My roommate's drug habit is affecting me adversely...
December 22, 2004 8:59 PM Subscribe
In what gentle manner have you informed a roommate that his/her chemically affected behavior is affecting you? More inside.
Response by poster: [MI] My otherwise perfect roommate made a big error today because of weed use: I was locked out of our apartment. I frankly don't care how much weed anyone smokes (and I love my wine), but fucking up on this little level is unacceptable. What is the best and gentlest way to say this? This is the first time my roommate has screwed up big-time, but it makes me wary.
posted by goofyfoot at 9:16 PM on December 22, 2004
posted by goofyfoot at 9:16 PM on December 22, 2004
Response by poster: Crash, no; I was trying to rid my post of gender-specific pronouns. For some reason.
posted by goofyfoot at 9:18 PM on December 22, 2004
posted by goofyfoot at 9:18 PM on December 22, 2004
And here I thought the long wait was due to you being chemically altered.
I don't think getting locked out once is a big deal. Nothing else happened?
posted by Salmonberry at 9:20 PM on December 22, 2004
I don't think getting locked out once is a big deal. Nothing else happened?
posted by Salmonberry at 9:20 PM on December 22, 2004
I think locked out of the apartment falls under "small time", not "big time", especially since you said it's the first time. I think pretty much everyone has ended up locked out of the house at one time or another, and I'm sure not all of it was due to recreational enhancements.
However, you may just want to sit down with said roomie and let ... it .... know that you were inconvenienced and ask the roomie to please be more cautious in the future.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:21 PM on December 22, 2004
However, you may just want to sit down with said roomie and let ... it .... know that you were inconvenienced and ask the roomie to please be more cautious in the future.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:21 PM on December 22, 2004
Response by poster: Yeah, it's small time, but it inconvenienced me bigtime. And roommate knows not to lock the door this way. It was the marijuana that make roommate fuck up, so I ask again: how have you told someone it's affecting not just their life, but others as well?
posted by goofyfoot at 9:38 PM on December 22, 2004
posted by goofyfoot at 9:38 PM on December 22, 2004
I think "It's affecting not just your life, but others lives as well." sums it up pretty nicely.
posted by esch at 9:55 PM on December 22, 2004
posted by esch at 9:55 PM on December 22, 2004
If this is the first time it's affected you this adversely, then I say let this one slide, while still letting your roommate know it wasn't appreciated in the least, and/or smacking him/her upside the head.
posted by angry modem at 10:01 PM on December 22, 2004
posted by angry modem at 10:01 PM on December 22, 2004
"Dude/ette, I really don't care how much weed you smoke, or when. What I do care about is when it leaves me locked outside. So, can we make a deal? Please don't do that again, and I won't mention it again."
If it does happen again, revisit the rules about having such things in the house. If it happens again after that, revisit having the roommate in the house.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:01 PM on December 22, 2004
If it does happen again, revisit the rules about having such things in the house. If it happens again after that, revisit having the roommate in the house.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:01 PM on December 22, 2004
Response by poster: Those are some good suggestions, so thank you all.
[Even angry_modem, who I still don't forgive for that stupid and nasty stunt he pulled on MoFi.]
posted by goofyfoot at 10:15 PM on December 22, 2004
[Even angry_modem, who I still don't forgive for that stupid and nasty stunt he pulled on MoFi.]
posted by goofyfoot at 10:15 PM on December 22, 2004
well, i'd say something like "hey, moron, i ended up beng locked out of the room because of your stupid f*cking drugs" and glare at him/her a bit. i don't think tact is particularly necessary in this case. what more were you thinking of?
posted by andrew cooke at 2:39 AM on December 23, 2004
posted by andrew cooke at 2:39 AM on December 23, 2004
I'm confused why having a roommate accidentally lock you out of the apartment makes you want him to stop taking drugs. It sounds like you have a problem with him locking you out, so you should just deal with that. If he locked you out because he was talking to someone on his cellphone at the time and his mind slipped, would you ask him to stop using his cellphone?
Is it possible you just don't like his drug use and you're using the locked out thing as an excuse to talk to him about it? Because if so, I think you'll need to approach this a whole different way.
posted by turaho at 7:17 AM on December 23, 2004
Is it possible you just don't like his drug use and you're using the locked out thing as an excuse to talk to him about it? Because if so, I think you'll need to approach this a whole different way.
posted by turaho at 7:17 AM on December 23, 2004
I agree with turaho. It seems much more like a genuine accident that you're blaming on the drugs. If it was most other drugs, I could probably see it, but unless he's getting some unbelievable weed, I doubt that alone caused him to lock you out of the apartment.
You say you don't care about your roommate's use, but you seem very angry about something that most people do at some point in their lives even without drugs being involved. If your roommate is truly otherwise perfect, then this is indeed NOT a big deal.
I would come up with a back-up plan if I were you. Perhaps entrust a copy of your keys to a nearby friend or neighbor so you'll be easily able to reenter if it happens again. Who knows, next time it might be you doing it after you've had one glass of wine.
posted by lynda at 8:14 AM on December 23, 2004
You say you don't care about your roommate's use, but you seem very angry about something that most people do at some point in their lives even without drugs being involved. If your roommate is truly otherwise perfect, then this is indeed NOT a big deal.
I would come up with a back-up plan if I were you. Perhaps entrust a copy of your keys to a nearby friend or neighbor so you'll be easily able to reenter if it happens again. Who knows, next time it might be you doing it after you've had one glass of wine.
posted by lynda at 8:14 AM on December 23, 2004
what turaho & lynda said. once is not a big deal unless this is just the latest in a weighty accumulation of mishaps.
and you really ought to have your own copy of the key.
posted by juv3nal at 8:20 AM on December 23, 2004
and you really ought to have your own copy of the key.
posted by juv3nal at 8:20 AM on December 23, 2004
People have locked me out of places without being on drugs. Hell, my father locked me out of my own house on New Year's Eve once and it was a nightmare getting a locksmith to come, etc.
However, if your roommate's drug use is affecting you negatively, the best way to deal with it is to say so very clearly to him/her.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:22 AM on December 23, 2004
However, if your roommate's drug use is affecting you negatively, the best way to deal with it is to say so very clearly to him/her.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:22 AM on December 23, 2004
Lordy, I locked myself out of my home the other day, and I was perfectly straight at the time. Coincidently, my wife had also locked herself out of the car at the same time, which really left us up the creek! (and, foolishly, I still haven't secreted a spare key somewhere outside.)
Can't say as being locked out of an apartment once is really good cause for going off the deep end.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:42 AM on December 23, 2004
Can't say as being locked out of an apartment once is really good cause for going off the deep end.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:42 AM on December 23, 2004
Considering the comment "And roommate knows not to lock the door this way" I'm assuming goofyfoot has a key to the apartment but there might be a long that no one has a key to... (or something like that)
posted by raedyn at 9:48 AM on December 23, 2004
posted by raedyn at 9:48 AM on December 23, 2004
If there's a lock no one has the key to, then either the apartment manager needs to get them the key or they need to replace the lock until they move again.
To answer the question though, I'd probably say something like, "I think what happened the other day was caused because you were high. That's not cool. If you're going to get high, be responsible and stay away from anything you may potentially screw up."
posted by lynda at 10:14 AM on December 23, 2004
To answer the question though, I'd probably say something like, "I think what happened the other day was caused because you were high. That's not cool. If you're going to get high, be responsible and stay away from anything you may potentially screw up."
posted by lynda at 10:14 AM on December 23, 2004
Yeah, getting locked out sucks, but you don't need to be stoned to make a dumb mistake like that. On the pragmatic level you should make sure you have keys to any/all locks on the door, and that you have a friend nearby with a set just in case.
If you feel generally bugged by the stupidification of your roommate under the influence that might be a source of irritation regardless of its practical consequences, and that can be uncomfortable in a living situation. A roommate is actually quite an intimate relationship - it's easy to be all libertarian & say, you can do whatever you want in the privacy of your own home, blah blah blah, when you don't actually share a home. But when you do share a home, it isn't a question of being judgmental or unfair or whatever; it's a question of compatibility. If it bothers you when your roommate smokes it might be worth considering more specifically how much that matters to you.
posted by mdn at 11:53 AM on December 23, 2004
If you feel generally bugged by the stupidification of your roommate under the influence that might be a source of irritation regardless of its practical consequences, and that can be uncomfortable in a living situation. A roommate is actually quite an intimate relationship - it's easy to be all libertarian & say, you can do whatever you want in the privacy of your own home, blah blah blah, when you don't actually share a home. But when you do share a home, it isn't a question of being judgmental or unfair or whatever; it's a question of compatibility. If it bothers you when your roommate smokes it might be worth considering more specifically how much that matters to you.
posted by mdn at 11:53 AM on December 23, 2004
First time... let it slide. For some reason (whatever it may be) you might actually know that your roomate being high caused him/her to lock you out, but they may feel quite bad about it as well and remember it the next time they're stoned and walking out the door. If it happens again, tell them it's a problem. But in the meantime it's not worth creating undue tension over.
posted by rooftop secrets at 5:34 PM on December 23, 2004
posted by rooftop secrets at 5:34 PM on December 23, 2004
If there's a lock no one has the key to, then either the apartment manager needs to get them the key or they need to replace the lock until they move again.
In my last few apartments, I have had an extra deadbolt that has no keyhole at all on the outside. It can only be locked and unlocked from the inside. In my experience, these types of locks are rather common. I believe they are called "security deadbolts" or some such.
So, that would be my guess for what was involved. If so, any number of sets of extra keys would have been zero help at all whatsoever.
Best of luck dealing with the roomie, and here's hoping the person doesn't do this to you again, ever, stoned or sober.
posted by beth at 11:04 AM on December 24, 2004
In my last few apartments, I have had an extra deadbolt that has no keyhole at all on the outside. It can only be locked and unlocked from the inside. In my experience, these types of locks are rather common. I believe they are called "security deadbolts" or some such.
So, that would be my guess for what was involved. If so, any number of sets of extra keys would have been zero help at all whatsoever.
Best of luck dealing with the roomie, and here's hoping the person doesn't do this to you again, ever, stoned or sober.
posted by beth at 11:04 AM on December 24, 2004
And I just want to say, to those of you who think being locked out is "no big deal", perhaps for you in your individual circumstances it wasn't a big deal, but the situation of being locked out can potentially be a Very Big Deal indeed. Obviously it is a big enough deal to goofyfoot to bother asking for advice.
posted by beth at 11:08 AM on December 24, 2004
posted by beth at 11:08 AM on December 24, 2004
It was the marijuana that make roommate fuck up
Look deeply into this statement.
There are two issues: the roommate smokes up, and the roommate locked the door. For some people, the roommate smoking up wouldn't be a big deal; for others it would. If you're one of those people for whom the roommate smoking up is a big deal, then bring that up because it's a big deal, and not because of the locked door.
No-one — including the roommate — is capable of determining why they locked the door when they shouldn't have; humans are too complicated to come up with that sort of cause/effect. The roommate knows that too, so trying to tie concerns about his smoking up to the door being locked is bound to get either a bewildered or a dismissive response. Even if you're fully convinced that the door was locked because he was smoking up, that tack is a sure way to make sure the roommate doesn't take you seriously.
Would you be this annoyed if there wasn't marijuana involved? If so, then talk to your roommate about the door. If not, then talk to your roommate about smoking up, leaving the door out of it.
posted by mendel at 11:56 AM on December 24, 2004
Look deeply into this statement.
There are two issues: the roommate smokes up, and the roommate locked the door. For some people, the roommate smoking up wouldn't be a big deal; for others it would. If you're one of those people for whom the roommate smoking up is a big deal, then bring that up because it's a big deal, and not because of the locked door.
No-one — including the roommate — is capable of determining why they locked the door when they shouldn't have; humans are too complicated to come up with that sort of cause/effect. The roommate knows that too, so trying to tie concerns about his smoking up to the door being locked is bound to get either a bewildered or a dismissive response. Even if you're fully convinced that the door was locked because he was smoking up, that tack is a sure way to make sure the roommate doesn't take you seriously.
Would you be this annoyed if there wasn't marijuana involved? If so, then talk to your roommate about the door. If not, then talk to your roommate about smoking up, leaving the door out of it.
posted by mendel at 11:56 AM on December 24, 2004
Response by poster: Yeah, no extra keys would help. Ours is an old apartment, and the lock my roommate used hasn't had a key for decades. I doubt the property managers ever had a key for it - it's an antiquated lock.
I knew it had to do with the fact that she was stoned because she has this week off and she's been indulging. We talked it over, and there's no harm done, and she'll be more careful.
But you know, I indulge, too, and Ive never inadvertantly locked anyone out.
posted by goofyfoot at 3:02 AM on December 26, 2004
I knew it had to do with the fact that she was stoned because she has this week off and she's been indulging. We talked it over, and there's no harm done, and she'll be more careful.
But you know, I indulge, too, and Ive never inadvertantly locked anyone out.
posted by goofyfoot at 3:02 AM on December 26, 2004
This thread is closed to new comments.
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posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:15 PM on December 22, 2004