Meeting people
October 14, 2008 8:34 AM Subscribe
What activities can I do that will allow me socialize with other people? There is a problem: I really dislike being on stage in any way, and I don't like discussing stuff with a bunch of other people.
I'm male, between 25 and 30, and very few friends.
Improv or play acting is not an option, because I just don't like it. It's not appealing to me.
What I'm thinking of is more things like Chinese Class. There I will meet people who have interest in foreign cultures, likely my age and somewhat intelligent. If I don't like the people, I'll still learn.
Are there other similar activities that don't involve me embarassing myself or trying to be who I'm not? I'm not a showman, I'm not an extrovert, but I'm not a nerd either. So I don't want to join a theater troup or a circus, I don't want to analyse the deeper meanings of comic books either.
Cooking would be nice, but it's going to be a bunch of people who don't think like I do and are of way too different an age.
I absolutely cannot post a 'looking for friends' ad in any magazine or online publication. Out of the question, because I am not the type of person who can meet someone from the internet. I also don't like working with political groups. I also am incapable of going to a bar or cofee shop and then approaching people randomly. Some can do it, some can't.
So, what other type of social activities would fit into the 'learn chinese' category?
Improv or play acting is not an option, because I just don't like it. It's not appealing to me.
What I'm thinking of is more things like Chinese Class. There I will meet people who have interest in foreign cultures, likely my age and somewhat intelligent. If I don't like the people, I'll still learn.
Are there other similar activities that don't involve me embarassing myself or trying to be who I'm not? I'm not a showman, I'm not an extrovert, but I'm not a nerd either. So I don't want to join a theater troup or a circus, I don't want to analyse the deeper meanings of comic books either.
Cooking would be nice, but it's going to be a bunch of people who don't think like I do and are of way too different an age.
I absolutely cannot post a 'looking for friends' ad in any magazine or online publication. Out of the question, because I am not the type of person who can meet someone from the internet. I also don't like working with political groups. I also am incapable of going to a bar or cofee shop and then approaching people randomly. Some can do it, some can't.
So, what other type of social activities would fit into the 'learn chinese' category?
You say you want to socialize with other people, but it sounds more like you want to socialize with people just like you. Keep in mind that you're less likely to learn anything from other people when they share the same views and values as you do. This negates the purpose of socializing, in my opinion.
Take a foreign language class like you mentioned, or volunteer locally with an organization that interests you. Keep an open mind. Try pushing through something that makes you uncomfortable -- you will grow from it.
posted by nitsuj at 8:42 AM on October 14, 2008
Take a foreign language class like you mentioned, or volunteer locally with an organization that interests you. Keep an open mind. Try pushing through something that makes you uncomfortable -- you will grow from it.
posted by nitsuj at 8:42 AM on October 14, 2008
Cooking would be nice, but it's going to be a bunch of people who don't think like I do and are of way too different an age.
How do you know? One of the best ways to meet new people is to open your mind and expand your horizons. How about a Chinese cooking class?
posted by bondcliff at 8:43 AM on October 14, 2008
How do you know? One of the best ways to meet new people is to open your mind and expand your horizons. How about a Chinese cooking class?
posted by bondcliff at 8:43 AM on October 14, 2008
There's nothing sharing a common goal to build camaraderie. Volunteering, activism, sports and games are all great for this.
I once tagged along to a friend's weekly euchre meetup in a Manhattan bar. Lots of displaced Midwesterners, of various levels of out-goingness and card-playing ability, all having a good time.
posted by hydrophonic at 8:46 AM on October 14, 2008
I once tagged along to a friend's weekly euchre meetup in a Manhattan bar. Lots of displaced Midwesterners, of various levels of out-goingness and card-playing ability, all having a good time.
posted by hydrophonic at 8:46 AM on October 14, 2008
There's nothing like sharing a common goal....
posted by hydrophonic at 8:47 AM on October 14, 2008
posted by hydrophonic at 8:47 AM on October 14, 2008
Do your few friends that have larger groups of friends? My situation was that I was coming out of a long-term relationship and had a few friends that I wasn't super close with. When I was going through a tough time they invited me along on a canoe trip, and I met a bunch of other cool people. I was able to slowly find my way into their lives by showing up at their regular bar night, inviting them over for dinner, etc. and they kept inviting me to go canoeing. Success! It took a while (2-3 months?) before we became "good friends" but I have been hanging out with this crew for over 2 years now, and I'm very thankful to have found them.
posted by sararah at 8:47 AM on October 14, 2008
posted by sararah at 8:47 AM on October 14, 2008
You don't mention where you are, so giving specific advice is difficult. If you are unsure of giving your exact location, then tell us if you're in a city or small town, east coast or west coast etc. There are different types of social activities depending on your locale.
Going by what you mentioned above, I would suggest checking out your local Couchsurfing scene. It's mostly a site for travelers, but there is more. A lot of the local groups have weekly meetings, events and parties. In our city, we have a weekly meeting of about 40-50 ppl, with the widest array of backgrounds imaginable. Plus there are a fair amount of travelers coming through from all over, so it's far from the stagnant group every week.
But please do mention a little more of where you, it'll be most helpful.
posted by wile e at 8:49 AM on October 14, 2008
Going by what you mentioned above, I would suggest checking out your local Couchsurfing scene. It's mostly a site for travelers, but there is more. A lot of the local groups have weekly meetings, events and parties. In our city, we have a weekly meeting of about 40-50 ppl, with the widest array of backgrounds imaginable. Plus there are a fair amount of travelers coming through from all over, so it's far from the stagnant group every week.
But please do mention a little more of where you, it'll be most helpful.
posted by wile e at 8:49 AM on October 14, 2008
A lecture series at a museum, if you can find one with time for mingling.
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:51 AM on October 14, 2008
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:51 AM on October 14, 2008
If you want to take a class, your local community college offers classes in a wide variety of subjects - languages, art, philosophy, film, etc. Their course catalog is probably online.
Beyond that, here you have listed a bunch of things that you don't like, but what are some things you DO like to do?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:54 AM on October 14, 2008
Beyond that, here you have listed a bunch of things that you don't like, but what are some things you DO like to do?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:54 AM on October 14, 2008
I don't want to jump in here and suggest medication, but they do have things to help with social anxiety, you know. Paxil, for instance. Just sayin'.
But if you're just introverted and yet know it is a problem and are trying to do something about it, taking some courses at a local community college would allow you to both learn and meet people with similar interests. I completely understand where you are coming from; I would love to have more friends but usually find I am happiest holed up by myself reading, sketching, writing or on my Mac. Metafilter has been great for me.
Speaking of which, Mefi meetups appeal to me because there's so many intriguing people here. That's another option for you, depending on where you live. It's not like going to a bar to hook up with a stranger.
posted by misha at 9:28 AM on October 14, 2008
But if you're just introverted and yet know it is a problem and are trying to do something about it, taking some courses at a local community college would allow you to both learn and meet people with similar interests. I completely understand where you are coming from; I would love to have more friends but usually find I am happiest holed up by myself reading, sketching, writing or on my Mac. Metafilter has been great for me.
Speaking of which, Mefi meetups appeal to me because there's so many intriguing people here. That's another option for you, depending on where you live. It's not like going to a bar to hook up with a stranger.
posted by misha at 9:28 AM on October 14, 2008
Folk dancing. Everyone looks equally silly and you get to meet lots of nice people. Most places teach the dances right there on the spot and you don't have to have learned much ahead of time. And sometimes groups will go for drinks or snacks afterwards and you can get chat time with them. I recommend group dance styles like contra dance, square dance, and English/Scottish country dance where they encourage you to change partners with each song.
posted by cadge at 9:34 AM on October 14, 2008
posted by cadge at 9:34 AM on October 14, 2008
Browse through some continuing ed catalogues for your area. Pick up the local community paper and look through it for upcoming events and causes or groups to join. Try to keep an open mind about what might interest you.
posted by orange swan at 9:47 AM on October 14, 2008
posted by orange swan at 9:47 AM on October 14, 2008
What about real life meetups of online communities? A number of Ruby developers in the north of England meet up regularly (this happens world over). There's a regular "Geekup" event in several cities in the north of England for all general netheads / geeks / Web freaks which are interesting. There are "Barcamps" all over the world for the same sort of people.
Do you even have any friends online? If not, that might be a place to start. Make local(ish) friends online, then get into arranging activities. Heck, what about a MetaFilter meetup for your area? They've worked well in the past.
posted by wackybrit at 9:50 AM on October 14, 2008
Do you even have any friends online? If not, that might be a place to start. Make local(ish) friends online, then get into arranging activities. Heck, what about a MetaFilter meetup for your area? They've worked well in the past.
posted by wackybrit at 9:50 AM on October 14, 2008
You could take up a sport on a non-competitive or not-very-competitive level. Something like mountain biking or mountain climbing would be my choice. Other possibilities: train for a marathon along with a group of people who are also training; join a low-pressure league for soccer, ultimate frisbee, etc.
You would share a common experience that is sometimes exasperating, sometimes exhilarating. There may be group drinking, which is always good for forging bonds. And, most of the time, you will not have to talk.
posted by Mender at 10:05 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]
You would share a common experience that is sometimes exasperating, sometimes exhilarating. There may be group drinking, which is always good for forging bonds. And, most of the time, you will not have to talk.
posted by Mender at 10:05 AM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]
Also! This may not be what you are looking for, but I'm throwing it out there anyway. Like you, I cannot approach people randomly in a coffee shop. However, during the time when I was working in a coffee shop, I made a huge number of friends. You are forced to interact with your customers, and coffee shop regulars tend to be cool young freelancers, retired people with great stories, and a smattering of lunatics.
So, if you have free time anyway, consider a weekend job?
posted by Mender at 10:10 AM on October 14, 2008
So, if you have free time anyway, consider a weekend job?
posted by Mender at 10:10 AM on October 14, 2008
My suggestion is rather than finding people to meet, work on yourself. Just reading your post I got the impression you were wound too tightly for life. Quit defining yourself so harshly, you aren't anything, and people who I see that do that are usually just afraid of life. I say change your outlook on things, and you'll never have problems making friends again.
posted by mattsweaters at 10:54 AM on October 14, 2008
posted by mattsweaters at 10:54 AM on October 14, 2008
Improv or play acting is not an option, because I just don't like it. It's not appealing to me.
What I'm thinking of is more things like Chinese Class. There I will meet people who have interest in foreign cultures, likely my age and somewhat intelligent. If I don't like the people, I'll still learn.
Cooking would be nice, but it's going to be a bunch of people who don't think like I do and are of way too different an age.
Out of the question, because I am not the type of person who can meet someone from the internet. I also don't like working with political groups.
I'm curious as to to how you make all these assumptions without any frame of experience. People who take cooking classes or use the internet or work in politics don't think like you? That is horribly presupposing. Spin the wheel, do things you don't think are right for you and see what happens. Most likely you'll find out that the person who appears like they are polar opposites have more in common with you than you could ever imagine.
The world is your oyster but if you can't coax it's mouth to open, you're never going to get the pearl.
posted by JJ86 at 12:49 PM on October 14, 2008
What I'm thinking of is more things like Chinese Class. There I will meet people who have interest in foreign cultures, likely my age and somewhat intelligent. If I don't like the people, I'll still learn.
Cooking would be nice, but it's going to be a bunch of people who don't think like I do and are of way too different an age.
Out of the question, because I am not the type of person who can meet someone from the internet. I also don't like working with political groups.
I'm curious as to to how you make all these assumptions without any frame of experience. People who take cooking classes or use the internet or work in politics don't think like you? That is horribly presupposing. Spin the wheel, do things you don't think are right for you and see what happens. Most likely you'll find out that the person who appears like they are polar opposites have more in common with you than you could ever imagine.
The world is your oyster but if you can't coax it's mouth to open, you're never going to get the pearl.
posted by JJ86 at 12:49 PM on October 14, 2008
Cooking would be nice, but it's going to be a bunch of people who don't think like I do and are of way too different an age.
Yeah, I don't get this either.
I started doing [hobby] about six years ago, via a volunteer gig. I didn't really think about what kind of people I'd meet, because I really just liked [hobby].
As it turns out, a lot of the people who like this - by no means all, but lots - are quite a bit older, in some cases by decades (I'm 42). A lot of them are also not at all like me in that they are a) male and b) straight.
Holy cow, are they cool. We're not all best buds, but within the context of [hobby], we have a lot to talk about, and have discovered even non-[hobby]-related things in common. Some of them I would certainly count as friends. We have traveled together in relation to [hobby]. They are a pretty amazing bunch, and if I'd skipped the volunteer gig because I didn't think I would meet people who "think like I do" (what does that mean?) or are too different in age, I wouldn't have met them. And I wouldn't have discovered that many of them do in fact "think like I do."
There are some people in my life - at work, for instance - with whom I seem to have much in common: we're of similar age, educational backgrounds and levels, class, politics, etc., but geez, I wouldn't go to lunch with them, let alone spend outside-work time with them, let alone count them as friends.
I haven't specified what the hobby is because it really doesn't matter; fill in the thing of your choice. Anyway, if you've read enough of my stuff around here, you already know what it is!
posted by rtha at 2:32 PM on October 14, 2008
Yeah, I don't get this either.
I started doing [hobby] about six years ago, via a volunteer gig. I didn't really think about what kind of people I'd meet, because I really just liked [hobby].
As it turns out, a lot of the people who like this - by no means all, but lots - are quite a bit older, in some cases by decades (I'm 42). A lot of them are also not at all like me in that they are a) male and b) straight.
Holy cow, are they cool. We're not all best buds, but within the context of [hobby], we have a lot to talk about, and have discovered even non-[hobby]-related things in common. Some of them I would certainly count as friends. We have traveled together in relation to [hobby]. They are a pretty amazing bunch, and if I'd skipped the volunteer gig because I didn't think I would meet people who "think like I do" (what does that mean?) or are too different in age, I wouldn't have met them. And I wouldn't have discovered that many of them do in fact "think like I do."
There are some people in my life - at work, for instance - with whom I seem to have much in common: we're of similar age, educational backgrounds and levels, class, politics, etc., but geez, I wouldn't go to lunch with them, let alone spend outside-work time with them, let alone count them as friends.
I haven't specified what the hobby is because it really doesn't matter; fill in the thing of your choice. Anyway, if you've read enough of my stuff around here, you already know what it is!
posted by rtha at 2:32 PM on October 14, 2008
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And there's nothing that says you can't pick and choose even after the fact (i.e., try a group out, and when you realize you won't click with anyone there, just resigning from the group).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:41 AM on October 14, 2008