How do I deal with a vengeful ex?
January 13, 2009 7:20 AM   Subscribe

I don't know how to deal with my boyfriend intimidating me and making it impossible for me to move out my things.

My boyfriend has always been very sweet, loving and giving until I told him I want to break up. Since then, he:

* Spread rumours about me to our entire circle of friends, thus exiling me. I don't want to tell them my side of the story, because that would require me to tell them he was lying and being spiteful. I don't want to cut him off from his friends or ruin his relationships. Plus, I cannot stand a minute more of drama.

* Gave notice on our apartment behind my back. Unfortunately the rental company doesn't allow more than one person on the lease, but I trusted him, so it didn't bother me so much. It's my registered address and I always pay at least half the rent (sometimes the full rent when he is in a tight spot). I'm now in financial trouble myself and have no driver's license, so I'm panicking about how I will move my things out.

* Went on MSN and told the three friends who didn't cut me off "If I catch you trespassing in MY apartment, I will call the police." I suspect he is bluffing, but those friends are now too scared to help me move out my things.

* Every time I try to talk to him about practical stuff like bills or when I can pack up my things, he refuses to talk about it and instead just makes a lot of hurtful remarks. When I ask him why he's acting like this, he says that I made him this way.

I'm so scared of him now and I've turned into a bundle of anxiety. I know he would never get physically violent or anything like that, but I still don't know what he might do and it scares me. Whenever I go there to try and pick some things up, he does all he can to intimidate me and it's so scary being alone with him.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm going to move my things and I don't know how I'm going to manage to be there alone with him while I pack everything up. Isn't there anything I can do to just get him to leave for a day and move things out with my few remaining friends so this can be over with?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (49 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Living anywhere makes it your residence, name on lease or not. He has the right to evict you but must do so through your local government which usually requires at least 30 days notice.
posted by wavering at 7:23 AM on January 13, 2009

I don't want to tell them my side of the story, because that would require me to tell them he was lying and being spiteful.

How old are you? If you're older than about, say, fifteen, you need to get over yourself and tell your friends that your boyfriend is a lying sack of shit, and feel good about saying it.

The rest of your questions can be answered with "grow a spine and just move out." I know it's hard, but you have to do it. If you feel genuinely intimidated, try calling the police.
posted by Electrius at 7:24 AM on January 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

"I don't want to cut him off from his friends or ruin his relationships."

Fuck his feelings. He's being a douche. Get over your reluctance to be rude to him, because he sure as shit isn't feeling bad about being an asshole to you. If you have to do it to feel comfortable moving your things out of "his" apartment, call the police on his ass. They're still your things. He has no right to retain them or to bar you from taking them.
posted by caution live frogs at 7:30 AM on January 13, 2009 [4 favorites]

Take a big, sturdy male friend with you when you go. If you don't have one, hire a cheap mover from Craigslist. Ignore him. Set his shit on fire. Oh, wait, not that last one. :) Good luck!
posted by nosila at 7:35 AM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

If it's scary being alone with him, don't be. Get hold of the biggest male friend you have, or maybe the two biggest ones, and have them help you move your stuff.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 7:37 AM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

I know he would never get physically violent or anything like that, but I still don't know what he might do

The old saying about sticks and stones and all that may apply here, somewhat. He's a big talker because he's a coward. Even his threats are weak- he's gonna call the police? Oooo, scary. Tell him you hope he does so you can tell them about all the lousy things he's been doing to keep you out of YOUR apartment. In fact, calling the police to escort you while you go pick up your things probably isn't a bad idea. That's not an overreaction- that's what they're there for.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:41 AM on January 13, 2009 [11 favorites]

I know he would never get physically violent or anything like that

Really, I don't think you can know this for certain based on what you say so far.

Go to the police and get an escort to get your stuff out of your apartment. That's the way to do it with no drama.

Every time I try to talk to him about practical stuff like bills

Are the bills in your name? Seems like you are stuck paying them. Are they in his name? Then it is not your problem.

Close any kind of accounts he has access to or change the passwords, go get your stuff, ignore any future attempts at contact from him.
posted by mikepop at 7:42 AM on January 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

Have you ever gotten any sort of mail there or had a bill in your name with the address on it? That's enough in most state to establish residency.

Once you've done that, you have legal recourse. If you call your local police department or sheriff and explain the situation (My boyfriend and I broke up. I lived there legally. He is refusing to let me get my things. He is intimidating me physcially.), you stand a good chance of being able to have an officer/deputy accompany you.

If he's preventing from getting your belongings and you -genuinely- feel intimidated by him; file for a temporary restraining order. In most states, these are actually easy to get and require next to zero proof. Depending on the state in which you live, he may be required - by law - to vacate the premises for the duration of the order. This should give you ample time to get your stuff.
posted by DWRoelands at 7:42 AM on January 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

"If I catch you trespassing in MY apartment, I will call the police." I suspect he is bluffing, but those friends are now too scared to help me move out my things.

He's probably bluffing, but unless your friends have some other reason to not want to be around police (such as having warrants out for their arrest), they don't have anything to worry about. As wavering said, if you were living there and your stuff is still there, he doesn't have any legal right to lock you out and keep your stuff.

In fact, calling the police to escort you while you go pick up your things probably isn't a bad idea. That's not an overreaction- that's what they're there for.

I'm not sure if the police will just show up or if you'll need to file some sort of complaint first, but yes the police do escort people to go get their stuff sometimes.
posted by burnmp3s at 7:44 AM on January 13, 2009

Are you letting him walk all over you because at some level you feel guilty about being the one to end the relationship and move on with your life?

If you are, you'd best be stopping that now.
posted by mandal at 7:45 AM on January 13, 2009 [6 favorites]

It sounds like you're feeling guilty, as though you wronged him and owe him something. Try to get over that - breaking up with someone isn't wrong, and you don't owe him anything. You're going to have to stand up for yourself, and I hope you can find some friends/family to help you do it. Or if all else fails, as some have mentioned, you can try the police.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 7:46 AM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

He is hurt. His reaction isn't to take it like a man but to take it out on you.

He's wrong and you are right. You do not have to give in. Call the police at your local precinct and ask to speak with a woman detective or plainclothes officer. Explain your problem to her and ask for help. You should be calling the police, not him.

I don't care what happened between you two. I don't care how guilty you feel about the breakup. It is against the law for someone to threaten you.

Contact me off the board if you live in Maryland or D.C.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:52 AM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh man, what a tough situation. I think Electrius is off base: you’re not being overdramatic or spineless. You’re dealing with an emotionally fraught, complicated, and stressful situation. It’s hard. Keep telling yourself that you have a right to move your things out, and to do so safely and without unnecessary obstacles. It might help to write up a plan for yourself (i.e., Step 1: Recruit supportive friends to help; Step 2: Confront ex about legal rights; Step 3: Rent a truck…) rather than trying to keep all your options and concerns in your head.

I think it’s admirable that you want to minimize the drama with your circle of friends, and I don’t think you need to force everyone to choose a side or air all your relationship’s dirty laundry if you don’t want to, but at the same time, you need friends. You need support. I’d suggest trying to meet in person with one or two or your mutual friends (preferably including at least one guy), and explain that you understand that your ex is hurting and angry, but that you need help getting him to let you move your stuff out. You’ll know who is most likely to be open to hearing your side (not your side in terms of “I’m right, he’s wrong--you agree with me, right??,” but in terms of “I need to move my stuff out, please help me”).

I’d also suggest that you print out whatever your local laws are regarding tenants’ rights (there must be a tenants’ rights organization for your area--google it) and give him a copy. The tenants’ rights organization in your area may also have advice for your situation. If he responds with more vitriol, cut him off and say that you’re not trying to talk about the relationship, you’re just making him aware of your legal rights as a tenant of the apartment.

For the driver’s license issue, you have friends who can drive: find one of them and ask for help. Hire a truck (it shouldn’t cost too much, last couple times I moved the total cost for the truck came to under $100 through Public Storage in Chicago).

It’s a rotten situation, but you can get through it. Good luck!
posted by Meg_Murry at 7:57 AM on January 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

Spread rumours about me to our entire circle of friends, thus exiling me

He can't do anything. He has not power over you except that which allow him to have.

These are the times that you need friends. Call them and explain what's going on and ask for help, because you need it. You can't do this all yourself.

Plus, I cannot stand a minute more of drama.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but you have steel yourself for more drama, 'cause that's what is going to happened.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:59 AM on January 13, 2009

A similar situation came up previously.
posted by The Straightener at 8:00 AM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

If you're in NYC/Brooklyn, I will help you move. PM me.
posted by spec80 at 8:08 AM on January 13, 2009

Welcome to the wonderful world of the mentally ill and spiteful.

This is where the law is grand. Here is what I suggest to you:

- As others have said, police escorts while on the premises is a really good way to put the ball back in your court. However, there may still be some shady behavior from him regarding certain property that you may have purchased (for yourself), while living with him. Therefore:

- Make a list of all the items you can think of that are yours and that you want. (Items that he may be more likely to try to withhold from you should probably have some sort of backup as to their being your possessions. Think receipts, friends' statements, etc.) He seems pretty vindictive, at least at this point, and for your sake and safety, assume that's not going to change. It may, but it may not. Cover your tracks and make sure to have everything to back up the more blurry ownership claims, so that if he comes back at any point, about anything, you'll be prepared.

- If he does try anything from a legal end (and he might, considering he's done some things to try to harm your reputation and financial stability), contact a legal aid center, particularly one that has some experience in women's abuse cases. (Also, for yourself, start calling this abuse, because he is trying to intimidate you and ruin you--DO NOT let him bully you around. Grab him by the balls and twist.) Again, if it comes to any of this, cou can get free legal advice from one of these aid centers, and I suggest you do that, given your financial situation. There are tons of forms that the average individual does not know about and that will hopefully keep you from going to court with this bastard if he tries anything more drastic or dramatic. (IANAL, but from experience, I know this stuff exists.) A restraining order at that time would probably be good, too.

- Only email him. Stop calling him, and stop answering his calls. Keep EVERYTHING, and I do mean EVERYTHING, in written format. Tell him you are going to do this. If he doesn't answer emails, send him letters. If he is withholding property at any point, if you can afford it, get something with a lawyer's letterhead. I mean, this IS your stuff. While you would rightfully rather settle this amicably, your ex has already made it clear that he is a five-year-old and spiteful, so don't play around with that if any more shit hits another fan.

- On a side note, as others have said, "fuck his feelings." The world is of course not all black and white, but he is definitely the enemy at this point. As I said previously, you need to realize he is trying to ruin your reputation, your claims to your stuff and your financial stability. That is quite a horrendous thing to do to someone you were only recently living with.

Good luck. Hopefully you can just get your stuff and be done with the jerk, but some things suggest it may not be that easy. If it isn't, try to stay as calm as possible, keep things short and to the point, and don't get bogged down in relationship ramblings. This is not about a relationship anymore. It is about property and ownership and law. You have the upper hand here, really.

P.S. - If you can't tell your friends about this poor excuse for a boyfriend, they aren't good friends. Also, if your friends believe your ex over you, without hearing your story, they aren't very "good" or logical. Perhaps it's time to make some new friends, too!
posted by metalheart at 8:11 AM on January 13, 2009 [12 favorites]

Nthing a police escort....and tell him you're going to be there at a specific time with said escort. Get your stuff and get out. Do it fast before some of your stuff "disappears."

Also...consider what others have said about not answering his phone calls anymore. ONLY use email. It de-escalates an emotional situation and gives you some distance. Also keep records, logs, emails.
posted by answergrape at 8:32 AM on January 13, 2009

Call the police. I would think this is obvious, but apparently not. Tell them your boyfriend is intimidating you and making it difficult for you to move your stuff out of your apartment. The police will come and make sure he doesn't stop you from moving. Then grab some friends or movers and move your stuff.

And yeah, if your boyfriend is a dick, I don't know why you feel compelled to spare his feelings. I wouldn't go around talking smack, but if people ask, I'd tell them what is actually up.

So yeah, call the police.
posted by chunking express at 8:37 AM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

I know he would never get physically violent or anything like that, but I still don't know what he might do and it scares me. Whenever I go there to try and pick some things up, he does all he can to intimidate me and it's so scary being alone with him.

(emphasis added)

Physically or emotionally, either way he's being abusive and manipulative. If he won't grant you X amount of hours to get out of the way and let you and your friends/movers get your things, you need to decide on one day that works for you to make the move, and tell him straight out: "This is the day the movers are coming. Deal with it." Then don't back down, and just do it. If he makes threats against you or your property, talk to the police.

I know it's hard, but you need to stand your ground and do what's best for you right now. And #1 Best Thing sounds like Get Away From This Asshole. Even if you have to stash your stuff in storage and couchsurf with friends for a while, you're mentally better off moving out ASAP, then evaluating your next step in privacy, without the threat of an abusive ex looming over you.

Also, do contact a woman's shelter for additional help and.or counseling if need be.
posted by NikitaNikita at 8:45 AM on January 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

If you're still regularly speaking (or emailing) with him, you might try being up-front, too: "I realize that you're hurt, and angry, and I'm sorry it's ended this way. I know, too, that the last thing you want to do right now is make my life easier. But you're really scaring me; if you've ever cared for me at all, please, for the sake of that memory, please let's end this with dignity. I'm going to have some friends to come over Saturday and help me move, and it's your choice if you want to be here for that or not, but please don't make things any more difficult than they are, okay?"

Not to belittle all of the great suggestions previously, though -- they're quite valid and important precautions, my suggestion is merely meant as an addition on the chance that he can be reasoned with if you force him to confront his behaviour. Try to do things nicely, but be ready for the worst.

On a side note, you don't say what prompted the breakup, but congratulations for getting out while you did -- however sweet he'd been thus far, obviously there was someone with serious issues lurking just beneath, and those don't just go away; things would have only gotten more difficult, more painful, and much messier if the relationship had continued. Perhaps you saw this, or perhaps you were just lucky, but either way, at least you now know beyond any doubt that you made the right choice, and won't be tempted back to him out of guilt or pity or empty promises.
posted by SeanCier at 8:45 AM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm going to disagree with the folks here that say you should tell him when you're going to be coming to get your stuff. I think that's a bad idea - given how much spite he's been acting on so far, this seems to be an open invitation to "please change the locks/wreck my stuff/donate it to Goodwill" because now he has a deadline. I'd just show up, with police escort preferably but either way DEFINITELY not by yourself, to get your stuff.
posted by twiki at 9:12 AM on January 13, 2009 [5 favorites]

Adding that if you are in Dallas/Fort Worth and want help, MeMail me. Myself and my friends are warrant-free.
posted by fireoyster at 9:15 AM on January 13, 2009

I would let him know that if anything happens to your stuff, you will see him in court. The law is not on his side here, and he needs to know it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:23 AM on January 13, 2009

I agree with twiki. Don't tell him when you're coming by to pack up. Just show up, with police escort and a moving van. I have a few friends who are police officers and they do this kind of work quite frequently. They call it "keeping the peace". They show up to diffuse the situation and ensure your safety. They work so many domestic abuse situations that getting to help someone get out of a potentially dangerous relationship is a great way to spend a shift.

If you have keys and your ex has a job, schedule your move when he's at work. It's worth it to reduce drama and pain.

If you don't have keys, talk to the landlord. Tell him what happened. He'll probably help you out with a new set of keys, or letting you in so that you can pack....especially if you have a police officer with you.
posted by burntflowers at 9:31 AM on January 13, 2009

I went through this. My advice is to get 8-10 friends to show up and help you move. There is no way he will try or say anything with that many witnesses. If you have that many people, you'll be done fast. Think carefully before you arrive about what you will be moving. Give all your helpers a job and be prepared to give orders so that the job gets done ASAP and you don't forget anything.

Be aware that if the EX-boyfriend has a turn of heart, calls you up on the phone, apologizes, says he will change and that he loves you...and you decide to give him another chance, that your friends will most likely never help you move again, nor will they listen sympathetically when the boyfriend resumes acting like a douche.
posted by pluckysparrow at 9:46 AM on January 13, 2009

Since DC, NY, and Dallas have checked in, I'll add MeMail me if you are in Atlanta.

And I would tell your mutual friends, calmly and rationally, what's up. I had a crazy ex and was too chicken to refute some of the rumors. Within 6 months of him spreading them, several came to me and asked why hadn't I told them. Lies have a way of coming out so they will come around if they are good friends.
posted by pointystick at 9:48 AM on January 13, 2009

I would like to favorite Meg_Murray's comment 7 times.

Line up your friends- you need them right now. Don't be embarrassed for leaning on them and don't be afraid to expose your ex as the immature, lying, manipulative bastard he's being.
posted by small_ruminant at 9:49 AM on January 13, 2009

matteo, in the town where I grew up cops often ended up rounding up loose livestock. Then I moved to a city where they wouldn't show up unless there was a body dumping blood on the floor, and even then it wouldn't be a priority. What cops are for depends greatly on the town and we don't know where the OP lives. She can explain the situation and see what they say- she doesn't need to guess.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:14 AM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

(That said, I doubt I'd call them if I had any burly friends handy.)
posted by small_ruminant at 10:15 AM on January 13, 2009

Since DC, NY, and Dallas have checked in, I'll add MeMail me if you are in Atlanta.

Adding Pittsburgh to the list. I'm little, but I have friends who are big and have nothing to fear from a call to the police. MeMail me if you live in the area.
posted by Alison at 10:21 AM on January 13, 2009

Get a restraining order, and the judge will demand that he not be present when you remove your belongings. He may very well decide that a police officer be present.
The court will take your situation very seriously and you should too. His behavior is way out there and has all the makings of a violent situation.
posted by pianomover at 10:27 AM on January 13, 2009

oh dear. I've been there.

I'm sorry to say it will probably get a lot worse before it gets better. Let me guess, you're his first love?

I got a mother of a friend to come help me move out. He knew her, and was a bit reluctant to make a scene in front of her. She had a very small car, but we made it work. This did not stop him from tormenting me every moment she was not within earshot, but at that point I was so numb to his bullshit, it didn't matter.

That was after paying two months rent just for my things to stay there, and dealing with constant threats of throwing it all out on the street while I was gone.

You will find a way. You will make it through. He's simply trying to hurt you as much as you did him. Yes, his methods are psychotic, but it's behaviour you can overcome.

When your stuff is out, please cut off all contact. I didn't do it soon enough, and was strung along on his year-long heartbreak. Emails from him with sappy songs/poetry attached, flip flopping between rage and pathetic sadness. You will have to cut some losses, but it will be worth it just to rid yourself of this creep.

Where there's a will, there's a way. Don't believe a word he says, and don't let your friends do so either. Some will pick sides, but the good ones will let you both sort your own lives out.

Take care of yourself.
posted by sunshinesky at 10:44 AM on January 13, 2009

Psst: If you've found people to help you do the heavy lifting, you can usually rent a U-Haul for an in-city move for around $20.
posted by NoraReed at 10:51 AM on January 13, 2009

[a few comments removed - if this question makes you angry you can just not answer it]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:55 AM on January 13, 2009

If you're in NYC, I don't see the cops being much help (but you could always ask) so I'll be the second to volunteer my services from that general area. I'm in Westchester, have car, and have some time on my hands right now, so anywhere in the NY Metro area and I'd be happy to help.

Otherwise, I agree with other answers - don't be afraid to ask for help, don't worry about telling friends about this jerk's behaviour, don't trust this jerk not to get violent.
posted by Nick Verstayne at 10:55 AM on January 13, 2009

what should she tell the police, that she dumped her boyfriend and now he's saying mean things to her and her friends over IM? the police is there to tend to serious business, not to hold your hand when somebody's being a meanie and acting like they're 15.

This is ridiculous. He's being physically intimidating to her. I know very little about the law, but I've watched plenty of daytime court TV, and standard operating procedure seems to be to call the police and ask for an escort (yes, you might need to file a restraining order for this--talk to the cops about it and see if they think it's necessary). He has no right to keep her from getting her things, which legally belong to her.

I'd like to second what Ironmouth said--she needs to take these threats seriously. Don't let him intimidate you into destroying your life, just to protect his reputation. He's acted abysmally, and has no right to your protection any more.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 11:01 AM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Yeah, I'm with the others. You didn't say where you live. If you're in Los Angeles, I'll go with you to your apartment. If your boyfriend wants to call the police, let him. I'm sure that will go well for him.

Seriously, this is part of being an adult. MefiMail Jessamyn with your location or just go brave and post from your regular account, somebody here will almost certainly be willing to walk you in and out.
posted by Justinian at 11:08 AM on January 13, 2009

One word about your friends. If he's running around bad mouthing you and threatening to call the police if they help you move, then they probably know he's being an abusive dick.

Give your friends the benefit of the doubt and ask for their help (and the police, too if necessary). There's no reason to go into the drama unless they ask. And even then, a simple "he's lying" should suffice.
posted by cjets at 11:14 AM on January 13, 2009

Anon, where are you? I'm in Connecticut, in Fairfield County, not far from NYC. I have a car. I have big friends. Maybe ask a mod to post your general location?
posted by houseofdanie at 11:32 AM on January 13, 2009

I'm in southern California. I have a lot of friends who get upset about abuse and other things like this, and many of them have martial arts training. Let me know if you need help.
posted by stoneegg21 at 11:44 AM on January 13, 2009

Tell him that if you (easily) get a restraining order against him, it will show up on future employment background checks.

Also: fight back against the crap he's spreading about you to your friends, he's just trying to get custody of the social circle. "Did you know I had/have to get a restraining order against him?" carries a lot of weight in that equation.
posted by rhizome at 12:36 PM on January 13, 2009

He lets you into the apartment to pick up a few things great? He's still letting you into the apartment because he enjoys tormenting you on these occasions, but you can take advantage of this.

He is making an idiotic bluff or an even more idiotic threat. He is probably also a coward.

Show up with several friends or Internet accomplices. Burlier is better but this guy seems like the sort of coward for whom it really doesn't matter that much - you just want to avoid the one-on-one dynamic where he feels powerful.

You go up to the door alone and go in like for another session of picking up a few things and being tormented, but this time you're picking up everything and not being tormented. Thirty seconds or a minute after you're inside, you open the door and let in your friends. (If you all knocked on the door together, he could just bolt it on all of you - getting everyone physically inside yourself removes his easy way out.) You explain that you will be moving out right now and then the two of you are done with each other. Proceed to do so and then stay with your friends till you find a new place.

If he threatens to call the police, just calmly say, "You're bluffing. Since I've been paying rent you can't call me in for trespassing without evicting me first, and my friends here are MY guests in MY apartment. Do you think I'm an idiot?" If he goes for the phone, whatever, keep telling him what a poor bluff he's making. Project complete confidence that he's bluffing; more than you may actually possess. You want it to seem like his threat is so impotent that the possibility it was anything but a bluff didn't even really enter your mind, in case he actually is a double idiot and is going to call you in for trespassing in your own home your confidence might make him reconsider and avoid that hassle. But that's just for convenience, because if the police show up you just explain the situation to them and ask them for their escort dealie.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 12:41 PM on January 13, 2009

I can give you a hand moving out safely if you're in Boston/Cambridge, but in general I would advise against getting help of this sort from random people on the internet, no offense intended to present company.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 12:44 PM on January 13, 2009

I'm in Baltimore, and can migrate to the DC/VA/NJ/south PA whatever area if you need help.
posted by schroedinger at 3:14 PM on January 13, 2009

A friend of mine was in a similar situation and here's what she still have a key, right?

She rented a U-Haul and asked got four or five friends to help her. They drove up to the old apartment, took all of her stuff and threw it in the truck, and left. he was there, but didn't do anything. She never talked to the jerky ex again.

Friends are a great help in times like these, and true friends won't mind a bit. But if things get ugly, by all means call the cops!
posted by emd3737 at 2:57 PM on January 14, 2009

If you're in or near Northern California, we'll help you move. Email/memail in my profile, and my character witness is jessamyn.
posted by scrump at 8:59 AM on January 15, 2009

I love Mefi, I can't believe complete strangers are coming out of the woodwork to offer help. Good luck and I would love an update if you can.
posted by like_neon at 4:50 AM on January 16, 2009

Speaking of Dallas, I'm not much help at scaring folks, (unless they already have a built in fear of small cranky Mediterranean women) but I have friends who are sheriffs. I've just messaged one, and he said that while the police aren't likely to escort you unless there is a record of domestic abuse, that you can hire an off-duty cop for practically nothing if you call the local police/sheriff/JP office.

Also; fireman often have side companies doing things like moving. They're burly *and* pretty to look at. Yay!
posted by dejah420 at 9:29 AM on January 19, 2009

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