Kill me with spice.
October 27, 2008 7:29 PM   Subscribe

Hot food suggestions. This question got me thinking.

I love spice. Love heat. Like proving my manhood with food. I consider the "hot" warning on salsas to be false advertising. I can eat jalapeños straight.

So knock me out.

I've had food so hot, that like Paul Muadib, I thought I could see through time. I want more. Burn me until my eyes turn blue! I am pretty sure I can take it. The higher the Scoville Unit the better.

I don't eat red meat, I consider pork to be a red meat, and I still like a bit of flavor (so pure capsaicin oil is out).

Would love to be able to order suggestions online. Prefer non-perishable. Prefer complete food items, not just spice (but don't limit your answers to these).

Bonus points if it's premade (but don't limit your answers to this). TV dinner type food, dried, in a jar, don't care, as long as I can buy it and pop it in the microwave or boil it on the stove.

I am talking the type of food that you wash your hands three times after eating before putting your hands anywhere near your eyes, and four times before using the bathroom.

I've occasionally gotten food close to being hot enough as some Indian or Thai restaurants, but only after insulting the cook's ancestry. Ok, seriously, never did that, but have had the cook come out and check on me too many times to count to see if the white boy was still a standin'.

I live in Iowa, so "This place on Southwest 14th in New York..." won't be helpful (unless they have mail order).
posted by cjorgensen to Food & Drink (17 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I'm talking this hot.

Will bow out and not moderate the thread. Just had the girlfriend edit the post for typos and she pointed that link out.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:33 PM on October 27, 2008

The Source

*disclaimer* - be careful
posted by MatJ at 8:10 PM on October 27, 2008

Well, I'm only a moderately intrepid spice connoisseur, so my standards might not be as manly as yours, but...

I'm sure you're already familiar with kimchi.

I recently made biryani using a pre-made paste from Kitchens of India (warning: autoplaying Hindustani classical music), and I was surprised at the level of heat. I was hallucinating for several hours afterward.

Kame has a couple of varieties of chili oils. I prefer the milder (golden) variety for daily cooking (excellent for tofu and cornmeal-battered okra), but they also make a much stronger red variety.

All of these are readily available at any decent grocery store.
posted by greenie2600 at 8:56 PM on October 27, 2008

Oh, and the most brain-blistering hot sauce I've ever had is a habañero-based concoction called Woman Scorned (or perhaps Scorned Woman?). Christ Almighty.

Ask me to tell you about the first time I ever chopped habañeros, and then went to the bathroom without washing my hands first...

Or, y'know, don't, because I think you know how that worked out.
posted by greenie2600 at 9:01 PM on October 27, 2008

Could I interest you in a bottle of hot chilli pickle? Most Indian-style pickles rely on spices for preservation (rather than vinegar alone) and can be quite hot. I haven't actually tried this particular brand but this is one of the hotter types of pickles since it consists of green chiles pickled with lots of cayenne and mustard. The other pickles shown on that page can be quite spicy as well. Oh and don't try to eat the pickle on its own -- it's meant to be eaten in small quantities with something else -- like rice or flatbreads.
posted by peacheater at 9:16 PM on October 27, 2008

Well, jalapeños are pretty weak, all things considered. They're like Tabasco sauce in that they go well with everything. I like bite, sure, but mainly I like flavour. If I just wanted hot I'd threaten a police officer with a knife until he maced me in the mouth.

I sometimes make my own chilli oil. It's pretty good. Use a quality olive oil and mix some garlic in there too for a nice dip for crusty bread.

Byron Bay Chilli Co's Gold Habanero Chilli Sauce is super-delicious if you can find it. It's hot, but it's mainly tasty. I understand they export quite widely.

If you're simply after heat, then, well, this little list might help.

Hottest thing I've ever tried is Blair's Mega Death, a tiny bit mixed in with a mate's homemade salsa (which was already quite spicy). I'm not really willing to ingest anything hotter than that, primarily because I'd feel like a retard - like I say, there's a difference between flavour with a good ass-kicking, and plain old-fashioned firey agony.

Some of this stuff can really fuck you up, though, so either keep some milk or hard alcohol on hand while you're trying it out.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:19 PM on October 27, 2008

I'm an extreme hot foods fan as well. I've been growing and processing my own peppers for years... The sauce I produce has been described as brutal, but tasty. I tend to agree! The closest thing that I can recommend are the sauces from The various Blairs' sauces are insanely hot (and I've got a VERY high tolerance) but still have real flavor as well. All in all, they're the best around in my opinion for a pure heat sauce.
posted by blaneyphoto at 9:19 PM on October 27, 2008

Oh right, whole foods, sorry. Well, if you're ever in Brisbane, I'll treat you to one of these.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:27 PM on October 27, 2008

Sorry, should have linked to this story.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:31 PM on October 27, 2008

If you can get hot links (not sure what they're officially called, but I had one with four different spices in it) and smother it with Russian mustard, I will enjoy watching the spectacle of you running around with your tongue on fire. Pretty sure you can get both online. (Bonus: chopped onions and sauerkraut! Mmmm!)
posted by curagea at 9:59 PM on October 27, 2008

Well, it's the hottest pepper in the world. So - it's right up your alley. Enjoy...?
posted by watercarrier at 4:06 AM on October 28, 2008

For serious chillage, try Bhutanese: “On cold winter days, I get such a passionate yearning for a bowl of ema datsi that I nearly lose my mind.”

Recipes here. I don't vouch for them. It's not my favourite cuisine.

The chilli level in home cooked South Asian food varies a great deal and is usually much higher than what you find in restaurants, especially in western countries. Just cook your favourite foods and add an extra handful/ tablespoon. Chopped small green chillies as garnish (or simply chewed with every bite) are pretty common.

Hmm. I haven't actually suggested any foods you can buy off the shelf. I'll simply repeat my chew-a-chilli recommendation.
posted by tavegyl at 4:07 AM on October 28, 2008

try any one of Matouk's pepper sauces
posted by jammy at 4:10 AM on October 28, 2008

Dave's sauces can get pretty out of hand and are widely available; I rarely go hotter than their "Insanity" because after that you really can't taste much. Chili peppers are also really easy to grow and some of the hottest ones are small enough to grow inside. It only takes a few minutes to roast a Habanero as described here, salt it generously, and eat it straight up for a fiery treat.

I think you will have a hard time finding any premade dishes that are that spicy, but I will be following this thread to see what other suggestions there are.
posted by TedW at 4:45 AM on October 28, 2008

My standby is Red Savina powder. I like it because it's quite hot and also flavorful, unlike many of the extreme hot sauces, which just taste like burning. I know you said "prepared food items", but IMHO you're not likely to find anything pre-made as hot as you can get if you add red savina to whatever you're eating.

Cooking with habaneros also ensures very hot and flavorful food, but it sounds as though you're more interested in warm-up style foods -- in that case, get the red savina, sprinkle some on before you put the food in the microwave, and viola, really hot food! It's especially good on eggs, popcorn, and chicken.
posted by vorfeed at 7:42 AM on October 28, 2008

2nding TedW: Dave's makes some of the most humbling sauces I have found. Some of their sauces use pepper concentrates (read: pepper spray ingredient) so these are much hotter than any fresh or dried peppers. I have seen chile heads cry with one drop of this on a chip...
posted by masher at 8:23 AM on October 28, 2008

Thanks everyone! Some of this stuff looks plain dangerous.

I like flavor as well, but can still detect unique flavors even when heat would normally over-power the taste.

Yum yum.

Will monitor the thread in case others pipe in. Will look over links and order some stuff.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:02 PM on October 28, 2008

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