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Can I go to the shower if I wasn't invited to the wedding?

madcaptenor — Sun, 31 May 2009 20:16:19 -0800

Can I go to the shower if I wasn't invited to the wedding? I just got invited to a wedding shower that is being held for two friends of mine who are getting married. (It's a shower for both the bride and the groom, because these are not people who would gender-segregate. For one thing, lots of their friends -- me included -- don't fit that well in either gender box. I suspect this isn't relevant, but you never know.)

I don't think I was invited to the wedding itself. It's possible I will be, but the wedding is in mid-August and I think I would have gotten an invitation by now. On the other hand, I have a serious aversion to big fancy events, and both members of the couple know me well enough that they might have chosen not to invite me because they don't want me to feel obligated to show up. There is also the possibility that they haven't yet sent out invitations.

The shower I've been invited to is the second of two showers they're having that day, the first being a more formal one involving family and such; this is just for friends, at the couple's home. The invitation came via Facebook; the guest lists consists of a dozen or so people, most of whom I know and like. The couple does not know the second shower is happening; they might know the first one is happening.

So can I actually go to the shower if I'm not invited to the wedding? Should I be pointing out this discrepancy to somebody (say, the maid of honor, who is the one that invited me, but who I don't know that well)? Could things get really awkward at the shower if it turns out that, in fact, I wasn't invited to the wedding?

What's the most unusual place you've ever made whoop -- never mind.

spamguy — Mon, 04 May 2009 14:06:44 -0800

My workplace is having a wedding shower. What games can we play? One of my co-workers got married, and we're having a belated wedding shower in the office. Bride and husband will be present. What fun shower-related games can the office play? The premise must be sorta SFW, but not necessarily Amish-level.

Last wedding shower we hosted, there was a round of 'The Newlywed Game.' It was great fun. I just hope there are other ideas to take advantage of.

What's the difference between a 'wedding' and 'bridal' shower, and what gift do i bring?

lblair — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 11:58:14 -0800

Difference between "wedding shower" and "bridal shower" and what gift goes with what? (wedding gifts vs bridal shower gifts.) First of all, I apologize- I really thought this seemingly simple question would be something I could google, but the more I read the more confused I get. So please help me.

So I am going to a wedding soon as the date of a friend of the groom's. i know and like the bride but we've only met a few times, so we aren't best friends or anything. to my surprise, I got an invitation to the "Wedding Shower for [Bride and Groom]" addressed to just me (care of my date.) Upon googling, it seems that the only possible difference between wedding and bridal shower is whether or not the guys come- but it was only addressed to me. so is this a bridal shower? Also, inside the shower invite, it says where they are registered. Does this mean I should be bringing the wedding gift to the shower? (as opposed to 'bridal shower' gifts?) I just don't want to look like an ass by showing up with the wrong gift, or without one if i should have one, or with one if i shouldn't be bringing one (I thought wedding gifts were usually mailed, but if i am supposed to bring it to the shower, i certainly can.) should i be bringing a bridal shower gift and mailing a wedding gift later??

Thanks. Again, I'm surprised the internet wasn't able to help me much. Weddings are so damn complicated- I think if I ever decide to get married I better stick to eloping so I won't mess anything up. Also this is the first shower I've ever attended so any other helpful tidbits about etiquette or what to expect are welcome.

Maid-of-honor duties

Zosia Blue — Tue, 01 Nov 2005 15:19:06 -0800

Help me be a fabulous maid-of-honor for my best friend's wedding. I've only been to two weddings in my life (both as an audience member and not in the party), and I have zero extended family, so I'm new to the whole wedding circuit. I'd really like to be a fantastic maid of honor and make the day and the weeks proceeding as special as possible for my best friend. She's definitely not opposed to me asking her outright what she'd like in terms of maid-of-honorish stuff, but I'd really like to have some element of surprise in there.

Some background on her, to make answering easier: the wedding is going to be super low-key, which is indicative of my best friend and her husband-to-be. She's not a girly-girl, but I know she does want some sort bachelorette party and a wedding shower. She doesn't want the typical things and she isn't a bar person or a big drinker (though she isn't opposed to a few fruity, pretty-colored drinks). She's a stage manager for local theatres, loves crafty-type things and has a great sense of style/taste in clothing and decoration.

So, I suppose main questions are: what's the timeline on things like wedding showers and bachelorette parties? What are the usual expectations of the maid of honor on the day before and the day of the wedding? What are some creative ideas for a bachelorette party?

If it matters, this is an outside wedding next July. We're both in our mid-20s and live in Minneapolis. I am on a limited budget, but I'm open to all suggestions. Thanks in advance!