Help me celebrate global orgasm day!
December 19, 2008 8:56 AM   Subscribe

Happy global Orgasm day! There's your excuse, now - any advice? ;D

I'd like advice on orgasming! Set, setting, & even product recommendations for sex toys.

I don't want to limit it to advice specifically for myself, because maybe I'll be able to adapt it, so I'm asking for
a) general advice &
b) Advice for me - I am a late-twenties female, who has never orgasmed. Not with partner, alone, or in my sleep.

Aka I'm one of the 10% of women who seem to suffer from Primary anorgasmia - It's been a while since since it's been covered.

(Re: never: *cough* I think? Popular opinion says I'd know... others disagree - lets just say there is wow, wow, and wowowowowowwww! but I've never noticed any particular 'peak' or 'release'?)

To dispel common 'causes': Physically, I seem to be pretty normal, according to Family Planning exams etc (& incidentally, normal thyroid, free testosterone levels etc, no medications). No horrible trauma that I know of. Healthy sexual attitude, towards sex and masturbating.
Many lovely partners over the years, some fantastic sex with skilled partners in & out of LTRelationships. No issues with masturbating, although a partner is much better, or at least a vibrator - otherwise it's a bit non-effective, kind of like trying to tickle myself.
Sex-drive - I think I have a fairly healthy sex drive, e.g. even after a year in a LTR, I probably prefer... well, a couple of times a night*, every other day, or at least 3-4 times a week.
(* I think because I don't have a 'release' reaction, after having sex initially and going 'flop' for a bit, if I don't go to sleep or my partner touches me I just want to go again! And again, and again, and again....). I've been ridiculously into literature erotica at various times, and comfortable fantasising etc. I've used at least a dozen different vibrators and toys, current favourites is using this as a set, especially the bullet, however I've never used a 'rabbit' style, or been able to get hold of a Hitachi magic wand for our type of power outlet. Worth it to try? Apparently I already have really good pelvic floor muscles.

One final note - I've managed to try pot, and wow! It does help. See my above note about masturbation not doing much for me? Change that to 'except when on cannabis'. For normal sex, makes it about twice as good (but most of my best sex has still been when NOT stoned!).

Sorry for the long list! Hope it doesn't quell responses. Anything that you've tried, or heard of that's been effective would be thoughtfully considered.

P.S. There'll be no disappointment if I don't get off on the 21st Dec, I have a lot of fun just trying. ;)
I'm just occasionally a little put out that I'm 'missing out' on something cool.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (7 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

Hmmm... a little early perhaps?

if I don't get off on the 21st Dec
Oh, right!

More specifically - are you me, anon? I was totally going to excitedly tell you about a bunch of things you... might have covered? I'll come back after some sleep perhaps.

But maybe add/try:
* Sensitising lubes - you can get tingling, warming, etc
* Socks in bed - or rather, being ridiculously toasty
* Finding someone with who you have really, really good 'chemistry'
* Sex therapist? (I haven't tried this, but that's what they're for, right?)

And... trying absolutely everything, at the same time?
posted by Elysum at 9:11 AM on December 19, 2008

Exercise vigorously and regularly for about three weeks, particularly aerobics. Then try.
posted by amtho at 9:24 AM on December 19, 2008

Absolutely get your hands on a magic wand. I was you - and now I'm not.
posted by Wolfie at 10:03 AM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Absolutely get your hands on a Rabbit. Mrs. Biscuit was you - and now she's not. Oh boy, is she ever not.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:28 AM on December 19, 2008

Something to note: sometimes attaining that first orgasm with the help of a toy is what frees you up to be able to do it on your own, or in just a different way, later. I find the most important thing is being in the right mental state, really delving into what gets you mentally stimulated, staying there and riding it out through the physical stimulation. Once you break through that block, it makes all future experiments easier.
posted by piratebowling at 2:13 PM on December 19, 2008

Oh! and kegles! Practicing contractions helps you have control over the release (either riding the wave right before release or having it come when you are ready).
posted by piratebowling at 2:15 PM on December 19, 2008

I think a major thing no one ever mentions is you have to LEARN how to have an orgasm. Especially for women, it's about getting in the right head space. The fact that you say it's better for you with a partner makes me think this may be part of it for you - that being with someone else turns you on more and puts you into that mode. So exploring fantasies and fetishes to find out what turns you on most would probably help a lot. And with a partner, or even a toy, you can't expect that he/she/it will make you need to be actively trying to come at the same time, not just laying back experiencing what is being done to you. (I know that's hard to explain, but hopefully it makes sense.... don't expect them to make you come, use their body to make yourself come.)
A few other thoughts: have you experimented much with penetration (outside of intercourse?) For me, orgasm is MUCH easier and more satisfying with penetration as well as clitoral stimulation. Maybe try looking on for new techniques. Also you might try incorporating relaxation/meditation techniques into masturbation... that may seem counterintuitive, but if you are self-conscious or too focused on just getting an orgasm it's easy to get to a point where everything feels great, but you are never going to come (which also explains why pot helps.)
posted by catatethebird at 4:26 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

« Older Help me save this DVD!!   |   What can I do with all these SuperBalls? Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.