Pass (on) the Dutchie?
November 5, 2008 10:14 AM   Subscribe

Blurring the Work Life/Private Life Filter - The guy who is my supervisor invited me to come hang out with him & some of his buddies this weekend. Per an email from him, it will be Gaming/Sports Watching/General hanging out, along with drinking and *ahem* smoking.

I've never crossed that line with a cow orker before. And to complicate things somewhat, he has recently gone on a sober streak, so he won't be participating.

I work at a very laid back, small organization where it's generally assumed that people do this sort of thing after hours...and he did come right out & say that it would be present. He's a very cool guy, and I don't anticipate it becoming a problem, but I tend to think too much and am dreaming up unlikely scenarios where I could regret this.

So what to do? Do I puff puff, or do I pass?
posted by ekstasis23 to Human Relations (12 answers total)
If it sounds like a good time, and there's no chance of romantic entanglement with the supervisor or a perception of favoritism by other cow-orkers, then I say go for it. What's the worst that can happen - you don't have fun and you don't hang out anymore with people you didn't hang out with in the first place?
posted by xbonesgt at 10:28 AM on November 5, 2008

I tend to think that discretion in these situations has no potential to cause problems, whereas lack of it does. When we're talking about something as trivial as whether or not to smoke some weed or get wasted with the boss, I'd pass. It isn't like he's saying, "COME ON MAN, EVERYONE'S DOING IT."
posted by autojack at 10:28 AM on November 5, 2008

And to complicate things somewhat, he has recently gone on a sober streak, so he won't be participating.

I would go and refrain from smoking up. Obviously, since your supervisor has no problems abstaining from smoking weed in this case, there is no pressure on you either.

Socializing with your peers/team or management outside of work is pretty useful. Some might call it bonding, while others call it forming strong relationships. You have nothing to lose by attending, and a lot to gain, although it may not be wise to smoke dope. It is somewhat counterintuitive that alcohol is socially acceptable, when compared to pot, but that's just the way it is.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:37 AM on November 5, 2008

Ohhhhhh, *that* kind of smoking.

If you're not personally opposed to it and you're certain that it will have no ramifications at work (no drug tests, etc) then it really does come down to whether or not you want to have this person exclusively as a colleague, or as a colleague and friend.

One consequence might be if you decide to leave the job at some point he might take it more personally than if you purely had a professional relationship.
posted by Deathalicious at 10:38 AM on November 5, 2008

well, i generally discourage being superclose friends with people at work, especially those above you. it makes things complicated and brings in emotions that don't need to be there. do you want to open up this relationship to being friends? and hearing about his problems? that's one thing to consider. the other of course is the drugs. obviously, you can drink, but don't get drunk, but should you take a hit? i would say no. he is your supervisor. not your frat buddy. there are just so many reasons this is a bad idea.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 11:03 AM on November 5, 2008

Best answer: You have nothing to loose by not smoking. You can always smoke pot with your boss some other time, if this goes especially well, or something.

Personally, I would advise against consuming anything that makes it hard to keep an eye on oneself when one is meeting new people whom one would like to spend time with in the future; whether that means don't drink too much when you first visit new people, or whether it means don't drop acid before you meet your girlfriend's parents.

In this case, if I went, I would have a few beers, but I would sip them at a reasonable pace. I would pass on the pot, but I would be polite and honest about it, "none for me tonight, thanks" as opposed to "oh no, I don't do those kinds of things."
posted by paisley henosis at 12:48 PM on November 5, 2008

Never, ever turn down decent weed.

It really is just that simple.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:00 PM on November 5, 2008 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: *lol* While the advice on passing is very reasonable & good, and probably dead-on-correct, I have to concede that you've got a point there BitterOldPunk.
posted by ekstasis23 at 1:07 PM on November 5, 2008

I think a lot people now a days see weed as the same thing as drinking. Have a beer, don't have a beer - not really a big deal.
posted by mattsweaters at 3:51 PM on November 5, 2008

weed + (new people * your boss) = paranoia
posted by geoff. at 6:51 PM on November 5, 2008

I think you might want to be careful about witnessing people doing things that at some later date you (or those people) might have reason to wish you hadn't seen, especially if the things in question are illegal or immoral. Extra caution would seem appropriate when the people in question have supervisory/managerial influence over your livelihood.
posted by fuse theorem at 7:06 PM on November 5, 2008

Regardless of how friendly you may become with your supervisor outside of work, while you still work at the same place, he's still your supervisor who has a say in your pay, any advancement/promotions, or whether you should be offered a professional opportunity. Even if you move onto another job, chances are he would make an excellent reference. Why potentially screw that up by doing something you might regret? You could smoke and have a great time and not do anything even vaguely embarrassing, but why take the chance? Also, people don't always act rationally. While in theory he'd be cool with you smoking, he could also let it negatively influence how he thinks about you. When you factor in that he will be refraining from smoking, I think it gets dicier. You can smoke some other time with people who don't have input into your professional life. I vote for passing in this instance.
posted by katemcd at 6:55 PM on November 6, 2008

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