"This Wu album is PHAT!"
January 25, 2009 11:10 AM   Subscribe

When I was 12, I did a good number of product reviews on Amazon. 10 years later, I'm embarrassed that someone might find my glowing reviews of (ugh) Eminem and Smash Mouth. I want to delete that Amazon profile (and subsequently all of the reviews), but I don't have the e-mail or password for that account--I wrote those back in the 28.8kbps dial-up days. NO RECOLLECTION WHATSOEVER. What can I do to get that account deleted?

posted by AlbatrossJones to Computers & Internet (20 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Eh, a good review is nothing to be embarrassed about. I guess you could try emailing support.
posted by rhizome at 11:48 AM on January 25, 2009

I had a friend whose job it was to post (complimentary) blog entries about public figures so that less than kosher google results would show up lower on the search index. Most people won't click through more than the first several search results, so (while the info. was still out there, somewhere) people were less likely to come across this stuff in casual googling. If you can't delete the account, you could try something similar.

If it makes you feel any better, all sorts of bad fiction, written at 12 pops up when you google my old email addresses. It's probably best to just embrace who you are. So you once liked Smash Mouth. We were all in middle school once!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 12:25 PM on January 25, 2009

Dude. You were twelve. Give yourself a break!

Even if you could get the originals removed, they'd probably still show up via the internet archive. Be at peace with your past child.
posted by saturnine at 12:30 PM on January 25, 2009

I'm pretty sure that when I was 12 I wrote glowing reviews of every Hanson album somewhere or other on the internet. It has not, thus far, hurt me personally or professionally. Amazon reviews have dates, right? So even if someone recognizes your name, it's not as if they'll think you wrote the review recently. And, moreover, why are they reading customer reviews of Smash Mouth albums in the first place? Amazon customer service might be able to help you, but I wouldn't worry about it.
posted by Meg_Murry at 12:33 PM on January 25, 2009

Best answer: You can e-mail Amazon and they will delete the offending reviews. I know someone who did it. But I think it would be really cool of you to leave them up. I agree with everyone else who thinks you should give yourself a break.
posted by jayder at 12:36 PM on January 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

I agree with... well, everybody else. I have spent a lot of time facepalming over old stuff I've written on the internet, especially usenet, but so what. Everybody has a past and hey, that Wu album probably was phat.
posted by jedrek at 12:45 PM on January 25, 2009

Someday Eminem and Smashmouth will be considered novelty, sorta-cool signs of the times and it will be kind of awesome that you were into them when you were a wee 12, and totally cool that your reviews of them come up when you are googled. All of their mainstream annoyingness will be completely forgotten as time ticks on. Ride it out!
posted by pazazygeek at 12:46 PM on January 25, 2009 [2 favorites]

At least you never posted to alt.tv.melrose-place like, um, my friend. Google Groups never forgets.
posted by escabeche at 1:07 PM on January 25, 2009 [9 favorites]

Relax. Don't do it.
posted by telstar at 1:11 PM on January 25, 2009 [2 favorites]

nthing alt.tv.melrose-place. I was also quite active on alt.tv.ally-mcbeal. It's just another one of those things that I used to be into when I was younger. Not a big deal .
posted by getawaysticks at 1:26 PM on January 25, 2009

Well, you might have said good things about Smash Mouth to classmates and family members at the time, but you can't have their memories erased. Your quote in the yearbook might be from Eminem, but you can't have all copies redacted. And, you know, there's school pictures...
posted by troybob at 1:33 PM on January 25, 2009

Mate, I sympathise. But XKCD has an answer for it.
posted by sektah at 3:58 PM on January 25, 2009

I was 14 in 1992. My behavior on the internet back then earned me a permanent place in the net.legends FAQ. Writing a bunch of reviews you no longer agree with? Not that big a deal.
posted by dmd at 6:49 PM on January 25, 2009

No surprise: Looks like MF has a pretty experienced crowd who have met their google shadows and come away from it stronger. I guess those who didn't win, aren't here posting cuz now they live in lurker's lair ;)
posted by peter_meta_kbd at 8:21 PM on January 25, 2009

Ugh, I can relate. I did the same thing in college! You at least had the excuse of youth for your transgressions! There was no excuse for my rave reviews (and excessive use of the word 'faerie') of Tori Amos less than ten years ago! *hides my head in shame*
posted by Mael Oui at 9:01 PM on January 25, 2009

Just post a bunch of innocuous stuff under your real name so the more embarrassing things are buried. There was a guy on meta filter who's name became a meme after signing his posts here, who was basically doing that.
posted by delmoi at 12:27 AM on January 26, 2009

I'll just nth the idea to relax. Those are reviews that you wrote and at the time meant every word of them. If you don't think the same way 10 years later, no worries, lol. Hell, we all wrote those reviews back in the day. :)
posted by isoman2kx at 8:04 AM on January 26, 2009

Lessee - I have said some inflamatory things on usenet, public web-boards (I basically predicted 9/11 two weeks prior during a flame-war about a stupid virus) and was into 'war-driving' (even being interviewed in the media - heck, I got a consulting gig out of that publicity and even became friends with a few awesome authors)...

So far, AFAIK nothing has hurt me professionally - and - I use my real-name everwhere - always have. I stand behind whatever I said then and I will stand behind it in the future - even if I change my opinion or thoughts at a later date.

If someone doesn't want to hire me because of something I have said or done on the internet (positive review of something?), then oh well...
posted by jkaczor at 9:45 AM on January 27, 2009

In another ten years, you might find it hilarious that you were mortified by things you did when you were twelve (you were twelve!) and find it ridiculous that you would connect this question to your real name.
posted by mikeh at 2:05 PM on January 29, 2009

Agreeing with all those suggesting that you give yourself a break. At some point it's good to accept all the different versions of yourself that you've accrued over the years.

There wasn't an Amazon when I was 12, nor even alt.tv.melrose-place (and WOW it's a good thing I didn't know about that in college!), but I do have this awesome time capsule which is a fantastic record of the incredibly weird person I was at 13. I think at 23 I would've been embarrassed by the contents, but at 33, I found myself somewhat more accepting. :)
posted by epersonae at 4:53 PM on February 3, 2009

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