Stay at home mom's dilemma
July 12, 2009 4:01 PM Subscribe
My friend, now a stay-at-home mother, has a dilemma. Get a part time night job, go back to school, or stay at home until the kids are in school themselves. She can see pros and cons with all decisions.
She has two kids, 3 and 1. The little one still nurses. She can get free tuition right now, but probably not if she takes the job first. (combined income will count "against" her for free tuition) She needs three more classes for an AA degree, but wants to go for a BA. She wants to get her degree to be in a better place for looking for jobs later.
Childcare will be provided at the school, but only for the older one.
If she works, she will have to make more than what it costs for childcare for 2 kids, or work something else out for the kids.
She's hoping to buy a house in a year, and needs to save for a down payment.
Has anyone else been in this sort of situation? What were your decisions and reasons? Thanks!
She has two kids, 3 and 1. The little one still nurses. She can get free tuition right now, but probably not if she takes the job first. (combined income will count "against" her for free tuition) She needs three more classes for an AA degree, but wants to go for a BA. She wants to get her degree to be in a better place for looking for jobs later.
Childcare will be provided at the school, but only for the older one.
If she works, she will have to make more than what it costs for childcare for 2 kids, or work something else out for the kids.
She's hoping to buy a house in a year, and needs to save for a down payment.
Has anyone else been in this sort of situation? What were your decisions and reasons? Thanks!
From your combined income comment I am assuming she has a spouse as well that can provide income and babysitting. As a parent myself, working when you have young children is a royal pain, they get ill and require you to take time off work constantly (I have generous sick days at my workl but I would never thinki of using them for my own illnesses and save them instead for the childrens sick days or babysitting emergencies). Even if she works opposite shifts to her spouse it seems somehting always lays waste to the best-laid plans. She should look seriously at what it costs for child care in her area and if she would break even. In her shoes, the tuition and the flexibility of school while a mother of young ones would win. I am not sure of her plans to save for a down payment in a year, that sounds like she is planning to get a very high-paying job (that won't require money for meals, clothes or transportation) with low cost child care for two children that will allow her to save thousands every month.
posted by saucysault at 4:51 PM on July 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by saucysault at 4:51 PM on July 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
An AA is a two-year degree ("associate's"). I concur that it makes sense to go for the attainable goal first and just get those three classes out of the way. It will be a way to get used to being a student and a mom simultaneously, which she'd have to do either way (AA, BA)--there will be enough stress to go around without feeling like the stakes are so much higher, you know what I mean? Once she's confident it's all under control she can go on for the BA.
I'm assuming she doesn't have a partner to help handle childcare, or you would have mentioned it. So, my suggestion about the kid care: put the older one in the day care at the college, and find a fellow student with a complementary schedule to watch the younger on campus (in the student center, at a nearby coffee shop, whatever) while she's in classes. I did this with for a friend of mine who was finishing her master's in math and it worked well. Obviously you want someone reliable and trustworthy--if there's an early childhood ed program, see if she can get recommendations for a good person from the faculty that teach it. Alternatively see if she can work something out with another parent with a kid/kids in the onsite day care--an experienced parent will understand the challenges of being with a toddler out in public. Pay them a reasonable wage--if it's only a few hours per week it ought to be a manageable expense, or maybe work out a babysitting trade for a weekend night or something?
Hey, and since you're asking for free advice on the interwebs: put the house buying on hold until she's done with school, is pulling in a reasonable wage, and (better yet) the kids are out of day care. DC is a huge expense and when it's gone it frees up a LOT of cash flow. Also by then the kids are easier to care for--owning a house is a huge additional responsibility and it'll be good for the kids to be less demanding.
Free bonus opinion: pick a job in health care. High demand, high wages, not likely to be offshored. There's a WIDE range of possiblities for positions with BA training or less, from phlebotomists to nurses to physician's assistants.
posted by Sublimity at 5:06 PM on July 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'm assuming she doesn't have a partner to help handle childcare, or you would have mentioned it. So, my suggestion about the kid care: put the older one in the day care at the college, and find a fellow student with a complementary schedule to watch the younger on campus (in the student center, at a nearby coffee shop, whatever) while she's in classes. I did this with for a friend of mine who was finishing her master's in math and it worked well. Obviously you want someone reliable and trustworthy--if there's an early childhood ed program, see if she can get recommendations for a good person from the faculty that teach it. Alternatively see if she can work something out with another parent with a kid/kids in the onsite day care--an experienced parent will understand the challenges of being with a toddler out in public. Pay them a reasonable wage--if it's only a few hours per week it ought to be a manageable expense, or maybe work out a babysitting trade for a weekend night or something?
Hey, and since you're asking for free advice on the interwebs: put the house buying on hold until she's done with school, is pulling in a reasonable wage, and (better yet) the kids are out of day care. DC is a huge expense and when it's gone it frees up a LOT of cash flow. Also by then the kids are easier to care for--owning a house is a huge additional responsibility and it'll be good for the kids to be less demanding.
Free bonus opinion: pick a job in health care. High demand, high wages, not likely to be offshored. There's a WIDE range of possiblities for positions with BA training or less, from phlebotomists to nurses to physician's assistants.
posted by Sublimity at 5:06 PM on July 12, 2009 [1 favorite]
Along with those above, I think it would be a nice plan to get the AA now, then the BA maybe when the kids get off to school, then whatever. A tidy five-year plan and a totally natural progression that would still allow her to spend lots of time with the kids.
posted by rhizome at 5:10 PM on July 12, 2009
posted by rhizome at 5:10 PM on July 12, 2009
What I'd be concerned with is debt. Debt now (if paying for school) and debt later (when trying to pay for kids future schooling). Having a BA is a big help to earning more. But it won't make sense if you're still paying off loans when your own kids are enrolling in college.
(I so would not have given that answer 20 years ago, but now that I have a kid and too much debt (no school loans any more), my perspective has changed)
posted by IndigoSkye at 6:10 PM on July 12, 2009
(I so would not have given that answer 20 years ago, but now that I have a kid and too much debt (no school loans any more), my perspective has changed)
posted by IndigoSkye at 6:10 PM on July 12, 2009
Go for the free tuition and take the classes. Many professors will allow an infant in class if the mother sits by the door and disappears if the baby starts fussing, either on occasion (when babysitting doesn't work out) or even regularly. Three classes can be done in one (if she is very dedicated and has help) or two semesters. This will also let her figure out her best planning for a BA.
posted by jeather at 6:18 PM on July 12, 2009
posted by jeather at 6:18 PM on July 12, 2009
My mom started grad school after I started kindergarten. She mostly had night classes, but there were times that she had to go to campus during the day and would pick my brother and I up from school and take us with her to hang out in a lounge while she met with a professor. The way it really worked, though, was when she was in class at night our dad was responsible for us. My mom recently retired after 25 years in a career she loved that she didn't even get to begin until her mid-30s. I think she would definitely encourage your friend in her desire to go back to school and pursue a career, and she and my dad both would encourage the father of your friend's children to support her in that.
posted by hydropsyche at 7:01 PM on July 12, 2009
posted by hydropsyche at 7:01 PM on July 12, 2009
It would be helpful to know her childcare situation, in terms of whether there is someone else involved as a parent or not.
Perhaps she could take the 3 courses by distance education. Or one at a time over the course of a year. Or through a compressed summer program, where you go to school every day for two weeks. I completed many of my courses through distance education. Her program might allow her to transfer courses from another school, if they don't have distance at her college -- but get permission first.
She could work from home. Depending on her background, she may be able to freelance or otherwise pursue self-employment. I run a business from home and I have two kids. I pretty much work during naps/quiet time and at bedtime.
posted by acoutu at 8:29 PM on July 12, 2009
Perhaps she could take the 3 courses by distance education. Or one at a time over the course of a year. Or through a compressed summer program, where you go to school every day for two weeks. I completed many of my courses through distance education. Her program might allow her to transfer courses from another school, if they don't have distance at her college -- but get permission first.
She could work from home. Depending on her background, she may be able to freelance or otherwise pursue self-employment. I run a business from home and I have two kids. I pretty much work during naps/quiet time and at bedtime.
posted by acoutu at 8:29 PM on July 12, 2009
I would encourage her to go for education over a job. The job market is tough right now anyway, and the education would put her in a better place when things turn around. Plus, anytime you can go to school for free, you should.
Nthing the idea of going for an associate's degree if she is three classes away. And by all means, she should attend graduation, walk across the stage and accept that degree. Then pursue the bachelor's.
I would also really encourage her to stop focusing on buying a house as a near-term goal. The housing market is unstable right now, and no one really knows when it will stabilize. For a first house, I would wait until housing prices are going up, and then buy.
Many professors will allow an infant in class
A 1 year old is mobile even if she can't walk yet. This is not a baby that will rest in an infant carrier; this is moments away from full-on toddlerhood. My kid was walking and into everything at this age. I don't think taking a 1 year old into a class would work.
Also strongly 2nding Sublimity about health care. I have a B.S. in health care administration, and have worked in hospitals for the last 10 years. In that time I have moved to 3 different cities in the Midwest, the West, and the South (following my husband's jobs), and have been able to find a job in each place. I found a job here (the South), and after three months decided I hated it and found another job in the middle of this economic meltdown. I don't even do patient care, and health care has been very good to me.
I got my degree while working full time and while my daughter was preschool-aged. I'm about to start an evening master's program (she will start 1st grade in the fall). Going to school while raising children is tough, but do-able.
posted by jeoc at 8:33 PM on July 12, 2009
Nthing the idea of going for an associate's degree if she is three classes away. And by all means, she should attend graduation, walk across the stage and accept that degree. Then pursue the bachelor's.
I would also really encourage her to stop focusing on buying a house as a near-term goal. The housing market is unstable right now, and no one really knows when it will stabilize. For a first house, I would wait until housing prices are going up, and then buy.
Many professors will allow an infant in class
A 1 year old is mobile even if she can't walk yet. This is not a baby that will rest in an infant carrier; this is moments away from full-on toddlerhood. My kid was walking and into everything at this age. I don't think taking a 1 year old into a class would work.
Also strongly 2nding Sublimity about health care. I have a B.S. in health care administration, and have worked in hospitals for the last 10 years. In that time I have moved to 3 different cities in the Midwest, the West, and the South (following my husband's jobs), and have been able to find a job in each place. I found a job here (the South), and after three months decided I hated it and found another job in the middle of this economic meltdown. I don't even do patient care, and health care has been very good to me.
I got my degree while working full time and while my daughter was preschool-aged. I'm about to start an evening master's program (she will start 1st grade in the fall). Going to school while raising children is tough, but do-able.
posted by jeoc at 8:33 PM on July 12, 2009
Best answer: Like jeoc said, it's tough but doable. I am in my final year of a teaching degree after being a stay-at-home mother. I did a six-month certificate course first, when my kids were 4 and 18 months, doing some papers on campus, some by distance and some as one-week intensive courses. I've been lucky to have my husband to help where he can, but since he works full-time his ability to childmind is limited.
When it really got tough was when my son started school. Now my hours are restricted to his school time, unless I pay for an after-school programme (and I don't like having them in childcare any more than is necesary), and when I go out to train in schools I have to negotiate with neighbours and my husband, since we don't have family nearby.
The social benefits, my learning, and getting set for a career have all outweighed the difficulties, though. I'd tell her to get the AA -- but yes, find someone who can look after the kids. There may be a subsidised creche or an early-childhood programme on campus or nearby. She should talk to the Student Services office -- they usually know everything about everything -- as well as to her lecturers about how flexible they'll be in case of illness or kid emergencies.
If the AA goes smoothly, then ease into the BA. Plan everything, have backup plans for childcare scenarios. Childcare is the most stressful thing about studying as a parent.
posted by tracicle at 11:55 PM on July 12, 2009
When it really got tough was when my son started school. Now my hours are restricted to his school time, unless I pay for an after-school programme (and I don't like having them in childcare any more than is necesary), and when I go out to train in schools I have to negotiate with neighbours and my husband, since we don't have family nearby.
The social benefits, my learning, and getting set for a career have all outweighed the difficulties, though. I'd tell her to get the AA -- but yes, find someone who can look after the kids. There may be a subsidised creche or an early-childhood programme on campus or nearby. She should talk to the Student Services office -- they usually know everything about everything -- as well as to her lecturers about how flexible they'll be in case of illness or kid emergencies.
If the AA goes smoothly, then ease into the BA. Plan everything, have backup plans for childcare scenarios. Childcare is the most stressful thing about studying as a parent.
posted by tracicle at 11:55 PM on July 12, 2009
Why have children if you don't raise them yourself? The kids will be young for just a few years, while school will always be available.
posted by Carol Anne at 6:01 AM on July 13, 2009
posted by Carol Anne at 6:01 AM on July 13, 2009
Response by poster: To clarify her dilemma, I'm adding a few more details about her situation:
Her partner is self-employed and is available for childcare only erratically.
Her partner's self-employment income has been sufficient to support the family for years, but work has dried up in the past year and they are struggling.
Both options of continuing to stay home and returning to school would require the family to apply for food stamps and/or other assistance. She is reasonably certain that they would qualify for govt. aid at this point.
She and her partner have been saying they hope to buy a house "in a year" for the last decade. They have pared down their lifestyle, paid off all their debts, and were beginning to save for the down payment when her partner's work dried up. The hope, as I understand it, is that they would put most of her earnings from a part-time job directly into savings -- using only what is needed for food and/or to make rent until her partner's work picks up.
posted by Balisong at 8:39 AM on July 13, 2009
Her partner is self-employed and is available for childcare only erratically.
Her partner's self-employment income has been sufficient to support the family for years, but work has dried up in the past year and they are struggling.
Both options of continuing to stay home and returning to school would require the family to apply for food stamps and/or other assistance. She is reasonably certain that they would qualify for govt. aid at this point.
She and her partner have been saying they hope to buy a house "in a year" for the last decade. They have pared down their lifestyle, paid off all their debts, and were beginning to save for the down payment when her partner's work dried up. The hope, as I understand it, is that they would put most of her earnings from a part-time job directly into savings -- using only what is needed for food and/or to make rent until her partner's work picks up.
posted by Balisong at 8:39 AM on July 13, 2009
I have no idea why I remembered that the 1 year old was much younger. That said, many professors understand a single instance of babysitting falling through. A childcare exchange with another student parent might work out best for her.
While she is at school, she should look into things like notetaking for disabled students -- this doesn't pay exceptionally well, but involves little extra work beyond going to class.
posted by jeather at 9:00 AM on July 13, 2009
While she is at school, she should look into things like notetaking for disabled students -- this doesn't pay exceptionally well, but involves little extra work beyond going to class.
posted by jeather at 9:00 AM on July 13, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
/personal opinion here
//Canadian - and does not really know what an AA degree is
posted by hamandcheese at 4:32 PM on July 12, 2009