Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with wife

Push Gift Ideas.

NotSoSimple — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 10:26:38 -0800

Push (Birthing) Gift idea? Wife has hinted and I like to give gifts. What is appropriate? We are about to have our first child in ~2 weeks and my wife has been increasingly dropping small hints at a Push Gift. For those who don't know, they are gifts given to the mother after birth. I like to give my wife gifts for special occasions so this works for me. However I am unsure as to what would be 'appropriate'.

Only jewelry thing she has mentioned in the past couple years is a pearl necklace. Thing is I dont think she would wear it. The other option is a spa day, which I know she will use. Any recommendations?

My best friend and wife are fighting. Should I try and mediate or stay out of it?

washateria — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:29:36 -0800

My best friend and wife are fighting. Should I try and mediate or stay out of it? My best friend of ten years is a former boss we can call her FormerBoss/Mentor. FormerBoss/Mentor and I have a great deal of common interests and even though she can be a bit prickly we have always gotten along and enjoy each others company.

My wife of five years is a professional house painter and recently did some painting work for my FormerBoss/Mentor. The work was suppose to be only painting, but my FormerBoss/Mentor called my wife and asked her to supervise another person doing work in the house while she was there, be there to let in other workers, etc. This wasn’t part of the work but my wife did everything that was asked. There were also a couple of pictures left out to be hung and a smoke alarm to be installed with a note, saying “would you please…?” and those things were not part of the agreement and my wife did not do those things. During the week the job ended they were to see each other at an event on Friday evening and they established during a phone call that my wife was to get paid for the job that evening. That evening came and my FormerBoss/Mentor said nothing but “Sorry, I forgot my checkbook.”

No other discussion, no thank you for the work. My wife handed her the keys to her house. The next day they saw each other at another event and there was not any discussion of the work or how my wife was to be paid or any thank you for doing the work. On Sunday my girlfriend emailed my FormerBoss/Mentor and said she was hurt, she felt unacknowledged and unappreciated and wanted to know how she was going to get paid. My friend sent an email saying “I had no idea you should have said something I don’t carry my checkbook with me everyday”.

A few days later a check arrived in the mail. There was a housewarming party where my wife chose not to go because she was still really angry with my friend and I didn’t go because something deep inside told me that no matter what I should stand by my wife. My FormerBoss/Mentor called me on Monday and asked why I wasn’t there and I said because she needed to work out this issue with my wife. My friend says she has done nothing wrong and that she has been very good to my wife and my wife won’t accept her part in it, she never provided an invoice. My partner says this has nothing to do with money or an invoice it has to do with acknowledgement and that my FormerBoss/Mentor should have thanked her for the work and acknowledged the job she did, painting + many extras.

I am so upset that they are fighting like this. Should I call my FormerBoss/Mentor and ask her to please just say thank you for the work my wife did so this can be over? Should I try and stay out of it? Before this happened we were all very close almost like family. I think personally that my former boss was upset that my girlfriend didn’t do ALL the extra things she left out for her and that not saying thanks was a small passive aggressive dig at her. Any advice is appreciated. I really don't know if I should try and mediate or stay out of it. I feel as if my water dish has been moved very far away from my bowl. Any thoughts are appreciated.

It's time to settle down. Please help me.

st starseed — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:45:39 -0800

It's time to settle down. Please help me. 7 1/2 years ago, I graduated from college. Since then:

I've lived in five different states - DC/VA, NC, FL, IL, MI.
I've had leases with six different apartments.
I've worked full-time for two pro baseball teams and part time for another. (I love baseball.)
I've also worked in a few other industries, including fundraising, DJing, and mortgage banking.

I've been lucky for a lot of reasons. Life has been good.

I like movement. Motion. Exploring new passions and learning about others'.

And today I did something that will likely put an end to all of this: I applied for a mortgage. My wife, whom I love dearly, wants a house. She has figured out what she wants to do with her life. She wants to be here in Michigan, where we both grew up. She wants a few children. She's ready to settle and have the American Dream life we're all programmed to have.

I also want to settle. But it doesn't feel like the right time, even though I know that eventually I have to settle.

Thus, to everyone: How do you know/did you know it was the right time to settle? Were you okay with it? Does a point come when it really does feel right?

A farewell/goodluck gift for my wife while she's hiking the Himalayas

Plutor — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 08:40:42 -0800

My wife is heading to the Himalayas, where she and I will be incommunicado for an entire month. What can I give her that she will appreciate (and maybe even remind her of me) while she is gone? She will be carrying her own large hiking pack through the mountains for much of the trip, so there's an emphasis on small, resistant to breaking, and useful.

What doesn't my pregnant wife know she needs?

um_maverick — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 09:52:33 -0800

Just found out that wifey is pregnant! I'd like to get her some small present(s), but it's too early for cravings, and she already has all of the books....what are some things that "all" pregnant wives need? Sorry if this is a dupe, but my searches kept on bringing up general pregnancy advice threads. We just found out that my wife is pregnant with our first. We're still at the very, very early stages, and while I'm aware that things can go wrong at this point, we're very excited. I'd like to pick up some things to help my wife, or generally just try to be a good husband. She has just about every "what to expect" as well as "funny pregnancy story" book printed. She's not craving anything yet, and has no outward body changes at this point, so new clothes/etc aren't going to work. She has been nauseous throughout the day (so much for "morning" sickness), but that's about it. Is there something that neither she nor I know yet that she's going to need? Should I just wait and address issues as they pop up?

Thanks!

Am I overreacting to this creepy guy who keeps trying to meet my wife and her friends?

Anonymous — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 12:48:48 -0800

Am I overreacting to this creepy guy who keeps trying to meet my wife and her friends? I apologize for this being a bit long and probably confusing.

My wife has a core group of five friends that she's known since high school. Three of the five girls are married and a fourth is in a long-term relationship. We're all close. About 3 or 4 months, the fifth girl started having sex with a married guy from her church. She been good friends with this guy's wife and daughter for a while too, which makes it all the more despicable. He's also told her that it's not the first time he's cheated on his wife.

Initially, all of this girl's friends, including my wife, were pretty disappointed in her. The collective disappointment turned to anger when this guy invited all of her girl friends out to dinner to get to know them. Just the girls. Well, they basically all told the friend that they think he's a creep and nobody wanted to meet him. We thought that was that.

Whenever we're with this friend, she's CONSTANTLY texting with this guy. And he's always asking her possessive questions like "Who's there?" and "How much have you been drinking?"

Weeks later, she roped one of the girlfriends and her boyfriend into meeting this guy. They confirmed their initial suspicions that he was creepy. Especially when they started inappropriately making out in front of everyone. He even started texting THIS girl after the meeting and trying to talk to her on the phone.

So last week, the friend moved into a new apartment in this guy's town (which we later found out was directly in between his work and home). In celebration of the new place, they all had a "girl's night" at the movies. After the movie, they went to see the new apartment. As they're walking around, who shows up... this frickin guy. With a case of beer nonetheless as a "peace offering" for the girls. Fortunately, my wife had come home directly from the movie and missed meeting him. But the other girls awkwardly left and were pretty livid about the whole thing, basically feeling like they were tricked into meeting him. I was beyond pissed about the whole thing, as was my best friend (who's married to one of the girls who was there). I later found out for sure that it was this guy's idea to stop by and say 'hi' to them and the girl told him it would be ok. It was most definitely not ok.

So I found out what I could about this guy afterwards and wrote him an email... to his work address, to make the point loud and clear:

I don't care what you do with [REDACTED]... but my wife and the rest of my friend's wives do not want to know you. You and [REDACTED] both know that. Do not put yourself into a situation to meet my wife or any of my friend's wives again.

Stay the fuck away.

I guess he got the message last night while he was with her and got so scared that he left and went home to his wife. The girl immediately called her friends to apologize for putting them in the awkward situation and took responsibility for it. She chatted with me this morning and tried to explain, but I basically told her that I think this guy is a piece of shit and nobody wants him around them. I've accepted her apology, basically because I think her being that dumb doesn't mean there needs to be bad blood between us. But I absolutely don't forgive this guy for weaseling his way into everyone's lives.

So again, the question is: am I overreacting to this guy? It seems to me like he has some delusional fantasy about cheating on his wife with not only this girl, but her friends as well. It was enough to feel like she's making us guilty simply by knowing about what her and this guy are doing. But him figuring out how to get his way regardless of the wishes of my wife and her friends is putting me (and the other husbands) over the top.

Help a secret smoker quit for good, and stop lying

Anonymous — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 09:16:52 -0800

Stopping an intermittent secret cigarette habit that I lie about to my wife. How do I control my intermittent smoking problem, and how do I placate my wife who won't let me talk to her about it? Longer explanation below. I picked up a tobacco habit from smoking too much pot mixed with tobacco in my early 20s. Since then over the last 15 years, I've struggled to give it up the tobacco (I never ever smoke pot with tobacco these days, and only do that occasionally).

I'll quit cigarettes for weeks or months, or occasionally a year or two. And then I'll start again. For maybe a month or two, sometimes up to 6 months, and then stop. I don't get nicotine withdrawal symptoms as such, because I'm so used to not smoking, but under certain circumstances, I get a really powerful urge to smoke.

I'll describe what happens. I only smoke alone, never in company. Mostly I work alone. Some aspects of my job are simultaneously stressful and boring. At this time I get a very powerful urge to smoke, and I find it difficult not to be totally preoccupied with going and buying a packet of cigarettes, and smoking a couple. This is when I relapse. Often I'll then go and throw the packet away, maybe 50% of the time I'll retrieve it later on and smoke a couple more. Mostly the next day I'll buy another pack and maybe throw that away. Most smoking episodes like this last a couple of months, and I'm an expert at hiding the smell. I would never smoke more than a pack of 20 in a week at my peak smoking habit.

Periodically, once every couple of years, my wife of 10 years (plus three cohabiting, plus 1 going out) finds out I've lapsed, and it gets her upset and angry. Today she found an empty packet of smokes that I'd not got around to thowing out for a couple of months in my bag, along with a pack of nicotine chewing gum that I'd got to try to control the powerful preoccupation I described above. So she's very angry with me, I'm banished to the sofa to sleep and she tells me I'll have to work out some longer term sleeping arrangement. She's also making financial demands that she knows I can't cope with (we're both earners of a small but decent part time income at the moment). Previous discovery of relapse on my part has resulted in her delivering ultimatums, which is understandable if unhelpful to me. She paints a picture where I care about cigarettes more than I care about her - a false dichotomy in my opinion. She also doesn't want me to discuss the problem with her, and tells me that it's lack of discipline on my part causing the problems.

So I guess my question is in two parts. How do I control the intermittent smoking problem without changing jobs (not an option right now). And how do I deal with my wife's anger and resentment, and try to persuade her to pull back a bit on the ultimatums. The latter is going to be hard seeing as I'm such a serial offender.

How do I make things work with my wife while we're working through our issues?

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 18:05:40 -0800

My wife and i are working through some difficult issues. We love each other dearly, but we're no longer physically intimate. Neither one of us is willing to give up on our relationship. How do I make things work while we're trying to make things work? So to make a very long story short, my wife and I have been married 6 years, together over 10. Shortly before we got married our sex life started to head south and over the years deteriorated into sex once every couple months (if that). She's terribly uncomfortable with the idea of being physically intimate. After much arguing and a near divorce I convinced her to go to couple's therapy.

The good news is that we've learned so much about our relationship and love for each other. The process is far from easy, but its worth it. More often than not the therapy reinforces the positives of our relationship. However we still have a long way to go and the physical aspect of our relationship has yet to return.

So here's my question - aside from masturbation and having some good friends to complain to every now and again, what can I do to make life easier for myself and my wife as we're working things out?

(side note: please don't bother telling me to leave her or get a girlfriend on the side. i'm not interested in either of those options, so save your breath)

Gift to wife on birth of first child

Blackwatch — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 02:34:55 -0800

Touching and tasteful gift to mark birth of our first child. My wife and I are about to have our first child.
The baby's due date co-incides with my wife's birthday, and I'd like to buy her a gift which will have lasting significance.
I thought about a locket in which she could keep a lock of baby's hair, but can't find any that aren't huge and clunky.
Can anyone suggest a touching and tasteful gift to mark this wonderful occasion.
We live in the UK.
Thanks.

Is it too late to break up with my wife?!

kitkat09 — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 10:40:08 -0800

Is it too late to break up with my wife?! My story sounds crazy but it is true. In my culture couple gets married straight away without even knowing each other very well. It is more or less like buying a watermelon form a seller who insist that you just buy it without even grantee that it is good and sweet!. I should not have agreed :( . Any way, that what happened to me. I got married to a girl without knowing much more about her. I know her family. My mum saw her and told me that she is good for me. – Sounds crazy but honestly that what happened. I did ask about her. They told me that she is a good very well educated beautiful girl. As soon as we got married I found that she is not the right person for me although she is not bad. She lacks of self confidence and got a social phobia and has no plan for future. However, I worked very hard to avoid harming her by jumping to a decision to get divorced. I decided to give her some time in hope she will change. I was there every time to help her. I encouraged her to move on till she got her degree form a UN. Things got worse when she got pregnant. I felt that time there is no way back and I must accept her as she is a mum of my baby. Therefore, I decided instead of break up with her I would do what ever I could to make her change. She kept promise me that she will change. Nothing really changed. I couldn’t divorced her for many reason; divorce is not good for my baby life; finding another partner to marry is not easy as I have to get married again which means a lot of money need to be invested, around $ 37. 000. Also, I was very busy with my Master degree as I was part time student working and studying. Later on, I got a chance to study abroad. Many people around me said to me it is your and her chance to make change. Now, she is with me abroad with my tow kids. I encouraged her to open her eyes to learn form the new place, to learn new language, culture and got change and get rid of things at home that might holding her back. She has been here in the UK with me around three years. She has not changed that much. Now, I feel really guilty because I did not get divorce before I had my first kid; I kept dreaming that she will change and lied to my self; I don’t really lover her; she is scared of divorce idea; I lose my time coz im not in mood of studying because of her. What im concern about now is my kids 5 years and 7. I’m studying a PhD. My kids need care. They go to school. I m happy that they are here they learn here. I’m not sure how to break up with her. Peaking up according to my culture has to be official and no way back. I’m really sad, Frustrated and a afraid of making my final decision I don’t know what to do.

Will the real owner of the tummy please stand up?

grumblebee — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 10:31:38 -0800

This is a dumb question about long-term relationships and stomach gurgling. Yes, you read that right! When I'm in bed with my wife and her or my tummy rumbles, we can't agree on whose tummy it is. Anyone else experience this? What's the cause? I keep thinking about posting this and putting it off, because it seems so stupid. But it comes up over and over, and I'm baffled by it. It's not a problem. It's just a nagging curiosity.

I'll be lying in bed next to my wife and I'll feel and hear my tummy gurgle. Note that I don't just hear a sound, I FEEL that bubbly, fluttery feeling. Sometimes, after it happens, we look at each other and I say, "Sorry, that was my tummy."

At which point my wife surprises me by looking surprised and saying, "No it's wasn't! It was MY tummy!"

"But I FELT it," I say.

"I felt it, TOO," she says.

This happens again and again. We both experience it as coming from our own stomachs. It seems to only happen when we're really close to each other. It never happens when we're sitting on opposite sides of the sofa.

(When it happens, we're not lying stomach to stomach. In that case, it would be understandably difficult to tell the perpetrator. We're usually both lying on our backs.)

Does anyone else experience this? What cause it? Is it really just happening to one of us and the other person is imagining things? Or do long-term couples start to have synchronized digestive issues?

Help me help my wife

roxiesmom — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 18:19:50 -0800

How to help my wife deal with my eating disorder? I have had an eating disorder for about 10 years, I have been to a clinic twice to treat it. Both times I went into a clinic I was under 100 pounds. My father was really the only one who recognized I had a eating problem, and took the steps to help me. My mother and the rest of my family was the main reason I had a problem. I was constantly being told I was fat (and when I was really skinny) that I looked really good and I needed to keep that weight. After the second clinic visit I was able to get it through my head that nothing was wrong with my weight and everyone who said I was fat was wrong.

Now I'm 24 years old, and I've had a serious relapse. My mother passed away 8 months ago, after her death I went into a bad place and didn't come out for awhile. I felt I had no control over anything, and the only thing I could control was the food I ate, and if I would throw up or not.

I have realized that I need help and I am getting that help. But my question is how can I help my wife deal with it? I need like books or other reading material that could help her understand how she can be there for me. She can empathize with me but she doesn't know how to support me or be there for me.

Can anyone help me? Thanks in advance.

I need book bag buying help!!!

Ponderance — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 19:21:05 -0800

Cluelesshusbandfilter: Ladies! Help a semi-clueless husband find a book bag for his lovely wife!!! Okay, so my wife, who is in her mid 30's and has a vintage sense of style but has since outgrown her previously more outrageous vintage sense of style, wants a nice, fashionable, hip, classy, not insanely expensive book bag to use for work. This will be a late Christmas present.

She says "No gold chains, nothing cute."

She is quite tall which she seems to think is a factor in the equation.

So, I need websites, lots of websites, that sell this sort of item.

gift for the wife

birdlips — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 09:49:22 -0800

LoveMyWifeFilter: My wife and I are about to have our first child and I want to get her something special. What are your ideas? Our first child is expected to arrive on December 15th. There is a good chance that the baby will be born close to Christmas. I don’t want this gift to be a Christmas gift or necessarily baby related. I really want to get her something special to show her how much I love her and how proud I am of how she handled this pregnancy (we have a tough pregnancy history).

I am looking for any ideas regardless of whether they are expensive or cheap, hand made or bought. I thought about jewelry with the birthstones of the three of us or an album of pictures of her through out the pregnancy (I took one picture of her belly each week). Although these are good ideas, I don’t think they really capture what I am looking for.

I would love to hear what others have done for their partners in the same situation or what you would like if you knew a gift was coming your way.

Thanks!

Life insurance is up to date and my will is in place: I wanna ride!

Anonymous — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 11:23:43 -0800

I used to be a biker and I'm getting a hankering to ride again. But my wife is horrified at the thought. Back "in the day" I used to ride motorcycles a lot, something I really, really enjoyed. Smaller bikes nothing larger than a 650, but fast enough to get into trouble. I dumped my bike a few times, road rash mostly but twice messed up my left (primary) arm. The second accident was very serious as these things go, rendering me a cyborg by definition: the surgeon needed to install two plates, twelve screws and some wire (??) into my left arm to reconstruct it, also performing a trans ulnar nerve relocation. Now I've got this totally awesome 12" scar where they opened my left arm up, all the better as I tend towards keloid tissue. On the downside, I've also got severely limited use of the arm, but this is something that most folks just don't notice unless they observe me closely.

So background over, here's the question: I'm taking some time off work and lately I've developed a strong desire to start riding again. There are a couple of motorcycle shops down the road from us (we live in London's East End), and I've been dropping by on my way home from the produce market, pricing out bikes and talking the talk with the guys. But my wife, who knows the entire biking history - the riding, the parties, the accidents - isn't having it.

I not really interested in doing the urban traffic / dodge the cagers things, but there's seriously nothing better than doing zero to sixty in four seconds. It would be absolutely idyllic to ride along the English coast on a bright sunny day.

What arguments can I put on the table to help my wife come around? While it seems most of her reluctance originates from never being on the back of one, the phrase death machine has been introduced into our very civil discussions. I can't really think of a good reason that two wheels are better than four, and the fun / excitement argument is highly subjective.

Help me show my wife just how much I love her.

stuboo — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:40:32 -0800

My wife and I have been together for 10 years and for the next few, she is giving me a gift that I fear I can never repay. I recently began medical school at the age of 32 and, as you might imagine, just getting to this point required several serious sacrifices on her part. I've just finished my first "block" and have a week of vacation before the next block begins. I'm at home all day while she's working and I want to spend my time showing her how much I love her, how much I appreciate her sacrifices, and how I realize that I couldn't do this without her. I'm doing the normal things like making nice dinners, cleaning the house, and tackling honey-do items. But what else can I do? I'm looking to the hive to help me be creative. Of course, it's her money I'd be spending, so spending lots of money isn't an option.

She doesn't have to work this Friday if that helps get your creative juices flowing.

Thanks in advance!

How can I show my wife that her travels will be OK?

pdb — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 12:56:29 -0800

I need a token of love for my wife! My wife is about to embark on a work-related travel binge, taking her to four cities in the next three months for two weeks at a time. She will have a total of 15 days at home between Thursday and the end of the year.

Sounds intriguing, you say? Well, not to her. She is petrified of flying, and she's a homebody who doesn't like to be away from her two cats (or her husband) for more than a day or two if she can help it.

We've got all the practical bases covered - anti-anxiety meds, books, magazines, city guides, all that good stuff. What I want to do now is get her a little something she can look at and hold that will remind her that I'm here for her if she freaks out, or if she needs comfort/solace.

I'm not talking about jewelry. I want to give her something small (pocket-sized) and not photographic or technological (she's got an iPod that I've put a lot of "our favorite songs" and pictures of home-type things on) - I want to give her a talisman of some sort, something that she can pull out of her pocket when she's having a bad day and think "yup, my husband loves me, this whole travel thing will work out OK". And I'm completely at a loss as to what that thing might be.

What will make me happy with my wife to be?

reenum — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 20:18:36 -0800

ArrangedMarriage Filter: I'm from a culture that encourages arranged marriage and have been thinking about asking my parents to start looking. I have a question for all the married MeFites and the ones who are or have been in LTR's: If you were going to get married, what criteria would you consider? I think I need to make a list of things that are important, but my lists keep boiling down to physical attributes or general mental attributes (e.g. has to have sense of humor).

I guess what I'm asking is: What should a person looking to get married consider to ensure the relationship is happy and healthy? What sorts of considerations does one have to think about when thinking about getting married?

Thanks!

P.S. I know that I should keep looking for someone on my own, but it doesn't hurt to explore all avenues.

P.P.S. I am male, if that makes a difference.

Ideas for staying in touch with a stay-at-home mother during the summer

TheManChild2000 — Fri, 23 May 2008 17:20:10 -0800

Summer is here and my wife is now at home all day every day with 5, 7, and 9 year olds. I am looking for ideas for things I can do while I'm away at work during the day to try to help her maintain sanity. I'm already planning multiple daily phone calls.

Help me help my baby.

unclejeffy — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:23:28 -0800

My wife's stuck in the Atlanta airport due to a missed flight (weather-related) and now the airport's closed (weather-related). Looks like she won't get a flight here to Tampa until 7:00 am. I hate that she's going to have such a miserable night. What can I do to make her more comfortable? We've been texting, and I've given her some information about available lounges, etc., but what else can I do? Delta is apparently not being very helpful and doesn't seem to care about her or her fellow passengers. Thanks for your ideas.

A story about madness? or apathy?

lou — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 00:05:04 -0800

ShortStoryFilter: A bachelor gradually finds out he has a wife? It's hard to explain it in one sentence. I seem to remember a story about a man who's living alone, but starts noticing ever-increasing signs of a (feminine) presence over the course of some time. The changes in his home are really minor at first, like he comes home from work and notices the dishes are washed, or something got moved, but at first he just figures he forgot it was something he did. Then it becomes obvious that it's not his doing, like the drapes get changed, furniture moves around. He sees someone else's stuff, women's clothing, etc. At the end of the story the final piece of the puzzle appears: it's a woman who identifies herself as his wife, and acts as if she's been there all along, but he's never seen her before.

I hope I'm not just making it up? But it's been in my memory for years. Anyone know what it is?

Suggestions for cheering up my best friend. (more inside)

Mardigan — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 12:03:56 -0800

What are some little things I can do to help and cheer my wife up after the death of a close relative/friend of hers? My wife's grandmother passed away this last Saturday, and we had the funeral yesterday... they had a very close friendship and saw each other 2-3 times a week. My wife and I have been together for around 10 years, she is incredibly funny, active, and caring all the time. Since this weekend I have been able to take her to dinner and get her out of the house and that seemed to help quite a bit for the time we were out. What are some little things I can do to help and cheer my wife up after the death of a close relative and friend of hers? Is there anything someone has done for you in the past that really made your day?

Beaten wife upstair or just rough relationship ?

Baud — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 01:13:04 -0800

Beaten wife upstair or just rough relationship ? I am in the basic, polite, "hello, how are you ?" terms with the couple of Italian origin that lives upstairs.

On some occasions (not daily) I can't help but hear loud steps and cries and shouts indicating some kind of conflicts going on. They happen on a regular basis but dot not follow a pattern. As far as I can tell not every monday night or such pattern.

I've started to wonder if I am one these "Now that you ask me about it officer, yes, they did fight sometimes. How much time in prison will he get for what he just did?" witnesses.

I'd like to now if I need to call a beaten wife charity and alert them but I would hate to waste their time with a false alarm.

So, dear hive, what are the external ways of knowing if this is just the (rough) way this relationship is working right now or if the woman in this relationship needs some kind of help ?

Is there any sure fire way to tell a beaten wife situation from a "in this relationship, we like to argue from time to time and we like our arguments with spicy drama in it" ?

Single Computer, Two Player Games

bleucube — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 09:53:41 -0800

Looking for two player computer games using the same computer. I recently put together a high end HTPC. I would love to play video games with the wife on it. I know I should get some sort of game console, but that's way down the road. A long time a go we used to play "You Don't Know Jack" which was pretty fun.

Looking for other game suggestions AND/OR other ways of playing LAN games using the same computer.

Thanks!!

How do I tell my wife she's fat?

Anonymous — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 11:42:10 -0800

How do I tell my wife she's fat? We've been married for ten years and I still think my wife is pretty dang hot. I do not look at her and feel anything but desire. As far as my sex drive is concerned, she looks just fine.

But I'm concerned about her health. She's gained 10-15 pounds per year since we've been married and this last year, it was 25 (she had a baby during the year, which of course contributed, but 25 pounds is 25 pounds). She's just over 200 lbs right now.

I think for health reasons she should worry more about her weight. Because I don't want to encourage any body-issues, I never, ever, ever make negative comments about her weight. There's enough lousy psychological programming in the world that I really don't want to contribute. But she's now technically obese, and her risk of all sorts of medical problems is much, much higher.

I've tried to set an example. I now wear a pedometer all the time and we have a little competition to see who will improve the most, but that hasn't motivated her to move around more. We bought a treadmill, which she doesn't use.

I feel like it's time that I said something. Something kind, loving, and hopefully, non-hurtful. I would prefer to have it be something casual and non-confrontational, but I'm at a loss. Short of an intervention, what can I do?