Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with unwanted

dealing with unwanted attention

Anonymous — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:52:22 -0800

I tried to do someone a favor, it backfired and now I cannot get rid of them. How can I make it stop? unwantedattentionfilter. I am a guy. A couple of years ago I reached out to an ex-coworker (female) who had lost her job. Invited her to live at my place so she could look for another job. I thought what the hell , I could use some help with the rent once she got back on her feet. It didn't happen. I changed my mind about the whole thing soon after. Several months passed. She began persistently emailing and calling as if infatuated. I started ignoring her communications but they just kept coming. I've taken every approach I know of to dissuade such behavior, indirectly through her friends, writing back plainly stating there was never any romantic intent to begin, you name it I did it. But soon realised this had no effect. A total blackout , ignoring campaign on my part followed. The emails and phone calls kept coming. It's as if this person has no pride or shame whatsoever and doesn't follow the rules of normal social contact. All my friends know about this and are bewildered. they give her a wide berth themselves. They cannot figure her out either and are at a loss as to what to do. I understand that people get lonely but this is beyond ridiculous. I never want to hear from this person again. (And that's something I've heard other people who know this person say about that person). Help MeFi , I feel hounded. What can I do to stop this once and for all?

Unwanted compliment

dreamphone — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 10:46:51 -0800

How to best respond to a personal remark, framed as a compliment, that appears to be someone expressing negative thoughts about their own weight? A couple of times in the past month, I have receive a “compliment” about my weight, framed as “you are so thin!” In both instances, the comment was followed by the comment, “I wish I weren’t so fat.” This probably seems trivial, but I’d really like to know how to best respond to a personal remark such as this.

I have no problem simply thanking people for a compliment, but it seems to me that such compliments are really a way to express unhappiness about the giver’s own self-image, and it feels rude to pop out with a “thanks!”, especially when their compliment is followed by a disappointed wish about their own body. I’ve tried to think of something empathic or supportive to say about a person’s wish to lose weight, but so far whatever I’ve thought of sounds insincere to me.

Maybe this is one of those things where there’s just no single answer—if you’re not insincere, whenever you say will sound jerky, and if you are sincere, you’ll be fine. Hopefully, I’m the latter. Would still really like to know if other people have encountered this, on either side—either being the person who has found something appropriate to say, or has heard empathic, supportive comments in this type of scenario.

Quick background: I am a small-boned person of average weight, might be described as thin, but certainly not abnormally so. I have neither gained nor lost weight recently.

How to avoid unwanted student loan deferment

mahamandarava — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 23:26:09 -0800

My student loans were put on deferment against my will -- how do I prevent this from happening in the future? I have a large federal consolidation loan from graduate school. I am now working full time and paying off my loans (automatic deductions from my bank account). This last semester I signed up for several classes at a community college. A month or so later, the U.S. Dept. of Ed sent me a notice saying my loan was put on deferment due to my part time student status.

I do not want to be put on deferment. I did not ask to be put on deferment. I want to pay off my huge debt as soon as possible! So I called up the Dept. of Ed. and asked to be taken out of deferment. The rep I spoke to did that (although my loans still went unpaid for a couple months). I then asked to not be put on deferment again without my OK. I was told that the deferment is automatic if my school reports my part time student status to them, and that if I wanted to stop this from happening in the future, I would have to tell my school not to release my student status to the Dept. of Ed.

So now I'm registering for next semester's classes and I don't want this to happen again. I went to my school today and asked them not to report my student status to the Dept. of Ed. The guy I spoke to told me there was nothing he could do, that they had to give that information if they were presented with a signed release. I don't remember ever signing a release, but who knows. I suspect either the school or the Dept. of Ed. or both is giving me inaccurate information. Googling this returns nothing -- all the sites I find talk about how to get a deferment, not how to get rid of one.

Unwanted iPod vs. Happy Girlfriend

edbyford — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 03:53:50 -0800

My girlfriend gave me an iPod Nano for Christmas but I was going to ask for a iPod 60GB for my birthday. What can I do? My girlfriend, who is a student, spent a relatively large amount of her own money on an iPod nano (2GB) for me, which of course was very touching and generous of her.
BUT I was going to ask for, for my birthday (in February) an iPod 60GB, as I have a huge amount of music which I want to carry around with me.

She, in the meantime, has admired my iPod Nano and expressed a desire to have one herself. I'm really pleased with my nano but it just doesn't quite fit my 'needs'! But then if I said that she would feel, understandably, feel disappointed that she put in the money and effort for nothing.

How do I have my cake and eat it, i.e. get an iPod 60GB without offending her?

Thanks for your time.

Appropriate response to unwanted gay advances.

AllesKlar — Sun, 16 Oct 2005 01:20:28 -0800

What is a respectful, succinct response to being hit on by someone who prefers your gender, when you "don't swing that way?" So I was at this dive ass (jive ass?) bar in the burbs that I frequent, as it is within walking distance. I'm saddled up the bar, enjoying myself, and this older gentleman, starts talking to me. Picture a shoebox with bar stools and crappy tv's strewn about the joint. Somehow he initiated the situation, and I was there alone, so I shot the shit. I like to think I'm not bad looking per se, I'm a blond hair blue eyed d00d looking for a night cap, listening to my head phones drinking some beers. I suppose, as a caveat, when I used to bartend down in A-town, I was hit on rather regularly... None the less, I not only prefer women, but insist! I'm not uncomfortable with the scenario, but resisting the comments only invited more biting comments. It must be a common theme among men, as it's a tactic I've used with women, not biting, but being "playful." I realize what's fair is fair, but this guy didn't get the idea... "I can see why you wouldn't have many friends around here.... are you sure your not a woman? ... you're very complicated, are you sure, blah blah." I'm a very respectful, polite person, and I could care less about his "business."

So. Is there something I can say that would not be offensive, but drive the point home enough, that I'm clearly not gay, and a litany of questions and comments is unappreciated? Code word "I'm not teh ghey," I'm flattered, but if I wasn't gay 2 minutes ago, surely I won't be 5 minutes from now. All perspectives (shy of ignorant, snarky ones) are appreciated. I tried searching google, forgive me if this answered already, delete away, if necessary.