What are the WORST THINGS about being pregnant?

March 12, 2009 2:33 PM

What are the WORST THINGS about being pregnant?

I'm in a weird situation - one of my friends just became pregnant, and the other cannot get pregnant. I'm a pretty funny girl, so I thought with both of them I'd talk about the worst things - to make non preggo feel better, and to jocularly keep it real with my preggo friend (who would LOVE to talk about the worst stuff with me, as I'm prob going to be the only one not treating her like a china doll, lol).

So, what are the WORST THINGS about being pregnant? The weirder the better, though the normal stuff like flatulence and hemorrhoids and stretch marks welcome, too. :)

posted by 2003girl to Health & Fitness (42 answers total)

Having a baby.
posted by box at 2:35 PM on March 12, 2009 [16 favorites]

I have friends (a couple) who just found out they cannot have bio children due to the woman's health issues. I cannot imagine any sort of joking that would be well-received right now. they are just so sad to have that door shut in their face and are trying very hard to focus instead on the positive aspects of other choices, such as the adoption they are now pursuing. I think you can serve both friends better through using your natural funniness to support them with positive thoughts about what they are able and willing to do in their lives.
posted by supermedusa at 2:42 PM on March 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"

The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.

"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"
posted by netbros at 2:49 PM on March 12, 2009 [3 favorites]

echoing the above: do not joke with the non-pregnant friend unless she starts the joking. And even then, tread very carefully. It's an enormously emotional issue.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:49 PM on March 12, 2009

The worst thing about being pregnant is imagining all of the horrifying and difficult scenarios regarding the multitude of things that can go wrong in a pregnancy and birth of the child. None of which are remotely funny. (There was a very touching Askme question along this line a couple of days ago, which I am not going to link to out of respect. It is worth a read if you can't imagine how hard pregnancy can be.)

Going through infertility problems with friends of mine at the moment I can assure you that joking about any aspect of pregnancy would be of the utmost in poor taste. Maybe try another angle to support both friends. Like marathon viewing sessions of your favorite tv shows or shopping excursions or offering to do errands for both friends while they are going through this stressful time.
posted by meerkatty at 2:51 PM on March 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

You have a weird sense of humor. A woman having fertility problems should probably be considered off limits when it comes to pregnancy jokes--trust me, she will NOT find your insensitivity funny.

I can understand wanting to joke with your pregnant friend, though. One of the most annoying, if not actually worst things, is complete strangers asking you all the frickin' time when you are due and wanting to put their hands on your stomach.
posted by misha at 2:52 PM on March 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

FWIW, we both got a little tired of being asked whether "we knew what causes that"*. Seconding what supermedusa says towards the end. You clearly mean well, but...er...I'm not sure it will help.

* - we have more than the average number of children.
posted by jquinby at 2:54 PM on March 12, 2009

Personally, I'd skip the kidding around with the friend who is having fertility problems. People who really want to have a child aren't really comforted by being told the upsides of missing out on stretch marks.

Thirded. I have known people in this situation and you really should never make light of it. If they're serious about having a baby it's probably somewhere between upsetting and destroying their lives. I suppose some people could make light of it. I've never met any.

Oh, and your pregnant friend - not to be cruel, but not every pregnancy works out. I've known as many people who have lost pregnancies as have had trouble getting pregnant. Frankly, I find it amazing anyone gets born given the failure rate. I have no idea how those teenage kids do it.

My experience after having met people with a lot of different outcomes from trying to have kids is never to talk about it unless they bring it up. Because you don't want to be the one joking about morning sickness the day after a miscarriage.

Sorry to be a downer.
posted by GuyZero at 2:55 PM on March 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Though I haven't been pregnant myself, I'm told that the topography of your vulva changes, sometimes dramatically, when you give birth.
posted by ocherdraco at 2:57 PM on March 12, 2009

Oh there's tons that sucks about being pregnant: the restricted diet, no hot tubs, constantly needing to pee, the interminable backache, the kicks to the ribs/kidneys/random internal organs, inability to sleep, constant worry and fretting over every single thing you do, obsessing over obtaining the "right" gear, nausea, acid stomach for 9 months straight, swollen painful ankles and hands, carpel tunnel, having everything smell bad, people touching your belly without asking, running into furniture because you're so much bigger than you realize, falling down in the middle of the street because you center of gravity is off, intrusive questions about the desirability of the pregnancy/possible methods of birth control, shortness of breath, having no clothes that fit you, inability to be comfortable in any chair, constipation from prenatal vitamins, hemorrhoids, loss of libido, being too hot/too cold all the time. That's just off the top of my head.

None of that is really all that funny.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 3:08 PM on March 12, 2009 [5 favorites]

I don't want to rain on your parade, but I agree with the above. Go easy and be careful - if you really want to know the worst things about being pregnant/not pregnant, then sit down with your friends, separately, to give each of them time to talk to you about it and listen to what they have to say. In this scenario, by actually listening to them, your natural charm and wit will come across and they'll appreciate your concern and attention. If you don't have natural wit, just you being there to listen will count for a lot. Trying to find some gags to make them laugh will probably smack of effort, and just make them cringe and politely wait it out until you leave. I'd avoid the use of the word 'preggo'.

It's nice that you are thinking of them and making an effort to their spirits up.
posted by Elmore at 3:10 PM on March 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

one of my friends just became pregnant, and the other cannot get pregnant.

From personal experience, you should not in any way shape or form attempt to make the person who cannot get pregnant feel better by suggesting that it's difficult or unpleasant in some way. This will really, really piss them off, to the point that you may lose them as a friend. It is the female equivalent of comforting a man who loses his penis in an accident by telling dick jokes.

In fact, it is likely that the one who cannot conceive -- who is already hearing "why don't you just adopt?" and "at least you won't gain any weight" from other thoughtless people -- will not want to talk about it and will not want to hang out with the pregnant one, or talk about it at all. Think how you'd feel if you desperately wanted a child, but you felt like your body had let you down, and your only options involved spending tremendous amounts of money or giving up your dream?
posted by davejay at 3:12 PM on March 12, 2009 [3 favorites]

From my previous comment, let me change the wording to emphasize the frustration she's likely feeling: "felt like your body had let you down betrayed you"
posted by davejay at 3:13 PM on March 12, 2009

Worst thing about being preggers: people joking about the worst thing about being pregnant. It's all bad - from morning sickness to worrying about pooping when you're pushing the baby out. Yeah. I said that.

Worst thing about not being pregnant when that's all you want in the world: people joking about the worst things about being pregnant - knowing it will never be you and you will never experience the thrill of morning sickness and KNOWING that you are carrying a life.
posted by Sassyfras at 3:15 PM on March 12, 2009

And just to drive the point home, my wife and I went through this for three years before we conceived at great expense and after much stress (mental for both, physical for my wife) -- and during that time, we couldn't sit at a restaurant if parents with children came in (we'd leave) and I walked out of a meeting without a word so I wouldn't verbally rip somebody's head off for dropping a tangential "hey, at least your life is easy -- it's not like you're a father" (He knew about our struggles.)
posted by davejay at 3:17 PM on March 12, 2009

Per davejay's comment, I once asked a co-worker about another co-worker saying "why don't they have kids? he'd make a great father." I was told he'd been trying for three years. I felt like a grade-A jerk right there. You can't even discuss this subject most of the time, much less joke about it.
posted by GuyZero at 3:23 PM on March 12, 2009

One other thing--if you REALLY want to be a great friend to your pregnant friend...

After she has the baby, if even ONE jerk asks her when she is due because she hasn't yet lost the baby weight?

Punch Em' in the Dick.

posted by misha at 3:29 PM on March 12, 2009

Response by poster: sorry - should clarify: we are weird people, and have weird senses of humor. my non-preggo friend is constantly cracking jokes, and my preggo friend knows it might not work out for her, either. i'm not some meanie who wants to poke fun...i just want to kind of bring perspective and the funneh amist a group of girls who love each other, have similar quirky styles and senses of humor and want to laugh in times of joy AND sorrow.
posted by 2003girl at 3:36 PM on March 12, 2009

No, really, don't do it. Find something else to be funny about if you think they need cheering up.

There's a huge difference between someone making jokes about their own pain, and someone making jokes about someone else's pain.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:41 PM on March 12, 2009 [4 favorites]

Well, the movie Eraserhead by David Lynch is pretty much ground zero as far as nightmare scenarios of pregnancy go, methinks. Although the pregnancy there is oddly truncated.
posted by koeselitz at 3:49 PM on March 12, 2009

LEAKAGE
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:49 PM on March 12, 2009

My skin was the worst it's ever been, and my hair fell out in clumps. Glowing. Not.
posted by lottie at 3:54 PM on March 12, 2009

Not the worst, but being completely honest, until probably the fourth month when you start really popping forward, you just kinda look like you're getting way fat.
posted by banannafish at 3:58 PM on March 12, 2009

my non-preggo friend is constantly cracking jokes

Nobody here -- certainly not me -- would suggest you're trying to do anything other than the right thing. Which is why we are -- certainly I am -- suggesting you don't do it. People use humor to mask pain, and to make light of it so that the conversation can move on -- she likely doesn't want it to become the jokey subject du jour. Since you have such warped senses of humor, find something else to joke about so that the subject doesn't have to come up.

In fact, you might think about it like having two really good friends, who are way overboard into fighting about politics and support opposing parties; if you have 'em over for drinks, politics is the one thing that should never, ever come up, not even as a joke.
posted by davejay at 4:00 PM on March 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

Being pregnant and receiving unscientific advice go hand in hand but Nth that this is a terrible way to go about having teh LOLZ. I have a sick sense of humour most of the time but what you want to do is not appropriate. It would be akin to saying "Yeah, but at least you don't have to pick up his smelly socks anymore! Heh!" to a widow.
posted by kmennie at 4:31 PM on March 12, 2009

Yes, well I'm in to rude/weird humour more than most. It's not the same when somebody else makes the joke on you as when you make it of yourself (I personally joke about when I reached 60" in circumference when pregnant, dressing up as a pumpkin for halloween, but it's MY joke about MY body). Besides, what happens if for some of the many reasons listed here, one (or both) of your friends decides that it's not so funny? Then you're in a not so great situation. Let them be the ones who own the jokes about their situation, particularly since each of them is in a tough situation, particularly in reference to the other.

Why not use your warped creative sense of humour to outdo yourself about the BEST of each of your friends' situations? That way they get to be in control over the negative jokes to the degree that they wish, and you still come off being witty and yet still supportive?
posted by kch at 4:32 PM on March 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

For what it's worth, when I was pregnant I enjoyed making all manner of jokes about my state. But if anyone dared make any such joke about me, I would cry. And possibly hit.

Your role with both of your friends, right now, with regard to comedy, is simply to laugh when THEY make the jokes.
posted by padraigin at 5:12 PM on March 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

Worst part about being pregnant? Constipation, not being able to have a beer, tiredness, morning sickness all day long.

However. I would ask both friends what they'd like. "Do you want to talk about the fertility treatments, or do you want a break; we can always talk about this fabulous skirt I just got at Goodwill." and "You look gorgeous; are you sick to death of talking about it, or do you want to horrify me with your stretch marks." To the infertile friend, always say, "I'm here if you need me" and mean it. To the pregnant friend, always say "You look fabulous" whether you mean it or not.
posted by theora55 at 5:27 PM on March 12, 2009 [3 favorites]

I haven't been pregnant, so I can't speak from personal experience, but observationally it would seem that unsolicited advice and having your behavior monitored by loved ones and strangers alike would be really annoying. I remember sitting at a Mexican restaurant with a very pregnant friend and her family. This friend reached out for a sip of her husband's margarita, and got shouted at by her husband, her mother, and assorted members of the dinner party. This was the last straw that day in terms of constant monitoring, and she just burst in to tears. I'm sure all the physical, bodily changes suck, too.

As for joking with your non-prego friend, please don't do it. She may make jokes, to which I would probably give her a small chuckle, but please don't initiate any jokes yourself. Even if she laughs at the time, it could be very painful for her and something she dwells on later. Not worth the risk, in my opinion.
posted by JenMarie at 5:37 PM on March 12, 2009

The fact that after birth you're stuck with a kid?
posted by DieHipsterDie at 5:38 PM on March 12, 2009

I'm gonna echo some other folks here. I made jokes with a friend who was pregnant with twins about how one of the twins was fat and the other was thin. The thin one didn't make it. I feel awful about it, even if she doesn't.
posted by kamikazegopher at 5:38 PM on March 12, 2009

Response by poster: i appreciate all this advice on all sides of the fence. though within my little clique it hasn't seemed so, i now recognize that this is an *extremely* touchy subject for 99.9% of people (at least here on mefi). my heart goes out to all people on here that are having trouble conceiving/had trouble conceiving. i am sorry if my question offends some, and i appreciate the horror stories from people who have said stupid things and who are trying to protect me from making the same mistake. i apologize if my question appeared flippant. i wuv both my gfs and just want everyone to be happy.

man, one of the things that comes with adulthood is fertility stress, i see! now i'm stressed myself about my own possibilities, even though i'm not ready for kids yet...aaargh.
posted by 2003girl at 5:56 PM on March 12, 2009

2003girl: "sorry - should clarify: we are weird people, and have weird senses of humor. my non-preggo friend is constantly cracking jokes..."

Listen, I am a funny person and I have a weird sense of humour and I think I carry my infertility as lightly as any woman can, but I have to Nth the notion that this is not a great idea - but mostly because it's just stupid.

"Oh my God, you can get stretch marks? And hemroids? I HAD NO IDEA. Jesus Christ, I totally wanted to have a baby but now that you've mentioned that, I'm so glad to be infertile! You're so right; at least I won't ruin my bikini line!"

Not a conversation often had. I promise you, there really isn't a funny side to infertility, at least until the morning when you wake up and realise you're paying someone to stick needles in your forehead twice a week, eating a diet that makes your friends with cancer take pity on you, and begging your friends to smuggle lizard penis tea back from their Costa Rican vacations.

That's pretty funny.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:57 PM on March 12, 2009 [3 favorites]

No really, no matter how weird the humor held amongst friends when you deal with hormone laden crazy on the one hand and on the other, wannabe hormone crazy you should just back away.

You think people get irrational over their weddings? You have seen nothing yet with pregnancy or someone being broody.

What was the worst part of being pregnant? Not being the same and knowing that I would NEVER be the same again.
posted by jadepearl at 6:03 PM on March 12, 2009

I have been pregnant, terrified of not getting pregnant, and terrified of having something bad happen to the baby. And I did my best to build an armor out of horribly offensive, worst-possible taste jokes I could think of. But there were many many chinks in that armor, and underneath it was a world of pain. A shared sick sense of humor is a wonderful thing, but it will not tell you which jokes are going to get through that armor and pierce her to the heart. Make them laugh about other things.
posted by Betsy Vane at 6:12 PM on March 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

Hearing the words "stitches" and "clitoris" in the same sentence.
posted by tiburon at 6:23 PM on March 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm not pregnant, but my wife is. Currently 37 weeks and about ready to drop. Your friends' mileage may vary, but here are some things that have made her miserable.

First three months:

--Morning sickness. This is a misnomer, because it's just simply sickness that can strike at any time of the day and last for long periods of time. It kept my wife from leaving the house most days because every smell known to man--including the good ones--made her sick. Smelling food cooking made her sick. Watching anything remotely gross--like a cooking show--made her sick. She was really miserable, but the upside is that (not just) morning sickness only lasts throughout the first trimester.

Middle three months:

--In the second trimester, she mostly felt GREAT! Her (not just) morning sickness was gone, she had lots of energy, belly not yet big so she could move around more or less normally, and her complexion and skin tone were really nice--and still are.

Last three months:

--Now in the third trimester, she can't run. She walks in a kind of bow-legged waddle, which is cute as hell to me, but she hates it and wants to be able to run, jog, move quickly.

--She ususally sleeps on her stomach, but now obviously can't. Has to sleep on one side or the other, depending on the baby's moods.

--Babies start kicking relatively early, around the 5 or 6 month mark. As the kid gets bigger, his kicks and punches become surprising and even painful.

--The pressure on her bladder makes her pee constantly.

--Recently the kid's head is moving slowly downward, putting pressure on her groin that apparently hurts like a bastard. She has to squat to relieve the pressure.

--Now that the deadline is coming any day now, she's WORRIED. She's defered that fear for months now but can't any longer; the baby will come very soon.
posted by zardoz at 8:00 PM on March 12, 2009

I knocked over a huge Krispy Kreme donuts display with my belly at about 8 months. In the ice cream aisle. In front of lots of people.

And I got stuck getting out of my car in a crowded parking lot. In front of a restaurant, again with lots of people watching. I was wedged between my door and the car frame and had to pop up, out and over to get out.

Good times.

And nthing about the jokes to your infertile friend. Go anywhere but there.
posted by mdiskin at 8:15 PM on March 12, 2009

I would have to echo the advice to NOT joke with the infertile friend. I know a woman who cannot have children and she is heartbroken over the situation. I can't imagine your being seen as an understanding friend if you are able to joke about something so devastating to her.
posted by Piscean at 8:22 PM on March 12, 2009

Best answer: It sounds like you've had these conversations before, and maybe you couldn't think of anything to contribute? That was your brain doing you a favor: they can make the jokes, you probably shouldn't. If a joke comes naturally, you can say it, but I think it's ill-advised to go into future conversations with 'material'. I know your intentions are good, and you sound like a really good friend. I bet you're already doing all you need to do.
posted by juliplease at 9:47 PM on March 12, 2009

Please don't do it. Just be there for your friend.
posted by FergieBelle at 6:05 AM on March 13, 2009

Mom of a two year old, currently struggling with infertiity. A person would have to have a very, very witty and insightful sense of humor for it to be okay for them to make jokes about my inability to get pregnant. If there is any humor to my situation, it's the incredibly dumb-ass things people say to me, like "you just need to go away for a weekend ('cause, you know, I can ovulate on demand)", "you're lucky you only have one...(gesturing at their small child) this one was a mistake", "maybe you should just try to relax". If you want to make fun of anything, make fun of the incredibly stupid things that other people say. DON"T be one of those people who say stupid things.
posted by echolalia67 at 5:50 PM on March 15, 2009