I need some poker buddies
July 7, 2009 3:17 PM   Subscribe

Where to meet and make friends with real men?

First off, I'm not gay. I'm looking for guys to hang out with and become friends with.

After many years of struggling to become more palatable to my current friends, I feel like I've had to change who I am to fit in. I enjoy dirty jokes, rap, and comedians like Adam Carolla. Most of my friends seem to be more concerned with how they are perceived by society and what folks think about them to really let their hair down and have a good time.

I live in a mid-sized metro area in the Midwest, have finished grad school, and am 30 years old. I'd like to meet folks who are OK with the occasional off-color joke, like sports, like to play poker, enjoy the occasional cigar, and aren't whipped.

Are there any places besides bars where such guys hang out?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (25 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
and aren't whipped.


Putting aside the thinly veiled misogyny, have you tried posting on Craigslist under "community/activities" for poker buddies?
posted by scody at 3:29 PM on July 7, 2009 [3 favorites]

It's hard to answer this without snickering a bit at how it's posted anonymously. Whipped, huh?

Try the ballpark/arena/sporting-venue. I've met a lot of guy-friends while traveling and going to ballgames by myself to kill an afternoon.

Or maybe the boxing gym. (I'd pass on any gym that offered, like, hip-hop aqua-robics, though. Just a heads-up.)
posted by rokusan at 3:32 PM on July 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

folks who are OK with the occasional off-color joke, like sports, like to play poker, enjoy the occasional cigar

This sounds like a lot of the people (guys and girls both) at the sports bar where I tend to hang out. Which has a weekly poker night (not for money in the bar, of course, but I'm sure you could find people inclined to do so in their own homes if that's what you wanted), and neither my state nor my town have yet enacted a smoking ban, so yes, people sometimes smoke cigars there.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 3:35 PM on July 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

It seems like you're not looking for "real men" so much as "frat buddies."

Anyway, joining a recreational sports team seems like it might be a good way to meet guy friends.
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:39 PM on July 7, 2009 [5 favorites]

Hmm. I wasn't aware that my disinterest in sports, disinterest in poker, and disgust with smoking damaged my Y chromosome. Good to know.

If you want to meet people who're into activities, why not look for people at those activities? Craislisting some poker games could be a good start; try events directly related to sports. Try hanging out at the gym more. See if any local cigar shops have events posted.

However, you may want to take a long hard look at this desire, because you're couching it in terms that are, frankly, incredibly insulting to an awful lot of people. Is it maybe possible that your friends just don't, I don't know, like Adam Carolla very much? Or rap? There are, in fact, real men who aren't into sports, for example. You may also find that even your new poker buddies are "whipped" or don't care for certain types of jokes, or sports-friends who love cigars but disapprove of gambling. Human beings are varied, and frankly your list makes you sound like you want to hang out with a bunch of sitcom characters.
posted by Tomorrowful at 3:39 PM on July 7, 2009 [26 favorites]

Back to your question: Is there a rugby league in your city? Because, there will be some very nice guys playing rugby, that would fit your desire to hang out with "real" men.

Trust me. Good luck.
posted by Danf at 3:53 PM on July 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

@lia @wfrgms

Well, the OP could have framed it a lot better; it seems like he's expressing a preference for men who are more independent and whose self-worth/happiness is not expressly tied to being in a relationship.

Misogyny is a pretty broad attack on what's an annoying behavior that can come from either sex; I suspect any kind of woman-hating might have been inferred from the OP's bald confession of liking dirty jokes, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla—products of a culture who succeed in marketing the objectification of sex, women, and money.

That being said, it seems like he prefers the company of single men. Is that sexist? We hear about women who complain that all of their friends are totally getting married. I wouldn't accuse that woman of hating men, and I don't think we should accuse this guy of hating the XX's happily absent from his life.
posted by trotter at 4:02 PM on July 7, 2009

Jesus people, he's looking for a particular type of guy friend, not wifebeating members of the KKK who also kick puppies.

Pool halls and/or bars would be a good bet, especially when there's some event going on, such as a competition (most pool halls also do darts) or trivia. Joining a bowling league would be good. A mid-sized metro area has a newspaper with listings and probably several websites with events. Check'em out to find what fits your needs.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:13 PM on July 7, 2009 [4 favorites]

He specifically said he's not interested in bars.
posted by Jaltcoh at 4:22 PM on July 7, 2009

Mod note: A few comments removed. The framing of the question is far from perfect, but please try to extend the benefit of the doubt here a little in both directions and stick to constructive answers.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:22 PM on July 7, 2009

A good place to meet potential friends who are interested in cigars is cigar bars.

A good place to meet potential friends who are interested in poker is in poker leagues or card rooms.

A good place to meet potential friends who enjoy certain comedians is at those comedians' live shows.

Note: my ex-bouncer brother, who loves sports, poker, cigars, and has an incredible repertoire of dirty jokes, would be unlikely to want to hang around with someone who uses phrases like "real men" and "whipped", because that (to him) would smack of trying too hard. It's really only the nerds and wannabees who get all hung up on the "real men" terminology--in my experience, strong men who are confident in their masculinity, whether or not it involves certain stereotypical interests, usually think that sexist guys are jerks. So maybe working on that would help, too.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:33 PM on July 7, 2009 [8 favorites]

Or if not cigar bars, cigar stores. Many cigar stores have events and even "cigar tastings" where you can get to know fellow cigar fans.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:34 PM on July 7, 2009

He specifically said he's not interested in bars

Not really, he wrote "Are there any places besides bars where such guys hang out" which could mean any number of things. I threw in a suggestion about bars as reminder that social stuff often occurs at bars.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:34 PM on July 7, 2009

How about working for a bit on a construction site?
posted by orme at 4:39 PM on July 7, 2009

He specifically said he's not interested in bars

Not really...

Well, maybe he does still like going to bars, but his question asks for ideas "besides bars." I just thought I'd draw attention to that part of his question since it seemed to be overlooked.
posted by Jaltcoh at 4:41 PM on July 7, 2009

It's really only the nerds and wannabees who get all hung up on the "real men" terminology

Maybe he's just trying to communicate with us nerds. : )
posted by orme at 4:42 PM on July 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

You're describing guys a lot like some of my guy friends, who I've known since high school. They like poker and gambling generally, like sports, like drinking, and while I haven't kept up with Adam Carolla's career myself, I remember watching the Man Show (that's Carolla, right?) with them back when we were younger. Unfortunately for you, they are in New York, so you can't become friends with them. I point out that I've known them since high school only to mention a problem you might come across - lots of guys that I know that would fit your description have their group of guys from high school, from college, from their frat, etc. I'm not saying you can't make friends, just that that might be one of the stumbling blocks (and this isn't limited to these types of guys, as I commonly hear my friends talk about how it's harder to make new friends as an adult, as opposed to finding a significant other).

My guy friends play weekend softball, a few of them are in a bowling league, they play poker at other friends' houses and the real gamblers play in those underground poker tournaments (which I guess you have to know about in advance to get into), go to Atlantic City a lot (replace with more local gambling destination), and hang out at local bars. Recreational sports or trying to get into a poker game (maybe with some acquaintances?) would seem like the best ideas, at least to me. Of course, even these guys are starting to get engaged/get married, so while their senses of humor haven't changed much, they aren't quite the wild guys they were a few years ago.
posted by Caz721 at 4:44 PM on July 7, 2009

Oh, and they go to baseball/hockey/football games too. I doubt they'd make new friends at games (smacks a bit of being "picked up"), but maybe if you have an interest in a local team (even college/minor league), and had regular tickets, you may end up being friends with other regulars.
posted by Caz721 at 4:47 PM on July 7, 2009

Join an Elks or Knights of Columbus or similar organization.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:08 PM on July 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

You should try joining a Beer League Softball/Baseball team.
posted by Kraki at 6:18 PM on July 7, 2009

If you're in the mid-sized metro area in the Midwest I'm thinking of, maybe try joining the local kickball league?
posted by limeonaire at 6:34 PM on July 7, 2009

The men I know who fit this description belong to urban softball leagues, go to actual cigar bars, and are sometimes in the Young Republicans club.
posted by availablelight at 6:44 PM on July 7, 2009

Mr. WanKenobi probably wouldn't fit your definition of a "real man", but he's played in free poker tournaments in local bars and has met plenty of them there.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:41 PM on July 7, 2009

Take up golf. A country club membership might be out of reach, but there are lots of "men's golf associations" that organize weekly team games at municipal courses. Like this one in Arizona. Games like scrambles and best ball are fun and accommodate the novice/bad golfer. They also accommodate drinking and gambling, which is important.
posted by mullacc at 8:48 PM on July 7, 2009

How about brewing your own beer or distilling your own whiskey? There might be groups for both in your town.
posted by atchafalaya at 9:34 PM on July 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

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