Communication
May 20, 2009 11:45 AM Subscribe
How do people transmit that positive energy that makes you like them.
They smile a lot, always greet you warmly, and seem generally enthusiastic about things in general. I hope this answers your, uh, statement.
posted by puritycontrol at 11:51 AM on May 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by puritycontrol at 11:51 AM on May 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
Through laser beams from their eyes in much the way Superman melts steel.
I'm not sure I understand your question. Do you mean how do enthusiastic people stay positive and likeable? How do you appear positive and likeable? Why do people seem to like positive, enthusiastic people?
posted by Pollomacho at 11:51 AM on May 20, 2009 [3 favorites]
I'm not sure I understand your question. Do you mean how do enthusiastic people stay positive and likeable? How do you appear positive and likeable? Why do people seem to like positive, enthusiastic people?
posted by Pollomacho at 11:51 AM on May 20, 2009 [3 favorites]
Power of positive thinking.
posted by norabarnacl3 at 11:54 AM on May 20, 2009
posted by norabarnacl3 at 11:54 AM on May 20, 2009
I have always found that people are more likely to like me if I like them. Sometimes this requires concentration, but it's almost always successful.
posted by restless_nomad at 12:20 PM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by restless_nomad at 12:20 PM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
I do a lot of mixing/networking/schmoozing for work, and I've gone from being a bit of a wallflower to an expert conversationalist. Here's what I do:
- Eye contact
- Smile
- Remember and use your partner's name
- Mimic your partner's body language
- Ask questions, and remember and use this information later
- Make positive statements
- Practice good hygiene
- Dress well
- Understand what motivates others
- Understand what turns them off
- Determine boundaries
- Figure out when a conversation partner wants to move on
People also like it if you demonstrate personality, such as living an active and full life... If it seems as though you are an interesting person.
Learn how to tell witty (but never offensive or negative or nasty) jokes.
Some variants:
Leaders, or those with charisma, do all of this and more, but leaders (whether you're running a company or organizing a group hike) also don't really care about being liked; they like getting stuff done, which is attractive.
A salesperson focuses on meeting needs, and moving someone towards decision.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:34 PM on May 20, 2009 [4 favorites]
- Eye contact
- Smile
- Remember and use your partner's name
- Mimic your partner's body language
- Ask questions, and remember and use this information later
- Make positive statements
- Practice good hygiene
- Dress well
- Understand what motivates others
- Understand what turns them off
- Determine boundaries
- Figure out when a conversation partner wants to move on
People also like it if you demonstrate personality, such as living an active and full life... If it seems as though you are an interesting person.
Learn how to tell witty (but never offensive or negative or nasty) jokes.
Some variants:
Leaders, or those with charisma, do all of this and more, but leaders (whether you're running a company or organizing a group hike) also don't really care about being liked; they like getting stuff done, which is attractive.
A salesperson focuses on meeting needs, and moving someone towards decision.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:34 PM on May 20, 2009 [4 favorites]
They do it by liking you and not worrying about whether you like them.
posted by alms at 12:42 PM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by alms at 12:42 PM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
Think less about yourself and more about others.
Accept others as they are, see the good in all people. Learn from all people.
You must do this with sincerity. If you fake it you won't make it which is why you must be comfortable with yourself.
Develop a set of values as suggested by Covey's "Principle-Centered Leadership" rather than relying on superficial how-to technqiues.
posted by storybored at 12:44 PM on May 20, 2009
Accept others as they are, see the good in all people. Learn from all people.
You must do this with sincerity. If you fake it you won't make it which is why you must be comfortable with yourself.
Develop a set of values as suggested by Covey's "Principle-Centered Leadership" rather than relying on superficial how-to technqiues.
posted by storybored at 12:44 PM on May 20, 2009
I think some of the people responding in this thread are being willfully obtuse and unnecessarily pedantic.
If you (would bother to try to) parse the question, the OP is asking how to make friends more easily.
It's not easy for everyone. Social skills are skills that are learned, and are actually skills that teachers focus on when teaching students with learning disabilities.
This article on social skills for LD learners is pretty interesting:
http://www.ldonline.org/article/Teaching_Social_Skills_to_Kids_Who_Don't_Yet_Have_Them
posted by KokuRyu at 12:46 PM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
If you (would bother to try to) parse the question, the OP is asking how to make friends more easily.
It's not easy for everyone. Social skills are skills that are learned, and are actually skills that teachers focus on when teaching students with learning disabilities.
This article on social skills for LD learners is pretty interesting:
http://www.ldonline.org/article/Teaching_Social_Skills_to_Kids_Who_Don't_Yet_Have_Them
posted by KokuRyu at 12:46 PM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
Give away self-esteem like it's candy.
See the world as the other person sees it, understand what the other person wants, socially, and give it to them. Some of this is done verbally, some of this is done by observing the situation and "putting yourself in their shoes", and a whole lot of this is done by interpreting body language.
Takes lots of practice, a lifetime I think...
posted by LordSludge at 1:43 PM on May 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
See the world as the other person sees it, understand what the other person wants, socially, and give it to them. Some of this is done verbally, some of this is done by observing the situation and "putting yourself in their shoes", and a whole lot of this is done by interpreting body language.
Takes lots of practice, a lifetime I think...
posted by LordSludge at 1:43 PM on May 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
Speak up, but don't yell. Project, warmly. Recognize what you like in other people and emulate them without mimicking them. (Conversely, recognize what you don't like in other people and avoid that behavior.)
It's worth mentioning that sincerity is the cornerstone of all or most of the techniques in Dale Carnegie's book, mentioned above. You must be genuine.
posted by ostranenie at 1:45 PM on May 20, 2009
It's worth mentioning that sincerity is the cornerstone of all or most of the techniques in Dale Carnegie's book, mentioned above. You must be genuine.
posted by ostranenie at 1:45 PM on May 20, 2009
Make damn sure to remember their name. That's a sign of an investment of energy towards thinking positively about them. Oh, but make sure it's appropriate to have remembered. There is such a thing as too much...
posted by gensubuser at 1:57 PM on May 20, 2009
posted by gensubuser at 1:57 PM on May 20, 2009
I tend to avoid people who wallow in their own misery. Yeah, the economy sucks right now and I don't have a job, but you know what? I have a hell of a lot going for me.
Yeah, I can't lift as much as I want in the gym, but you know what? I have a hell of a lot going for me.
Those are the people with positive energy, and it is to them that life's rewards accrue.
posted by dfriedman at 2:01 PM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
Yeah, I can't lift as much as I want in the gym, but you know what? I have a hell of a lot going for me.
Those are the people with positive energy, and it is to them that life's rewards accrue.
posted by dfriedman at 2:01 PM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
Seconding "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
Smile, be genuinely interested in people, look them in the eye, use their name to address them.
posted by mullingitover at 2:57 PM on May 20, 2009
Smile, be genuinely interested in people, look them in the eye, use their name to address them.
posted by mullingitover at 2:57 PM on May 20, 2009
Mind your business, don't be a b** or an ass, and have good/fun stuff going on with your own life. Appear self-happy and un-needy.. But not too much-- you have to look like you really have problems too, but that you have control over it. That way, people don't see you as "perfect" and too much..
That's pretty much it. All that Dale Carnegie stuff is just "Duh!?" and really applies to making those people who aren't really important to you anyway, like you.
But who cares about them. That stuff doesn't apply to the people who are important to you, because if they were--you'd already be doing it. If you need to read that book to figure that out, ....
posted by 0217174 at 3:03 PM on May 20, 2009
That's pretty much it. All that Dale Carnegie stuff is just "Duh!?" and really applies to making those people who aren't really important to you anyway, like you.
But who cares about them. That stuff doesn't apply to the people who are important to you, because if they were--you'd already be doing it. If you need to read that book to figure that out, ....
posted by 0217174 at 3:03 PM on May 20, 2009
Best answer: They have found a way to be genuinely joyful and at peace in their space at this point in time. That is what you sense and find attractive. They have learned that it is not what you say; it is how you make people feel.
posted by Muirwylde at 3:05 PM on May 20, 2009
posted by Muirwylde at 3:05 PM on May 20, 2009
there are many kinds of people, and not all respond the same way to the same people or behaviors
posted by peter_meta_kbd at 5:14 PM on May 20, 2009
posted by peter_meta_kbd at 5:14 PM on May 20, 2009
They have found a way to be genuinely joyful and at peace in their space at this point in time.
This, I think, as well as the people who have either a significant amount of that or are just damn good at faking it.
But I think "congruence" (take the content on that page as you will...) is really what you're talking about, and that's internal.
posted by dubitable at 7:46 PM on May 20, 2009
This, I think, as well as the people who have either a significant amount of that or are just damn good at faking it.
But I think "congruence" (take the content on that page as you will...) is really what you're talking about, and that's internal.
posted by dubitable at 7:46 PM on May 20, 2009
Response by poster: Thank you all. These are some very interesting ideas. Now, I have to put it in practice. Wish me luck.
posted by page123 at 7:07 AM on May 24, 2009
posted by page123 at 7:07 AM on May 24, 2009
I'm an introvert who somehow ended up with a job at the front desk, and what helps me to quickly get into the "How may I help you? :) :) :)" zone was to--don't laugh--project a yellow aura. I know it sounds a little woo woo, but imagining myself radiating a warm glow (usually yellow. Orange if I want to be perkier) puts me in a mode of being more cheerful and open towards people, rather than constantly reminding myself to "Keep your body language open!" or "Smile, dammit!"
I've also come across Carnegie, and several of the principles above, and it really does takes constant practice to make it a habit, and seem sincere and effortless. The above method probably works as an instant "Social skills... Activate!" signal for me. Hope you find something that works for you, too.
posted by pimli at 4:29 AM on May 29, 2009
I've also come across Carnegie, and several of the principles above, and it really does takes constant practice to make it a habit, and seem sincere and effortless. The above method probably works as an instant "Social skills... Activate!" signal for me. Hope you find something that works for you, too.
posted by pimli at 4:29 AM on May 29, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by jedicus at 11:50 AM on May 20, 2009