What is <3? And GET OFF MY LAWN!
November 12, 2009 10:09 AM Subscribe
I am dating a 24 year old girl, and I am old enough that there is a bit of a cultural divide. She texted me "bla bla bla... i <3 u 2". Ummm... just how significant is that?
She is 24, I am 39. Early in the relationship, but we are pretty in to each other!
I send her a text message last night, "bla bla bla... Wow, I am smitten with you!" Which (in my mind) implies affection but leaves a little room for hedging - could be budding love, sure, but could be just happy-to-be-dating-you. This morning I get one back, "bla bla bla... i <3 u 2".
A bit of a cultural divide here - I am unable to interpret the nuance to this. When you crazy kids write "i <3 u", how should I read that? Early full on confession of love or just happy-to-be-dating-u, 2, or... what? How should I read that, were I 24?
[Why anonymous? Because I don't want to expose myself as a goofball six months down the line when she is stalking her boyfriend!]
She is 24, I am 39. Early in the relationship, but we are pretty in to each other!
I send her a text message last night, "bla bla bla... Wow, I am smitten with you!" Which (in my mind) implies affection but leaves a little room for hedging - could be budding love, sure, but could be just happy-to-be-dating-you. This morning I get one back, "bla bla bla... i <3 u 2".
A bit of a cultural divide here - I am unable to interpret the nuance to this. When you crazy kids write "i <3 u", how should I read that? Early full on confession of love or just happy-to-be-dating-u, 2, or... what? How should I read that, were I 24?
[Why anonymous? Because I don't want to expose myself as a goofball six months down the line when she is stalking her boyfriend!]
personally, I'd take it with the same meaning you meant by "smitten".
posted by Lucinda at 10:11 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Lucinda at 10:11 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
Did you text her that you loved her? I think that translates into English as "I love you too." Of course, when I send text messages, I use complete sentences, so I might not know what the hell I'm talking about.
posted by dortmunder at 10:11 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by dortmunder at 10:11 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
I've had complete strangers on the internet tell me that they "heart" me (<3) so I wouldn't take it too seriously. I think even text-crazy kids generally save the real first declaration in love for in person.
posted by Jacqueline at 10:12 AM on November 12, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by Jacqueline at 10:12 AM on November 12, 2009 [3 favorites]
Yeah, it is "I heart you". This does not mean "I love you". It means she likes you.
posted by Loto at 10:13 AM on November 12, 2009 [6 favorites]
posted by Loto at 10:13 AM on November 12, 2009 [6 favorites]
<3 is kind of just a nice display of affection that you can send to anyone you like to be around. Pretty sure she means "I feel the same way, happy to be dating you".
posted by amethysts at 10:13 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by amethysts at 10:13 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
In my understanding of kids today (and I just asked my 21-year-old niece), she meant it in the "smitten" way. "I heart you" (which is what <3 means) is not equal to "I love you."
posted by cooker girl at 10:14 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by cooker girl at 10:14 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
Relax, Romeo. I'm elegantly graying at the temples and know that "i <3 u 2" is most likely not an earnest admission.
posted by applemeat at 10:16 AM on November 12, 2009 [8 favorites]
posted by applemeat at 10:16 AM on November 12, 2009 [8 favorites]
I may not speak the language as well as someone younger (hell, MUCH younger), but if I'm going to communicate something significant to someone, I'm going to avoid 133t, or textspeak, or lolcat, or any other strange not-really language.
In other words, don't read too much into it, and it you want to know the truth about how she feels, you might want to ask her instead of us!
posted by HuronBob at 10:16 AM on November 12, 2009
In other words, don't read too much into it, and it you want to know the truth about how she feels, you might want to ask her instead of us!
posted by HuronBob at 10:16 AM on November 12, 2009
I have heard people SAY "I heart you." In actual spoken words. I'd take it with the same gravity as "smitten."
posted by jennyjenny at 10:16 AM on November 12, 2009
posted by jennyjenny at 10:16 AM on November 12, 2009
If Bable Fish had a "39 year old to 24 year old" translation option and you inputted "Wow, I am smitten with you!" you would probably get "i <3 u"
posted by Loser at 10:17 AM on November 12, 2009 [29 favorites]
posted by Loser at 10:17 AM on November 12, 2009 [29 favorites]
Nthing heart you, does not equal love you.
(I am so charmed by this thread.)
posted by typewriter at 10:22 AM on November 12, 2009 [3 favorites]
(I am so charmed by this thread.)
posted by typewriter at 10:22 AM on November 12, 2009 [3 favorites]
Well, I'm 28 and don't know exactly what it means either, though I think Lucinda has it (and no, I don't think it means "I love you," I think it means similar to what "smitten" means to you).
But if it is of any use, encouragement, help, [insert here] to know, the age difference between you and your sweetie is exactly the age difference between my sister (24, now 25) and her husband (39, 40 in July). So, don't fret the cultural divide too much!
posted by zizzle at 10:23 AM on November 12, 2009
But if it is of any use, encouragement, help, [insert here] to know, the age difference between you and your sweetie is exactly the age difference between my sister (24, now 25) and her husband (39, 40 in July). So, don't fret the cultural divide too much!
posted by zizzle at 10:23 AM on November 12, 2009
In this context, it was a cutesy way of saying "likewise!" Which is what I would have written back, because I don't think I even know where the < key is on my phone.
posted by anderjen at 10:24 AM on November 12, 2009
posted by anderjen at 10:24 AM on November 12, 2009
24 year old woman here! ditto "heart != "love" -- all she wants to do is return the same sentiment back to you.
i empathize with this problem. my 32 year old boyfriend doesn't know what i mean by "meh" and i had a hard time explaining it to him.
posted by anthropomorphic at 10:28 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
i empathize with this problem. my 32 year old boyfriend doesn't know what i mean by "meh" and i had a hard time explaining it to him.
posted by anthropomorphic at 10:28 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
The "2" gives it away really; you could pretty much ignore the actual contents of the rest of the message. She's saying that she feels the same way about you as you do about her. Score! ;)
But to reiterate what's been said above, people feel a hell of a lot easier saying they <3 you than that they love you. They may mean the same thing, but they don't "mean" the same thing...
posted by muteh at 10:32 AM on November 12, 2009 [2 favorites]
But to reiterate what's been said above, people feel a hell of a lot easier saying they <3 you than that they love you. They may mean the same thing, but they don't "mean" the same thing...
posted by muteh at 10:32 AM on November 12, 2009 [2 favorites]
If I'm going to communicate something significant to someone, I'm going to avoid 133t, or textspeak, or lolcat, or any other strange not-really language.
I would totally date someone who only spoke in lolcat, because cheeseburgers make for cheap dates and you just know she'd be adorable, right?
Nthing what everyone else said here, and adding that the fact the message ended with "u 2" should be enough for you to see that no matter what the verb, she was trying to return the same sentiment.
"I flobnar you too."
posted by rokusan at 10:33 AM on November 12, 2009 [7 favorites]
I would totally date someone who only spoke in lolcat, because cheeseburgers make for cheap dates and you just know she'd be adorable, right?
Nthing what everyone else said here, and adding that the fact the message ended with "u 2" should be enough for you to see that no matter what the verb, she was trying to return the same sentiment.
"I flobnar you too."
posted by rokusan at 10:33 AM on November 12, 2009 [7 favorites]
I have noticed that <3>
If she starts initiating messages along the lines of 'i <3 u' on a regular basis even when you haven't said something like that first, *that* I would take as a hint that she's ready to step up to the next level.
posted by larkspur at 10:36 AM on November 12, 2009
If she starts initiating messages along the lines of 'i <3 u' on a regular basis even when you haven't said something like that first, *that* I would take as a hint that she's ready to step up to the next level.
posted by larkspur at 10:36 AM on November 12, 2009
I have heard people SAY "I heart you." In actual spoken words. I'd take it with the same gravity as "smitten."
I'm one of those people who does actually say "I heart you" to friends. It's shorthand for "You're awesome and I love you but I'm not like, IN love with you."
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:36 AM on November 12, 2009 [3 favorites]
I'm one of those people who does actually say "I heart you" to friends. It's shorthand for "You're awesome and I love you but I'm not like, IN love with you."
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:36 AM on November 12, 2009 [3 favorites]
I would equate it with "xoxox". It means she likes you! But maybe isn't a full on confession of soul-consuming love. Enjoy it :)
posted by CharlesV42 at 10:56 AM on November 12, 2009
posted by CharlesV42 at 10:56 AM on November 12, 2009
You're fine, old man.* She digs you. You may proceed with your already scheduled grinning-like-an-idiot.
Now, had she responded with a simple "Heh" and nothing else, then I would start to wonder and worry.
* - Said from one only two years your younger.
posted by grabbingsand at 11:11 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
Now, had she responded with a simple "Heh" and nothing else, then I would start to wonder and worry.
* - Said from one only two years your younger.
posted by grabbingsand at 11:11 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
I think it means "right back at you big fella" in this case.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:16 AM on November 12, 2009
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:16 AM on November 12, 2009
She hearts you. This is not, as others have said, "a full-on confession of love."
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:17 AM on November 12, 2009
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:17 AM on November 12, 2009
I have heard people SAY "I heart you." In actual spoken words.
I'm 22, and I definitely say "I heart you" out loud. And I use the less-than-three shorthand pretty regularly, too. It doesn't mean LOVE love.
Haha. "Smitten."
posted by audacity at 11:33 AM on November 12, 2009 [4 favorites]
I'm 22, and I definitely say "I heart you" out loud. And I use the less-than-three shorthand pretty regularly, too. It doesn't mean LOVE love.
Haha. "Smitten."
posted by audacity at 11:33 AM on November 12, 2009 [4 favorites]
Some day you're going to tell her about this thread, and she'll tell you that she posted something on Reddit along the lines of, "I'm dating this older guy, and he used the word 'smitten.' What does that mean?"
posted by spilon at 11:33 AM on November 12, 2009 [14 favorites]
posted by spilon at 11:33 AM on November 12, 2009 [14 favorites]
I'm older than you, and would STILL consider someone who used the word "smitten" in conversation as a linguistic throwback. Get with the times, grandpa. At least up your game to the seventies or something and say "into you", for pete's sake.
"Smitten." Sheesh. Dork. :)
posted by Aquaman at 11:37 AM on November 12, 2009 [3 favorites]
"Smitten." Sheesh. Dork. :)
posted by Aquaman at 11:37 AM on November 12, 2009 [3 favorites]
I have heard people SAY "I heart you."
To be fair, these people also say "LOL" instead of laughing.
And I thought "smitten" was pretty charming. A girl doesn't date a 40 year old man for his hipsterism, after all.
posted by rokusan at 11:52 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
To be fair, these people also say "LOL" instead of laughing.
And I thought "smitten" was pretty charming. A girl doesn't date a 40 year old man for his hipsterism, after all.
posted by rokusan at 11:52 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
Also, be glad it was a <3 and not a ♠. I mean, really.
posted by heyho at 11:53 AM on November 12, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by heyho at 11:53 AM on November 12, 2009 [2 favorites]
I'm 45 and I say "I heart you." I also say "I heart its head" about things I like, inspired by the bumperstickers that proudly proclaim that the vehicle's driver hearts their dog's head.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:05 PM on November 12, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:05 PM on November 12, 2009 [2 favorites]
Also, be glad it was a <3>
Or a ♣. Unless you're into that kind of thing, of course.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:06 PM on November 12, 2009
Or a ♣. Unless you're into that kind of thing, of course.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:06 PM on November 12, 2009
Oh, lord, that didn't work.
"Also, be glad it was a <3>
Or a ♣. Unless you're into that kind of thing, of course.
>>>>>>>>
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:07 PM on November 12, 2009
"Also, be glad it was a <3>
Or a ♣. Unless you're into that kind of thing, of course.
>>>>>>>>
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:07 PM on November 12, 2009
23-year-old here, agree with "hearts you" rather than "luuuuuuuuvs you". Perhaps she was making a clever jab at your use of 'smitten' with her abbreviated text message speak. But probably not. Don't read too much into it.
I say 'heart' too, in a jokey way.
posted by amicamentis at 12:08 PM on November 12, 2009
I say 'heart' too, in a jokey way.
posted by amicamentis at 12:08 PM on November 12, 2009
my 32 year old boyfriend doesn't know what i mean by "meh" and i had a hard time explaining it to him.
Weird. I'm 33 and had to explain it to my 28 year old wife.
posted by electroboy at 12:12 PM on November 12, 2009
Weird. I'm 33 and had to explain it to my 28 year old wife.
posted by electroboy at 12:12 PM on November 12, 2009
my 32 year old boyfriend doesn't know what i mean by "meh" and i had a hard time explaining it to him.
I'm 32 and have most definitely known what "meh" has meant pretty much as far back as I can remember. I think that's less about your boyfriend's age and more about how he spends his time culturally.
Personally, I would find it charming if someone said he was smitten with me. I also have used "I heart (you/cheese/Jon Stewart/whatever)" in conversation, but I always write things out, even in texts, so I can see why you might have been unsure of her meaning. I think it's unanimous, you dig each other but no one is head over heel in love with other. . .yet. Enjoy!
posted by katemcd at 12:23 PM on November 12, 2009
I'm 32 and have most definitely known what "meh" has meant pretty much as far back as I can remember. I think that's less about your boyfriend's age and more about how he spends his time culturally.
Personally, I would find it charming if someone said he was smitten with me. I also have used "I heart (you/cheese/Jon Stewart/whatever)" in conversation, but I always write things out, even in texts, so I can see why you might have been unsure of her meaning. I think it's unanimous, you dig each other but no one is head over heel in love with other. . .yet. Enjoy!
posted by katemcd at 12:23 PM on November 12, 2009
Yes, she "hearts" you. She's smitten right back.
And wow, do I ever disagree with Aquaman. A guy once used "smitten" on me when I was just past 24 or thereabouts, and I totally <3ed him for it. Wasn't all that crazy long ago either.
posted by katillathehun at 12:27 PM on November 12, 2009
And wow, do I ever disagree with Aquaman. A guy once used "smitten" on me when I was just past 24 or thereabouts, and I totally <3ed him for it. Wasn't all that crazy long ago either.
posted by katillathehun at 12:27 PM on November 12, 2009
I wouldn't read too much into a professions of love via SMS messages, regardless of how well or poorly written they are. (I'm 29.)
posted by chunking express at 12:32 PM on November 12, 2009
posted by chunking express at 12:32 PM on November 12, 2009
i'm 28 and i totally use smitten. don't let anyone tell you to stop.
and yeah, she likes you in a doodling on paper sort of way, not (at least in this specific case) a picking out rings sort of way.
posted by nadawi at 12:39 PM on November 12, 2009
and yeah, she likes you in a doodling on paper sort of way, not (at least in this specific case) a picking out rings sort of way.
posted by nadawi at 12:39 PM on November 12, 2009
I'm 32....I was looking at that for a while thinking, "I is greater than 3 you two" what? what? oh, that's a heart. I'm not old.....or, at least, I thought I wasn't old. Shit.
On a serious note, she's not confessing her love to you via text. "I heart you too" is a cute way of saying she's into you too.
posted by fyrebelley at 12:44 PM on November 12, 2009
On a serious note, she's not confessing her love to you via text. "I heart you too" is a cute way of saying she's into you too.
posted by fyrebelley at 12:44 PM on November 12, 2009
I <3 the word "smitten".
posted by MuChao at 12:49 PM on November 12, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by MuChao at 12:49 PM on November 12, 2009 [4 favorites]
I smite the construction <3>
(Wait, is that not how it works?)
posted by kmz at 1:14 PM on November 12, 2009
(Wait, is that not how it works?)
posted by kmz at 1:14 PM on November 12, 2009
Heh. I'm 20. And I was SO used to people casually using <3>
I would take it as pretty much an exact return of your "smitten" message.
posted by lwb at 1:35 PM on November 12, 2009
I would take it as pretty much an exact return of your "smitten" message.
posted by lwb at 1:35 PM on November 12, 2009
Oops, I fail. ... "for everything from their good friends to vaguely-amusing characters from TV shows to new flavours of icecream, that I was totally shocked when my boyfriend told me that he had in fact been using 'I <3 you" to mean "I love you." But then, at least, there's at least one early-20's person who does use it that way!"
posted by lwb at 1:37 PM on November 12, 2009
posted by lwb at 1:37 PM on November 12, 2009
Forgive me for being the pedant, but the "u 2" part of it would drive me crazy. I don't demand that much, and I can forgive the occasional they're/their mix-up. But man, just make some words, already.
So I guess from your side, I'd be mildly annoyed and happy at the same time. And from her side, I think it's just a nice schmoopy response.
But seriously? "You COMMA too." Cellphones predict words. It's not that much more work, and it actually makes it seem like you mean it.
posted by lauranesson at 1:40 PM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
So I guess from your side, I'd be mildly annoyed and happy at the same time. And from her side, I think it's just a nice schmoopy response.
But seriously? "You COMMA too." Cellphones predict words. It's not that much more work, and it actually makes it seem like you mean it.
posted by lauranesson at 1:40 PM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
This is sweet and made me smile. I hope it made you smile too, Anonymous. Keep on textin', you smitten kitten. She hearts you, yeah, yeah, yeah. ;]
Anecdata: I am 27, my wife is 29, and the inside of her wedding ring reads <3, Cupcake. So I'm biased on this subject.
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:44 PM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
Anecdata: I am 27, my wife is 29, and the inside of her wedding ring reads <3, Cupcake. So I'm biased on this subject.
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:44 PM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
Agreed with everyone that she digs you. She's just being sweet.
On the other hand, many of the late 30s men in this thread probably h8 you right now. ;-)
posted by Pufferish at 1:58 PM on November 12, 2009
On the other hand, many of the late 30s men in this thread probably h8 you right now. ;-)
posted by Pufferish at 1:58 PM on November 12, 2009
<3>
I really really wouldn't read too much into it. And don't say smitten. As you were writing this askme she was probably texting her friends going "omg what is smitten supposed to mean?!?!?"
posted by whoaali at 2:24 PM on November 12, 2009
I really really wouldn't read too much into it. And don't say smitten. As you were writing this askme she was probably texting her friends going "omg what is smitten supposed to mean?!?!?"
posted by whoaali at 2:24 PM on November 12, 2009
I've had trouble interpreting the same symbol, and when I was 24 myself. I try to keep in mind that <3, luv, lurve, etc. are definitely not, in general, the same as big-L Love.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 2:48 PM on November 12, 2009
posted by solipsophistocracy at 2:48 PM on November 12, 2009
Sigh, I should have escaped. This is how my comment should have read:
27 year old female. We use <3 for a surprisingly large range of meanings, including actual love. I have texted <3 to my boyfriend and I assure you I am in love with him. The clearest indicator is that she wrote "i <3 u 2". She is returning the same level of sentiment that you sent her. When/if she actually falls in love with you and wants to say it, the first time is not going to be over text in shorthand of any kind.
posted by asciident at 2:49 PM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
27 year old female. We use <3 for a surprisingly large range of meanings, including actual love. I have texted <3 to my boyfriend and I assure you I am in love with him. The clearest indicator is that she wrote "i <3 u 2". She is returning the same level of sentiment that you sent her. When/if she actually falls in love with you and wants to say it, the first time is not going to be over text in shorthand of any kind.
posted by asciident at 2:49 PM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
Hopefully your relationship will level up at some point and you can unlock the secret bonus abilities.
24 seems old to be using <3, but I am an old man so take it with a grain of salt.
posted by mecran01 at 3:31 PM on November 12, 2009
24 seems old to be using <3, but I am an old man so take it with a grain of salt.
posted by mecran01 at 3:31 PM on November 12, 2009
Umm, is it still "heart" when there's an extra greater-than sign at the end? I understood <3 but <3> keeps showing up in this thread and has me confused. I heart you with a party hat on top?
For anonymous's future reference, assuming the relationship progresses... I have seen some younger friends on facebook using things like <<<<<3 to indicate "really really really like". Kind of like how lololol is just an exaggeration of how hard someone's laughing, not that they're laughing out loud out loud out loud.
Any yeah, I agree that she is smitten with you too, and you should keep up with the use of "smitten".
posted by vytae at 3:32 PM on November 12, 2009
For anonymous's future reference, assuming the relationship progresses... I have seen some younger friends on facebook using things like <<<<<3 to indicate "really really really like". Kind of like how lololol is just an exaggeration of how hard someone's laughing, not that they're laughing out loud out loud out loud.
Any yeah, I agree that she is smitten with you too, and you should keep up with the use of "smitten".
posted by vytae at 3:32 PM on November 12, 2009
I think the <3> is it reading it as some sort of html because it replaced about 2 sentences i had with that for some reason. Very odd.
posted by whoaali at 4:51 PM on November 12, 2009
posted by whoaali at 4:51 PM on November 12, 2009
How long has <3>
Those liking the word 'smitten' should know it's also a shared mitten.
posted by Rash at 10:48 PM on November 12, 2009
Those liking the word 'smitten' should know it's also a shared mitten.
posted by Rash at 10:48 PM on November 12, 2009
My question is why would you profess your nascent lurv for this chick if you weren't expecting some kind of similarly intense statement of feeling back. I know you have some elaborate interpretation of 'smitten' vs "love" in your brain but you can't expect her to parse your text messages like a PHD candidate in you. Don't be a heart tease.
That said, this was a perfect response. As usual, the lady wins any game of Intriguingly Vague.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:10 PM on November 13, 2009
That said, this was a perfect response. As usual, the lady wins any game of Intriguingly Vague.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:10 PM on November 13, 2009
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posted by Lucinda at 10:10 AM on November 12, 2009 [5 favorites]