Help me stop helping my coworkers

October 21, 2009 9:37 AM

I'm a PM on a rather small-ish team and am currently in the position of being the most senior on the team in terms of knowing how our process works, but not the most senior person in terms of title (i.e. I am not the boss, but have one full-time PC and a temp PM that often turn to me with questions, including my boss who seems to either not want to learn our process or just doesn't seem to "get it").

I love helping, and if I'm completely honest, it also makes me feel a bit important and valued to be the "go to person" or the one that can help solve the problems and provide guidance on what the best next step would be.

Lately, however, I'm feeling that I have now assumed the role of "enabler", for both my boss and my coworkers, and would appreciate any tips you could provide about ways you have politely demonstrated you are still willing to be supportive, but need others to step up, bite the bullet and make their own decisions and be more self-sufficient.

One of my coworkers, for example, is very nice and sweet, however this often manifests itself as relying on others to make decisions for her or not sticking up for herself/pushing back on others. I don't want to throw her to the wolves, but also think that she needs to learn to develop a bit more of her own opinions and be a little more proactive.

(This all of course does not mean I am not without my faults, as I too have had to practice my assertiveness, and have also felt that I have asked too many questions of my superiors in the past, or at least have gotten the feeling that I might be asking too many questions. I would like to find a method that 1) shows I am willing to help, but 2) would like them to put in the effort first.)

Thanks in advance for your help!

posted by Ham_On_Rye to Work & Money (3 answers total)

Best answer: Stop providing them with answers, then, and start providing them with questions instead. If you don't want all the answers to come from you, then teach them to find the answers themselves.

"Hey, Ham, do you think we should use Foo or Bar for this project?"

"I don't know. Have you drawn up some selection criteria for the project and analysed Foo vs Bar?"

"Umm, no..."

"OK well, I'd start there. Let me know what your recommendation turns out to be."

"But what would the selection criteria be?"

"I'm not sure. If you wanted to draft that list, I'd be happy to go over it with you, though!"
posted by DarlingBri at 10:05 AM on October 21, 2009

What DarliingBri said. Don't give them answers, give them hints as to a possible decisionmaking process. Teach a man to fish, and all that.
posted by rhizome at 12:43 PM on October 21, 2009

Best answer: There's something to be said for giving your manager opportunities to manage.

I agree with DarlingBri in principle, but not in terms of her examples. Don't take an attitude of "have you done your part yet?" but rather, take an attitude of "Gosh darn it, our process seems to have a bottleneck, and I'm just not sure what to do about it. I keep writing all these reports, but then nobody seems to have the time to process them before they're due. Should I slow down and pace myself so I'm not overwhelming co-worker X?"

And then allow the idea to dawn on your boss that here is the opportunity to demonstrate that he actually does something. Plus, you will have also positioned yourself in his mind as someone he can trust to alert him to such opportunities without making him look bad.
posted by bingo at 12:58 PM on October 21, 2009 [1 favorite]