Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with women and society

Wishing I was blind to attractiveness, semi-sarcastically

ichomp — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 22:20:18 -0800

How do you deal with the damaging ways that society evaluates women? Society (esp. men) value women largely on appearances and youth. Lately, I've noticed that I view women that way too and it bothers me that I view my own gender and myself in such a damaging way. For example, I noticed younger men and women more. I have also noticed how unfair it is that in the media, actors have a much longer career than actresses. I'm more aware of women's biological clock and how that affects a lot of the most important decisions in their lives (while men don't have such restraints). I am noticing all the ways that time seems to favor men over women, and it bothers me 1) I have to deal with it; 2) my viewpoint contributes to that.

Right now, I am at a favorable age but I am very aware that youth is temporary. It makes the advantages of youth feel very shallow, and I keep thinking how it feels to lose that. I feel objectified, and I don't like how much value society places on women's appearances, because surely there is so much value to a person at all ages. I don't like how looking good is a value itself. Perhaps when I am older, my view of beauty will change and I will notice and appreciate those who are older too. I also know that besides being an ego booster, being noticed by strangers doesn't mean much. In addition to that, my paying more attention to younger and prettier people doesn't mean much to older people. Nonetheless, it bothers me that as I get older, I'm supposed to be less valuable when the older I am, the wiser and better at handling things I would be.

I realized that lately, I've been placing a lot of value on looks and it bothers me that I play into this whole damaging way of evaluating myself and others. I mostly evaluate strangers this way, not people I know, but it still bothers me that I am paying more attention to better looking people. It feels unfair, and I am the same person who asked that question. Being young makes me feel like I have a lot to lose, and it's a feeling that really bothers me. Is being young really such an advantage, or is being older pretty good too? I can imagine feeling so free when I am older, because I no longer have to care about this.

PS. Part of me is scared that if I have a partner, he, like society, will not value me as much when I am older. I know too many disgusting examples of this. Truthfully it makes me feel very insecure to get married, because I don't believe that most men are deep enough to appreciate their partners for things beside appearances-- their character and how much they contribute.

I welcome your thoughts from either gender and all ages. Thank you.

Friend keeps calling other women whores and I find this offensive

sedulous — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 12:17:38 -0800

Friend keeps calling other women whores and I find this offensive, but she thinks I'm "censoring" her When my friend really dislikes someone and that women seems to have slept with more than a number of men my friend would find acceptable, she would slut shame her, and keep referring to her as a whore. I find this really offensive. I'm against calling any women sluts or whores in general. I have talked to her about it and she said she understood, but she still won't stop. When I brought it up again, she said that the word is in the dictionary and she will use it when she wants to, and that I'm censoring her.

I feel like this is so ignorant of her. What are your thoughts?

Third world woman needs consciousness raised

infini — Wed, 22 Aug 2012 02:57:55 -0800

Enlighten me on current state of the art thinking, discourse and vocabulary around gender politics please. Terminally unique details inside. I don't have the language to frame my question properly even, so disclaimers all around in case I step on toes or landmines.

I would like to educate myself on current day discourse on gender, power, ethnicity and the consciousness raising stuff that I only am figuring out by the painful reading of threads and comments.

I feel ignorant and out of the loop for not having paid much attention to this beyond my late adolescence/early teenage 'fighting for survival' years because I was too busy doing and was not in the developed world. {Before the advent of the internet and in a male dominated engineering university}

I feel blindsided by the recent discovery of experiencing something that others were already aware of and the language with which to discuss it.

I'm requesting curated selections of reading material or sources and/or your own personal experienced summaries and thoughts rather than a datadump of feminist reading - that can be found by a search whereas this is a request to you all here.

Some links to my comments on the topic of gender/ethnicity in case it helps you figure out where my blind spots are.

Also, if there is stuff from outside of the North American discourse, such as European or Asian, that too would be very much appreciated.

Thank you.

Male-dominated workplaces that work for women - the good, the better and the best

remixnine — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 22:15:35 -0800

I'm wondering about what measures can be taken to increase gender diversity in male-dominated workplaces. For women who work in male-dominated fields - how did your company's culture contribute to creating an appealing work environment for you? What can be done to build and foster this kind of culture? I work in the tech industry, and throughout my career, most teams I've worked on have been predominantly or all male. I am really curious as to the experiences of other women who work in this or other male-dominated fields (ie engineering, finance, and construction).

How has your company culture shaped your experiences? What aspects of your company's culture make it a more appealing place to work and help you to achieve success as a woman? For example, this could include things like communication style, organizational structure, social events, customs, etc.

I'm very interested in hearing your thoughts on this matter. Thanks in advance for your responses!

Size and Identity

Fairchild — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 07:55:26 -0800

I'm interested in characters that are confident, despite the fact that they are overweight. I'm interested in anything that depicts women who are content with the fact the are not thin. It could be fiction, non-fiction, TV, movies, print, articles, podcasts, whatever. I want to read, see, and listen to it.

I'm interested because I'm 20 pounds overweight and have been dieting my entire life. I think about my weight constantly and am over it. Please steer me to women who are confident with their size. Every time I read about, see, or meet a woman that is not obsessing about her looks, it inspires me. Thanks.

I need help locating an article about how single men are more successful than married men.

myodometer — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 22:08:41 -0800

Looking for an article regarding the fact that single men are responsible for more social breakthroughs than are married men/fathers. Several months (possibly a couple years) ago, I remember reading an article regarding a study that determined that single men are responsible for more breakthroughs in the science world (for example) than are married men. The article outlined the how and why of these results. I believe it possibly also mentioned the health-boosting effects of long-term relationships over the health-diminishing nature of the bachelor lifestyle.

However, my Google-fu skills have failed me in locating this article again. Anyone out there know what I'm talking about?

Are those gosh durned kids really having as much free love as the Tv says?

reenum — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 12:24:24 -0800

How accurate are the media portrayals of young people engaging in risky sexual behaviors? Recently, I've noticed that a lot of media outlets seem to be sensationalizing the sexual practices of people in their teens and 20's. These sources would have you believe that these groups are always 'hooking up', they prefer oral sex to kissing, and that now engage in sexual activity first and date if the experience is positive. Things along those lines.

I'm 30, so I was a teen in the early 90's. I find it hard to believe that sexual mores have changed all that much in the last 15 years. Obviously, I don't get much action, so I can't speak from experience. Have things really become as open and free as the media would have us believe?

Are there any studies or news stories that give statistics of how prevalent sexual activity and risky sexual behaviors are in teens and twentysomethings? Anecdotes are also welcome.

How do non-American men view American women

notcomputersavvy06 — Fri, 10 Mar 2006 12:01:12 -0800

In general, how do non-American men view American women? Repressed, promiscuous, intelligent, arrogant, superficial, attractive, aggressive, etc.

A man in womens clothing?

BrodieShadeTree — Thu, 24 Feb 2005 11:20:13 -0800

Historically speaking, what are some great examples of men occupying a woman's place in society, business, etc.? I am writing an article on being a male knit shop owner and could use some examples of men who have taken places in society normally occupied by women. Thanks.