How do I send a friend I'm romantically interested in a birthday card
November 10, 2008 10:10 PM   Subscribe

Okay. There is a girl I like her birthday is @ the end of this month. She's an amazing person. We went out once while she was home last summer (she was home for like a month), she's coming back in christmas but her birthday is in like 2 weeks. (I'm 19 she's 21). I'm pretty sure she's interested in me, but not ceretain. How do I reinforce (romantically) in my birthday card to her that I'm interested in her but not in a creepy or stalkerish way?
posted by BoldStepDesign to Human Relations (16 answers total)
In a word, don't. If you're not certain, then there's no reason to do anything like this. Talk to her and find out for sure.
posted by theichibun at 10:17 PM on November 10, 2008

meh, if she really is interested, she'll be happy enough just to receive the card. leave the rest until later.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:19 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Seconding "don't." Doing something nice for someone to get them to like you hardly ever works because, even with the best of intentions, it comes off as bargaining: "I bought you those nice flowers, so you are now obligated to date me."

Give her a nice card like you would for any friend. Then figure out a way to tell her you like her.
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:22 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Yep, this is pretty clear. Maybe you can make a funny joke or something, but if you send her a card, just sign it. And kudos to you for that; cards are considered old-fashioned by a lot of young 'uns these days.

But the card is small potatoes. Focus on actually meeting her. Put yourself in the situation/place in which you met her the first time, and ask her out again.
posted by zardoz at 10:39 PM on November 10, 2008

Don't. Imho, any card will mildly harm your chances, gifts are for after people know where they stand. Just kiss here one day.
posted by jeffburdges at 10:46 PM on November 10, 2008

Your birthday card isn't the place for expressing your romantic interest - find a more productive way to do so in person.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 11:55 PM on November 10, 2008

Oh and dont sweat it.
Its like when you are in the 2nd Grade and you need to give Valentines to your classmates.
You always try to single out one special one, the one that says what you really mean ("I Choo Choo Choose You" or whatev) but cant say to that special girl/boy. But it never works. It's a holiday and no one is expecting to get cues or info in that way.

If I were you I'd just be cordial, and pursue another in. Make more plans with her. Just the two of you. If you are ever going to get together, it will surface.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 12:06 AM on November 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Romantic cards for anyone you're not in a committed relationship with are incredibly awkward. Avoid at all costs.

Give her a normal birthday gift and card and ask her out for real in person. But avoid sweeping statements about how she's changed your life, etc. Just ask her out.
posted by sjuhawk31 at 5:50 AM on November 11, 2008

Unless you are already in a relationship and crafting a love poem, then communicating any sort of romantic interest in someone through a letter, card, etc, is a recipe for certain doom. Man up and talk to her face to face. She will appreciate that much more.
posted by scarello at 6:27 AM on November 11, 2008

Did I ever tell you the story of how I sent a girl I hung out with occasionally in college a valentine (cheesy as hell) to let her know I was interested? One piece of info I'd missed was that she is gay...yeah. Awkward.

Send a card you would send a platonic friend. She'll get the picture, but a platonic card sends the message that you're not trying to force her hand.
posted by notsnot at 6:35 AM on November 11, 2008

Best answer: I got one of the nicest birthday cards ever from a boy who liked me my senior year of high school. It said something along the lines of "I'd wish you all the happiness in the world, but I know you'd just turn around and share it like you always do."

I didn't date him and wasn't interested in him, but I kept that card and it still makes me smile. If you like her and just want to give her a smile, I'd recommend that. She might not fall for you based on it, but really, that'll be ok.
posted by purplecurlygirl at 6:56 AM on November 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

inuendo. do it. don't be a wuss.
posted by mary8nne at 7:02 AM on November 11, 2008

I would not say how you feel in a card either for the above reasons. Also it shows that you lack confidence as well. If you are going to do anything to show or say that you like a person always do it in person. It is more direct and shows that you have the confidence to put it all on the line so to speak.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 7:35 AM on November 11, 2008

nthing the 'don't do it in a card'. no really. don't. give her a nice card. spend some time picking it out or writing something genuine that isn't alluding to anything.

by all means keep the lines of contact open.
posted by micawber at 8:26 AM on November 11, 2008

If you like this girl why are you getting her a card? Why not something small and thoughtful, based on a shared interest or an inside joke. Something like that shows a little interest without having to write anything, and then just let things grow from there.
posted by mattsweaters at 10:11 AM on November 11, 2008

Not in a card. Give her the card and say Happy Birthday. At some unrelated time, ask her out on a date.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:17 PM on November 11, 2008

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