Tired of all the cliche's
October 16, 2009 7:39 AM   Subscribe

Harry and I got married when I was 42. Ours was a rocky relationship at its worst and absolutely riveting at its best. Even today the passion we share and yes, even the fights we occasionally have are intense, but all the laughter, that is what kept us together. We are sharing our 25th wedding anniversary on our wedding day this December. We are writing vows and I wanted to know what are the little things in relationships that made you love someone the most? I feel like all the things I want to say are cliche I need inspiration. I don't want to disappoint him.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (13 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

I think the sweetest thing I ever heard my dad say occurred one day when we were riding back from a family event --- I was home from college for winter break. We were talking about regrets and things not done, relationships breaking up, people who drift in and out of lives etc., and my dad leaned over to my mom and said in this voice that sounded really reflective but also regretful, "If I could go back and do it all over again," pause, "I would" with a big, goofy, teenager-in-love look on his face. And that was it. No regrets, no changes he would have made through at that point twenty-three years of marriage. Just nothing but he'd do it again.

It was just a nice, simple moment between them with no fanfare in the car with their cynical-home-from-college-eye-rolling-daughter in the back seat. I've become a lot sappier as I've gotten older, which I think may be a good thing.

And whether it sounds cliche as you write them down, if the words are from the heart and felt as deeply as you seem to be feeling them, they'll sound just right. (And yes, that is cliche. But it's also true.)
posted by zizzle at 7:52 AM on October 16, 2009

You're ahead of us in the game, we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary next month. For me, my wife makes me a better person. I'm not talking about improving me like a project or fixer-upper, but just by being with her I'm a better version of me - more forgiving, more tolerant, less cynical (and heaven knows I cling to my cynicism like a drowning man to a life ring). I smile and laugh more when I'm with her, she gets who I am and just plain makes me happy.

It is the little things that bind us: shared jokes, thoughtful acts, the shorthand of a relationship that builds up over time. I like waking up and watching her sleep, hearing her sing in the shower, talk to the cat, humming whilst she works. All cliches, but as zizzle says, if it's true, say it.

Excuse me, I have to go call my wife :o)
posted by arcticseal at 8:13 AM on October 16, 2009 [8 favorites]

...absolutely riveting...

...the passion..

...we share...


...all the laughter...

...that is what kept us together...

... 25th wedding anniversary...

Based on what you've written, you have plenty of things to say. They may sound cliched to you, but to him they are piercingly sweet and moving because it's from the person he shares this passion with.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:15 AM on October 16, 2009

I love that my partner is always wanting to make me tea. At first, being the over-independent person that I am, I thought it was because he thought I couldn't be trusted to stop what I was doing and get it myself. The truth is, of course, that I'm horribly forgetful about stuff like that and really can't be trusted to get that cuppa I'm subconsciously craving. It's so nice when my fingers are numb from the cold and typing, and there he is, bringing me a steaming mug.

(Not quite related to your question, but we wrote our own vows for our wedding and were equally worried about being cliched. Neither of us were at all disappointed with the other's efforts. No matter what you write, it's immensely sweet to know that your SO wrote something just for you. I [finally!] wrote something I was happy with after being inspired to start with, 'You are my favourite person', which just seemed to feel exactly like what I wanted to say.)
posted by brambory at 8:22 AM on October 16, 2009

I always get a smile inside when my partner and I are simply watching TV and something makes him laugh... he just turns his head looking at me and makes a big goofy smile as he's laughing. For some reason him just turning to smile at me as he's enjoying something always endears me to him even more. Dunno why. Maybe it's the sharing of a moment together?
posted by matty at 8:53 AM on October 16, 2009

+1 to matty. My sweetie has a particular way of laughing (more eye crinkles or something) when he's laughing AT ME that just melts my heart.

Also: It's his job to get bats, mice, and weird bugs out of the house, and he always does it without disparaging my feminist credibility. What's better than that?
posted by scratch at 8:56 AM on October 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

Seconding Brandon Blatcher. Doesn't sound like you really need the hive mind's help here!
posted by freem at 8:56 AM on October 16, 2009

I agree with Brandon. When two people share a connection like yours the love doesn't feel or sound cliche at all. Congratulations! Perhaps you could think of several times through out the relationship when he did or said something that wow'd you and mention those. You two are so blessed/lucky. One time when I was married years ago my husband at the time knew I was depressed because I was pregnant and feeling unattractive. He went to work and when I woke up on the pillow was a beautiful postcard, when I turned it over it said "you are simply beautiful" that is all...his desire to make me feel better made me feel very loved.
posted by gypseefire at 9:09 AM on October 16, 2009

the little things you do together
posted by hortense at 9:48 AM on October 16, 2009

He can finish my sentences and thoughts. If I'm thinking something, but don't say it, he almost always makes a remark that matches my thoughts exactly. If he's grasping for a way to explain something, I can always help him out. The ability to know someone so well, without even thinking about it, is one of my favorite parts of long-term relationships.
posted by caveat at 10:23 AM on October 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

Mr. WanKenobi and I just got married. I found writing my vows in the following format helpful:
"Mr. WanKenobi, I love you because . . ." (this, I repeated three times, filling it with specific things I love about him)
"Because I love you, I promise to . . ."
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 3:49 PM on October 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

I know that no matter what I do, my partner will not stop loving me. I can be grumpy, miserable, stressed, we can fight, and my partner will still love me (even if he's angry too).

I love that he loves my jokes. I even love that he pretends that my puns are painful (but really, they're fantastic).

I enjoy the fact that he thinks I'm one of the most intelligent women on the planet, and certainly the smartest woman he's ever met, and capable of anything I choose. (It's a little annoying sometimes when I'm struggling with something and he has this unwavering faith that I will find a way to make it work, but also touching).

I can't imagine us going through more difficult times than we did in the first 10 years of our marriage, but I can imagine him standing there beside me, being willing to fight for our relationship.

Sometimes when someone else asks a question, we answer together with the exact same words.

We've been together about 20 years. (Thank you for this random opportunity to practice gratitude for my relationship. It's not perfect, but looking at the goodness in it certainly beats jonesing for Clooney).
posted by b33j at 4:15 PM on October 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh, and PhoBWanKenobi reminded me of our vows. We promised to try to respect each other. I think we've done that. I don't think anyone respects me like he does, and vice versa.
posted by b33j at 4:16 PM on October 16, 2009

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