How do I develop a sense of humor?
March 4, 2009 4:14 PM Subscribe
I'm waaaay too serious (please excuse the irony in my even asking this question): What makes for good humor and how can I learn to get better at using it to improve my relationships with other people?
I've learned that humor is how we prevent ourselves and others from taking things too seriously, from getting stuck in the mire of everyday drudgery. In a recession/depression, humor is more important than ever for keeping things in perspective. My problem is, I need to learn how to do this. I am often too serious and I need help to get in shape, to work off the weight of the world that weighs me down.
Presently, I'm trying to hang around funny people to learn from them and watch comedy programs like the Colbert Report and the Daily Show. I suspect there's more. What else can I do or what has been helpful for you in your experience?
Are there any specific guides or exercises for how to cultivate a better sense of humor? Do you have any experiences, tips, suggestions, advice, resources, web links, books, magazine articles, youtube clips, movies, and comedy programs that would be helpful in developing a better sense of humor?
Assuming I know nothing, what makes for good humor? Are there humor calisthenics I could practice? Clubs? Forums? Workout videos? User manuals? Habits?
Altruistically, I also know that my getting better with humor is not only good for my own state of mind, but also means better relationships with other people and a better quality of life for almost everyone I talk with throughout the course of a day.
Please excuse the lack of humor in this post. In tough times, can you help make the world a better place with your suggestion of something you've found helpful to change that?
I've learned that humor is how we prevent ourselves and others from taking things too seriously, from getting stuck in the mire of everyday drudgery. In a recession/depression, humor is more important than ever for keeping things in perspective. My problem is, I need to learn how to do this. I am often too serious and I need help to get in shape, to work off the weight of the world that weighs me down.
Presently, I'm trying to hang around funny people to learn from them and watch comedy programs like the Colbert Report and the Daily Show. I suspect there's more. What else can I do or what has been helpful for you in your experience?
Are there any specific guides or exercises for how to cultivate a better sense of humor? Do you have any experiences, tips, suggestions, advice, resources, web links, books, magazine articles, youtube clips, movies, and comedy programs that would be helpful in developing a better sense of humor?
Assuming I know nothing, what makes for good humor? Are there humor calisthenics I could practice? Clubs? Forums? Workout videos? User manuals? Habits?
Altruistically, I also know that my getting better with humor is not only good for my own state of mind, but also means better relationships with other people and a better quality of life for almost everyone I talk with throughout the course of a day.
Please excuse the lack of humor in this post. In tough times, can you help make the world a better place with your suggestion of something you've found helpful to change that?
Best answer: You could read up a little on American Humor. That might at least provide some context.
posted by gyusan at 4:22 PM on March 4, 2009
posted by gyusan at 4:22 PM on March 4, 2009
Best answer: Take your elbow and whack it into a wall. Repeat until it hurts so much that you're laughing. You need to be able to laugh at yourself to have a good sense of humor. If masochism isn't your thing, get in front of a mirror. Now, state loudly and boldly, "I am Mr./Ms./Mrs. Serious and I must be taken seriously!" Do this over and over, gradually increasing your hand gestures and volume. Get carried away with it. You'll laugh.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:29 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:29 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Improv should be more helpful than watching scripted shows, because it gives you a little insight into the process of coming up with funny/insightful things on the spot.
Watch old episodes of Whose Line Is It Anyway. Or, better yet, find a local improv troupe, attend a few shows, and try to work up the nerve to participate.
posted by arianell at 4:30 PM on March 4, 2009
Watch old episodes of Whose Line Is It Anyway. Or, better yet, find a local improv troupe, attend a few shows, and try to work up the nerve to participate.
posted by arianell at 4:30 PM on March 4, 2009
Don't take this as offense, but I am kind of wondering if you have been diagnosed with something such as Asperger's, autism, or PDD-NOS. These conditions frequently feature an inability to understand humor and non-verbal cues (the latter of which may be part of body language or how a sentence is said, such as its prosody).
What makes you laugh? For me, it's cerebral or absurd wit. Listen to some Python or Carlin.
You might enjoy more crude humor occasionally, too - sex jokes, toilet jokes, even dead baby jokes, which are a category of my favorite jokes.
Read some scientific papers about humor. Fuck, even read the Wikipedia article about humor.
If you want some moderately funny things to start with, listen to Flight of the Conchords, such as 'The Humans are Dead' or 'Inner City Pressure' or 'Rhymenoceros vs. Hiphopopotamus' or 'Business Time' .
posted by kldickson at 4:31 PM on March 4, 2009
What makes you laugh? For me, it's cerebral or absurd wit. Listen to some Python or Carlin.
You might enjoy more crude humor occasionally, too - sex jokes, toilet jokes, even dead baby jokes, which are a category of my favorite jokes.
Read some scientific papers about humor. Fuck, even read the Wikipedia article about humor.
If you want some moderately funny things to start with, listen to Flight of the Conchords, such as 'The Humans are Dead' or 'Inner City Pressure' or 'Rhymenoceros vs. Hiphopopotamus' or 'Business Time' .
posted by kldickson at 4:31 PM on March 4, 2009
The funniest people I know just find everything really funny because that's their personality. When they tell jokes, their glee kinda shows through and it makes stuff funny that might not be otherwise.
In that sense, I think maybe you're approaching this the wrong way. If you watch a bunch of funny things and treat it like this big technical production, I don't think that's going to come through as anything but awkward. It might be more productive to start with trying to see the humor in everything. If something pisses you off, take a step back and try to see the humor. If something makes you sad, take a step back and try to see the humor. In other words, I think it's more about a change in perspective or personality than trying to master an arcane art.
I agree with the first poster: no humor is better than trying too hard.
posted by Nattie at 4:34 PM on March 4, 2009
In that sense, I think maybe you're approaching this the wrong way. If you watch a bunch of funny things and treat it like this big technical production, I don't think that's going to come through as anything but awkward. It might be more productive to start with trying to see the humor in everything. If something pisses you off, take a step back and try to see the humor. If something makes you sad, take a step back and try to see the humor. In other words, I think it's more about a change in perspective or personality than trying to master an arcane art.
I agree with the first poster: no humor is better than trying too hard.
posted by Nattie at 4:34 PM on March 4, 2009
Oh, one thing I'll add: one difference I've noticed between people who seem really funny and those who don't, is that people who are really funny have a much better filter on them. Meaning, if they think of something and it's only sort of funny, they don't bother to say it. This is what I tend to do in real life and people seem to think I'm really funny. If your average of great jokes to mediocre jokes is high, it doesn't matter if you make much fewer jokes. They get the idea that whenever you say something, it's super funny.
What tends to grate on people fast is if someone will just say whatever haphazard, semi-coherent joke that comes to mind. Then it comes across as they're constantly talking, and it's almost never that funny.
posted by Nattie at 4:41 PM on March 4, 2009 [9 favorites]
What tends to grate on people fast is if someone will just say whatever haphazard, semi-coherent joke that comes to mind. Then it comes across as they're constantly talking, and it's almost never that funny.
posted by Nattie at 4:41 PM on March 4, 2009 [9 favorites]
Best answer: The old saying is that "comedy equals tragedy plus time." Personally, I've always found the time component to be overrated.
I've found that I'm usually funniest when I'm at my lowest, so I highly recommend pain as a humor motivator. I learned my craft in school, but I suspect a similar comedy incubator could be manufactured: put yourself at the mercy of a pack of truly hostile types, and then try to find different ways to disarm them using nothing but your wit. Eventually, you'll either die, or develop a sense of what amuses them. In other words: spend more time on MetaTalk.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:46 PM on March 4, 2009
I've found that I'm usually funniest when I'm at my lowest, so I highly recommend pain as a humor motivator. I learned my craft in school, but I suspect a similar comedy incubator could be manufactured: put yourself at the mercy of a pack of truly hostile types, and then try to find different ways to disarm them using nothing but your wit. Eventually, you'll either die, or develop a sense of what amuses them. In other words: spend more time on MetaTalk.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:46 PM on March 4, 2009
I think its mostly attitude and mindset. All I have to do is stop taking things so seriously and the jokes flow. It just happens, but not if Im in the wrong mindset. I dont think overanalyzing this or repeating jokes rote really works. You have to find some way to loosen up, smile, and not take things so seriously.
Perhaps making friends with a jokester will help you loosen up a bit. You guys can play against each other. I have someone like this in my life and it really helps.
posted by damn dirty ape at 4:52 PM on March 4, 2009
Perhaps making friends with a jokester will help you loosen up a bit. You guys can play against each other. I have someone like this in my life and it really helps.
posted by damn dirty ape at 4:52 PM on March 4, 2009
I think it needs to be said: If there's something that can make you laugh, then you have a sense of humour. That's all that's required. It might be dark, twisted, deranged or crude, but it will be a sense of humour nonetheless.
posted by kisch mokusch at 4:55 PM on March 4, 2009
posted by kisch mokusch at 4:55 PM on March 4, 2009
Best answer: Make a list of what makes YOU laugh. That is the starting point, as you can't be funny about something that is not funny to YOU.
Once you make a list, you can look at the commonalities, what aspects are funny, seek out similar things that are funny. Hopefully it will allow you to let go and have fun with the funny, which will lighten your load, and THEN you can share with others.
posted by Vaike at 5:12 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Once you make a list, you can look at the commonalities, what aspects are funny, seek out similar things that are funny. Hopefully it will allow you to let go and have fun with the funny, which will lighten your load, and THEN you can share with others.
posted by Vaike at 5:12 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Did anyone else read the OP in Data's voice?
Seriously, though, I'm going through a similar process and I think the drollness comes from conversational habits formed in professional settings. There's a certain expectation of thoroughness and seriousness when it comes to work exchanges and in my case it started to bleed into my everyday locution. Self-deprecation is a huge shortcut towards likability; when used correctly and in moderation it can be quite disarming. When I catch myself going on and on about a topic I find interesting and know quite a bit about without any reciprocation I'll often relieve the tension by calling myself a nerd or by observing that I'm boring the other person to death.
Most disarming and funny people are simply pointing things out that everyone else already knows but phrasing them in a way that puts people at ease without offending anyone. I have a fairly esoteric sense of humor and often struggle to reconcile my desire to appear intelligent and well read with my desire to actually connect with people who may not have similar interests. It can be a delicate balance, and it may be that you're just not running in the right circles of people. Was the motivation for this post a specific incident in which someone called you out for being too serious or is this coming from some internal fear?
I've found that people who don't have terribly much to say and aren't engaged with the world are often threatened by people who are opinionated and informed, but it's hard to tell if this is the case without being in your shoes for a day. I often wonder if being called too serious is simply an intellectual cop-out by the other party.
posted by Awakened at 5:13 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Seriously, though, I'm going through a similar process and I think the drollness comes from conversational habits formed in professional settings. There's a certain expectation of thoroughness and seriousness when it comes to work exchanges and in my case it started to bleed into my everyday locution. Self-deprecation is a huge shortcut towards likability; when used correctly and in moderation it can be quite disarming. When I catch myself going on and on about a topic I find interesting and know quite a bit about without any reciprocation I'll often relieve the tension by calling myself a nerd or by observing that I'm boring the other person to death.
Most disarming and funny people are simply pointing things out that everyone else already knows but phrasing them in a way that puts people at ease without offending anyone. I have a fairly esoteric sense of humor and often struggle to reconcile my desire to appear intelligent and well read with my desire to actually connect with people who may not have similar interests. It can be a delicate balance, and it may be that you're just not running in the right circles of people. Was the motivation for this post a specific incident in which someone called you out for being too serious or is this coming from some internal fear?
I've found that people who don't have terribly much to say and aren't engaged with the world are often threatened by people who are opinionated and informed, but it's hard to tell if this is the case without being in your shoes for a day. I often wonder if being called too serious is simply an intellectual cop-out by the other party.
posted by Awakened at 5:13 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
I think the easiest way to stop taking things seriously is stop taking things seriously.
posted by trotter at 5:16 PM on March 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by trotter at 5:16 PM on March 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
crapples: "The most imitated lines probably come from The Simpsons, Seinfeld (a bit out of date now, but still incredibly quotable), and Saturday Night Live (when it's good). "
Ooof, no, please don't do that. You'll sound like a nerd. Not that there's anything wrong with that... (see? Not funny.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:22 PM on March 4, 2009 [4 favorites]
Ooof, no, please don't do that. You'll sound like a nerd. Not that there's anything wrong with that... (see? Not funny.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:22 PM on March 4, 2009 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Memorize a million one-liners (Steven Wright, Mitch Hedberg, or Rodney Dangerfield*-style) and spring them on people at random, inopportune moments. Use no inflection -- just deadpan.
Some people will find you bizarre, others hilarious.
*I include Dangerfield because his stuff in self-deprecating, which tends to be funnier in unfunny people than other types of humor.
posted by coolguymichael at 5:24 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Some people will find you bizarre, others hilarious.
*I include Dangerfield because his stuff in self-deprecating, which tends to be funnier in unfunny people than other types of humor.
posted by coolguymichael at 5:24 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Learn by example - stop hanging with the serious, button-down crowd and start hanging around funny people.
Note that this question is almost impossible to answer with AskMetafilter's no-joke rules. It's just feels weird to try to tell someone how to be funny seriously. Because we learn by example.
posted by dydecker at 5:46 PM on March 4, 2009
Note that this question is almost impossible to answer with AskMetafilter's no-joke rules. It's just feels weird to try to tell someone how to be funny seriously. Because we learn by example.
posted by dydecker at 5:46 PM on March 4, 2009
Best answer: Since you asked for programs: my two favorite podcasts are The News Quiz and Ouch!, both of which can be very, very, funny. Oh, The Bugle can make me laugh out loud while I'm walking down the street, too. (But man, the Ouch! Christmas special where they were trying to remember the name of the movie about Anne Frank had me in tears... ooh, it's good.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:47 PM on March 4, 2009
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:47 PM on March 4, 2009
Go take an improv class.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:04 PM on March 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:04 PM on March 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
Im seconding dydecker on this. Don't abandon your existing friends altogether, but befriend more funny people.
Remember this: "We are who we are around"
posted by FusiveResonance at 6:49 PM on March 4, 2009
Remember this: "We are who we are around"
posted by FusiveResonance at 6:49 PM on March 4, 2009
I've been thinking on this a bit more, and the most practical advice I can give you (beyond "immerse yourself in the funny," which is the same good advice everyone else is giving you) is to know your audience. Ask yourself what context you most want to apply your new humor to. The Internet is most likely a very different forum than your work environment, which is likely very different than your family environment. Humor also differs considerably by region, age, and a million other variables. Written humor often follows certain rules that may or may not work well in spoken humor. And jokes (with punchlines) will give you a different response than quick wit (response-based banter). So figure out the audience and situation you most want to apply your wit to, and then read/watch/listen to writers/comedians who fit the profile. And try to stick to what you personally find funny. It will make the learning process much easier if you can identify the patterns in what makes you laugh, when, and why.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:07 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:07 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I swear that after reading Television Without Pity (especially back in the day -- the early 2000s) obsessively for months at a time, I became a funnier person. (Btw, I recommend the Alias recaps for maximum hilarity.)
posted by pised at 7:25 PM on March 4, 2009
posted by pised at 7:25 PM on March 4, 2009
Best answer: Not everyone has to have a winning sense of humor. From your post I'm picking up a lot of self-analysis and desire for self-improvement. That suggests you are more in the sincere/empathic/self-awareness camp, as compared to the entertaining/funny/extroverted kind of person. I get the sense that you feel you are deficient and are trying to be something you really are not. Don't do that. Okay, so you aren't funny. You don't have to be. In fact, a lot of people find funny people to be shallow. So don't hold being amusing up as some kind of goal that will make you a better person.
posted by conrad53 at 7:26 PM on March 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by conrad53 at 7:26 PM on March 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Question your existence and observe how others respond to the absurdity of their existence. Humor is found in the details of everyday mundane existence.
posted by torquemaniac at 7:27 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by torquemaniac at 7:27 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'm not quite sure this post isn't an attempt at humor.
If it isn't, just keep doing this kind of thing and wonder why people smile.
posted by 3FLryan at 7:53 PM on March 4, 2009
If it isn't, just keep doing this kind of thing and wonder why people smile.
posted by 3FLryan at 7:53 PM on March 4, 2009
Best answer: I've learned that humor is how we prevent ourselves and others from taking things too seriously
I actually don't entirely agree with you. I won't belabor you with my resume, but I've written comedy professionally and semi-professionally and held my own with people who are funny for a living on TV and in the movies. However, I have the same problem as you: I take myself too seriously. I let little problems bother me a lot. I can often see the funny side of something later, but not at the time.
Creating real comedy is very serious work. The "sad clown" is a cliche for a reason- just because you can make others laugh, doesn't make necessarily make you happy- and often it's just the opposite. What you're referring to sounds more like "having a lighthearted attitude" or even just "humility." Can't really help with that, sorry.
As far as making those around you laugh, please don't just start quoting funny things from tv. Even if what you're quoting is funny (ie not contemporary SNL or Simpsons after season 10 or so), you'll come off like the guy who uses big words to try to sound intelligent, without really knowing what they mean.
All I can leave you with is this quote from I don't know who that I may have wrong:
"A comic says funny things. A comedian says things funny."
A comic, which is the lesser of the two, repeats funny things. Anyone can do that. A real comedian can make comedy from the most ordinary words or situations. He twists the normal, the everyday, the mundane into something else entirely. Which leads me to another quote, from Chris Rock:
"A comedian is like the guy in the movie who sees the ghost."
Truly funny people see things others don't. Anyone can see someone getting hit in the balls and point and laugh. Anyone can repeat a line off tv, and get the cheap laugh of recognition that has so little to do with humor: "Oh, we both so the same thing on tv last night." "Oh he's acting and speaking like that prominent celebrity who I am aware of." A true comedian finds humor not in commonality, but in his own unique perspective.
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:25 PM on March 4, 2009 [8 favorites]
I actually don't entirely agree with you. I won't belabor you with my resume, but I've written comedy professionally and semi-professionally and held my own with people who are funny for a living on TV and in the movies. However, I have the same problem as you: I take myself too seriously. I let little problems bother me a lot. I can often see the funny side of something later, but not at the time.
Creating real comedy is very serious work. The "sad clown" is a cliche for a reason- just because you can make others laugh, doesn't make necessarily make you happy- and often it's just the opposite. What you're referring to sounds more like "having a lighthearted attitude" or even just "humility." Can't really help with that, sorry.
As far as making those around you laugh, please don't just start quoting funny things from tv. Even if what you're quoting is funny (ie not contemporary SNL or Simpsons after season 10 or so), you'll come off like the guy who uses big words to try to sound intelligent, without really knowing what they mean.
All I can leave you with is this quote from I don't know who that I may have wrong:
"A comic says funny things. A comedian says things funny."
A comic, which is the lesser of the two, repeats funny things. Anyone can do that. A real comedian can make comedy from the most ordinary words or situations. He twists the normal, the everyday, the mundane into something else entirely. Which leads me to another quote, from Chris Rock:
"A comedian is like the guy in the movie who sees the ghost."
Truly funny people see things others don't. Anyone can see someone getting hit in the balls and point and laugh. Anyone can repeat a line off tv, and get the cheap laugh of recognition that has so little to do with humor: "Oh, we both so the same thing on tv last night." "Oh he's acting and speaking like that prominent celebrity who I am aware of." A true comedian finds humor not in commonality, but in his own unique perspective.
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:25 PM on March 4, 2009 [8 favorites]
or you could just watch Mind of Mencia and do the exact opposite.*
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:25 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:25 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
*I more or less stole that joke off xkcd. True comedians also steal from each other a lot.
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:26 PM on March 4, 2009
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:26 PM on March 4, 2009
A lot of humour comes from something being unexpected.
You're normally staid and proper, right?
The trick is to pick the right time to do something that other people totally don't expect you to do (within reason).
Won't work too many times unless you have really great timing. If you're too staid and proper, when you do something unexpected, people might look at you funny.
Wag your eyebrows at them and smile.
(Then revert to staid and proper.)
((Then laugh with them when they start giggling.))
--
Being "funny" is a strange thing. It really depends on the group. A funnyman in one group can be a bore in another group. See if you can pick up on what the group seems to like. References to popular culture/tv-shows might work for some groups. Simpsons references are pretty common with my work peer group, for instance. Saturday Night Live - not so much.
Still, lots of Simpsons references are met with groans or 'meh' or even 'huh?' so timing and situation are important.
--
That said, it takes practice and the willingness to fail and feel stupid. Trying out your timing and 'unexpectedness' is going to be hard, but... do you have a peer group who'd you feel experimenting on?
posted by porpoise at 8:51 PM on March 4, 2009
You're normally staid and proper, right?
The trick is to pick the right time to do something that other people totally don't expect you to do (within reason).
Won't work too many times unless you have really great timing. If you're too staid and proper, when you do something unexpected, people might look at you funny.
Wag your eyebrows at them and smile.
(Then revert to staid and proper.)
((Then laugh with them when they start giggling.))
--
Being "funny" is a strange thing. It really depends on the group. A funnyman in one group can be a bore in another group. See if you can pick up on what the group seems to like. References to popular culture/tv-shows might work for some groups. Simpsons references are pretty common with my work peer group, for instance. Saturday Night Live - not so much.
Still, lots of Simpsons references are met with groans or 'meh' or even 'huh?' so timing and situation are important.
--
That said, it takes practice and the willingness to fail and feel stupid. Trying out your timing and 'unexpectedness' is going to be hard, but... do you have a peer group who'd you feel experimenting on?
posted by porpoise at 8:51 PM on March 4, 2009
Best answer: I have tendencies that you describe. This is one reason why I chose the nick 'Goofyy', way back when I first hit the internet (the extra 'y' is purely for uniqueness on IRC). IRC honed my humour a good bit, actually. But then, my issue with humor has been more about being uncertain when others are trying to be funny, or serious. I got a huge habit of assuming seriousness.
posted by Goofyy at 11:53 PM on March 4, 2009
posted by Goofyy at 11:53 PM on March 4, 2009
Best answer: While I like the Colbert Report and the Daily Show, the humour is quite aggressive and is not useful for helping forge closer relationships with other people.
If you're trying to make friends, it's very important to smile. Being able to laugh is a bonus, but it's not necessary. Making jokes is a good skill to have, but is unnecessary. Remember, people laugh in order to relieve tension, and often a constant stream of jokes is a source of tension.
As well, your sense of humour may be a little different than everyone elses. Mine sure is. I laugh in the wrong places during movies. And my sense of humour is not suitable for the business world I now inhabit, so I shut it down during the day. But that's okay because we all have different personas for different situations.
Just learn how to smile. And learn what makes you laugh.
Personally, I think "Post Captain" by Patrick O'Brian is one of the funniest books I have ever read. O'Brian writes with a witty, gentle sense of humour, and that appeals to me.
On the other hand, I really really like Trailer Park Boys and South Park. But not Family Guy.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:55 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
If you're trying to make friends, it's very important to smile. Being able to laugh is a bonus, but it's not necessary. Making jokes is a good skill to have, but is unnecessary. Remember, people laugh in order to relieve tension, and often a constant stream of jokes is a source of tension.
As well, your sense of humour may be a little different than everyone elses. Mine sure is. I laugh in the wrong places during movies. And my sense of humour is not suitable for the business world I now inhabit, so I shut it down during the day. But that's okay because we all have different personas for different situations.
Just learn how to smile. And learn what makes you laugh.
Personally, I think "Post Captain" by Patrick O'Brian is one of the funniest books I have ever read. O'Brian writes with a witty, gentle sense of humour, and that appeals to me.
On the other hand, I really really like Trailer Park Boys and South Park. But not Family Guy.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:55 PM on March 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Oh, yes, I can't really recommend quoting the Simpsons or any other tv show. Spouting off canned one-liners is not really communicating with people, and communication and forming deeper, longer lasting bonds is really the point isn't it?
posted by KokuRyu at 11:56 PM on March 4, 2009
posted by KokuRyu at 11:56 PM on March 4, 2009
Best answer: I listen to a ton of podcasts, and I find that I naturally incorporate speech patterns from the people I enjoy most. You may be able to gain some humor through osmosis by listening to so funny, bantering shows--I particularly like You Look Nice Today, and Adam Carolla just launched a new podcast, and if you like videogames, Listen Up (formerly 1up Yours) can be pretty good.
posted by martens at 12:31 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by martens at 12:31 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Best answer: This is more than I normally share, but I was probably 97% totally serious until I married my husband, who's naturally funny and can establish a rapport with most people. He doesn't do jokes but plays off people- making fun of them, himself and (all too often) me. He has a gift for going there and gets away with murder. It's all chirping crickets when I try to tell a funny story, where he'd have everyone in tears with just a slight variation. I couldn't tell a joke right if my cat's life depended on it. My family quotes tv and movies all the time, but only when it's really really appropriate (or really really not). Our household is pretty relaxed and funny but taking it out to the world is a lot harder for me.
What I'm saying is, after many, many years of close study I've loosened up a lot but will never be able to be funny to a group. And that's okay. If I keep at it, I'll be a fun old lady in a few years. For now I take down the easy targets, like calling myself out for doing something dumb (frequent) or teasing senior citizens about imagined outrageous behaviour (Did they kick you out?). I hold court and act so stoopid with the nieces and nephews- crazy pretend karate, preschooler name-calling games (you're a refrigerator, you're a stinky shoe) -and yes, joking about farts with the older ones- that when my father-in-law came in to put a check on the fun all he found was very giggly but controlled chaos.
So practice with an easy audience. Also, you can accept your limitations and hone your secret weapon: the element of surprise. Like porpoise said, if you come across as very serious and reserved, sometimes the smallest self-deprecation breaks ice like crazy. (Sorry, but I'd ditch the wagging your eyebrows part- just enjoy the moment and move on.) You won't always get an actual laugh but if you're genuine and don't try too hard you'll get sparkles.
posted by auntbunny at 1:18 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
What I'm saying is, after many, many years of close study I've loosened up a lot but will never be able to be funny to a group. And that's okay. If I keep at it, I'll be a fun old lady in a few years. For now I take down the easy targets, like calling myself out for doing something dumb (frequent) or teasing senior citizens about imagined outrageous behaviour (Did they kick you out?). I hold court and act so stoopid with the nieces and nephews- crazy pretend karate, preschooler name-calling games (you're a refrigerator, you're a stinky shoe) -and yes, joking about farts with the older ones- that when my father-in-law came in to put a check on the fun all he found was very giggly but controlled chaos.
So practice with an easy audience. Also, you can accept your limitations and hone your secret weapon: the element of surprise. Like porpoise said, if you come across as very serious and reserved, sometimes the smallest self-deprecation breaks ice like crazy. (Sorry, but I'd ditch the wagging your eyebrows part- just enjoy the moment and move on.) You won't always get an actual laugh but if you're genuine and don't try too hard you'll get sparkles.
posted by auntbunny at 1:18 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Gee, this is a toughie. How does one "develop" a sense of humour? Someone made the best suggestion, further up in the thread, about thinking about what makes you laugh. Something must make you laugh, right? Is it slapstick (think Three Stooges), is it surreal or bizzare (think Monty Python), is it clever one-liners (think Bob Hope), is it satire (think South Park), is it toilet humour (think Family Guy). Maybe watch a few episodes of each of these, see what tickles your fancy.
I often find British comedy far more "laugh out loud" funnier than American comedy, so if you can get a good dose of that somehow, it could help. Try any episode of Fawlty Towers, or the middle seasons of Red Dwarf, or any episode of Black Adder, if you can get them. Having said that, the show that consistently gives me the most belly laughs would be Family Guy. Any of Mel Brook's movies are good too. And Seinfeld...must watch Seinfeld...start with The Contest :-)
Like others said, try and do something "out of the ordinary". Maybe that just *is* a well-worn Simpson's quote, at the right moment. It's a start. Smile more. Laugh at other people's jokes. Loosen your tie. Maybe go to the bar with people after work. Come in on casual Friday wearing an outrageous T shirt!!
Above all, take it easy. You don't have to be George Carlin right away.
posted by humpy at 2:43 AM on March 5, 2009
I often find British comedy far more "laugh out loud" funnier than American comedy, so if you can get a good dose of that somehow, it could help. Try any episode of Fawlty Towers, or the middle seasons of Red Dwarf, or any episode of Black Adder, if you can get them. Having said that, the show that consistently gives me the most belly laughs would be Family Guy. Any of Mel Brook's movies are good too. And Seinfeld...must watch Seinfeld...start with The Contest :-)
Like others said, try and do something "out of the ordinary". Maybe that just *is* a well-worn Simpson's quote, at the right moment. It's a start. Smile more. Laugh at other people's jokes. Loosen your tie. Maybe go to the bar with people after work. Come in on casual Friday wearing an outrageous T shirt!!
Above all, take it easy. You don't have to be George Carlin right away.
posted by humpy at 2:43 AM on March 5, 2009
Best answer: You should not try to hard to be funny. Some people aren't funny. You should try to develop your sense of humor. Your sense of humor is the ability to see the funny side of situations. It is the ability to laugh at yourself. If you develop these things, people will enjoy being with you. Find out what what makes you laugh the more you laugh, the more easily it will come.
Personally, I don't care if the people around me tell funny jokes. I just want them to laugh, or to be silly.
posted by Gor-ella at 7:09 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Personally, I don't care if the people around me tell funny jokes. I just want them to laugh, or to be silly.
posted by Gor-ella at 7:09 AM on March 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks to each and everyone of you for your helpful suggestions and contributions! Thanks for taking the time to consider my post and lend your perspective. I marked the answers that I found especially helpful.
A few specific responses to individual comments:
Crapples: Yes, it's actually funny by itself. Ironic, isn't it?
Cat Pie Hurts: Nice suggestion and helpful comments. I agree that laughing at ourselves is key. Seeing how ridiculous we are is critical.
KLDickson: No, no PDD-NOS or other undiagnosed social disorder to my knowledge, just a tendency towards taking things too seriously, kind of like what goofyy and auntbunny commented on in their posts above. I don't have a total inability to use humor, it's just something I regularly need to work at. In the Meyers Briggs Type Inventory, I might skew more towards an NT in this regard which makes humor ironically something I have to keep "working" on.
Awakened: You are right on. It does kind of sound like Data's voice, doesn't it? In the past "Data" has actually been one of my nicknames given to me by other people, but that's been going away more and more because I've been focusing on that as a growing edge. With effort, people can change, even learn to find humor where they couldn't see it before. I consulted the hive mind because it really helps to get other people's perspectives of what's been helpful for them.
Goofyy: Thanks for sharing your experiences. I have the same bad habit tendency of assuming seriousness.
It's Raining Florence Henderson: Nice. That was helpful and at the same time made me laugh, thanks! Evidently that's what I was unwittingly doing by posting a comment such as this one to mefi. :-)
If there are other ideas, I welcome more thoughts and contributions.
Thanks again to you all for contributing to the hind mind! I now have a host of helpful things to try.
posted by SocialArgonaut at 11:08 AM on March 5, 2009
A few specific responses to individual comments:
Crapples: Yes, it's actually funny by itself. Ironic, isn't it?
Cat Pie Hurts: Nice suggestion and helpful comments. I agree that laughing at ourselves is key. Seeing how ridiculous we are is critical.
KLDickson: No, no PDD-NOS or other undiagnosed social disorder to my knowledge, just a tendency towards taking things too seriously, kind of like what goofyy and auntbunny commented on in their posts above. I don't have a total inability to use humor, it's just something I regularly need to work at. In the Meyers Briggs Type Inventory, I might skew more towards an NT in this regard which makes humor ironically something I have to keep "working" on.
Awakened: You are right on. It does kind of sound like Data's voice, doesn't it? In the past "Data" has actually been one of my nicknames given to me by other people, but that's been going away more and more because I've been focusing on that as a growing edge. With effort, people can change, even learn to find humor where they couldn't see it before. I consulted the hive mind because it really helps to get other people's perspectives of what's been helpful for them.
Goofyy: Thanks for sharing your experiences. I have the same bad habit tendency of assuming seriousness.
It's Raining Florence Henderson: Nice. That was helpful and at the same time made me laugh, thanks! Evidently that's what I was unwittingly doing by posting a comment such as this one to mefi. :-)
If there are other ideas, I welcome more thoughts and contributions.
Thanks again to you all for contributing to the hind mind! I now have a host of helpful things to try.
posted by SocialArgonaut at 11:08 AM on March 5, 2009
Best answer: To be clear, do you want to be perceived by others as "funny"? Or, do you want to "have more fun" yourself? Do you want to make others laugh out loud or simply have them smile and enjoy the levity of being around you?
Some acting teachers will tell you that comedy can not be taught. Find another teacher. There is a lot of practice involved, but like many other human responses to stimuli, it can be studied, understood, graphed and, finally, modeled.
As far as laughter inducement and "funny" stuff, there is a reflex to laughing. It often erupts from us unbidden. As this article suggests, incongruity (or opposites) make funny, as does revelation of hidden truth (another way of saying opposite, really: "hidden" suddenly becomes "exposed").
A bum walking down the street who pratfalls is only funny to a few people. A haughty, well-dressed snob who pratfalls is funny to almost everyone. His presumed stature was incongruous to being brought low so suddenly. (Note that actual injury, once realized, kills the "funny".) This sudden jerk from one state of thought to another is what involuntarily elicits laughter. Therefore, extremes are often used since they nail the "oppositeness" to the wall.
Another key ingredient in funny is that it plays on a person's reasoning and intellect (at whatever level), not on emotion. Sure, we may have a feeling about what we see, but it is what we KNOW about it that makes it funny. Having the foreknowledge, however recently acquired, that the well-dressed fellow was a snob is what made his pratfall funny. Your inner sense of poetic justice in seeing him brought low was just an afterglow bonus. The bum, on the other hand, is often just seen as sad. Sad (feelings, on the part of the audience) is NOT funny, nor is sympathy (thus, no injuries that do not play as non-threatening).
Opposites, presented without emotional investment on the part of the viewer = funny. Look at anything you find funny and you will see that rule borne out again and again.
More on humor here... and here.
posted by skypieces at 11:50 AM on March 5, 2009 [2 favorites]
Some acting teachers will tell you that comedy can not be taught. Find another teacher. There is a lot of practice involved, but like many other human responses to stimuli, it can be studied, understood, graphed and, finally, modeled.
As far as laughter inducement and "funny" stuff, there is a reflex to laughing. It often erupts from us unbidden. As this article suggests, incongruity (or opposites) make funny, as does revelation of hidden truth (another way of saying opposite, really: "hidden" suddenly becomes "exposed").
A bum walking down the street who pratfalls is only funny to a few people. A haughty, well-dressed snob who pratfalls is funny to almost everyone. His presumed stature was incongruous to being brought low so suddenly. (Note that actual injury, once realized, kills the "funny".) This sudden jerk from one state of thought to another is what involuntarily elicits laughter. Therefore, extremes are often used since they nail the "oppositeness" to the wall.
Another key ingredient in funny is that it plays on a person's reasoning and intellect (at whatever level), not on emotion. Sure, we may have a feeling about what we see, but it is what we KNOW about it that makes it funny. Having the foreknowledge, however recently acquired, that the well-dressed fellow was a snob is what made his pratfall funny. Your inner sense of poetic justice in seeing him brought low was just an afterglow bonus. The bum, on the other hand, is often just seen as sad. Sad (feelings, on the part of the audience) is NOT funny, nor is sympathy (thus, no injuries that do not play as non-threatening).
Opposites, presented without emotional investment on the part of the viewer = funny. Look at anything you find funny and you will see that rule borne out again and again.
More on humor here... and here.
posted by skypieces at 11:50 AM on March 5, 2009 [2 favorites]
Quoting you: "Thanks again to you all for contributing to the hind mind!"
I am sure this was a typo, but it is funny. Think about why...
posted by skypieces at 11:51 AM on March 5, 2009
I am sure this was a typo, but it is funny. Think about why...
posted by skypieces at 11:51 AM on March 5, 2009
Response by poster: Skypieces, thanks for bringing THAT to my attention. I'd heard of Freudian slips in speaking, but I don't exactly know what Freudian typos signify. Perhaps I was taking Kldickson's comment about toilet humor to heart?
Your comment about sudden juxtaposition keyed me into something to look for in the future as did the article you referenced. In answer to your question, I'm looking at developing a sense of levity both for my own benefit and for others, just to make people's days better. Your comment about the bum/CEO contrast reminds me of the exercises that Cat Pie Hurts suggested to help make us more aware of our ridiculous pretensions.
Let me try the earlier typo a second time:
Thanks again to you all for contributing to the hive mind.
posted by SocialArgonaut at 12:21 PM on March 5, 2009
Your comment about sudden juxtaposition keyed me into something to look for in the future as did the article you referenced. In answer to your question, I'm looking at developing a sense of levity both for my own benefit and for others, just to make people's days better. Your comment about the bum/CEO contrast reminds me of the exercises that Cat Pie Hurts suggested to help make us more aware of our ridiculous pretensions.
Let me try the earlier typo a second time:
Thanks again to you all for contributing to the hive mind.
posted by SocialArgonaut at 12:21 PM on March 5, 2009
Best answer: I also recommend taking improv classes, and there's plenty close to home. In Berkeley, there's Pan Theatre or Berkeley Improv, and there's BATS at Fort Mason, just to name a few.
As an aside, I'm curious -- are there things that your friends laugh at that you don't get? I know people that just don't get sarcasm or dead pan at all. I don't thing there is something wrong with them, but it's often so consistent that I wonder if it's a cultural or upbringing sort of thing.
posted by buzzv at 12:58 PM on March 5, 2009
As an aside, I'm curious -- are there things that your friends laugh at that you don't get? I know people that just don't get sarcasm or dead pan at all. I don't thing there is something wrong with them, but it's often so consistent that I wonder if it's a cultural or upbringing sort of thing.
posted by buzzv at 12:58 PM on March 5, 2009
What you really need to hone is observational humor. That is, the ability to see insanity in mundanity. The usual example is Jerry Seinfeld and his "did you ever notice" shtick.
Point being, everything is ridiculous. Whenever you find yourself stuck in SERIOUS mode, hit the pause button and take a good hard look at yourself and your surroundings. Find the silly. It's there somewhere.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:38 AM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
Point being, everything is ridiculous. Whenever you find yourself stuck in SERIOUS mode, hit the pause button and take a good hard look at yourself and your surroundings. Find the silly. It's there somewhere.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:38 AM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
If it doesn't come naturally to you it's going to be a bit difficult. No humor at all is much better than the poor humor that would inevitably result from trying too hard.
That being said - in an effort to try to be helpful: A lot of people are funny just because they quote a lot of funny stuff. I don't think Colbert or Stewart are good targets for this kind of imitation. The most imitated lines probably come from The Simpsons, Seinfeld (a bit out of date now, but still incredibly quotable), and Saturday Night Live (when it's good). Memorize those shows and work some lines and observations into daily conversation. That should get you started.
(I met a guy in the 80's who I honestly thought was one of the funniest people I had ever met. Then I saw the movie Vacation. It turned out that he had stolen about 80% of his humor from that one movie.)
posted by crapples at 4:21 PM on March 4, 2009 [4 favorites]