretense
Portents
Extent(s)
Retention
Attention
Intention
etc...
posted by sprocket87 at 9:41 PM on December 11, 2009
There’s a man walking home alone at night, and there is a “BUMP…BUMP…BUMP” behind him. He walks faster and looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging it’s way down the middle of the street towards him…
“BUMP … BUMP…BUMP…” The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces after him faster…faster…BUMPBUMPBUMP.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door… locks it…and the coffin crashes through his door and the lid to the coffin begins to lift open, bumping towards him.
The man runs to the bathroom and locks himself, heart pounding, and CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door, coming slowly towards him, the man screaming…
the man reaches for something, anything…
and he finds a box of cough drops and throws them at the coffin…
and the coffin stops.
posted by tybstar at 5:42 PM on December 18, 2009
“BUMP … BUMP…BUMP…” The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces after him faster…faster…BUMPBUMPBUMP.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door… locks it…and the coffin crashes through his door and the lid to the coffin begins to lift open, bumping towards him.
The man runs to the bathroom and locks himself, heart pounding, and CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door, coming slowly towards him, the man screaming…
the man reaches for something, anything…
and he finds a box of cough drops and throws them at the coffin…
and the coffin stops.
posted by tybstar at 5:42 PM on December 18, 2009
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The policeman said I was loitering within tent.
posted by MuffinMan at 10:11 AM on December 10, 2009 [2 favorites]