April 19, 2009 1:03 PM   Subscribe

*ulp* Concealing vibrators. Help.

20-year-old college student taking a year off. Visiting folks.

I really really want to get a vibrator because I think it would be a little disgusting to use the handle of my electric toothbrush in a condom, but I don't know how to conceal the thing. What kinds of vibrators are quiet and concealable and how do you conceal them?
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (22 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

I've been using this one for almost 10 years - it's fabulous. But only for clitoral stimulation. It also accompanies me on trips (including visiting the folks). I know the review says the sound level is 3 out of 5, but I find it a little quieter than that. And it's very discrete looking. Batteries last forever.
posted by meerkatty at 1:11 PM on April 19, 2009

Good Vibrations sell a lot of discreet options - you'd probably do well with a silver bullet and maybe an attachment thereunto. Only a couple of inches long and you could hide it in your toiletries, box of tampons, etc. Good Vibes also gives you sound ratings which can be handy for choosing stealthier options.
posted by Billegible at 1:14 PM on April 19, 2009

Should have linked this in the earlier comment - GV's discreet section.
posted by Billegible at 1:16 PM on April 19, 2009

Whatever you get, be sure to store the batteries separately. However quiet it is, you don't want it turning on in your drawer!
posted by teragram at 1:17 PM on April 19, 2009 [3 favorites]

Conceal them when and how, exactly? Are your parents going to be unpacking your luggage, changing your sheets, doing your laundry and putting it away in your drawers? If so, maybe you should take back the reins in those areas so that you have more control over your room and your belongings. If you really have super-snooping parents who are determined to find something, then they'll find it. I've heard of 70-year-old super-conservative, super-Catholic Mexican fathers finding vibrators and never bringing it up. Unless you have a family in which even thinking about your genitals is a sin, your parents will probably never say anything if they find your vibrator because they'll be WAY more embarrassed than you.

That said, take a small neck pillow, slit it open, stuff in the vibrator, and get/make another pillow case. You can do the same with a stuffed animal. They even make pillows specifically made for concealing vibrators.

I think newer vibrators are much quieter. They don't sound like an electric toothbrush or razor. I've never heard anyone else's vibrator, in thin-walled houses and dorm rooms. Your parents won't walk by your room and hear buzzing coming from inside, under your blankets. But if you're still nervous, buy one, turn it on, put the covers over it, and walk outside your room and close the door, and see if you can hear it.
posted by thebazilist at 1:22 PM on April 19, 2009 [2 favorites]

If you have your own space while you're visiting, then there really should be no issue in terms of concealing it. Otherwise, you could always just throw it in a pouch (maybe one that looks like a makeup bag?), or even in a sock, and keep it in your suitcase.

Early2Bed has a listing of "discreet" vibes, some of which aren't all, "OMG you've got a vibrator!"

Babes in Toyland also offers a list of vibes for "first-timers," which are discreet; some are specifically described as being quiet. There's also a listing of mini-vibes. Their listing of discreet vibrators look like all kinds of things, even iPods.

You might also want to look specifically for a waterproof vibe so you can take it with you to the shower. Be sure to read the descriptions and reviews to find exactly what you want in a vibe, and good luck!
posted by runningwithscissors at 1:26 PM on April 19, 2009

Hello! It's your friendly local sex shop saleswoman here!

Lipstick vibes are the gold standard in sneaky vibes. They only have one speed, but they're sneaky.

I Rub My Duckie is also pretty discreet. It is, to be honest, a tad creepy though, and it is a bit loud too.

Candy bullets will fit into a tampon box. They have an awesome array of vibrations for such a small toy, and is very very quiet.

These guys fit over the head of an electric toothbrush and look like something your dentist would give you to clean your tongue or stimulate your gums or something.

The layaspot looks like a back massager, and is an all-round excellent toy.

If you really want to play it safe, you could easily use the Neutrogena Facial Wave, which is a facial cleansing system that uses a vibrating unit to assist in exfolation, but I can garantee you teenage girls around the world will be using them for more intimate things just as often.

Is this your firt vibrator anon? Because really, functionality is going to be more important than form. The all time super sneaky vibrator hiding tip is to stash it in a lockable cashbox. You know, the type with a combination lock? If your folks get suspicious just say you keep your valuables locked up as a habit from staying in dorms or sharehouses or whatever. That way you can get something that can be used penetratively if you like while still being able to hide it. It's also a good place to hide your toy cleaner and lubricant too.

Feel free to mefi mail me if you like.
posted by Jilder at 1:30 PM on April 19, 2009 [3 favorites]

To conceal from curious children, I have used a decorative wooden box from Pier One. I then used a magnetic child proof medicine cabinet lock (from the child safety section of the hardware store), which in attached inside. The magnetic key is nondescript, and can be used to open the box when needed. There is room for lube, etc., as well.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 1:30 PM on April 19, 2009

Another good source for locking toy cases is Nymphomation. Some of her cases are fairly obvious as to what's probably in there, but some look like they can be used as purses or small carry-on bags (hence why there would be a lock on it).

Locks keep out honest folks. I know if my parents encountered a locked bag or box in my belongings, they'd avoid opening it or even thinking about what's inside.
posted by LOLAttorney2009 at 1:51 PM on April 19, 2009

Usually underneath the bottom drawer of a dresser or night table there's a space between the floor and drawer bottom that can be good for stashing things that size.
posted by hungrysquirrels at 2:07 PM on April 19, 2009

The Wahl 7-in-1, which is absolutely excellent, is sold as a personal massager and indeed feels great on your back and other sore muscles. As you can see, many of the Amazon reviews are for its use as a totally innocent massager...although many of them obliquely reference less innocent uses. You could definitely use it to massage your feet at some point while your bedroom door is open and your parents are walking by. Just to, you know, throw them off the trail.

It may be a little too forceful for some, though. I can't stand the high setting, but the low setting is perfect for me.
posted by crinklebat at 2:35 PM on April 19, 2009

I like the Laya: small, discreet, and very quiet. If found, could be passed off as a palm-held massager for neck and shoulders.
posted by angiep at 2:37 PM on April 19, 2009

OP: you'll get more helpful answers if you could post a follow-up through the mods, saying whether you're male or female. Those tiny "discreet" clitoral-focused vibes, or their methods of concealment, won't do a hell of a lot for you if you're a dude and you're looking for an anal-safe vibrator.
posted by CKmtl at 2:37 PM on April 19, 2009

update form the OP
No, my folks aren't hyperconservative; in fact, they're pretty liberal. However, I do not completely trust my mother to not go through my crap (she's the mom who will go through everything when I'm on campus and I exhort 'Why are you doing that?!' and she won't respond!), and I don't want her to come on buzzy things. She usually doesn't go through my crap, but every so often, she'll feel the urge to organize things in a drawer.
posted by jessamyn at 2:37 PM on April 19, 2009

My girlfriend recommends browsing this site. She says that though you can often find it cheaper elsewhere, the reviews are very good when deciding how concealable and quiet a vibrator is.
posted by Carillon at 2:52 PM on April 19, 2009

A female friend of mine suggests the Fukuoku. Pretty much only for clitoral stimulation, and dead easy to hide.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:06 PM on April 19, 2009

OP update: I don't want her to come on buzzy things


...I'm so twelve.

That said, another vote for the Laya, which some I know have recommended.
posted by liquado at 3:46 PM on April 19, 2009 [2 favorites]

I second crinklebat that the Wahl is awesome, and you can definitely tell your mom it's for your neck - hell, you can even use it on your neck, too. It's marketed for sore muscles, not as a sex toy.
posted by insectosaurus at 8:01 PM on April 19, 2009

Re: Wahl 7-in-1 and its ilk:

If you're into the type of products that plug into the wall, and discretion is important to you, you may also want to make sure that your device does not affect the house's television reception. Don't ask me how I know this-- just trust me .
posted by applemeat at 9:28 AM on April 20, 2009

"It looks like and actually works as a razor (it even comes with cartridges), but when you put the cap on and press some set of buttons, it turns into a personal massager with 32 different speed and mode combinations."
posted by iviken at 2:00 PM on April 20, 2009

IMO, you should bring your old faithful...AND buy/beg/borrow something truly outlandish that's likely to completely freak her out.

What you want is for your mom to stop going through your shit. Put something in there that will squick her out enough to make her stop. Your vibrator will be minor in comparision.

I'm writing this as a mother myself, BTW. The habit of keeping tabs on what your kids are doing is very hard to break. You are a grown-up and she needs to cut it out.
posted by Sublimity at 10:09 PM on April 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

The Lelo gigi is strong, well made, adjustable, and VERY quiet. There are great products to conceal your toy in like pillows or the amazing new toi bocks which looks like a jewelery box but the secret compartment contains room for a vibe, lube, condoms, and even a flogger :)
posted by Ekidnagrrl17 at 8:43 PM on September 22, 2009

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