Definition: Experience you must experience?

October 29, 2009 8:20 AM

What is the word for an experience that you have to live through in order to fully understand or appreciate, such as having a child or parenting? My Google-Fu is failing me. Thanks!
posted by mcarthey to Writing & Language (32 answers total)

one word would be a trial (though I feel this typically has bad connotations) or perhaps a test.
posted by bottlebrushtree at 8:24 AM on October 29, 2009

formative experience
posted by Jaltcoh at 8:28 AM on October 29, 2009

Is it something like a crucible?
posted by amethysts at 8:29 AM on October 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

There is in Chinese, 体会(tǐhuì), and having translated it from various contexts many times over the years, have never found a one-word English equivalent, so I'd say there isn't one (in common parlance at least) but would be interested to be proved wrong.
posted by Abiezer at 8:29 AM on October 29, 2009

An epiphany?
posted by Lafe at 8:30 AM on October 29, 2009

Life-changing, life-altering? See here, maybe, for other examples?
posted by carter at 8:34 AM on October 29, 2009

I refer to this sort of thing as a "frame of reference".

"People without children don't have the same frame of reference as people with children."
"Men have no frame of reference for understanding what it's like to be pregnant."

I like that phrase because it doesn't convey any sort of value judgment or failing on the part of the people who haven't had the experience in question.
posted by DWRoelands at 8:39 AM on October 29, 2009 [4 favorites]

Response by poster: I'm not speaking of something that happened in the past, such as a formative experience, but something that you've yet to live through. As an example, you can read all the books you'd like about how to raise a child but until you've done it you cannot truly understand.
I believe there is a single word for this, but it escapes me.
Thanks
posted by mcarthey at 8:39 AM on October 29, 2009

A rite of passage, maybe?
posted by Cygnet at 8:40 AM on October 29, 2009

in English, we say that some things causes or requires a paradigm shift.
posted by 256 at 8:44 AM on October 29, 2009

Maybe a milestone? I like rite of passage too.
posted by 2bucksplus at 8:46 AM on October 29, 2009

There is no word for this.
posted by meadowlark lime at 8:46 AM on October 29, 2009

You said it in your title. The word is experience. It shouldn't matter whether it has or has not happened. You have not yet had the experience of having a child. I have had the experience of having children.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:47 AM on October 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

i'd actually like to rescind my answer because while the concept of a paradigm is related, it's not quite what you're getting at.

i think "crucible" is the best suggestion so far.
posted by 256 at 8:47 AM on October 29, 2009

Experiential - pertaining to or derived from experience?
posted by jasondigitized at 8:49 AM on October 29, 2009

Best answer: Also see Experiential Learning
posted by jasondigitized at 8:50 AM on October 29, 2009

Heurism?
posted by protorp at 8:56 AM on October 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

What's the word for when you think there's a single word for something but there isn't really?

Rite of passage comes closest, I think.
posted by ottereroticist at 8:57 AM on October 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

Rings of Fire
posted by watercarrier at 9:04 AM on October 29, 2009

Response by poster: @jasondigitized: While your answer didn't give me the ah-ha! moment I was hoping for, I think that's the best answer and I'd give you bonus points for linking it to Dewey and Piaget! Nice!

@ottereroticist: Very funny! ;)

Thanks all!
posted by mcarthey at 9:05 AM on October 29, 2009

As an example, you can read all the books you'd like about how to raise a child but until you've done it you cannot truly understand.

In a strict sense, I'd question your implication this applies so a sub-class of experiences such as having a child. It applies exactly as much to eating a bagel or using a pencil sharpener, also. So if you want to look for some kind of word that distinguishes between experiences such as parenting and experiences such as bagel-eating, I wouldn't focus on the notion of direct experience versus "book-reading". What really distinguishes child-rearing from bagel-eating is a widespread belief about the degree to which it changes you, not about the degree to which you can only learn about it by doing it.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 9:13 AM on October 29, 2009 [6 favorites]

Trial by fire?
posted by mareli at 9:20 AM on October 29, 2009

Response by poster: @game warden: That's an excellent point. Perhaps I should have revised my original question since that is, perhaps, exactly the thing that I am looking for. Thanks so much for clarifying!
posted by mcarthey at 9:21 AM on October 29, 2009

Empathy? Although I don't think it's universally defined this way, I was taught that empathy is a deeper sympathy that you've come to achieve through personal experience. (See the examples the author provided at the end)

Although not very sexy, "appreciation" seems to fit the bill too.
posted by TimeTravelSpeed at 9:38 AM on October 29, 2009

In a strict sense, I'd question your implication this applies so a sub-class of experiences such as having a child. It applies exactly as much to eating a bagel or using a pencil sharpener, also. So if you want to look for some kind of word that distinguishes between experiences such as parenting and experiences such as bagel-eating, I wouldn't focus on the notion of direct experience versus "book-reading". What really distinguishes child-rearing from bagel-eating is a widespread belief about the degree to which it changes you, not about the degree to which you can only learn about it by doing it.

It has a lot to do with uniqueness of the experience. A bagel is chewy circular bread. A pencil sharpener is a machine similar to dozens of others. Having a child is unique. Having a loved one die is unique. Falling in love is unique. I assume finding god is pretty crazy, too. Those experiences give you something so new that it reconfigures your basic understanding of everything.

In that sense, transformative might be a way to describe them.

Some experiences are like combining flavors you've already tasted, while others are like being given taste buds that are sensitive to something you've never been able to sense before.
posted by paanta at 9:38 AM on October 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

Are you thinking of qualia?
posted by redfoxtail at 9:53 AM on October 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

It has a lot to do with uniqueness of the experience. A bagel is chewy circular bread. A pencil sharpener is a machine similar to dozens of others. Having a child is unique. Having a loved one die is unique. Falling in love is unique. I assume finding god is pretty crazy, too. Those experiences give you something so new that it reconfigures your basic understanding of everything.

Well, yes and no. To say that a bagel is "chewy circular bread" is just to postpone the issue by likening it to another experience — "eating bread" — that, if never before experienced, is ultimately just as indescribable as having a child. (You could just as easily say that having a child is somewhat like having your previous child.) Transformative is the point here, but that refers to the degree to which you are changed by the experience, not its "uniqueness".
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 10:13 AM on October 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

A visceral experience?
posted by pipti at 12:56 PM on October 29, 2009

Initiation?
posted by Sublimity at 1:07 PM on October 29, 2009

anti-vicarious?
posted by at at 4:24 PM on October 29, 2009

liminal?
posted by chickadee at 7:27 PM on October 29, 2009

"ineffable" captures the idea of an experience that can't really be described to others, but I'm not sure if you also want the sense of "transformative", in which case I don't think there is a single word out there.
posted by crocomancer at 2:17 AM on October 30, 2009