How do I tell my partner that a recently acquired haircut is...bad?
February 15, 2009 1:40 PM   Subscribe

So how do I tell my partner that a recently acquired haircut is...bad?

So I'm a pretty low-maintenance person. I moved recently (after finding an EXCELLENT hair cuttery), and was forced to find a new barber/stylist. I found one that I could literally walk to, so problem solved, right?

The haircut was pretty bad. I'm the guy who always feels the haircut is great because now there's less hair on top of my head. I've had my hair cut by 80 year old barbers, 19 year old stylists, people in beauty school, friends, family, and even some high-end stylists. I have almost never had a bad haircut, I have always left satisfied. I have a VERY high threshold for bad haircuts.

This haircut was so bad, I actually could see where the stylist was lacking in technical expertise, and I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CUTTING HAIR. How do they forget to cut a clump of hair? Of course, I was home before I noticed, so I chalked it up to "my fault".

Being a very smart consumer, I visited this place a few more times with the same results (different stylist/same business). I really thought "oh, it must have been the stylist", or "oh, i didn't explicitly state that I wanted them to cut hair from all parts of my head". Then on my most recent visit (yeah, I'm telling you...I'm not that bright), I realized why I always had bad hair...they cut my hair in about 7 minutes. They had always been that fast at this establishment, while everywhere else, it had taken AT LEAST 20 minutes.

I went home, and noticed that they forgot to cut a clump of hair from the back. does one forget that; its the back of MY head, not THEIR head. The next time I was due for a haircut, I went outside with a pair of clippers and cut my hair really short. My partner helped me out with the hard areas, and bam...a GOOD haircut. I'm low maintenance like that.

So a few minutes ago, my partner (also, rather low maintenance) left to get a the SAME PLACE. I reiterated my story; we laughed...but I don't think the partner was dissuaded. Maybe...but probably not.

What can I say when there's a knock at the door, and I open it up to a bad haircut? It STILL is V-Day weekend, and I don't really want to go "damn...I told you...get me the clippers and sit still".

Reading this over, I realize that we sound pretty insane. Yes.
posted by hal_c_on to Human Relations (18 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Best answer: Look at it as a bonding experience. You sound kinda meant for each other, really.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:42 PM on February 15, 2009 [12 favorites]

I mean that in the nicest way possible, of course.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:42 PM on February 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Say nothing. From the way you describe it, I'm confident that, if it's a bad haircut, your partner already knows.
posted by box at 1:44 PM on February 15, 2009

It's easy: "I love you so I just can't let you walk around town with that weird clump of hair that they left hanging at the back, you know that, now get me the clippers and sit still."
posted by Chairboy at 1:45 PM on February 15, 2009

Smile, kindly tell them that their haircut makes them look like they were attacked by a scissor-wielding madman, and ask if they want to try the clippers.

(I've been cutting my own hair with scissors for five years now...)
posted by dunkadunc at 1:45 PM on February 15, 2009

OMG I love that you're already pre-planning on what to say to a bad haircut. You two are awesome.

You can either say nothing now and wait for a few days, "Oh honey? I think 2-second-snipstress left a kind of obvious chunk back here, mind if I return the favor and cut it off?"

or, as your partner arrives home, "hey-lo there sexy, did chop-chop do a wiz-bang job or do we have to do any aftercare? What, you didn't go for the perm this time?" I'm guessing you two have a wicked sense of humor so I'd just go for the latter. But if your partner is sensitivo, just ignore it and deal with it later :-)
posted by barnone at 1:49 PM on February 15, 2009

Dude! It's not too late! Call your partner, or run out the door to breathlessly play haircut rescue hero.

Failing that, just make sure that you carefully position two mirrors so it's easy to see the haircut from all angles. Doesn't matter if this is in your front hall and the mirrors are hung up using sticky tack.
posted by charmcityblues at 1:56 PM on February 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Normally, I'd try to come up with a sensitive way to put it, but since you've already talked about the potential for a bad haircut before any haircutting took place, a simple "Ooh, bad luck--want me to get the clippers for you?" should do.

(My usual approach to a less-than-perfect cut is to say nothing, but that's partly because my husband keeps his hair rather short, and generally it'll be a week, tops, before it's grown out enough to not look weird anymore. If your partner has longish hair, keeping quiet is probably not a good idea.)
posted by tomatofruit at 1:58 PM on February 15, 2009

Perhaps he[?] is trying to get a sympathy bad haircut, to bond with you over it. Or perhaps he is thinking that if you have to look at the bad haircut on him for a while, it will finally convince you to stop going there already. Either way, it all sounds adorable.
posted by Casuistry at 2:13 PM on February 15, 2009

Put on an extremely suave outfit and then meet him at the door with some chocolates, his favorite beverage (preferably alcoholic) and the clippers. Once he's had his drink and a nibble of the chocolates, sit him down in a chair and fix up his hair while doing your best impression of The Continental. Don't worry if you can't keep from laughing while you do this-- it's kind of better that way.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 2:19 PM on February 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh man what else can you do but laugh? Take pictures! You could start a bad haircut blog!
posted by Hildegarde at 2:30 PM on February 15, 2009

This could be a fun competitive hobby. You could both go to the worst hairdressers in town and then compete on whose new haircut sucks more. Create your own website, featuring photos and a voting option. Then survey the world wide web on what horrible hairdresser you should go to next. Allow PayPal so people can fund your awful coiffures.

You two could be the next Where's Matt. Only with less dancing and more insanely sucky haircuts. You could be *famous*.
posted by miss lynnster at 2:37 PM on February 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

We have to know...what was the verdict? Was it all a ruse? Or if your partner went through with it -- how'd it go?
posted by barnone at 5:55 PM on February 15, 2009

What the hell?

Start research alternate hairdressers, so next time either of you need a clip (which might be on Monday), you can both switch.
posted by Elysum at 8:32 PM on February 15, 2009

Yeah, seriously, what happened? Train wreck or not?
posted by oceanmorning at 10:19 PM on February 15, 2009

My boyfriend got a horrible haircut two weeks ago and when I opened the door I blurted out 'oh my GOD you look like a fucking DRAG QUEEN'.

Don't do that.

(as it were, his hair looked really good the next day. Go figure)
posted by Sijeka at 3:01 AM on February 16, 2009

Response by poster: Yeah, seriously, what happened? Train wreck or not?

Dang it, sweetheart! We talked about not clicking on the thread when one of us posts a relationship question on askme.

PS. Your hair is always.
posted by hal_c_on at 12:41 PM on February 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

Tell him it was bad enough when you walked around with a bad haircut. You can't stand it to happen to someone you love. You wished someone had strong armed you into finding a qualified professional sooner.
posted by Gor-ella at 12:48 PM on February 16, 2009

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