I actually WANT you to be my lawyer!
December 9, 2009 12:02 PM Subscribe
Mr. Matty and I are looking to get 'everything but married'... but how? And by who?
After 7 years together, Mr. Matty and I have decided to do the legal paperwork to get ourselves as closely hitched together as possible - even though we can't get married. The house is already in both our names and we have a joint checking account, but we want to do all that we can to ensure we're together... durable powers of attorney, palimony?, survivorship stuff, etc. etc. If you can tell, I have no idea what we really need to do to legally maneuver ourselves into an approximation of marriage.
1. We're gay. (duh)
2. We live in Fairfax County, VA. No we're not moving.
3. Mr. Matty is active duty military, so no we're not running off to Massachusetts to tie the knot.
We don't have any gay friends in the area who have done anything similar, nor do we know any lawyers, so we don't really have any contacts we can call on.
Can anyone point me in the direction of a law firm in Northern Virginia who has experience with such situations?
After 7 years together, Mr. Matty and I have decided to do the legal paperwork to get ourselves as closely hitched together as possible - even though we can't get married. The house is already in both our names and we have a joint checking account, but we want to do all that we can to ensure we're together... durable powers of attorney, palimony?, survivorship stuff, etc. etc. If you can tell, I have no idea what we really need to do to legally maneuver ourselves into an approximation of marriage.
1. We're gay. (duh)
2. We live in Fairfax County, VA. No we're not moving.
3. Mr. Matty is active duty military, so no we're not running off to Massachusetts to tie the knot.
We don't have any gay friends in the area who have done anything similar, nor do we know any lawyers, so we don't really have any contacts we can call on.
Can anyone point me in the direction of a law firm in Northern Virginia who has experience with such situations?
Ah, and here's the version that passed in 2006:
Virginia Marriage Amendment
posted by Oktober at 12:24 PM on December 9, 2009
Virginia Marriage Amendment
posted by Oktober at 12:24 PM on December 9, 2009
Response by poster: Oktober... I appreciate you pointing that out - although I'm painfully already aware of it. That's why we're trying to find a lawyer who's experienced enough with the issue to help us figure out what our options are. :(
posted by matty at 12:26 PM on December 9, 2009
posted by matty at 12:26 PM on December 9, 2009
Sorry, sorry. I'm not trying to be a dick here at all, I have friends who are in similar situations in NoVA, and most of them just decided to move.
posted by Oktober at 12:27 PM on December 9, 2009
posted by Oktober at 12:27 PM on December 9, 2009
Response by poster: Oktober, no worries at all! Your links help me better wrap my head around the obstacles by defining what we CAN'T do... the challenge is to figure out what we CAN do.
posted by matty at 12:30 PM on December 9, 2009
posted by matty at 12:30 PM on December 9, 2009
I have to point out that an approximation of marriage would probably be equivalent to an outward acknowledgment of homosexuality, which seems like an unfortunate way for Mr. Matty to be discharged from the military.
posted by saeculorum at 12:31 PM on December 9, 2009
posted by saeculorum at 12:31 PM on December 9, 2009
I have to agree with saeculorum - I know there are lawyers who handle this kind of thing (one of my friends was/is thinking of that specialty, in fact, so I'm trying to get hold of her to see if she knows anyone) but the added wrinkle of DADT is going to be a problem. That said, one would hope that the right lawyer would be able to say "You can do this and this, but that will throw up red flags and get you discharged."
posted by Tomorrowful at 12:34 PM on December 9, 2009
posted by Tomorrowful at 12:34 PM on December 9, 2009
Best answer: Congratulations! I am collecting referrals now for qualified attorneys, and will send you an email.
posted by exogenous at 12:39 PM on December 9, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by exogenous at 12:39 PM on December 9, 2009 [1 favorite]
Best answer: The lawyer we used (in Texas) has a family law specialty. We found him through friends who had used him for both the types of documents you're talking about (and what we did) and for their adoption paperwork. It was a million times easier to go to someone who had done this thing many times before than to find a lawyer with no more idea than we had about what was necessary. (See also, financial adviser.)
Have you tried the classifieds of a gay publication in your area, or a gay yellow pages? Maybe the HRC chapter closest to you (looks like that's DC) would be able to recommend someone.
Apologies if this is hopelessly naive, I know nothing at all about Virginia.
posted by fiercecupcake at 12:45 PM on December 9, 2009
Have you tried the classifieds of a gay publication in your area, or a gay yellow pages? Maybe the HRC chapter closest to you (looks like that's DC) would be able to recommend someone.
Apologies if this is hopelessly naive, I know nothing at all about Virginia.
posted by fiercecupcake at 12:45 PM on December 9, 2009
Response by poster: I left the military several years ago... we are familiar with DADT and how to remain under the radar! When it comes to issues such as hospital visitation, the military is surprisingly accommodating - at least that's always been our experience whenever Mr. Matty had to have surgery and I was his 'contact'. The hospital staff ain't stupid. LOL. Not saying we could run into bumps, but we'll take it as it comes. The biggest concern in a medical scenario would be the ability to make medical decisions on his behalf. I 'think' a durable power of attorney would cover that regardless of what hospital you're in (unless you're in south florida and a lesbian who's partner has just had a stroke...)
The DADT issue isn't that big of obstacle to us, but thanks for bringing it up as it IS another issue we're going to have to consider.
posted by matty at 12:46 PM on December 9, 2009
The DADT issue isn't that big of obstacle to us, but thanks for bringing it up as it IS another issue we're going to have to consider.
posted by matty at 12:46 PM on December 9, 2009
Not to be further of a buzz kill...but you are pretty identifiable from your profile. Might you want to hide your identity on your profile re: DADT? Just wondering. Seems like you might be putting Mr. Matty at increased risk.
I have no idea about this stuff...but that popped into my head.
posted by sully75 at 1:21 PM on December 9, 2009
I have no idea about this stuff...but that popped into my head.
posted by sully75 at 1:21 PM on December 9, 2009
Seriously, matty. Your profile is stalker "gold". Crack for crazy nutbags a la Westport Baptist Church. Please consider pulling down some of that info.
posted by IAmBroom at 2:19 PM on December 9, 2009
posted by IAmBroom at 2:19 PM on December 9, 2009
Response by poster: Well since you put it all Westboro Baptist Church like, OK! I can't wait till Mr. Matty.
Thanks to all who sent me local lawyer contact info!
posted by matty at 2:59 PM on December 9, 2009
Thanks to all who sent me local lawyer contact info!
posted by matty at 2:59 PM on December 9, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Oktober at 12:22 PM on December 9, 2009