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I spent EIGHT months for you! And for WHAT?!

divabat — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 05:00:05 -0800

I feel like I'm going through a breakup - only it isn't with a person, it's with an intangible thing. I know intellectually that I'll get better, but it's just been the first few days and I'm hurting so much. How do I heal? Something I've been working on for about 8 months straight has ended for me (not in my favour) and I'm feeling very odd, strange, sick.

I'm going through all the stages of grief, and then some - angry because I spent all that time on essentially nothing, sadness that I didn't get what I hoped for, thankful that I don't have to deal with some people that don't respect me, disappointed that I don't get to deal with the people I quite adored, upset that the disrespectful people were chosen over me, sour grapes that "well if that's how they'll be then I'm glad I'm not going!!", lost because I don't know what to do next, etc etc. All those emotions are piling in the pit of my stomach and they are making me really really nauseous - though I can't throw up.

This isn't the biggest disappointment I've ever had to face. I've faced things of this level before. It takes time and I don't quite notice when I recover, but it happens eventually. There has been a lot that I've learnt through this process, so it's not a complete waste. I know that I'll eventually get better, move on, find something else. I know all that intellectually.

Yet I still can't get rid of all those emotions making me ill. I've got about a few days to go before I head back for Australia, and I'm in the middle of nowhere (parents' house), so there isn't much to distract me. I have a website to make and a few books to read, but I can't even concentrate - I just feel sleepy or ill. My parents are trying to help...but it's not quite working at the moment.

As soon as I arrive in Australia, I have a week-long summit, followed by my last uni semester. It's all work experience stuff so there aren't any regular classes, but even until now I don't quite know how my schedule is like (you have to apply for projects; I'm still waiting to hear which ones I've got. I also arranged them in the expectation that this project would work out and now I have to probably rearrange stuff). I won't be near my comforting boyfriend, or my other usual distractions/stuff that helps, till about the 11th. That's a while away. I'm looking forward to the summit, but I'm worried that I won't be able to concentrate or give my best.

This thing I've been working on was meant to be my next step after uni, and now I have nothing. (Some of my other plans have collapsed too due to factors outside my control.) While I know I still have a few months before I have to think about it, and I don't have to rush into anything, I can't help but feel totally empty and lost. I was counting on this to be freedom, but now I feel just as trapped - doesn't help that my mum's pushing me to get permanent residency when (a) the rules change so quickly (b) the likelihood is rare.

I'm trying to look for other options, but at this point I don't know what I even WANT to do. This massive fall is making me wary of bringing my hopes up. I gave up on a lot of opportunities so that I could focus on this one thing - I felt that if I didn't give it enough attention I wouldn't do so well. Didn't work anyway. So now I don't know what to do.

Is it strange to feel like you're going through a breakup, when you haven't even broken up with ANYONE? I've heard the reasons for what happened and they actually paint me in a good light - but that doesn't make me any less sad. The last time I was disappointed it took me about a month to recover, so maybe I'm just being impatient, but I hate having only my anguish to wallow in. These manic emotions and sickness is driving me mad.

What can I do? What could I do at least for the next few days before I head back to Australia (or even when I'm there, because I'm sure I'm not going to recover THAT quickly even with a summit, work experience, and boyfriend to distract me). How do I get myself past this disappointment and be brave enough to look out & explore other opportunities? Will eating a pint of ice cream help?

(I have gone through a breakup, but it wasn't long and we were back together, and the time in between was mostly spent trying to fix our issues.)

What do I do? How do I cope? This sucks.

Hire me. Please?

atayah — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 15:08:31 -0800

DC-Resident wonders: Is the job market this bad, or is it really me? I just got another, "Don't call us, we'll call you" rejection-lite e-mail, and I'm at my wit's end. I'm approaching my fourth year in the DC area (recently moved to Silver Spring) and, a year out from attaining the graduate degree (MFA in Writing) I came here to get, I'm hitting the wall over and over regarding my job search.

Here's my history: worked part time on-campus (Ended up as Editor-In-Chief of the Lit Mag, Academic Support Center, Writing Center, etc) and off campus (childcare, mostly) while in gradschool. My second summer in the area I worked for a private Educational company that teaches reading classes to people of all ages (pre-K through adults). After graduating, I worked there again, this time as a "Head Teacher" (read: Roving substitute/Administrative Assistant). I graduated top of my class with both of my degrees, if it matters, any more than the wishywashiness of the degree itself. I don't want to pursue a doctorate right now; my partner is in law school and I'd like to make some money for awhile.

I left last August for a position in a local DC charter school, which I left two months later for my mental health. I looked for a job for two months, to no avail. This does not appear on my resume. Then I came back to Educational Company in the capacity of "Teacher Recruiter" (Administrave Assistant/Recruiter/Interviewer/Teacher Trainer/Teacher), and have been here for almost eight months. I like the people I work with and the job, I make good money but have no benefits, work crazy hours, and no real permenance at all.

Though I have no formal training, I have experience in computers and web-coding--I know my way around the stuff. I have Editing experience, Educational experience, Recruitment experience, the Trainer experience, the AA experience. I have a Master's degree. I'm a quick learner, driven, passionate, and a good worker. I've mostly applied for jobs with Editor/Communications in the title: Online Editor, Content Editor, Communications Assistant, Editorial Assistant, etc, etc, etc. I've applied to be a photographer (interested in pursuing a personal passion.) I've applied for a Career Center position (leading to the most recent rejection). All have lead to either no calls back, or no lead interview. The few bites I've gotten, either the pay would be too low (even with benefits), or I don't want the job. My partner tells me I'm the one being choosy, too, but come on. There has to be a middle ground.

Alternately, there's the option to pursue a job with the company I've worked for, now, going on two years +: Teacher Manager, complete with benefits, an awesome salary, and a not-overestimating-it 60/70 hour work week. This place has a work-until-you-drop work ethic; everyone is good people, but the job is time-consuming and stressful and emotionally draining (Has drained the life-force out of the two I work with in the office currently.) It'd be great pay, but I'd be commiting myself over to a sort of Dark Side. I DO want regular work hours, so I can have a life outside of work.

I know I should apply for the Teacher Manager job either way, but how serious should I be considering it -- knowing, on the one hand, it's such a distinct possibility, and on the other, that it would be so draining and consuming? Why am I having such a hard time finding a job? Am I looking in the right places (Craigslist, Indeed, WashPost, Idealist, Government & University sites, backAskMefis) Do I really lack that much experience? Should I be sticking to entry-level jobs only? What keywords should I be using? Is DC really that hard a nut to crack? My resume and cover letters are fine-tooth-combed, I interview well, and gosh darnit, I'm likeable. So what now?

What do I do now?

FlamingBore — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 09:53:02 -0800

So that job? Yea, didn't work out. Now what? So the recruiter called to deliver bad news yesterday. They canceled the interview due to a shift in priorities. She says that we *absolutely* should stay in touch because the company is still very interested, but feel the need to put resources elsewhere for the next five-ish months.

While it's a let down, certainly, I'd already begun to think about what I would do if I didn't get it. And I came up with the notion of quitting my job, selling my car and many of my possessions. Storing the rest and traveling abroad.

Would that be career suicide? I'm thinking a 2-3 month tour, if not more. I'm thinking Europe, both eastern and western.

After quitting and getting paid out for vacation, a pending bonus that comes in two weeks, selling the car and various other items I imagine I'll have about $8k that I could use on this and I'd put away about $6k as a landing pad for when I return. Insane? Eurail Pass - good idea? I've enough miles to get to Europe free on a Delta SkiMiles award ticket so that's covered.

I'm 36, single, jane of all trade-ish. Never done anything like this before in terms of "dropping out" and feel that a) this might be my last chance and b) I'm both scared and excited by the idea.

Bonus Q: Are there US companies for whom I could do some freelance work while abroad? Writing, editing, scoring? Something portable? I'm probably going to travel with very few clothes, my small laptop and my camera.

Please feel free to poke holes in this idea or make suggestions to improve upon it.