Building business relationships with high level people
September 3, 2009 8:38 PM Subscribe
Help me figure out proper business networking with high level people.
I'm trying to be more mature about my career, because I know if I ever want to get to where I want to be, I need some serious people skills. Problem is, I've only ever been good at interacting with colleagues around my age that I could relate to on a friend level. But I feel some anxiety and intimidation about how to network with more senior people, since I don't quite know what to do or how to act. I know they're not monsters or anything, but I feel like there's more proper etiquette about asking for their time as well as the types of things you might talk about over lunch.
I'm not really all that "sophisticated" when it comes to going out for a drink or what have you, so I could use any tips. I know this is sort of a vague question, but any suggestions (or even stories) on building relationships with people at the top?
I'm trying to be more mature about my career, because I know if I ever want to get to where I want to be, I need some serious people skills. Problem is, I've only ever been good at interacting with colleagues around my age that I could relate to on a friend level. But I feel some anxiety and intimidation about how to network with more senior people, since I don't quite know what to do or how to act. I know they're not monsters or anything, but I feel like there's more proper etiquette about asking for their time as well as the types of things you might talk about over lunch.
I'm not really all that "sophisticated" when it comes to going out for a drink or what have you, so I could use any tips. I know this is sort of a vague question, but any suggestions (or even stories) on building relationships with people at the top?
I returned to Canada after living for about a decade overseas (about half that time before the popularization of the internet or even email), and networking and meeting folks helped me do a 180 degree career change. I also worked for an industry association - such an organization bases a large part of its value proposition on networking. Now I work in business development for a government agency, and a critical part of my job is getting people to work together, so networking is a key competency.
So... I would say that networking is fundamentally about building community. Your first question when approaching someone for the purpose of expanding your network is "how can I can I help this person?"
Often, you won't know that before you talk to the person, so you need to make sure that is one of the questions you ask first. Networking is not about you - people tune into and resent being used.
So, as dfriedman suggested, you have to understand your community, what its mission is, and what its pain is. And then you have to see if you can help.
I would also question your classification of folks as "high level people." I encounter and sometimes work with CEOs, cabinet ministers, and people you read about in the newspaper. Some of these people are engaged and engaging, some or disengaged and remote, and some are assholes. However, once again, the fundamental question is "how can I help?"
Often, I find that I can add very little value to what these "high level" folks are doing. Their concerns are more abstract, and less operational. I do find it challenging to talk to cabinet ministers and the elite, because there is so little common ground.
Still, it's important to not come across as a total awkward fool, so I usually ask "what's new with you?" Talking about my kids is great - I try to avoid work topics. Talking about kids makes me seem human. But at the end of the day, I try to get these folks talking more than I do.
But there's very little I can do to help them. If I was looking for work, I would probably be trying to connect with operations managers or department heads - the people who would actually hire me. These folks are probably going to be close to me in age, with similar subject matter knowledge and similar life experiences - kids, for one thing.
One on one encounters are kind of weird. Instead, it's best to show up at networking events. Your local chamber of commerce or industry association should have regular mixers. If you are an accountant, there should be a local professional group that you can join.
Go to mixers, and try to talk to five people. Make sure you have a pitch - your name, and what you do, and that you're looking for new opportunities. Your partner (if s/he has social skills, and not everyone does) may be polite and ask you some followup questions. After 2 minutes, be sure to ask about them. At five minutes, end the conversation and move on. Take business cards, and email that person.
If you clicked, explain what you're trying to do via email, and ask for the names of two contacts to help expand your network. Connect with these folks, and ask what kind of help their sector needs right now, or if anyone is hiring. Get two contacts from each of these contacts.
When you identify who is hiring and what they need, and if you feel you can meet that need, start cold calling hiring managers. See if they need help. If they don't, say you'll connect with them again in 2 or 3 months.
Suggesting going out for drinks one-on-one with senior decision makers, or potential hiring managers is just the wrong strategy, unless you share a very specific common interest. These folks aren't looking to make friends with potential job seekers. Instead, network at social functions, perhaps build social connections with people who are your peers - people you like going out for a drink with.
My only caveat to this advice is that there are definitely "old boys" networks in every community. In my town, several "high level" guys hold poker nights. I've never been invited, but I would never want to go, because "old boys" clubs are typically comprised of rather nasty (but still collegial) type-A personalities, and they can be quite bitchy.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:25 PM on September 3, 2009 [6 favorites]
So... I would say that networking is fundamentally about building community. Your first question when approaching someone for the purpose of expanding your network is "how can I can I help this person?"
Often, you won't know that before you talk to the person, so you need to make sure that is one of the questions you ask first. Networking is not about you - people tune into and resent being used.
So, as dfriedman suggested, you have to understand your community, what its mission is, and what its pain is. And then you have to see if you can help.
I would also question your classification of folks as "high level people." I encounter and sometimes work with CEOs, cabinet ministers, and people you read about in the newspaper. Some of these people are engaged and engaging, some or disengaged and remote, and some are assholes. However, once again, the fundamental question is "how can I help?"
Often, I find that I can add very little value to what these "high level" folks are doing. Their concerns are more abstract, and less operational. I do find it challenging to talk to cabinet ministers and the elite, because there is so little common ground.
Still, it's important to not come across as a total awkward fool, so I usually ask "what's new with you?" Talking about my kids is great - I try to avoid work topics. Talking about kids makes me seem human. But at the end of the day, I try to get these folks talking more than I do.
But there's very little I can do to help them. If I was looking for work, I would probably be trying to connect with operations managers or department heads - the people who would actually hire me. These folks are probably going to be close to me in age, with similar subject matter knowledge and similar life experiences - kids, for one thing.
One on one encounters are kind of weird. Instead, it's best to show up at networking events. Your local chamber of commerce or industry association should have regular mixers. If you are an accountant, there should be a local professional group that you can join.
Go to mixers, and try to talk to five people. Make sure you have a pitch - your name, and what you do, and that you're looking for new opportunities. Your partner (if s/he has social skills, and not everyone does) may be polite and ask you some followup questions. After 2 minutes, be sure to ask about them. At five minutes, end the conversation and move on. Take business cards, and email that person.
If you clicked, explain what you're trying to do via email, and ask for the names of two contacts to help expand your network. Connect with these folks, and ask what kind of help their sector needs right now, or if anyone is hiring. Get two contacts from each of these contacts.
When you identify who is hiring and what they need, and if you feel you can meet that need, start cold calling hiring managers. See if they need help. If they don't, say you'll connect with them again in 2 or 3 months.
Suggesting going out for drinks one-on-one with senior decision makers, or potential hiring managers is just the wrong strategy, unless you share a very specific common interest. These folks aren't looking to make friends with potential job seekers. Instead, network at social functions, perhaps build social connections with people who are your peers - people you like going out for a drink with.
My only caveat to this advice is that there are definitely "old boys" networks in every community. In my town, several "high level" guys hold poker nights. I've never been invited, but I would never want to go, because "old boys" clubs are typically comprised of rather nasty (but still collegial) type-A personalities, and they can be quite bitchy.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:25 PM on September 3, 2009 [6 favorites]
My (limited) experience with high level types leads me to believe that they are no different from anyone else- which is to say, if they are haughty jerks, they would be that way no matter what they did for a living. So "networking at" them probably just annoys them, as it would anyone who feels like they are being used.
Just learn the art of polite conversation, and always introduce yourself. (That's another thing I learned- a lot of people and interactions get weirded out because one participant "knows" the other one, even though they don't, so they don't introduce themselves.)
(I just had an uncomfortable interaction with a local radio guy the other day- I was walking down the street, and he was just standing there leaning against a building messing around with his iPhone. I broke every rule, and he was clearly uncomfortable. Then I tried to recover and got weirded out because his voice sounded exactly like it does on the radio, and my brain couldn't work out that the radio was talking to me. Flop sweat!)
In my work, as an IT field technician, I've found myself arms deep inside a misbehaving printer or under a desk finding a missing wire, to be moments later shaking hands with congressmen and supreme court justices (state level). I've even participated in a legal discussion about the meaning of a word in a brief that wasn't in any of their dictionaries- the judge was confused and asking his toadies for help, and they were all twitchy because they weren't sure if it was a test of some kind, and he was getting slightly frustrated. I said "it sounds like a munged version of the word xxxx" and he happily agreed.
In other words, in my experience, everyone appreciates being interacted with on a straightforward, person-to-person level. Say why you are talking to the person. "Hello, my name is Joe Smith, it's very nice to meet you. I do yyyy for a living, can I give you my card?" If the conversation goes longer, ask them about what they do for a living. "Hey, that zzzz project seems interesting, how is it going for you?"
posted by gjc at 6:29 AM on September 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Just learn the art of polite conversation, and always introduce yourself. (That's another thing I learned- a lot of people and interactions get weirded out because one participant "knows" the other one, even though they don't, so they don't introduce themselves.)
(I just had an uncomfortable interaction with a local radio guy the other day- I was walking down the street, and he was just standing there leaning against a building messing around with his iPhone. I broke every rule, and he was clearly uncomfortable. Then I tried to recover and got weirded out because his voice sounded exactly like it does on the radio, and my brain couldn't work out that the radio was talking to me. Flop sweat!)
In my work, as an IT field technician, I've found myself arms deep inside a misbehaving printer or under a desk finding a missing wire, to be moments later shaking hands with congressmen and supreme court justices (state level). I've even participated in a legal discussion about the meaning of a word in a brief that wasn't in any of their dictionaries- the judge was confused and asking his toadies for help, and they were all twitchy because they weren't sure if it was a test of some kind, and he was getting slightly frustrated. I said "it sounds like a munged version of the word xxxx" and he happily agreed.
In other words, in my experience, everyone appreciates being interacted with on a straightforward, person-to-person level. Say why you are talking to the person. "Hello, my name is Joe Smith, it's very nice to meet you. I do yyyy for a living, can I give you my card?" If the conversation goes longer, ask them about what they do for a living. "Hey, that zzzz project seems interesting, how is it going for you?"
posted by gjc at 6:29 AM on September 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
KokuRyu is exactly right on in his suggestions, especially "be helpful": great advice for life in general. It'll make you happier and it's amazing how when you're good to others - no matter who they are - they'll be good to you.
A few of additions below, with a caveat: be in the "how can I help?" headspace, or don't bother. An attitude that you're owed or that this is a means to an end can be smelled a mile away. If you're working for something bigger than yourself - helping others, improving the world in a small way - the problems solve themselves.
1) Volunteer. Pick charities you believe in and that have an established track record / some clout. These organizations are run by "high-level" (odd phrase) individuals who are giving their time/money to a cause they believe in. It'll give you common ground for conversation and is just good karma.
2) Make people comfortable - your job isn't to impress, it's to make others feel welcome. EVERYONE can feel uncomfortable in social situations. Talk and be friendly, ask questions, and then shut up and listen. Don't think about how the next thing out of your mouth needs to be brilliant. Pay attention to others' comfort level and change topics if they or you stray into an awkward area. Talk about the charity you're working with, the odd-but-interesting hobby you have, or ask them the best question in the world: "what did you do today?"
You say you're not "sophisticated", but you don't need to be. Most people I've met would rather be around someone friendly, geeky, and easy to talk to over someone worldly and boorish any day. Chill out, be yourself, and laugh.
And a slightly left-field suggestion you can take or leave:
3) Run. Running is this wierd combo of alpha-sport, solo sport, and community activity. It seems to be the default activity for doctors / lawyers / executives, and again gives you common ground for conversation (plus the whole "feel healthy" thing). Many a crappy interview / dead conversation has been salvaged by talking about my one pathetic marathon.
Don't expect for anything to happen overnight. You'll be cleaing up after the charity party for the first couple of years, there will be horrible, awkward conversations. Put in the time, it's part of the deal.
posted by nometa at 6:29 AM on September 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
A few of additions below, with a caveat: be in the "how can I help?" headspace, or don't bother. An attitude that you're owed or that this is a means to an end can be smelled a mile away. If you're working for something bigger than yourself - helping others, improving the world in a small way - the problems solve themselves.
1) Volunteer. Pick charities you believe in and that have an established track record / some clout. These organizations are run by "high-level" (odd phrase) individuals who are giving their time/money to a cause they believe in. It'll give you common ground for conversation and is just good karma.
2) Make people comfortable - your job isn't to impress, it's to make others feel welcome. EVERYONE can feel uncomfortable in social situations. Talk and be friendly, ask questions, and then shut up and listen. Don't think about how the next thing out of your mouth needs to be brilliant. Pay attention to others' comfort level and change topics if they or you stray into an awkward area. Talk about the charity you're working with, the odd-but-interesting hobby you have, or ask them the best question in the world: "what did you do today?"
You say you're not "sophisticated", but you don't need to be. Most people I've met would rather be around someone friendly, geeky, and easy to talk to over someone worldly and boorish any day. Chill out, be yourself, and laugh.
And a slightly left-field suggestion you can take or leave:
3) Run. Running is this wierd combo of alpha-sport, solo sport, and community activity. It seems to be the default activity for doctors / lawyers / executives, and again gives you common ground for conversation (plus the whole "feel healthy" thing). Many a crappy interview / dead conversation has been salvaged by talking about my one pathetic marathon.
Don't expect for anything to happen overnight. You'll be cleaing up after the charity party for the first couple of years, there will be horrible, awkward conversations. Put in the time, it's part of the deal.
posted by nometa at 6:29 AM on September 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
Target professionals, as opposed to executives.
Most senior executives (think they) already know everyone whom they need to know in the business, and are positively committed to avoiding people who want things from them but can't be immediately useful to them -- like you, in all likelihood. Some have cultivated a superficial openness to hoi polloi like responding to their public e-mail, but it doesn't get much beyond that. The people they do want to meet are the people who can take their prominence beyond business -- folks in the arts, politics, sports, etc.
Professionals -- lawyers, consultants, investment bankers, etc. -- are, by contrast vociferous networkers and connectors no matter how senior they get. The nature of their roles means that they never obtain a sustained power-base apart from their clients, and they need always to refresh affection and loyalty from the business community, and constantly cultivate anyone who has even a modest chance of being an up-and-comer. They also function as a screen to senior executives -- pointing out what sort of aspirants senior executive should meet, a necessary counterpoint to senior executives' default mode of avoiding meeting aspirants. While even the most senior professionals are good, the best are the mid-level folks -- the partners and MDs in their late 30s and 40s, who are established but who are still very focused on building up their business.
Because professionals are actively seeking these relationships, you don't need to focus as much on your people skills or your platonic-dating skills (asking someone to lunch, being a charming conversationalist at lunch, etc.) You just need to be in the same places that they are, and project expertise and ambition. They will come up to you...
posted by MattD at 6:54 AM on September 4, 2009 [4 favorites]
Most senior executives (think they) already know everyone whom they need to know in the business, and are positively committed to avoiding people who want things from them but can't be immediately useful to them -- like you, in all likelihood. Some have cultivated a superficial openness to hoi polloi like responding to their public e-mail, but it doesn't get much beyond that. The people they do want to meet are the people who can take their prominence beyond business -- folks in the arts, politics, sports, etc.
Professionals -- lawyers, consultants, investment bankers, etc. -- are, by contrast vociferous networkers and connectors no matter how senior they get. The nature of their roles means that they never obtain a sustained power-base apart from their clients, and they need always to refresh affection and loyalty from the business community, and constantly cultivate anyone who has even a modest chance of being an up-and-comer. They also function as a screen to senior executives -- pointing out what sort of aspirants senior executive should meet, a necessary counterpoint to senior executives' default mode of avoiding meeting aspirants. While even the most senior professionals are good, the best are the mid-level folks -- the partners and MDs in their late 30s and 40s, who are established but who are still very focused on building up their business.
Because professionals are actively seeking these relationships, you don't need to focus as much on your people skills or your platonic-dating skills (asking someone to lunch, being a charming conversationalist at lunch, etc.) You just need to be in the same places that they are, and project expertise and ambition. They will come up to you...
posted by MattD at 6:54 AM on September 4, 2009 [4 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
But if you know something personal about the guy, like he is married or has kids, or whatever, ask him about that before you talk shop. But tread carefully here of course. He could have had a fight with his wife the night before.
posted by dfriedman at 8:41 PM on September 3, 2009