Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with waiting

Pausing for a future

MayNicholas — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 08:06:11 -0800

I have met a wonderful man. I really like him. We have agreed to hold off on the sex part of our relationship. Are there any statistics related to relationship/ marriage stability and the postponement of sex? We are both in our early 30's and have had active sex lives in the past. We fool around and have a great time but always step back and cool off before we go too far. I have never put off having sex with a man, but always felt like it prevented the relationship from developing. You know how everything in a new relationship is exciting and then once you introduce sex it becomes all about the sex and then when that thrill wears off you realize you stopped getting to know one another?

He says he has always waited a long time when he really cares about a woman. This concept is so foreign to me, but I think it is great! I really see long term potential in this man.

I am looking for any statistics or web sites that discuss the whole waiting thing. All I keep coming across are teen sites or sites where people are waiting till marriage to ever have sex. I don't mind articles that discuss waiting till marriage as long as the couples are have had active sex lives in the past.

Personal stories are welcome too!

Thanks!

Am I a fool for your love?

keep it tight — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 12:35:52 -0800

Relationship Filter - I have been dating this woman for 7 months and we have hit a big snag... We are both 39 and knew each other as kids, but lost touch for many years. We connected again 7 months ago and have had a very passionate relationship until 2 weeks ago.

She had a huge falling out with both her father and sister within days of each other and just disappeared for two weeks. I finally heard from her in a message where she stated that she is emotionally numb and doesn't think its a short term thing. She said that she feels she has nothing to offer me or anyone else and just wants to be alone. She broke up with me.

I love her and want to be with her. She made me promise to never give up on her and I will hold to that promise. i know that some will call me a fool, but i know we are great together and can have a future. i also know that there is a lot of baggage there, but I am willing to stand by her while it gets sorted out...

The other issue is that she is also going through a divorce and custody thing right now too... I know... a lot on her plate..

So my question is...am i being a fool, or a romantic?

Do you give up on someone you love? Or do you stand by, knowing that this will pass....

Waiting

ignignokt — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:00:27 -0800

Where can I get chillaxing waiting music like the kind featured in this Space Ghost episode? Bonus points if you can tell me exactly what the music in that clip is.

I want to add my wife who has serious pre-existing conditions to my health insurance plan at work. How do we make sure her condition will be covered?

Anonymous — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:24:47 -0800

I want to add my wife who has serious pre-existing conditions to my health insurance plan at work. How do we make sure her condition will be covered? My wife needs orthognathic surgery but her insurance (HMO) will only cover a portion of it under a doctor she does not trust and will not address all symptoms involved. I have a much better plan at my work, but have noticed that when adding someone to the plan, there is a waiting period of 6 months for anyone with pre-existing conditions before they will start to cover them.

My wife is in constant pain everyday and doesn't think she can wait any longer, nor do the doctors she would like to be treated by, as her condition gets worse everyday. My first question then, is there anything that can be done to shorten the waiting period?

If we must wait the 6 months before she can get the surgery, so be it. It's too costly to even attempt to pay it out of pocket right now, but we absolutely can't have her go without medication and physical therapy to help relieve the everyday pain. But on the new plan, would these treatments be considered part of the "pre existing" condition?
Is it possible for her to keep her current plan just for these things WHILE she is on the waiting period for my plan?

Also, in terms of other things that would not be covered due to the pre-existing mess, would these things also include consultations with surgeons? MRI's? any testing she would need for the eventual treatment she would receive after the 6 months is up?
Or are these "tests" going to be excluded as well even though they are just tests and not actual treatment?

Putting on the brakes

Anonymous — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 20:13:12 -0800

The SO and I are splitting up amicably after four years of living together. I have a friend I've known for about about a year and the sparks are flying. How do I discuss my need for alone time without making him think I'm not interested? I'm a hetero female, late 30s. I've been in two long-term serious relationships since age 28. There was about a year between them, but I did date several people in that interim. My entire adult life, I've never been able to stay out of a relationship or a crush even when I wanted to. As far as society's ideal of attractiveness goes, I'm considered extremely attractive and look really young, and that's part of the problem because I never have to look for a relationship. There are always interested guys around. I try not to play it up and I don't act seductive; in fact I'm pretty shy when it comes to flirting.

With the relationship that went from age 28-33, when we met I really wanted to work on myself and be single after one relationship/crush after another in my 20s. However, the guy was a friend of mine that I really felt a connection with. I had known him for about three weeks when he said he couldn't be "just friends" with me. Looking back, I can see he was very manipulative. I felt sorry for him because he said he was so lonely. Also, I thought a connection like what we had was very rare and I didn't want to miss out on the chance to explore it, so against my better judgment I began a relationship with him and it got serious really fast. It lasted for five increasingly unpleasant years because I didn't give it time to get to know him well first.

The relationship that went from age 34-38 and is just ending (Guy B) also moved from zero to sixty. Both times, I ended up feeling smothered and that these men were very needy, and I ended both relationships. Luckily, my current STBXSO (Guy A) is emotionally healthy enough to see that he was being too needy, and he wants to become independent and our breakup has become mutual, for that and because of some other fundamental incompatibilities.

Now, this friend of mine seems very independent and self-reliant in a lot of ways, which I really like about him. There's a big attraction and I get the vibe that this could end up being a pretty serious relationship too. But I just can't see doing this again right away. It's not that I'm heartbroken. My STBX and I have felt disconnected for a while, and I've already done a lot of grieving and processing. I'm feeling relieved and excited to be getting out on my own again, and really glad that he's dealing with it so well. I was very afraid of hurting him. I really just need some breathing room to enjoy my own company and process where I'm going in life.

I like this guy a lot, though. My heart again is telling me to go for it because this type of connection is very rare. (And that this time it will be different because I've known him for so long as a friend already, and still feel that our compatibility is really unusual). However, my head is telling me that my heart is involved in an unhealthy pattern and that I really need some space before getting involved again.

I'm not a "dater." I am fairly introverted and find such fake social situations extremely awkward, so I'm really not interested in going out with a bunch of different people just to play the field and make sure I don't get serious with anyone.

I'd like to stay friends with the guy I am interested in for a while, until I feel ready to share my life again (and I have no idea how long that will be). But here's the problem: from what I understand, most people will take "I just got out of a relationship and I'm not ready" as an excuse that the person's not interested...but I am.

My friends are encouraging me to "go for it" with this guy. Everyone I know seems to jump right from one relationship into another. It seems like people think that's normal these days.

I look online, and read things about how if it's the right person, timing shouldn't be an issue. The AskMen site is full of advice for guys saying if a woman wants to wait or be friends first, it means she's not interested. All over the Internet, guys bemoan how horrible it is to be platonic with a woman they're interested in. I think these sites really give men the wrong idea about what goes on in a woman's head when she's trying NOT to be a relationship junkie.

I really want to (eventually) explore what my friend and I could have together as more than friends and I do want him to know I'm interested in him. However, I've got to protect myself from another smothering relationship. I haven't told him about the breakup yet, but I'm sure it will come up next time we hang out, which we do every two or three weeks. I expect this will occur in a day or two.

Another problem is that my friend's level of attractiveness in the eyes of society isn't nearly as high as mine and he has indicated that he thinks I am "out of his league." I don't go by "leagues," though, just compatibility. I haven't told him I think he's hot or anything because I've been in a relationship and I thought it would be inappropriate. I've been a really supportive friend to him but I have kept my romantic feelings to myself, at least verbally. Body language may be a different story. But still, from things he's said, he feels unattractive and thinks that I am very attractive. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that this fact won't make him needy.

He's never acted inappropriately toward me and has always respected the fact that I've been with someone. Yet I can still tell he's interested from his body language and warmth toward me. He does not call or email excessively, yet I read his interest level as high.

My crush on him has definitely been one of many things that showed me I was not meant to be with the person I'm breaking up with. However, I processed all this with a counselor for months and I am not leaving Guy A to be with Guy B. I need to leave Guy A regardless.

Anyone experienced anything like this? If so, how did you handle it? If you were Guy B, what would you like to hear that would reassure you that I am interested, but still keep my need for space/solitude intact?

dental insurance with no waiting period?

ac — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 19:34:26 -0800

I need to have a root canal, build-up and crown done on a molar - almost $2,000 worth of work. I have no dental insurance. Is there any private dental insurance I can buy, either in Idaho or New Jersey, that doesn't have a waiting period for this kind of work? I realize that it probably will cover only a fraction of the work, but I really need to have the work done and am trying to minimize the financial pain (will need to take a loan, in any case). I spend time in both Idaho and New Jersey and can have it done either place. I am self-employed. Thank you all very much in advance!

Why do waiting rooms all look the same?

joelf — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:56:43 -0800

Why do doctor's office, and dentist's office waiting rooms all look the same? They all look alike: uncomfortable armchairs, ugly plants, little tables and a stand up lamp. They look totally uninviting.

Is it psychologically soothing? one giant furniture company? easy to maintain? Anyone design a waiting room here?

Fishes upon fishes? Allegorical iconography?

shirobara — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 19:07:32 -0800

What, if anything, is this picture from the comic book Castle Waiting based on? I'm with Tolly here, I don't understand allegorical iconography. Is it based on an existing picture or concept? There's no explanation from the author anywhere, and it hasn't appeared in the comic before or since.

Why does it take months to see a doctor?

IndigoRain — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 13:26:49 -0800

Is there some kind of crisis with doctors going on? It takes me 5 months to get in to see my gynecologist. I don't mind so much because she's the best in the area, and it's easy enough to schedule an annual ahead of time, and there's always her nurse-practitioner if I get an infection.

Recently though, things with other doctors have been getting ridiculous. In August, I tried to schedule an appt for September with my cardiologist. They couldn't see me until November, and now just called to say the doctor will be out that day and they can't see me until January. I told them to forget it, I'd find another doctor

My mom tried to get in with the dermatologists in the county - there are only 2. One couldn't see her for 4 months; the other saw her in a month but when she got there, the wait was 2 hours. There were signs all over saying "we're sorry you wait, but we're one of only 2 dermatologists in the county."

Are doctors taking on too many patients, period? I don't see how someone who has something more worrisome (like a spot that needs biopsied, for my mom) can wait 4 months... cancer can spread in that time. Are they also taking too many appointments in one day? Say, every 15 minutes, when an appt plus charting takes 30? If so, why do they do it? Is it just the money or is there something more? Again, I'm concerned for having to wait months for an appointment.

How can I get a job at a sushi place?

k8t — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 11:42:52 -0800

How can I get a job at a sushi restaurant? I need a part-time job for the summer and my favorite sushi restaurant just posted a Craiglist's ad. I've been applying for tons of food and retail jobs but haven't had much luck. I worked as a barista in 1995-1997, an assistant manager of a clothing store in 2003, and have done a ton of customer service jobs (IT help desk), but now I am a grad student and it seems that this is a black mark on my resume, regardless of my service industry background.

Anyway, I'd like hints from people who have worked at sushi restaurants or in food service in general to help me nail this job.

* This is the most upscale sushi place in Santa Barbara (in Montecito, actually). It is expensive (~$45/person for cheaper rolls and cheaper wine). It has an upscale atmosphere. It only seats 20 people. It is really difficult to get into on a weekend night.

* The ad says: "Experience a must" and "Experience in Japanese food/translation."

* Most of their servers are Asian or white college students. I'm not Asian and I am 6 years out of college. I haven't waited tables before, but I think I'd be okay at it. (I was a bus girl in 1995 for a summer though.) I think that as a slightly older person, they may overlook my lack of experience.

* I don't know Japanese, but I do know most of the sushi-related words. I figure I should learn the terms in this glossary before I go.

* I have complete weekend and evening availability except Tuesdays and Wednesdays this summer when I have class.

Do I have a shot, food service comrades? What else can I do to impress them?

Help me buy an iPhone now, or later.

UnclePlayground — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 11:32:51 -0800

Thinking of buying an iPhone? So am I. Help me decide to wait 'til later, or get it NOW! Of those of you who are seriously considering buying an iPhone, are you going to jump on it now and buy it within, say, the first few weeks of its availability? Or do you plan to hold off for a particular reason (price to come down, for Apple to work out the bugs in the second version, etc.)? If you wait, what will have to happen until you then decide to buy it? This is the first time in my life that I've been excited about buying a cell phone. But friends and family warn of the whole gammut of drawbacks -- cost, first-version bugs, etc.
It's kinda off-putting, so I wanted to hear from the masses.
What. Are. You. Gonna. Do?

Coming out of the windows closet

oxford blue — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 23:21:13 -0800

Wherein the apple gods torment me; or why does it take so long to get my macbook? So I ordered a fancy pants black Macbook, and the cheque finally cleared yesterday.

My new iPod--part of the order--arrived today (v. efficent!), but when I go to the order status page I see this for the macbook:



Ships by: 19/02/2007 - 21/02/2007  	 	 	 	 	 	

Delivers by: 26/02/2007 - 28/02/2007

What did they suddenly get all inefficient? What happened to it arriving the next day, like my iPod? Is it because I decided to be all difficult and order it with 2GB of ram? Do they have to specially ship it from Narnia?

Is there anything I can do to get it earlier? (I start Uni on the 26th so it would be nice to have some time to play around with it before then)

Can I end another question with a question mark?

I'm in the topsy-turvy world of Australia, if that helps.

Wii Campout: Gameplan?

mrhaydel — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 17:07:32 -0800

What all should I do to prepare to camp out for a Wii? Anyone else doing the same? I've pretty much decided that I am indeed going to camp out in front of a Target store in order to get a Wii come November 19th.

Now, I've never done such a thing, and, I'm thinking I *might* be the first in line, so what all would the knowledgeable line-camper-outter bring with them? Is it common knowledge to bring some paper, pencil, and tape to start/post a list? I've made a dry run, and there's at least a covered area right outside the door to perch under.

I don't think I'm going to go as hardcore as bringing a tent, but definitely some sort of chair at least.

Anyone have any stories about any gotchas they ran into on their first experience?

I will be doing this with my wife, so I'll at least have a partner for food runs, etc.

As a bonus: are there any MeFiers out there in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area (I'm in Grapevine) planning on doing the same thing? Anyone anywhere have a gameplan?

Time of no reply

Eater — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 08:16:10 -0800

How do you deal with the frustration of waiting for a reply and never getting one? Is there a helpful mantra or attitude adjustment or something? I happen to be a reliable person; I return email and phone calls pretty promptly. But the majority of my business contacts, and friends, people I need to hear from and people I'd just like to hear from, have an annoying tendency to not write back, for months at a time. Several of my friendships seem to depend on me initiating every plan. Six months ago I sent in an application for a job I'm absurdly qualified for -- not overqualified, just exactly qualified, one of the very few people in the world with experience in precisely that field -- and there's been no response. Last month I noticed they had reposted the job ad, so I wrote to HR politely asking if they had ever gotten my application. No response. I find that frustrating.

I've checked my mail server settings and I'm pretty sure I'm not missing or junking messages. I don't think the messages I send are pushy or offputting. Sometimes I keep a running list of the people I'm waiting to hear back from, and it hovers around 20. I know people are busy, and I know it's pointless to hope they'll change. I don't take it personally, and I try to put it out of my mind, but whenever I get grumpy one of the main irk-sources is how unreliable the rest of the world seems to be! I'm not an uptight person -- do I sound crazy? How does everyone else deal with this?

[I know, it would be hilarious if this question went unanswered.]

The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

onlyconnect — Wed, 30 Mar 2005 18:47:12 -0800

Weddingfilter: Church ceremony from 2 to 3pm; reception starting at 7pm, less than a half hour of travel in between. Is it too long to make people wait? Out of towners will have hotels nearby; friends might not really have anywhere to go. Side question: am I weird about my aversion to having an afternoon reception, which somehow doesn't seem as magical to me? Facility seemed to look prettier and glowy at night.