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October 25, 2009 5:34 PM Subscribe
Is depression just unhappiness you can't be bothered dealing with?
I'm finding myself quite unsympathetic towards people who describe themselves as 'depressed'. Most of the time I just want to say 'stop being unfit and lazy, stop feeling sorry for yourself, get off your ass and do something other than sitting in your house watching TV and crying in my damned ear!'
I do understand that clinical depression is a very real and very serious illness. What is the difference between depression and unhappiness?
It seems that unhappiness is your own responsibility, but depression becomes everybody else's.
I'm finding myself quite unsympathetic towards people who describe themselves as 'depressed'. Most of the time I just want to say 'stop being unfit and lazy, stop feeling sorry for yourself, get off your ass and do something other than sitting in your house watching TV and crying in my damned ear!'
I do understand that clinical depression is a very real and very serious illness. What is the difference between depression and unhappiness?
It seems that unhappiness is your own responsibility, but depression becomes everybody else's.
This post was deleted for the following reason: you're going to have to come back when you can ask this question differently. -- jessamyn
You might want to check out Wikipedia, a lot of scientists have covered this!
posted by johngoren at 5:41 PM on October 25, 2009
posted by johngoren at 5:41 PM on October 25, 2009
Clinical depression is not just a negative emotion. It affects thinking, memory, and has actual physical effects on the human body. Sometimes it doesn't even manifest as sadness but instead as a blankness and a tiredness....you feel as if life is a herculean task and that you are literally walking through jello.
Having said that, there is a lot to be said for what I would call good mental hygeine-choosing not to dwell on bad things, choosing not to "awfulize", etc. but for someone with a real chemical imbalance, that will NOT fix it.
You wouldn't expect a person with a broken leg to run a marathon, and in many cases you shouldn't expect a depressed person to "snap out of it." That is needlessly cruel.
That having been said, whining never made me feel better either and I tried very hard to avoid it when I was struggling. But that didn't make the pain go away either.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 5:48 PM on October 25, 2009 [3 favorites]
Having said that, there is a lot to be said for what I would call good mental hygeine-choosing not to dwell on bad things, choosing not to "awfulize", etc. but for someone with a real chemical imbalance, that will NOT fix it.
You wouldn't expect a person with a broken leg to run a marathon, and in many cases you shouldn't expect a depressed person to "snap out of it." That is needlessly cruel.
That having been said, whining never made me feel better either and I tried very hard to avoid it when I was struggling. But that didn't make the pain go away either.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 5:48 PM on October 25, 2009 [3 favorites]
I do understand that clinical depression is a very real and very serious illness.>>
No you don't. Would you say the same of someone who had cancer? That they should just stop feeling sorry for themselves and get off their asses?
Yeah, didn't think so.
posted by FlyByDay at 5:49 PM on October 25, 2009 [1 favorite]
No you don't. Would you say the same of someone who had cancer? That they should just stop feeling sorry for themselves and get off their asses?
Yeah, didn't think so.
posted by FlyByDay at 5:49 PM on October 25, 2009 [1 favorite]
All of your suggestions help the symptoms of depression for sure. But the lack of inclination to do any of those things (because it's pointless, futile, certain to fail, etc.) comes from chemical imbalances that affect a person's perceptions of the world around them.
If you've got pent up anger at a person who's depressed (guessing from the title), then just kindly set some boundaries. List the suggestions you already have; recommend therapy; then say, "Look, you know I love you, but I can't keep trying to help you if you're not willing to listen. I'll help you take care of yourself, but doing nothing for yourself isn't helping anyone. Call me when there's something I can actually do and I will be happy to help you." Check out other support resources, too because your sanity is just as important.
posted by motsque at 5:50 PM on October 25, 2009
If you've got pent up anger at a person who's depressed (guessing from the title), then just kindly set some boundaries. List the suggestions you already have; recommend therapy; then say, "Look, you know I love you, but I can't keep trying to help you if you're not willing to listen. I'll help you take care of yourself, but doing nothing for yourself isn't helping anyone. Call me when there's something I can actually do and I will be happy to help you." Check out other support resources, too because your sanity is just as important.
posted by motsque at 5:50 PM on October 25, 2009
(PS I have worked out for years, to include periods of time when depressed. It is incredibly, incredibly hard to make yourself exercise when you are depressed, and if I hadn't already developed it as a habit it is likely I would have been unable to do it. As much as I always recommend exercise to depressed people know that if they are past a certain point it might be difficult to impossible to implement.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 5:51 PM on October 25, 2009
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 5:51 PM on October 25, 2009
Yours is a moral approach to depression, which was pretty much rejected by the invention of psychology in the 19th century.
What is the difference between depression and unhappiness?
Unhappiness is a feeling. Depression is a mental illness.
It seems that unhappiness is your own responsibility, but depression becomes everybody else's.
Well, now we're getting somewhere. It could be said that depression is the definition of when unhappiness begins to affect one's outward, social life. (Substitute "alcoholism" and "drinking" and you will probably agree.) So if you turn your question around, one sees that when one's unhappiness becomes "everybody else's" problem, one is almost certainly clinically depressed.
posted by dhartung at 5:53 PM on October 25, 2009 [2 favorites]
What is the difference between depression and unhappiness?
Unhappiness is a feeling. Depression is a mental illness.
It seems that unhappiness is your own responsibility, but depression becomes everybody else's.
Well, now we're getting somewhere. It could be said that depression is the definition of when unhappiness begins to affect one's outward, social life. (Substitute "alcoholism" and "drinking" and you will probably agree.) So if you turn your question around, one sees that when one's unhappiness becomes "everybody else's" problem, one is almost certainly clinically depressed.
posted by dhartung at 5:53 PM on October 25, 2009 [2 favorites]
Unhappiness is something you have; depression is something that has you.
This is how someone I know distinguishes between unhappiness and depression, and I've always found it very helpful.
I am, thankfully, not afflicted with depression but have had bouts of medication-related depression. When you're depressed, there's nothing you can do about it because there's nothing making you unhappy, or at least nothing so bad that it justifies how you feel. On the other hand, unhappy can be fixed fairly easily, perhaps even by getting "off your ass and do something other than sitting in your house watching TV and crying in my damned ear".
posted by DrGail at 5:54 PM on October 25, 2009 [3 favorites]
This is how someone I know distinguishes between unhappiness and depression, and I've always found it very helpful.
I am, thankfully, not afflicted with depression but have had bouts of medication-related depression. When you're depressed, there's nothing you can do about it because there's nothing making you unhappy, or at least nothing so bad that it justifies how you feel. On the other hand, unhappy can be fixed fairly easily, perhaps even by getting "off your ass and do something other than sitting in your house watching TV and crying in my damned ear".
posted by DrGail at 5:54 PM on October 25, 2009 [3 favorites]
What is the difference between depression and unhappiness?
One of them will kill you.
I don't mean to be overly pointed, but you've touched upon a subject that is near to many people's life experiences here and you're treating it very callously which is going to upset people. I'm not sure if by your title you're implying that you're close to someone who has depression and you're having a hard time dealing with it, but you come across as someone who really not only can't conceptualize what depression might be (despite you saying you understand its an illness) but for some reason it's frustrating you.
The easiest thing I could suggest that might get your head around it -- besides all the other terrific resources that people will point to -- is to have you read David Foster Wallace's short story "The Depressed Person" which was something I thought was unusually unkind to depressed people when I first read it. It takes on an entirely new meaning when you realize that notonly was it basically autobiographical, full of loathing and unpleasantness, but that it was written by an incredibly gifted and talented writer whose depression was so great that he saw no other way to get out from under it than to take his own life. And he had a good support network, people who cared about him etc.
Sure, it's tough being supportive to someone who is depressed. It's important to take care of yourself. That said, unhappiness is pretty much a temporary emotion that is situationally appropriate and depression basically isn't.
posted by jessamyn at 5:54 PM on October 25, 2009 [10 favorites]
One of them will kill you.
I don't mean to be overly pointed, but you've touched upon a subject that is near to many people's life experiences here and you're treating it very callously which is going to upset people. I'm not sure if by your title you're implying that you're close to someone who has depression and you're having a hard time dealing with it, but you come across as someone who really not only can't conceptualize what depression might be (despite you saying you understand its an illness) but for some reason it's frustrating you.
The easiest thing I could suggest that might get your head around it -- besides all the other terrific resources that people will point to -- is to have you read David Foster Wallace's short story "The Depressed Person" which was something I thought was unusually unkind to depressed people when I first read it. It takes on an entirely new meaning when you realize that notonly was it basically autobiographical, full of loathing and unpleasantness, but that it was written by an incredibly gifted and talented writer whose depression was so great that he saw no other way to get out from under it than to take his own life. And he had a good support network, people who cared about him etc.
Sure, it's tough being supportive to someone who is depressed. It's important to take care of yourself. That said, unhappiness is pretty much a temporary emotion that is situationally appropriate and depression basically isn't.
posted by jessamyn at 5:54 PM on October 25, 2009 [10 favorites]
I've been unhappy. You've been unhappy. I think we understand unhappiness.
In my case, depression was considerably different. I lost about 15 pounds (that I didn't really need or want to lose); it made me quite gaunt and boney. My eyes sunk back in my head and I had seemingly permanent black circles around them. I didn't want to get out of bed because I had NO motivation. I didn't want to talk to anyone, or do anything about my problem... I simply wanted to be alone to wallow in my misery. I didn't eat, only bathed when I couldn't stand myself, and slept about 15 hours a day.
Screw that.
posted by netbros at 5:56 PM on October 25, 2009
In my case, depression was considerably different. I lost about 15 pounds (that I didn't really need or want to lose); it made me quite gaunt and boney. My eyes sunk back in my head and I had seemingly permanent black circles around them. I didn't want to get out of bed because I had NO motivation. I didn't want to talk to anyone, or do anything about my problem... I simply wanted to be alone to wallow in my misery. I didn't eat, only bathed when I couldn't stand myself, and slept about 15 hours a day.
Screw that.
posted by netbros at 5:56 PM on October 25, 2009
It is an actual medical condition. Here's an explanation in comic form which may be easier to understand than text and oral explanations.
posted by ignignokt at 5:57 PM on October 25, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by ignignokt at 5:57 PM on October 25, 2009 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
No.
posted by b33j at 5:40 PM on October 25, 2009