Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with university

When the "very best" isn't good enough

Anonymous — Tue, 07 May 2013 17:57:36 -0800

I'm graduating college, but it hasn't gone 100% how it should have. I struggled both academically and mentally (have been getting help for both, but it's a process without any "magic bullet"). I have had a lot of pressure from all sides of the family to go into medicine, but I have to see how it is first (through an internship). How do I confidently defuse their nagging questions and bring them back to reality? My GPA is nowhere where it needs to be for medicine. Honestly, I'll give the internship a chance, but I never particularly wanted to be a doctor. (Not that I would mind being one if I could, but not exactly much of a calling, either.)

On the flip side, I don't really know what I INDEED want to be, and I may have to go through several jobs and/or internships to really know. Just like a "normal person", I guess.

A lot of family members are physicians. Many don't really like their jobs! Yet all are trying to use me as a "sacrificial lamb" of some sort. Yes, it's bizarre.

They're not pressuring their own kids...

It's not as if most people know what they want to be, is it? It's not the 1800s anymore where you have to work the same factory job from the age of 12 to 70!

Jobless, rudderless and miserable post-graduation.

flibbertigibbet — Mon, 06 May 2013 18:04:07 -0800

I am utterly, terrifyingly directionless after I left grad school early for financial reasons--I'm jobless and clueless. How can I redirect myself and get back on track? I've read a half-dozen career books cover-to-cover (from What Colour is Your Parachute? to Po Bronson's What Should I Do With My Life?).

My special-snowflake details:
1) Liberal arts education.
2) Blood pressure (very low) and back issues that my doctor says precludes me from any job with significant standing (so most retail is out, but I've been desperately applying to the rare retail sit-down jobs).
3) In a city undergoing a bit of a crunch as the main employer (government) just laid people off and isn't hiring.
4) My spoken French simply isn't good enough for entry-level administrative jobs here. (Yes, you need French for admin jobs; less so for retail).
5) I'm in a relationship with a great guy--who makes me smile when I'd otherwise want to cry about how hopeless my life is right now--and it would break my goddamn heart to pack up and leave for a less French-centric environment. Even so, I've been applying in other cities and gotten a grand total of 0 bites.

I don't even know where to start with getting my life back on track--the things I might want to do (write, make things) seem like pie-in-the-sky dreams that I should disabuse myself of, and the things I CAN do, I can't get a job in (retail because of health issues, editing and admin stuff [have experience in both] because the market is saturated right now).

Do you have any advice for me?

University Sexual abuse policies

Glambie — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 17:51:30 -0800

I'm working on researching undergraduate University policies on sexual abuse and hitting a wall. Ideally I'm looking for the highlights and lowlights of Canadian university policies and how they respond to sexual abuse committed by students and/or to students. Is there a school out there that is really getting this right? Does anyone know where things are desperately wrong? I need some reliable sources to draw from, because what I've been finding has mostly been hearsay or dodgy.

How to stop ruminating on "what could have been"

Seeking Direction — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 12:55:09 -0800

I chose a degree path that ended up being much different than I expected, and regularly beat myself up for not choosing a certain other one four years ago. In all honesty, the "other" choice would have definitely come with its own problems, and may have even been worse. However, I constantly get tempted into thinking "what could have been". How do I accept that both choices probably sucked equally, and that you never know what life is going to throw at you, good or bad? I generally believe "everything happens for a reason", and am trying desperately to focus on future possibilities rather than foggy, idealized past circumstances, but I keep ending up in this loop of "what could have been".

I guess you could call it the contrived, perverse illegitimate sibling of nostalgia.

I should note that I have an anxiety disorder.

Any advice?

How to help a grieving student?

Anonymous — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 12:09:57 -0800

I am a (new) professor at a small, rural university. One of my students has had to take an emergency leave due to a death in their family. Aside from assuring them that they need not think about their schoolwork at all, and that we'll work it out when they're ready, is there anything else I can do to support them? The department I am in is unusually tight knit. Students and faculty pride themselves on our community, but I have no idea what to do in this situation. I'd appreciate any suggestions, from getting a card, to having them over for a meal when they get back. The meal thing would not be unusual for our department, but might be just because I don't know this student that well and I wouldn't want them to feel pressured into something that made them uncomfortable. So, what would be the best way to handle this situation so that the student feels supported, but not overwhelmed?

I will be checking with senior faculty, too, but Metafilter seems to understand grieving in a powerful way, so any stories you can share or advice would be very much appreciated.

Where did my brain go?

avocet — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 13:02:09 -0800

Help me rescue my analytical faculties so I can survive the last months of grad school with my dignity intact. I'm in my final semester of a research-based MA program in the social sciences, currently trying to get my thesis written so I can defend by a September deadline. My project has been incredibly intellectually and emotionally challenging – I'm researching the public commemoration of violent death among two populations in Canada – and a portion of my fieldwork was downright traumatic. That said, I know I have a compelling, stimulating and fairly original project on my hands, and numerous people both inside and outside of academia have been very supportive of my work. I'm just really not sure I'm able to carry it out.

While completing my coursework last year, I suddenly lost all confidence in my ability to comprehend and synthesize everything I was reading – I'd come to class having done the readings multiple times and always seemed to be on a totally different page from everyone else, many of whom didn't have the advantage of having a background in the discipline like I did, which led to great doubts about my abilities to critically engage texts. The crippling anxiety associated with getting it/not getting it led to me feeling totally unable to participate in what was actually an incredibly supportive small seminar environment. Everything that came out of my mouth was rambling and incoherent and frequently irrelevant. Through some miracle I managed to submit some decent written work and received As in all my classes, but the psychological barriers persisted and seemed to get worse.

I don't really know what happened this year, but it feels like I no longer understand the theory at the core of my project (and I think I've kept it pretty simple, theory has never been my strong suit) and my abilities to analyze and argue seem to have completely disappeared. I don't know how to explain my way from A to B anymore. I just got a big unsettling load of major edits back from my supervisors on everything I've written so far, pointing to an overreliance on empirics and lack of theory and absence of analysis throughout the chapter – yeah, I should have known this was coming. I've apparently totally misunderstood key texts, elided major theoretical arguments, and the whole thing reads as just so facile and simplistic. I've been following my supervisors' cues when they explain to me what my argument is all about, furiously scribbling down things I need to write about when we're in meetings together, then getting home and looking at my notes and realizing I don't understand what they said at all. This all just seems to big for my brain to process, and my mind is becoming increasingly sieve-like with respect to everything I read. I seem to forget and misunderstand so easily.

My supervisors have been wonderfully supportive but I fear they're getting really sick of me and my lack of intellectual progress (or even regression – I feel like I wasn't always this bad). I'm hugely embarrassed by the fact that I can't answer ostensibly simple questions about my project on the spot – how will I manage to get through a thesis defense if I can't string together cogent answers in meetings? I've done very good work for both of them before – it's not like I was admitted to the program by mistake – but I'm ashamed by the fact that I feel like I'm starting to waste their time. It just feels like everyone around me knows my project much better than I do. (I feel like the academic version of Guido, the protagonist of 8 1/2.)

How do I relearn how to think critically, analyze and argue in a really short period of time? I've got a big pile of substantial edits (more like a massive rewrite) due at the end of the month, and the whole thesis (most of which remains to be written) needs to be done by the beginning of August, at the latest. The government and the banks will not give me any more money if I'm not done by then, and I'll have to drop out if I'm not ready for a defense/get to a defense and end up failing.

I know this is all just a bad case of performance anxiety/impostor syndrome/self-defeating thoughts at its core. Through CBT I learned how to shut certain depression-related self-defeating thoughts down, but I don't know how to suddenly reconfigure my thought patterns to understand texts and theory and logic again. I sit down to write/lie awake at night and attempt to logically think through the questions that have been presented to me in the simplest terms possible and my mind gets stuck in this endless 20 GOTO 10 loop in which I can't think past step one of my argument, let alone follow it through to its conclusion – it's not like I've got a negative thought that I can step in and interrupt. My mind is a mess. (And yes, I'm on medication for depression, but it doesn't seem to be doing a damn thing these days. Given my previous experiences changing drugs, having to taper off and start on a new one does not seem like a good idea right now.)

Is there any way to salvage my confidence and mental faculties from this mess in time? MeMail me if you need to. Thanks for listening.

What's it like being a university staff lifer?

serialcomma — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 20:34:05 -0800

After three and half years as a university staff member, I'm trying to figure out my next step. Tell me about your college staff career and help me decide whether the field is right for me, longterm. I'm a communications/social media person with about ten years total experience in my field and three and a half years as university staff. I worked two and a half years at University A, left the job to move across the country, applied to a variety of communications jobs, and only got interviews at schools, colleges, and nonprofits before accepting basically the same job at University B.

Now that I've spent a year at University B, I'm starting to think about my professional future. When I'm ready to move on, I expect that the easiest next step will be another job at a university, but I'm not sure that's right for me. Can you help me decide?

Here's what I like about university work:
--Good work-life balance
--Access to campus amenities (gym, cultural programming, etc.)
--Working with students

Here's what I don't like:
--Salaries seem low in general, and low compared to similar jobs in other industries
--Lack of room for growth (For instance, everyone else in my department has had the same role for more than a decade. Stability is good, but I don't want "promotions" that are in title only.)
--Stagnation and bureaucracy--I run into a lot of "we do it this way because we've always done it this way" situations

So, three questions:
1. What has your experience as a longterm staff member been in terms of career growth, salary growth, and job satisfaction?
2. What should I consider as I decide whether to continue as a university staff member?
3. If I opt to move away from university staff jobs: Given that I previously had a terrible response rate applying anywhere other than educational institutions, how can I best market myself and my experience to other kinds of employers?

Low-cost, low-maintenance web infrastructure for volunteer group?

tel3path — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 13:37:00 -0800

I have been tasked with finding a web solution for a volunteer group associated with a university. There are already pages on one of the departments' websites, however, it will be months before any changes can be made to that as it's under the rule of a CMS which is about to be migrated and to which we won't be able to really do anything until November. We want all the usual stuff like a blog and a Twitter widget and latest news and yadda yadda, but anything we add - and possibly anything we remove - would have to wait till November if we use the existing hosting arrangement. This is why I want to stick up another web infrastructure for us somewhere else, probably not hosted by the university. Because of the slow change control process, it might be necessary to embed some of the existing page content in iframes rather than having it in two places at once.

Meanwhile, back on the intranet side of it, someone has started sharing documents on a hideous Sharepoint back end which is also part of the university's infrastructure.

Meanwhile, another person has started a Google Plus group.

We would like to pull together a beautiful, easy-to-maintain web architecture over which we have total creative control and which will cost little or no money. (Our budget is around the $0.00 mark.)

I am a programmer, have a good amount of web programming experience, but have not attempted to create an entire website end-to-end before. I have very little spare time, and I also don't want to be the only person capable of maintaining the site. So I'm looking for the fastest cheapest solution for front-end and intranet, that can be implemented quickly by an expert, but also maintained easily by a nonexpert.

Ideas for a ~$25,000 grant, First World / Snowflake edition

RolandOfEld — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 12:12:05 -0800

Assume you had $25,000 to spend on schooling or other professional training certification, what would you do? So, enough beating around the bush, it's something I could apply for and very likely obtain with minimal legwork.

Terms and conditions:

- Funds would only be available for tuition, books, fees, on-campus housing, and meal tickets.
- Funds have to be disbursed directly to the university or could go to the student if and only if he/she has an alternative full paid tuition gig, and then only in $1,000 lump sums once a semester. Submitting receipts for things like textbooks/materials is supported.
- Maintain a 2.0 GPA or whatever is the parallel if not in a collegiate setting.
- Programs such as becoming a Certified Nursing Assistant, Real Estate Agent, etc are supported. Conferences, continuing education, workshops are not.

Personal details:

- I already have a degree in the Engineering field, which I'm not currently using in my day job (don't ask).
- I hate being stuck in the rat race, commuting to work (even through mild traffic, big city traffic would drive me insane), and tend to be very cynical about working in a corporate environment. First world problems and I'm glad I have a job/healthcare/etc , but still, just being honest.
- MrsEld will graduate sometime soon and, god willing, begin working in a field she loves and has worked very hard for very long to get into. I'm not on board with having a 2 income household that leads to daycare/childcare for our hypothetical kiddo(s); hence a likely MrMom situation for myself on the horizon. I'm thrilled with that as long as we can sufficiently provide for our family. We're simple, DIY, homecooked food people who aren't interested in keeping up with Joneses anyway, so I'm fairly confident that if anyone can nowadays, we can.
- I'm smart and pretty flexible and maybe even inventive but not exactly looking to get into a consulting or private enterprise venture, even if I magically knew it would be successful. I'd rather focus on being self sufficient and less dependent on outside sources if it came to that.
- Right now, with MrsEld still in school, we're not hurting but we're not exactly flush with cash either so I'd rather not start something that's going to require me to put in additional funds above and beyond the scholarship. It's not out of the question but it isn't negligible either.
- We wouldn't necessarily be moving into an on-campus type housing nor across the country any time soon, but include online things that might be of interest if you think they're neat.
- I am not against getting my hands dirty in something like a HVAC repair, Welding training, or ASME automotive cert or something. I just wouldn't know where to start and/or if it'd be worthwhile.
- I like to garden and help people. And long walks on the beach... feel free to MeFi stalk me for more info if you want. Or Memail me.

So, where does that leave me? I'm sitting on the potential for an opportunity some people would kill for* but I don't really have a use in mind for it, now or in the short term. But I don't know what I don't know so this is where AskMe comes in I guess.

TL;DR - What interesting use could you find for $25,000 in educational funding if it fell out of the sky into your lap?

*Yes, yes, TANSTAAFL and all that but really, truly, take my word for it: by taking this money I am not disenfranchising someone else who may need it more. I don't want to go into it but if you feel the deep need to know more just memail me and I'll explain it I guess...

What to do with a BA in History? (Redux)

Avenger — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 12:13:10 -0800

This is a followup to this question from almost five years ago. I am about to graduate from a not-very-well-known State University in the southwest with a BA in History. My problem is that I am now rudderless, with a great deal of debt and virtually no real job prospects. I am staring down the barrel of paycheck-to-paycheck poverty, forever. Please help. The Bad News: I have roughly $36,000 in debt. Next month I will have a Bachelor of Arts (Summa Cum Laude) in History and International Studies from a southwestern university that you've probably never heard of.

I am very bad at math (I got a C- in college algebra) so going back and getting another degree in a STEM field is probably not going to happen. I have a shitty job that I hate wherein I make a shitty amount of money with no benefits. I'm turning 30 next month and I am far, far behind (financially, career-wise, socially, etc.) others my age.

The good news: I am a pretty good student (it's one of the few things in life I'm actually good at, I guess). I have a 4.0 for my last 50 credit hours or so, and I have been accepted into the Masters of Public Administration program at my local no-name southwestern university. I am not really thrilled by Public Administration, but I applied to the program because i felt like it was something I could do for a decent wage.

The Details:

I have been told, by multiple history professors, that grad study in History is a dead end. Nobody is hiring history professors. The last time our (invisible) school advertised an open (non-tenured) position in the history department, we got 1000+ applicants from all over the country. There are History PhD's from Harvard working at Starbucks right now. I can't compete against them.

Law school is a no go. I'm not that interested in law and I don't want to spend $150,000 for the privilege of working 80 hours a week for an uncertain amount of money. Uncertain job prospects in the first place, too.

I'm really just trying to figure out what to do with my life, while discovering that my life has been made redundant by the free market. I have no purpose and very little prospect of upward mobility in our society.

What can I do about this? Is there some avenue that I haven't yet explored? Is there something that I'm missing? What are my options, hivemind?

Resource to find average class size at colleges.

annabellee — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 14:20:08 -0800

I'm looking for an established, respected online resource that can give me hard numbers on the average class size at American colleges. I'm looking for an established site that gives stats about American colleges (cost, demographics, etc.) and includes "Average Class Size," (i.e. the average number of students in the average course).

The sources I've found either don't list that (Princeton Review) or only have that info for a small number of schools (College Board, Petersons).

I am not looking for student-faculty ratio and I need a single source for this information for a number of schools (i.e., I can't use individual college sites or a bunch of rankings systems, I need to be able to search a single database/source for a bunch of colleges).

It's been a while since I did college research and I'm not sure where to go for the most credible info in the 21st century!

Should I Keep Working Toward My Masters in Social Work? Now or Later?

VioletU — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 07:43:23 -0800

In a nutshell: I'm almost 38 years old, happily married, and am currently raising 3 kids (the youngest is 9). I work full-time at a job that I love – and that loves me back - but which doesn't pay particularly well. My husband's income compensates for that. We are decidedly middle class with some debts, low savings, and a mortgage. I have a (Canadian) college diploma in social services that's a little over 2 years old at this point. I am trying to decide whether to further my education - and whether to do it now or later. I can't afford to go back to school full-time and my work hours don't lend themselves at all to part-time schooling – so I registered last year to work toward my Bachelor of Arts degree followed by my Bachelor of Social Work via distance education at my local university. I was able to transfer my college credits and some previous university credits from an uncompleted degree (in 1993) so I'm not starting from zero.

But.. it is really, really hard for me to learn online. I miss the interaction in the classroom, I miss discussions, and I find the message boards to be awkward. I'm having problems fitting the learning into my work day – my work schedule covers days, evenings and sometimes weekends – which means I feel perpetually stressed-out thinking about, let alone doing, the school work. My online marks are "meh" at best compared to "awesome!" when I was in-school.

At the rate I'm doing this, it's going to take me at least another 5+ years to get through my BA and BSW and then get started on my Masters of Social Work - the idea of this makes me want to weep.

But, those 5+ years are going to pass anyway, so it might as well pass with me doing something to improve myself, right?

Except... The flip side is that, in a little over 5 years, two of my kids will (likely) not be at home anymore. Some of our debts will be paid off. I'll have 5 more years of work experience in my field and could, in theory, be making more money than I currently do (and so, too, could my husband). I could potentially go back to school full-time in person if getting my BSW/MSW is still important to me - and it would be in a way that isn't overwhelmingly stressful for me.

Getting those degrees in place would open more doors (though I have my own feelings about formal education, I also recognize the need to 'play the game' in this regard). I don't have a specific goal in mind for after getting the degrees, but I also recognize that I'm a bit limited with my current education in terms of employability/financial compensation. I absolutely love my current job, and would be happy to do it for the next several years at least, but it's possible that outreach work may not be something I want to be doing in my 50s.

I would really appreciate any feedback, thoughts, comments y'all could offer. Should I keep dragging myself through this or should I put it on hold for a while?

Day in The Life of a professor or research scientist

marsbar77 — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 07:11:40 -0800

I'm wondering if anyone can shed some light on the daily experience of a university researcher in either psychology or the basic sciences as well as a meta-review of the job as a whole. Specifically:
What was the path to employment like for you?
What skills- both practical and interpersonal- would you say are important to doing your job well? What factors contribute to your success?
What are some challenges or drawbacks of life as a PA? ( Please be specific if at all possible)
What opportunities would you say there are for growth/advancement?
These are just general guidelines. Feel free to ( and in fact I would ask you to) to speak to your individual experience and add whatever two cents you may have. This started as an assignment, yes, but I'm also genuinely interested in making an informed decision about my future. Thanks everyone!

The Transatlantic Librarian

Isingthebodyelectric — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 09:37:37 -0800

Give me insight, tips, and strategies for transitioning from American to British librarianship. My husband (British citizen) and I (American) currently live in the US, but are considering moving to England. We're not yet sure where we'll be located.

I have an MLIS and nearly 4 years of professional experience as a librarian. I've worked in a research library/archive, a small business school library, and am now employed as a reference/electronic resource librarian at a community college.

Right now my job includes instruction, reference, web development, electronic resource management, library media, programming, and publicity. I do not currently perform cataloging or collection development, but have done so in past positions. Areas of expertise include Humanities (Language, Literature, History, Art), Social Sciences (Psychology, Sociology, Anthropology, Business), and Culinary Science.

I'm hoping to find employment in an academic library in England. I will not begin applying for jobs until I have a visa (through my husband) and eligibility to work, so I do not need a university to sponsor my visa.

Things I'm already doing/plan on doing:
1. Searching for jobs on LISJobNet.
2. Setting up a couple of informational interviews with academic librarians (probably in London) to ask questions and make contacts.
3. Browsing some university library websites to get a sense of what types of resources are offered to students, and how they're presented.
4. Making sure that my application materials are correctly sized and have the right date & phone number format! :)

But I have so many questions!

1. Do I need to apply for chartership with CILIP? Would that be a prerequisite for being considered for a position?

2. What are some of the key differences between working in this field in the US and UK? In particular, I wondered about: electronic resources, citation styles, research, and instruction. But any insight regarding cultural differences would also be appreciated!

3. Are there any good information sources regarding this type of transition?

4. Would a librarian trained in the US be particularly qualified/desired for any specific type of position?

5. Can you share any anecdotes about working in, or using, academic libraries in both countries?

Thanks in advance for your guidance!

Useful social network, or waste of time?

Dr. Wu — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 13:45:21 -0800

What is FacultyRow.com? I am a college professor and, as it happens, I am on the job market. Even though I am seriously considering leaving academia entirely, I am still applying to academic jobs in my field, and am also generally interested in careers/jobs in which my advanced degree is an asset.

Today, I received an auto-generated email from the website FacultyRow, in which I was informed that I am "being reviewed for Super Professors," a subsection of this site which apparently promotes and praises certain professors for ... reasons or criteria which are unclear to me.

I poked around on the site, and can't really figure the thing out. It does not seem to be a scam or a lie, but there's something about it that seems rinky-dink to me. Does anyone know anything about this site? Is it worth registering for it? Are there actual, measurable benefits?

I ask because I can use all the connections I can get: not only am I possibly changing careers, but I'll soon be moving to a yet-to-be-determined location. I've even bitten the bullet and jumped into professional social networking (LinkedIn), something I've avoided for years. (No Facebook for me, thanks.) If FacultyRow is legit AND useful, then I'll consider signing up, because having more connections is better than having fewer connections.

Any opinions welcome!

What are example of no confidence votes by college students?

andoatnp — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 11:25:09 -0800

What are examples of college students holding a vote of no confidence for their college president? I'm interested in either all students, or a representative body, such as the student government, holding a vote or poll about a college president/chancellor/etc. I'm aware of the vote of no confidence by the Student Government Association at St. Louis University against their president.

What other schools have done something like this? Put broadly, do college/university students have any kind of history of weighing in on their school's leadership?

I am not interested in examples where it was the faculty who held the vote of no confidence.

The plane is a time machine

Conspire — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 21:58:21 -0800

I act childish and feel patronized whenever I go back home from university to my parents and (much) older sister. I think this is a known phenomenon. What can I do to minimize this? (Snowflake details inside.) So I went to a university across the entire country away from my hometown (I'm in Canada, so this was a long way to go), and I've been absolutely thrilled with the things I've learned and the ways I've developed through fending for myself for the past few years. I grew confident, I learned to love my own skin, I learned how to interest and be interested in others, and I developed a personality that I've been proud to call my very own.

And then I fly home, and it all dissipates.

It feels like the moment I step off the plane, I get thrown into a time machine where I relegate back into my old self: awkward, lacking social grace and manner, immature, sheltered and uncomfortable with who I am. To complicate matters, I may end up spending an entire 16 months rather than just a summer back at home this year due to a thrilling academic job prospect that's developing nicely - while the opportunity is absolutely amazing and cannot be passed up, I find myself dreading having to deal with my feelings of immaturity and discomfort for an extended period of time.

I know that this is a common thing, but some of the advice I've found on the topic doesn't apply to me. Even back home, I'm not financially dependent on my parents, nor do I lodge with them except for a few weeks when they come back home from overseas. The majority of the time, I'm cooking for myself, living by myself, doing my own laundry, cleaning my own living spaces, and so forth. So it's not as much as it is about physical dependence, it's just something in my nuclear family's style of interacting with me that forces me into a pattern of immaturity.

The snowflake that I want to mention here is that it's less of an issue with my parents as it is with my older sister, who is nearly a decade older than me. My parents are generally overseas the majority of the time, so the few weeks that they're actually present, I actually find it relaxing to be pampered by them and to be their kid again for a short period of time. My sister, being so much older than me, is as much as a pseudo-parental figure as she is a big sister figure. Unlike my parents, I have to be exposed to her for much longer. And unlike my parents, who have a generally relaxed (with some exceptions) attitude with me at this point especially given how well I'm striking it out independently, my sister exhibits a lot of personality traits that I find encourage the immature mannerisms that I end up exhibiting around her:

- She frequently adopts a very patronizing attitude around me. We're both adults, but she often talks down to me as if I were a child. Part of this has to do with my late-blooming - I only stopped being socially inept when I went to university and took some hard knocks for myself, and she hasn't yet witnessed that transformation. I've called her out on this (although not firmly), but she simply asserts her right as my "big sister" to always treat me as the "little brother."
- She is extremely overprotective: she refuses to let me make my own mistakes whether socially, academically, career-wise, or in any area of life I can think of. Her belief is that since she's walked the path ahead of me, it's her duty as the elder sibling to prevent me from falling into any of the pitfalls that she did. She often doles out advice with the explicit expectation that I will follow it, and pushes me constantly to do so. This frustrates me because not only is her advice often wrong given that we're on different career tracks and that we have different personal values, but also because I realize that this trait of hers (to some extent my parents do this too) resulted in a lot of delayed growth for me because I wasn't able to make risks and learn from them, something I realized when I struck it out on my own.
- Any time I do make a mistake, she takes it personally. I've learned to view mistakes as learning experiences, and I openly embrace the consequences of them (because I'm the type who learns from pain), but she always chastises me for making them in the first place, and encourages me to fight back against the consequences.
- She is extremely prideful, and whenever we have an argument, she's always quick to attribute blame. For this reason, I find it absolutely impossible to bring up any of the things I would like to see her change with her, because she instantly pushes it back on me.
- Her rhetoric and persuasive abilities are insane. Given how uncertain I end up feeling around her a lot, she easily exploits this by nature of her personality to coerce me into even unconsciously going along with what she's saying/urging even when I know it's not the best option for me. I end up feeling like I have no opinions or free will of my own around her a lot. I find myself struggling to even articulate myself around her.

Which isn't to say that I don't love her, but dealing with her is exhausting. I do confess that her personality has its positives and negatives, as I do enjoy it at times and like how she takes charge of things, but it forces me into certain patterns. And unfortunately, spending time with her throughout the year is unavoidable.

To complicate things even further - I came out as gay this semester, and when I told my sister, she was thrilled and wanted to take me to Pride this summer with her, as she has been frequently involved as an ally in the LGBT community in the past. But I'm worried about how she'll end up influencing me in this regard: I'm afraid that she'll force me to follow a certain path of experiences that she regards as correct given her over-confidence in the issues, but I want to treat these experiences as more of an exploratory thing. I want her there, but I don't want her to constrain me!

So in summary: how can I condition myself to act maturely and assertively at home, as I have been doing all this time living independently at university?

Could/should I find the man whose psychosis was directed at me?

Anonymous — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 16:19:50 -0800

About a decade ago I started University in the UK. Towards the end of my first year a friend I made began to become paranoid. His behaviour towards me was particularly troubling, and eventually rumours circulated that he had been institutionalised. I have always wondered what happened to him, and if he is OK. My concerns linger these many years later, but tracking him down online has achieved nothing. Is there any way I can find out if everything turned out alright for him, preferably without causing too many ripples? The fuller story to avoid questions...

This friend was a valued member of a new and exciting friendship group I made at that time. Many of those people are still close friends these many years later (including myself).

Towards the end of that academic year the guy started making accusations against my friends and I, most of which were utterly delusional. We all wondered whether his apparently mild drug use had something to do with the problems, but, of course, this was only conjecture and fuelled by rumour. His behaviour became increasingly unpredictable and socially problematic, and so naturally myself and my friends began to put some distance between us and him - difficult because we shared so many classes. In the end his erratic behaviour became mainly directed at me, the person in the friendship group who had perhaps been the closest to him. There were eventually some violent altercations, both in private and in front of other students and staff. People were very concerned for my safety, but I was always more worried about him hurting himself. My friends and I were obviously worried and talked to university staff about our worries for this guy, we really were more concerned about his health and well-being than anything. Staff basically told us they were dealing with it, and to keep them up to date.

This all took place at the end of the academic year. At that time examinations were taking place and the guy insisted that his name be changed on all academic forms. His new name was very very odd, and occasionally on examination room layouts you could see where he had crossed out his name and written in the new name.

When term began again in year two, the guy had gone, never to be seen or heard of again. Through the rumour mill we heard that he had possibly tried to attack a member of staff and had eventually been institutionalised. These rumours were backed up a number of years later by a chance conversation with an old member of staff at the university, but to be honest, the complete truth is unknown.

I'd really like to know what happened to the guy. Deep down in my psyche I am still worried about him. Tracking him down in the era of Facebook etc. should be easier than ever. I even tried both the names he was eventually using, but no luck. Any advice on this would be appreciated. I don't want to track him down in the flesh, just know how things turned out.

What to do about cramster.com?

Anonymous — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 14:03:30 -0800

I'm seeking suggestions for dealing with the existence of internet cheating sites that provide answers to university homework problems. I teach a freshman-level engineering class. This week a student emailed me with a link to a page on cramster.com apparently created by someone in my class. (Cramster describes itself as a source of "Textbook Solutions", "Homework Answers", and "Subject Experts"; it is a combination of answer repository and expert network, designed to assist students to cheat.)

The linked page contains an upload of the first homework assignment, along with several anonymously contributed hints and answers, some better than others. I don't know who created the page.

I've already talked to my class about this, telling them that it's not right to upload stuff that I wrote (it's both a copyright violation and a university honor code violation), and asked whoever put it up to remove it. I have also updated the course syllabus to clarify what I consider to be acceptable collaboration. (I encourage people to work together on homeworks, but I don't want them consulting previous year's homework solutions, people who've taken the course before, and certainly not J. Random "Expert" Person on the Internet.)

I understand that sites like this are the future (cramster has raised $millions in VC), and it's pointless to fight the tide. Still, I wonder if there is something else I should be doing. I have designed my class to require the students to think a lot about the problems I assign; having a shortcut to the answer will make the course considerably less meaningful and useful. Colleagues have suggested that I

- request a DMCA takedown of the page
- request the university to track visits to the site
- base the course grade entirely on exams and zero percent on homework
- offer a reward for the identity of the perpetrator and pursue honors charges
- just chill out and let nature take its course
- ???

Have you had to deal with anything like this in your class? Advice and suggestions solicited. Throwaway email: cramster_jerk@yahoo.com.

How do I deal with my anxiety-ridden partner?

Anonymous — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 12:04:06 -0800

My partner of three years has some pretty fierce obsessive anxiety issues, and I would like some help to deal with this. My partner moved to a new city recently with me for a few years while I started a post-doc, with the intent of finishing their degree at my new university. Since arriving here, she has not really made any friends or developed a support system of any kind other than me. While for the most part I can handle this, from time to time this becomes very challenging to deal with.

Specifically, she starts to obsess about what their long-term plans regarding their degree are, and worries about whether she is productive enough at her coursework. It ends up rapidly spiralling downwards, with her paralyzed by anxiety about how little coursework she feels she is doing, which leaves her unable to do any work, which makes her feel worse, etc.

She seems to get paralyzed by an inability to make choices because she doesn't know what the best possible choice to be might be, so she doesn't make any at all. And all of this spins around in her head (to hear her description of it), with no ability to stop and just let go.

The problem is that in some sense, the only answer that I feel that I can give when she asks me what to do is that she just has to do something, that it might not matter how crappy she feels, that she just has to work. Or make a choice. Or something.

However, I know that this is not a very supportive answer, and it isn't really helpful because she already knows that; she just can't do it. It's hard to help her, since I don't know what to do, and in the end it starts to detract from me being able to do the things that I need to do to take care of myself and of my work.

So what am I supposed to do? It'd be easier, I think, if she had made friends here, at least someone that she could unload on sometimes other than me, but she suffers from a lot of anxiety at the idea of making new friends, which tends to make her hide out at home unless I make a strong effort at bringing her out to socialize with people that I've met.

I love my partner, and I want to make this work, but I'm finding it harder to know how to deal with her increasing anxiety. What can I do to help her?

Clearly, this proves that I'm stupid

lucia_engel — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 20:35:00 -0800

I can't seem to wrap my mind around the language of higher level math. Definitions, theorems, and proofs make me fall asleep, but I really do want to understand. Do you know of any good resources that can help me out? Back in high school (Canadian) I was a math whiz. I had no trouble with any of the concepts, including calculus in Gr 12. I can "do the math" and am good at problem solving. However when I got to university and started taking Number Theories, Abstract Algebra, etc., my logic suddenly disappeared on seemingly simple concepts. I've obtained my degree in CS already, somehow memorizing or handwaving my way through on my assignments and exams, but now I actually need to understand higher math for my current job.

For example, these are excerpts from one of my textbooks (A Concrete Introduction to Higher Algebra by Lindsay Childs):

[on real numbers] "The real numbers form a complete Archimedean ordered field...Archimedean means that for every positive real number r there is a natural number n with n > r."
[division theorem] "Given nonnegative integers a > 0 and b, there exist integers q> 0 and r with 0 <= r < a such that b = aq +r

I thought I understood real numbers and division until I read these definitions and was also asked to prove them. First of all, my brain have difficulty just parsing out what's written; it's like a foreign language to me. Secondly I never know how to begin when proving things. I can somewhat follow along if there's an example in the textbook, but on my own I would be completely lost.

I'm not looking to take any classes in math or hire a tutor. Books or online resources would be good. At minimum I'm hoping to at least be able to read through a math textbook and actually understand the explanation.

Should I pursue another fancy piece of paper?

cessair — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 10:27:20 -0800

Is a Master of Science in Strategic Leadership a real thing? Should I pursue it, given that it wouldn't cost me anything but time? I've always been of the opinion that I would only get an advanced degree if it was required for job advancement. This has never been the case, but I wonder if I might go farther if I had an additional credential. I have great experience and an impressive skill set (if I do say so myself). I've never lacked for job opportunities (thankfully!).

I sort of fell into a career in social media and PR for non-profits. I've advanced fairly quickly and am now a director for a project within a private university. I have the opportunity to get a master's degree free of charge. I don't think that I would really learn a lot, though maybe I would, but I think that the degree might be worth the time in terms of opening up future opportunities in higher education administration (where everyone else has lots of letters after their names.)

I'm not worried about the workload or any stress associated with the program - I would get a lot of support at work, and it is designed for working professionals so that is not an issue.

I am someone who is good at being a student (high marks with little effort) but I don't really enjoy it - I made it a point to get my undergraduate degree as quickly as possible, even though it meant overloading my schedule.

(This university doesn't offer a Master of Public Administration, or I would do that instead.)

Basic question: Do you have any experience with or knowledge of a Master of Science in Strategic Leadership program? Is it worth pursuing just to put it on my resume?

Going back to school at 33 is a great idea! Right?

Mister_Sleight_of_Hand — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 10:03:07 -0800

Recently I've been thinking of going back to school to get a Computer Science degree but I have a few questions: If I do decide to go back, I'll have to keep working as well. My current job is very flexible (like ridiculously so) even so, I'm wondering how feasible it is to work full(-ish) time and study something like CS at the same time. My girlfriend and I don't have, and aren't planning to have, kids, so that makes life a little easier. Still, how much of my life is this going to eat up?

Related to that, is there any way to fast-track/shorten the time needed to complete a degree? I'm not, and have never been, a professional programmer but I've been writing code for ages. I had a few CS classes back in university (nearly 15 years ago!) and I'm familiar with maybe a half dozen languages or so, though I don't use them all regularly so I'm better with some than with others. Is there a way to skip all the stuff I already know and get straight to the stuff I don't? Has anybody done this? How did you go about it? I'm more than happy to write any tests or do projects on my own time to shorten the total amount of time needed. Is that even something that's possible, or am I just going to have to suck it up and begin at the beginning like everybody else?

At least part of the reason that I'd like to shorten things is because, at 33, I can't help feeling like the old man, washed up and thrown out before I even get started. Not that I feel old in general, but I've heard that the tech industry likes their people young. How realistic is it to think of getting a tech job four-ish years from now when I'm pushing 40? And even if it is possible, do I really want to do that to myself? I realize no-one can give me a definitive answer to that one, so anecdotes welcome. If you've done it, what was it like?

In case it matters, I'm in Montreal and I'd be applying to McGill and I'll be contacting them in the near future to ask questions as well. For now though, the collective opinions and experiences of the hive mind will be greatly appreciated!

Name my university learning blog

Paragon — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 18:28:33 -0800

Looking for a descriptive and short name for a blog about university study. Save me from bad puns and opaque acronyms! I'm starting up a blog for students at my university. The focus will be on study skills, assignment and thesis writing, and university events and resources relating to those topics.

Because it's an official blog it has to have a fairly vanilla name, but that usually translates to odd acronyms, puns, and/or neologisms, and I'd like to avoid those if possible. I'm looking for something short (2-4 words), descriptive, and memorable.

Names incorporating "learning" or "study" are especially welcome. Something similar to "The Learning Nation" would work well (except there's already a blog by that name).

Balancing career and adventure.

Urban Winter — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 20:45:30 -0800

My friends are all prepping for careers, and I'm wondering how I'll balance mine with the many things I want to do that are (probably) mutually exclusive. Looking for insight. I am three semesters out from graduating with my bachelor's degree, double-majoring in urban planning and geography, and will have my GIS certificate either when I graduate or shortly thereafter. I plan on getting a master's degree in planning, and my mentor (not to be confused with my academic advisor) is encouraging me to attend a school that gives a free ride to a Ph.D after graduating with a master's there. So, basically, I expect to have a pretty sedentary job for most of my life. I could steer toward geography instead, but really I want to work in urban areas.

The trouble with that is that I absolutely love being out in rural areas, in the wilderness, in "nature," whatever term you want to use. There is so much I want to do. I want to walk the Appalachian Trail from beginning to end in one trip, I want to spend time sailing - not days, but weeks, or even months - and I want to climb mountains.

I guess what I really want to know is: Is this realistic? Is there room to do this and maintain a full-time career? Or should I be prepared to quit my job every couple years, spend a while doing what I want, and then find a new job when I get back?

Further, if anyone has experience or knowledge about careers in planning and/or geography, I'd very much like to chat. Neither of my advisors at college are very helpful to me, and I'm feeling like I don't have as much of a plan as I'd like regarding where to look for jobs and such.

Putting this in "work and money" because it's more of a work question than a travel or education question.