Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with unemployment

How to escape low-wage service jobs in your 20s?

bluelight — Wed, 22 May 2013 07:31:00 -0800

Those of you post-grads figuring it out in your 20s (or 30s) doing odd jobs, waiting tables, jobs not nec. related to your major, where are you now? What advice would you have if you could go back and do it again? When I was 18, I met a bunch of 23 and 24 year old post-grads living together. Some of them weren't working. Others were working part time shifts at coffee shops, restaurants, and bike shops. All of them were still figuring things out and not pursuing what they originally majored in. When I worked at a coffee shop at this age, my coworkers were late 20 somethings who were figuring things out too. They had been there for a while.

I wonder what happened to those people. And, I wonder if some of them are still working those part-time shifts, that have maybe turned full time. I'm not saying that working in retail or the food service industry is bad, but it's clear that these people had meant it to be a temporary gig.

Now that I'm a 23 year old post-grad, I'm a bit surprised to find myself in the same boat. I majored in architecture, which was hit very hard with the recession, not to mention the flood of architecture grads already looking for work. The pay for entry-level architects is not very high, the hours tend to be very long, and the work is, usually, but not always, pretty mundane as an entry-level with lots of autoCAD, scanning, and Adobe. Anyway, I've decided it's not for me. I've had an inkling of this thought in university, but I excelled as a student and didn't pay it enough thought since school was pretty easy and rewarding for me (scholarships, awards, etc.) But now that I'm faced with reality, none of those things really matter, and more importantly, I know that it's not what I want to do. So now what?

Obviously I need to get a job, so while I'm figuring things out, I plan to get a part time retail or food service job. I understand how easy it is to get comfortable in these jobs though, and that's what I'm afraid of. Waitressing will likely pull in more money hourly (+ tips) than an entry-level architecture job, you'll get more person-to-person interaction, you don't stare at a screen all day and you're on your feet which is much healthier than sitting all the time. But there are no health benefits and though it'll be enough to comfortably live day-to-day, it's not an ideal setup for planning long-term. I know the solution would be to keep your eye on the prize, which is figuring out your next career move, but I'm afraid I'll just slide and get stuck into the service industry field. I don't even know what general direction I want to go. Those aforementioned 20-somethings are now in their late 20s or early 30s and I wonder how many of them are still in those types of jobs. And with the economy the way it is, I wouldn't really be surprised if they haven't left.

So have you found yourself in this position as a post-grad reconsidering your career options (i.e. not wanting to pursue what you majored in but not sure of what you want)? Are you still in it? Or have you successfully used that time off whilst working part time jobs to find out what you really want?

And do you have any advice for someone like me? Or a past you?

Thanks!

How do I report freelance income while collecting unemployment?

ablazingsaddle — Tue, 21 May 2013 11:51:56 -0800

I just got laid off from my job, and I've booked a few freelance gigs here and there and have some ongoing freelance writing stuff as well. Do I need to report this income when I earn it, or when I get paid? (This is in California). Please note: I am not trying to scam CA EDD, I just want to report my claim properly. If you make a mistake, your claim gets stuck in red tape hell, and I would like to avoid that.

So, for example: I wrote a short article a few weeks ago, and I have check coming to me hopefully this week or next. I worked on this article before I filed for unemployment - do I need to report the income? Or would I only need to report it if I worked on it during a week that I am claiming unemployment?

Another example: Let's say I write an article while I am claiming unemployment. Do I report the wages I earned the week that I wrote it, or do I wait until the check arrives?

This is all a labyrinth, and you can never get anyone on the phone. I need the money, though, so I guess it's worth jumping through the hoops.

So, good people of Metafilter, please help me avoid getting in trouble.

I didn't used to be bad at this.

thereemix — Wed, 08 May 2013 13:41:15 -0800

Follow up to this question I asked a while back. Yes, another email verbiage question. There was a time when I was really good at crafting emails/memos/correspondence/etc. However, now that I've been unemployed for eight months, my brain is apparently atrophying.

Backstory: To summarize the question I linked to above the fold...back in December I got some intel about a job lead from an industry colleague. I emailed the contact at the company (with the help of many of you lovely folks) regarding the potential opportunity with my resume. The contact responded by saying that they weren't hiring at the moment, but did plan on bringing in someone new midway through the next year.

Seeing as it's coming upon midway through the next year, I sent her a follow-up email reiterating my interest in the company with an updated resume (I've been doing some freelancing). She replied saying that unfortunately they haven't been able to drum up as many projects as they would like so they still aren't hiring, but she will definitely keep me in mind once things get rolling for them.

I'd like to respond to her email thanking her for updating me and reiterating my desire to stay in touch/be considered once they have projects on deck. I've been staring at the compose screen in gmail for the last 30 minutes and my mind is completely empty. I don't want to come off like a sycophant, but I also don't want to seem rude or abrupt.

I've come up with:

Hi [name] - thanks for the update!

And then I get stuck. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I'm sorry to once again solicit the hive-mind to help me write a damn email; you'd think by now I'd be a pro at this after 8 months of pounding the payment looking for full-time work but no, somehow it just gets harder and harder. This is so humiliating.

Should I stay or should I go now?

liquorice — Thu, 02 May 2013 18:55:04 -0800

Should I stay in the job I've always wanted (at the expense of a dream) or go on the trip that I've always wanted (at the expense of stability)? I’m contemplating (well, more than contemplating, I really, really, really want to go – is that more than contemplating?) moving to Canada next year on a Working Holiday visa.

I’ve always wanted to live overseas, it’s been a bright flashing number one on my bucket list since as far back as I can remember. I wasn’t able to study on exchange while at University for a number of reasons and it’s a regret that I carry.

So, I guess it feels like this is the ideal time to do it. I’m 25, I have no real responsibilities or real assets to tie me here and I have a stash of savings if things go south.

The issue then, for me, is my current job. Everywhere I turn I feel the doom and gloom of the Economy and the unemployment rates seem to remind me that it’s a really stupid idea to give up on a decent paying job in a field I’m passionate about and within an organisation that I believe in. It’s basically my dream job so now it feels like my two dreams are warring with each other.

But if I don’t go now, then when? Things like marriage, and buying a house and all that jazz will probably come up in a few years and that’ll make things a lot more difficult to just get up and leave.

I’ll have been in my position for two and a half years by the time I head off, so while I’ll have some experience, returning back to Australia after my visa is up in an arena with not amazing job prospects (law) and relatively limited experience seems foolhardy at best.

There’s no guarantee that this same job opportunity will be available to me when I get back, so I could potentially be unemployed for who knows how long given the state of things. Worst case scenario, I won’t be homeless and my family will support me for as long as necessary. But, taking the long term view, giving up on my current job prospects which offers continuing stability, I’m starting to doubt if this is the right thing to do.

It’s not just that I want to live overseas, there’s a very big part of me that feels like I need to do this. In terms of priority - travelling, experiencing different places, getting immersed in another culture are basically the dreams I’ve been working towards since I was 16. But at the same time, I’m trying to be sensible about how I approach this.

I get that no one else can tell me what the ‘right’ thing do to is, but any guidance, advice or direction as to what to take into consideration, how to evaluate this and what you would do in my shoes, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Hand Surgery Part Two?

jnnla — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 16:58:26 -0800

About 8 weeks ago I sliced the flexor profundus tendon that allows the tip of my right pinky to function. I had surgery and have now subsequently re-severed the healing tendon, requiring ANOTHER round of surgery to try to repair again. Should I go through with this? Issues related to post-operative depression, unemployment, and general existentialist angst inside. See previous. After previous surgery to repair my lacerated flexor digitorum profundus I, due to my own foolishness, re-tore the repaired tendon after about 5-6 weeks of recuperation. My own disappointment with any meaningful indications of progress led me to over-exert my physical therapy exercises and try to do things well beyond what I should have, way earlier than I should have. I am scheduled for the same surgery again Monday and I oscillate between thinking that I might cancel the surgery, or sitting here worried about what I will do with myself if I have to start recuperation from day one again...

Why would you cancel surgery?

This injury affects the tip of my pinky...the last joint (the distal joint). If not fully repaired I will only be able to use the middle joint of my pinky, the farthest joint will be non-functional and my pinky tip will stick straight out from that joint, unable to curl, for life. This is the state it is in now and while enough to present its own issues (possible joint hardening, catching on things, reduced grip strength) is hardly completely life-changing.

My hands are important to me in that I make money with them (vfx artist, photography) and I execute my passions with them (building, photography DIY, biking, fitness, etc.). My hands are my life...but there is no guarantee that this surgery will ever allow me to use my pinky tip again anyway, and for the most part I can do the things I normally like to do even if the tip no longer works. I think pull ups might be more of a challenge, if not impossible with my right hand, but other than that I believe I will adapt.

My hand surgeon is obviously upset that I have necessitated re-operation, and he has indicated that there is even less of a chance that this surgery will be successful than the last due to a possible frayed tendon, or retracted tendon, or jellified tendon...not to mention that the tissues of my finger underwent the knife only 6 weeks ago and are still traumatized to a degree. His own thinking is that if he gets in there and there is not a relatively straightforward re-suture, then he will just sew me up and tell me to live with it, rather than Doing Everything Possible which would require surgery incommensurate with saving a pinky tip.

So if this surgery works...MAYBE in three months I MIGHT have some motion back...But it equally possible that it remains non-functional and I have to undergo months of recuperation again anyway.

Work

I work as a contractor in vfx and use my right hand, the injured hand, to use a mouse and stylus and keyboard stuff. I generally need BOTH hands working to do my job. Working with one hand is not really a viable option given what I do. The skillset I am hired for needs two hands.

Since my initial injury I have literally been turning down jobs because I can't use my hand, and was about to go back to work because my hand was well enough to use a mouse...that is until this week when I ruptured it. After surgery on Monday I will need to turn down work until mid July to recover enough to work a mouse again. Problem is that due to the nature of my industry, summers are slow and I may not realistically be able to find work again until October / November. I have not been employed since February...and while I generally take time off each year to backpack, travel, work on personal projects...the thought of not working for several months more on end, possibly not at all this year, makes me queasy. I have savings that can handle the time off...but I have been burning them already and further using them would set me back to a place that adversely affects future life plans. I could potentially afford it, but would rather not...and the thought of being unable to work should I choose too is really stressing me out. I was so close, and if I go for another attempt at fixing this thing I'm back to square one.

Not to mention I have not thought about how much this will cost me AGAIN.

Depression

I did not and have not adjusted well to the initial post-operative period, and the thought of going through all of this again as really taken the wind out of me. I have struggled with depression / anxiety in the past and during the last 6 weeks of recuperation I have slid into a depression that began to lift as my hand was healing. Now, of course it is back with a vengeance and after Monday will likely get worse as the weeks tick by. The cabin fever of recuperation has had me going insane. I am normally a very active person - my free time is spent working out, camping, hiking or - most of all - building things. Normally I would relish this time off, but without the use of my hand, half a dozen personal projects that requiring sewing, sanding, lifting and screwing sit unfinished and drive me insane. The fact that I haven't been able to get a good workout in with weights is also contributing to my depression. I've never been able to sit still...and the thought of immobilizing my hand for 3 more months for another unlikely outcome has me literally panicking.

I want my life back and if I cancel the surgery I can get back to work, back to doing things I enjoy and start adapting to life without full use of my pinky...whereas if I go through with the surgery I reset the clock and may not save the pinky tip anyway...or might get some use back someday. I really don't know what to do.

Stray questions:

1. If I undergo the surgery again is there any sort of disability / unemployment I can get on as an independent contractor unable to work due to disability? I am in California.

2. Is life without use of a distal phalange that bad? Anyone with experience?

3. If surgery...what do I do with myself while recuperating? I did it once...took lots of walks, listened to audiobooks, meditated, etc...but still became terribly depressed because I find it hard not to be active / always doing something. Suggestions? Are there places around LA that accept one-handed volunteers?

I apologize for the length, but would really appreciate some sage advice...my emotions are clouding my own good sense...Thanks all!

Insurance options for the recently unemployed in Tokyo?

princeoftheair — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 18:32:04 -0800

I'm an American living in working in Tokyo, but am planning on moving to the states in a few months. I will leave my current job in a month that is providing insurance and take a month or two off to get my affairs in order. What are my options for insurance after I resign? As far as I can tell, there is government insurance that I can buy into for being uninsured, but if I report that I have no job I will be switched over from my working visa to a 90-day tourist visa. I'm happy to switch over as I am planning on leaving anyway, but can I still register for insurance to cover my last couple months? Would it be possible to register for the insurance and NOT mention I am unemployed? Are there other options to alleviate my medical emergency anxiety?

I would just go without, but I have gotten pretty sick a couple of times in the last few months that required a hospital visit. I would gladly pay for some peace of mind that this point. I appreciate any information on this as my google searches have been rather unhelpful.

Potential Temp Agency Faux Pas, or, PLEASE HELP ME STOP FREAKING OUT

thereemix — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 05:52:33 -0800

I have been working with a staffing agency who placed me in a really great (contract) job last year, which ended in October. I have been keeping in touch with the rep who was working with me ever since, checking in once a week to see if anything had become available. Last month, my grandmother passed away after a very long illness and I got wrapped up in the various family-related things that obviously came along with that, and therefore I stopped checking in with the rep for a while (it became a much lower priority). At the same time, my friend offered me some extremely low-paying (to the brink of me basically doing it pro bono), intermittent consulting work on a project just to help me keep somewhat busy during the boring slog of unemployment, which at least allows me not to have a huge gap on my resume and my LinkedIn profile. Because this happened right around the time my grandmother passed, and because this consulting work is most definitely temporary and not income-sustainable, I forgot to inform my rep that I'd taken on this work. I am now concerned that I have committed a major faux pas professionally. Help me understand if I have or if I am overreacting. There is also an automated email reminder form I get from the agency every two weeks asking me for an availability update and a summary of what job searching tasks I have been doing alongside waiting for them to call (haha). I have been consistently marking my availability as yes when these reminder forms come and outlining what I have been doing, including explaining the consulting work (and how it's low paying/basically pro bono and mostly "something to do" while I wait for an actual job to come along). So, I have been informing the agency of what I've been doing; I just never bothered to pick up the phone or write an email to my rep directly to let him know. Is that not cool of me?

What makes me extra concerned is that I just saw that my rep posted a job he's recruiting for on LinkedIn two days ago, which is in my field and which I think I'd be a good match for. I also saw that he looked at my profile two days ago, where he would see my update that I was doing this consulting work for my friend. I am worried that he 1) thinks I have a full-time job now and 2) never told him about it and 3) therefore, because of 1 or 2 (or both) didn't contact me about this new position.

I sent him an email last night saying "Hey, it's been a while, saw the position you posted and think I may be a good fit, can you tell me more about the job?" And then gave him a general update re: the low-paying/basically pro bono consulting work and how I am still actively searching for new opportunities because it's not a consistent or long-term job. I didn't tell him that I had been out of touch because of my grandmother's passing because I generally don't think it's very professional to blab about family drama in a work context. But now I am extremely worried that maybe my falling out of touch for a while plus not directly, personally informing him of the consulting gig (even though I was updating my records with the agency through their automated reminder forms), might have pissed him off.

My email to him was late last night and right now it's not even 9AM here in New York, so I know that I'm probably jumping the gun in being like OMG WHY HAS HE NOT RESPONDED TO MY EMAIL OR CALLED ME YET OBVIOUSLY HE MUST HATE ME NOW. But that irrationality aside, overall, was my handling of this situation okay, or have I committed several professional faux pas (what's the plural of that anyway?) here?

How can I stay focused while rewriting my resume for the 1000th time?

nelljie — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 14:06:33 -0800

I’ve shuffled the words around so many times, they’ve not only lost all meaning to me, but actually blur in front of my eyes. I’m starting to make really dumb mistakes. Until the end of year 2 of underemployment, I had a few friends who were willing to give my applications a once-over, but I’m now embarrassed about asking for help so often. How can I stay on track? Any advice on a check system to minimize errors? I’ve been underemployed for three years, after a layoff and a move back to my home country. I have to do substantial tweaking for every position to which I apply, because my career ‘path’ consists of 10+ years of stops and starts, mostly in support roles for smaller organizations in the non-profit and education sectors. (So, a bit of comms, a touch of generalist ‘research’, some coordinating & facilitating & outreach here and there, and more admin than I want to think about. Or do, really, maybe that’s part of it.)

Basically, if I think I meet 7/10 criteria for a job, or can make a strong case for a match, I apply. The specs are often different enough that serious surgery’s required every third effort. (E.g.: getting rid of sector-specific jargon; adding it back in; emphasizing one or another aspect of the hugely varied work I did, and translating it into sector-specific language, using relevant keyword sprinklage.)

Resume consultants have been mostly unhelpful. Seems they’re used to high fliers, or are unfamiliar with the sectors in which I have experience. (Have also been advised to basically spam 2nd and 3rd degree contacts on LinkedIn, but I suspect this might undermine confidence in my judgement. My profile there’s fuzzy, because I don’t see how I can make it all things for all people.) Reviving my ‘network’ from where I’m at’s been a nonstarter.

My area’s highly competitive, and I’m pretty sure people with graduate degrees are getting my target roles, which nominally asking for a BA. The private sector is not loving me, either. (Looking for non-admin ‘assistant’ type positions in marketing and communications departments, here.)

Long-term goal: shooting for an MA, tbd - either in an allied health field, or in something related to health policy - but it won’t happen for a while. Currently, I’m rehabbing my undergrad GPA on a part-time basis. Doing well in that, at least, getting 3.8-4.0 in all classes taken so far. It will take me up to June 2014 to complete this though, and I’ll be 40 when I’m done. Slightly panicking about that.

Mid-term goal: get a little place closer to friends; have enough money to go out more often than twice a month.

Also: I’ve got a huge mental block around doing 100% admin (reception, admin assistant, etc). I’m registered with and regularly contact three agencies wanting to put me in exactly this, in the suburbs (hate those, have no car). I know, I should be grateful for any opportunity, but I feel worn out and pissed off just looking at the specs. And I question how much a job like that will help my grad/professional school application down the line. I’m at the point where I know I have to not only consider but get excited about these kinds of jobs, but I'm having a hard time.

How can I accept my situation, and marshal enough focus to not completely fuck up my apps?

Giving Notice, Being Asked to Leave Early, and Unemployment.

Anonymous — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 11:28:01 -0800

I'm in MA. I'm about to give my two-weeks, but I'm guessing they're going to tell me to just leave. Could I apply for unemployment to fill the gap between the job I'm leaving and my new job? I've been on a few job interviews in the past week and one I think is going to lead to an offer (I had two rounds of interviews, then a third meeting with the CEO and they asked for references). I'm already plotting my escape from my current hellish job. I'm in Massachusetts.

I plan on giving two week's notice and my last day of employment (coincidentally, really) will be on the day that we get our annual bonus payouts. I'm about 60% certain though, that they are going to ask me to leave a day or two after I give my notice however (most likely so they can deny me of my bonus).

However, where I wouldn't be starting my new job for another 3 weeks, could this allow me to apply for unemployment? I know that I'm voluntarily leaving, but they would be telling me to leave early. I know this might be a stretch.

unemployed and floundering. sometimes i wonder if i'm a mistake.

thereemix — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 06:58:55 -0800

I am between jobs, looking for work, and am really struggling. Please help me figure out how to cope and keep moving forward. I am stuck and scared. TL;DR: Unemployed and floundering. Have fallen into a hole in the last month and don't know how to get out. Keep thinking I should just give up and stop looking for work altogether (even though that is not realistic). Need strategies to figure out how to soldier on.

-----

If you take a look at my posting history you'll get a sense of my backstory, but here are the highlights for context:

- Laid off from job January 2012, very suddenly, kind of felt like a betrayal but I got over it.
- In a stroke of luck, landed an 8-month contract position through a temp agency in February 2012.
- Contract position ended October 2012, have been unemployed and searching for work since.
- I had filed for unemployment insurance immediately after being laid off in January 2012, but landed the contract gig during my waiting week so didn't actually start collecting on the claim until the contract gig ended in October.
- I am in New York (work in NYC, live about an hour north).
- I have about 5 years' working experience (was consistently employed since graduating college until I was laid off).

So now it's February 2013. My unemployment insurance benefit year ends next week. I think I am eligible for Emergency Unemployment Compensation (EUC), which would give me about another year's worth of UI benefits, but I am not sure how EUC works. I am terrified that I won't receive EUC. I don't know if I should file another UI claim using the contract gig or not, and I find navigating the NY DOL website frustrating and intimidating, not to mention trying to get someone live on the phone to answer a question is nigh on impossible.

But the bigger problem is, I am terrified that I will not find another job, and this is causing me to freeze up when it comes to job hunting. For a while I was pretty good about applying to 2-3 jobs every day. I ended up almost accepting a job offer at the end of October but turns out the company had massively misrepresented the job to me and also wasn't able to make payroll (the current employees were all planning to quit (and have since quit) and warned me off the job), so that basically ended before it began. I landed one interview through a networking connection in December; unfortunately the job was one I was supremely unqualified for (it was for a director-level position requiring at least 10-15 years' experience and I can only assume they didn't really look at my resume as I was referred via a colleague). I heard about another job lead through this same colleague at the beginning of the year but it turns out the company wasn't hiring at the minute but might have a position open later in the year. Additionally, in January I applied for a job at the company where I had the contract gig last year - a different department than the one I was in, but the person I reported to when I was there put in a good word for me. Nonetheless, they passed on me.

Since then, nothing.

Applying for jobs at this point feels like an exercise in futility. I apply and for all I know my application just ends up in some black hole somewhere because I almost never hear back. It's making me feel hopeless and, for lack of a better word, blocked. Over the past three weeks I've gotten to the point where I find jobs online that I am qualified for, bookmark them intending to apply, but then cannot bring myself to actually go through with the application because I think why even bother? I recognize how unhelpful and silly that thinking is but I don't know how to overcome it. The thought of writing cover letters fills me with dread; I've never been very good at it and it ends up stressing me out, which contributes to my not being able to complete applications. I keep checking in with the temp agency that placed me last year but they don't have anything for me at the moment. I've submitted my resume to other temp agencies but no one ever contacts me back to set up an appointment. I wonder if my resume - the one that got me hired last year - actually secretly sucks. I wonder if my LinkedIn profile is lame. I wonder if my cover letters make me seem desperate. I wonder if I am just a hack. I feel worthless and stupid now, and I just want to give up.

I've applied to maybe one job a week in the last three weeks. For a while back in the fall I was pretty good about waking up at a consistent time, showering and dressing, and trying to keep a schedule, but Thanksgiving that had all fallen by the wayside. I signed up for an online course on basic accounting principles thinking it would be good to keep my brain engaged (and it's something I've been meaning to do for years since I'm interested in it) but have pretty much ignored the coursework since. I have managed to get a whole bunch of doctor and dentist appointments scheduled and taken care of, which I guess is a small accomplishment. But otherwise I spend my days dicking around online, looking at jobs that I then do not apply for, reading AskMetafilter, the Ask a Manager blog (where I get plenty of job searching advice that I then do not implement), and the AV Club. I don't eat meals consistently and it's been bitterly cold here so I can't go running or walking easily (running was/is typically my mode of exercise). I'm sure that doesn't help. Since October I've also been sicker than I've ever been in years; awful menstrual cramps (unusual for me), lots of migraines, a terrible bout of flu/bronchitis over Christmas, a lingering cough I've only just about managed to shake, and now I seem to be down with some sort of noxious stomach bug. I used to get maybe one cold per year; now I'm sick all the time.

Yesterday I read an article on the AV Club about Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, and then spent the rest of the day watching Mr. Rogers clips on YouTube. You'd think watching Mr. Rogers would be encouraging because he was so good at making kids' feelings feel validated, but it ended up making me feel sadder. I ended up sobbing pathetically for two hours after watching one clip featuring the puppet Daniel Striped Tiger singing a song called "Sometimes I Wonder if I'm a Mistake". (I'm actually tearing up right now thinking about it, which is humiliating.) That's when I realized I'm really in trouble and I need to find a way out of this rut and get my head back in the game.

I don't have a terribly supportive family, but I do have a wonderful roommate/best friend who is trying to help. He suggested this morning that I need to come up with some sort of plan, on paper, about how to structure my time/job search. But I don't even know where to begin there. I feel completely blocked and the more I try to unblock myself the more scared I get and I really literally don't know what to do. I have no idea how to get beyond this. I really like working and I like what I do and I like feeling like a productive member of society. I was/am proud of the career accomplishments I've had in such a short time. But right now I feel like a leech and a loser, and like a fraud, because no one wants to hire me and now this is the third week where I'm in this vicious circle where I can't even bring myself to apply for jobs.

I am looking for suggestions for how to get my head back in the game and push through this feeling of being blocked, strategies for how to complete job applications without getting bogged down in fear and taking three hours to write cover letters, ways to structure my time, and maybe some ways to stop feeling like such a failure all the time, and stop being scared.

Please help.

In case anyone is concerned, my last question was about figuring out how to afford the medication I take for my bipolar II since my new health insurance doesn't cover it. I've since spoken with my psychiatrist about the issue and have enrolled in patient assistance programs through the drug companies, so that is no longer a worry for me. That is to say, I at least have my mental health concerns taken care of and I am in constant contact with a very supportive doctor, so I think this bout of depression is mostly situational, though at my next appointment with him we are going to discuss whether my dosages need to be adjusted.

Mortgage Help on Underwater House While Unemployed? Yikes.

Kalatraz — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 12:48:37 -0800

Laid off and underwater. . . are there any programs that can help me to keep paying our mortgage? Last year we refinanced our underwater home through the Making Home Affordable program. We barely qualified -- had our home been appraised $250 less, we would have been too underwater to make the cut.

I was permanently laid off from my job at the end of 2012. Job search is going, but it's going slow. I have severance due to me that will be used to make mortgage payments among other things, but it's looking likely that I won't have work super quickly, and unemployment insurance isn't going to cover our expenses even though we've obviously stripped down to essentials. (My husband, thankfully, is still employed!)

Called our mortgage lender and they said there was nothing to be done until we actually couldn't make the payment. Is that true? If it is, what can be done when we reach that point? Open to really any options at this point, but we'd like to stay in the house if we possibly can. . . Snowflake stuff: house is still underwater, credit rating is good, debt to income fine for last year but questionable now since I have negligible income.

(You are not my mortgage professional. However, my mortgage professional was not helpful. Thus, I seek your friendly advice. Thank you, all.)

what's the best way to leave a job if you don't already have another one

lacedcoffee — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 18:04:38 -0800

My boss and I agreed I am not right for my job. How can I be eligible for unemployment while not having a black mark of being fired for future employers? My boss and I came to the conclusion that I am not right for my job. He is being very understanding and is willing to work out an agreement with me. Provided that I am not able to get another job within the time frame (let's say 3 months), what's the best way for me to leave that ensures unemployment benefits (I'm in California) while not leaving a black mark on me for future employers? I've read if I quit, I cannot get unemployment. Is the alternative to be fired? But in order to be eligible for unemployment, it will need to be through no fault of my own. And would I have to tell future employers that I was fired? What's the best way to navigate this situation? Thanks!

Trying to Be Smart

Anonymous — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 11:16:32 -0800

Unusual combination of pending unemployment, upcoming (home equity and car) loan needs and a long boat ride requires the mefi thinktank for logistical scenarios and a bit of education about said loans. We are looking for the smartest approach to the coming year and could use more brains in the mix. The facts:
• Our full-time jobs are ending simultaneously in two months (all income will stop, unemployment is unlikely and we will owe $400/mo for the high-deductible health plan);
• We are in a (currently) decent financial position with about $30k liquid;
• We have a lot of equity in our home (we do not currently live there; mortgage paid monthly by renters);
• We face about $40k worth of critical home maintenance projects that contractors will do in the spring (waiting is not an option);
• We need to replace two unreliable (though paid for) vehicles with one new-ish and dependable vehicle (perhaps $20k);
• We have excellent credit.

The unusual part:
After our jobs end, we expect to be moving/traveling on a boat for six months, after which we will stop and search for work and need a dependable vehicle and an inexpensive rental for a couple of years. Because we know what is around the bend, we are thinking we need to apply NOW for a home equity loan for the home maintenance projects and a vehicle loan for the car BEFORE our jobs end in a couple of months or else we won't qualify. Of course the prospect of acquiring new debt is a bit daunting in the face of unemployment, but we feel fairly confident in our ability to cover our expenses and to find at least enough work to pay the bills before our savings runs dangerously low.

Is it ever possible to get a car loan and not actually make the purchase for six months? (If we buy the car now, we’ll have to store it for the summer, fly back to get it and then drive it 2,500 miles--pros: it can hold a bunch of our stuff and could be an adventure, cons: the cost of the flights back, plus all that gas, food and lodging while unemployed--and winter will be upon us). Is there any sort of dealer program that permits buying a car (at our destination) but not picking it up for six months? That just doesn't seem wise... or is it at all likely we'd qualify for an auto loan after being unemployed for six months? (Could we use the equity in our home as collateral? If so, would this affect the interest rate?).

We have never experienced the intricacies of home equity loans or lines of credit. We have just our one home, but we don’t live in it right now. Where is the best sort of place to start looking for a loan to cover the $40k in home maintenance projects? (credit union, local bank, internet?). Is there any way to avoid the higher rate that seems typical for non-owner-occupied homes? (Any argument to be made, for instance, that this is our only home and not your typical income property?). Is there any way or reason to combine the home and auto loans? and would we even want to if we could? (I see home equity loans around 6% and cars at 3%, so there’s an obvious drawback…). Are there better or other kinds of loans to be had if we’ve paid more than 80% of our mortgage?

Now a question that probably shows I have no idea what I'm talking about: If we have just $40k left on the note of our home (at a rate that won't get any lower), is there anything to consider around refinancing, with all above in mind, that would address these concerns?

Any other thoughts or ideas?

How do I survive on a pittence while returning to school?

Ephelump Jockey — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 21:30:19 -0800

Job hunting and money hacks for less-than-shoestring budget while returning to school? Help me not become a fatality of class warfare. Very complicated and snowflakey stuff inside. Okay. This is going to be a little long, so I'm sorry.

First, some background. I had a very nontraditional high school experience and some severe medical problems that hindered my ability to attend college immediately after I graduated. Once those problems abated, my drive was totally sapped. I'm visually impaired and have been able to subsist on government aid for the majority of my twenties. It's been a totally miserable existence. Eventually, I attended college majoring in English. I had some naive ideas about automagically turning into a writer with the right degree. You can guess how that turned out. The short version is that I spent two years in school, ran into some mental health issues, left for a semester (as of last May) and reverted to my old way of doing things. While out of school, my dad passed away, my sister did some terrible things to me related to a drug addiction, and I fell into a seriously deep depression. It's been a shitty year. But there's a silver lining.

A friend of mine from school left for a semester at the same time I did. He bounced around a little bit, and eventually lucked into a decent living situation with some seriously cheap rent. Five bed, two bath house at $250 per room per month. When I was in school previously, I lived on campus. Between my advanced age and the dismal dorm environment, I think that contributed to my dissatisfaction with higher ed. So when I heard about this friend's living situation, I asked about rooms opening up. Two did. Bless the mercurial nature of college towns and students! It looks like I've scored one of the rooms. The house is also only a mile from campus, so walkability is definitely there. Basically, I couldn't have asked for a more fortunate set of circumstances if I tried. I'll be re-enrolling in Summer courses, and I'm moving in February.

Here's the rub. I'm still on government aid. It totals to about $550 a month. That's fine if you've got the support of someone else backing you, but it's just not sufficient for the situation I'm moving towards. Thing is, even scraping by is more appealing than my position of comfort with no autonomy. I know this is a little reckless, but I feel like I need to make a reckless move to get back on my feet.

My school funding is covered by Pell grants and Vocational Rehabilitation, so educational programs won't eat up any of my meager funds. Basically, my budget while unemployed is about $200 per month. I can and will scale back my cell plan to add as much to that as I can, but I rely on my cell for a lot of accessibility related needs, so there are limitations. I need the data for accessible GPS, for instance. There's only so much I can trim without crippling myself further.

So here are my questions.

1. First and foremost, employment is a priority. When my father passed away, I met a lot of family I didn't know, as he and I were estranged. One of my uncles is very wealthy, and has offered help. I don't feel good about asking for money directly, but I'm happy to ask for work. So that's my first line of defense. But I need to prepare for the potential of that not being viable. With minimal job search experience, I'm not entirely sure how to go about the process. I figure I'll hit the pavement and ask anyone and everyone I know around campus and in the immediate city if they know of anything, but outside of making contacts, what are some good job-hunting techniques I can make use of? Tangentially, are there any resources for finding jobs that are more friendly to folks with disabilities? I know what I'm capable of, but finding employers that are more amenable to my circumstances would be ideal. I'm not picky about the job, but I am understandably a little limited in what I can realistically take. I'm no invalid, but I'm very intimidated by this.

2. Assuming it takes longer than anticipated to find work, how can I stretch that $200 as far as it'll go for food. I'm operating on the assumption that this is literally all it's going to go towards. I don't see being able to feed myself for less. There are other essentials I'll need too, but we're concerning ourselves with me staying alive and relatively healthy here. I know this sounds ridiculous, but humor me. I've chosen the course and I'm sticking to it. Plus, this is a worst-case scenario.

3. Any other general tips for getting established on one's own with almost no external support? I'm not going to get any financial help from my family. All of my friends are pretty strapped too. There's the possibility of student loans, but I have a golden opportunity to get my degree debt free and I feel like I shouldn't pass that up.

Anything else I'm failing to see or ask that seems obvious? This is an immense undertaking and I'm some combination of excited and terrified all at once. If there's obvious blind spots (har har) I've overlooked in making the decisions I've made, please let me know.

TL;DR

I'm poor and blind. I'm trying to support me and only me on $200 a month till I find work. I need financial strategies for a less-than-shoestring budget and job searching techniques to maximize employment opportunities. I'm seriously against the wall here. On the upside, I thrive under pressure and education-related expenses are a non-issue. So sorry for the length and verbosity of this thing, but the hive has come through for me before, so thank you in advance.

Oh Hai, Gives Me Teh Job Plz, Kthxbai.

thereemix — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 08:41:30 -0800

Calling all Mefites who are good at composing emails! I am struggling with verbiage in an email I am sending to someone regarding a potential employment opportunity. Please help this nervous going-on-3 months-unemployed job seeker not screw this up. Tasty plate of beans inside. "Jane", a person I met at a networking event, has heard of a potential job opportunity with a firm I would be interested in working with - alas it's only part time work but it's in my industry and there is potential for growth. Not to mention part-time work is better than no work.

"Jane" has worked with this company before and has told me to use her name when I reach out to the contact person. Yay for name-dropping! The problem is that I have never written such an email before and everything I am coming up with sounds awkward. So far I have the following (with identifying details redacted):

Dear [person at company],

My name is thereemix and I am a [city-based person with skills you want]. Jane Smith from [company that does business with your company] mentioned that [your company] has a need for some part time work and suggested that I contact you.

I have a broad range of [relevant skills] as well as 3 years experience in [doing exactly the kind of work your company does].

Here's where I get stuck. How do I close this communication/open the door to a further conversation? I thought of "I would love to discuss any potential opportunities you might have - please let me know the best way to reach you, or you can contact me via [phone] or [email]. Best, thereemix." but that seems to be a simultaneously wishy-washy and presumptuous way to end the communication, not to mention a bit abrupt.

Also, do I attach my resume to this email, or wait to see if she responds asking for it? Again, worrying about coming off as presumptuous.

I'm also not sure about whether what I already have drafted is good enough.

I know I'm probably overthinking this, but the uncertainty of being unemployed is completely undermining my confidence. I am plagued with self-doubt. I don't want to reek of desperation and/or inadvertently be off-putting. I am very much at a loss and the longer I put off sending the email...the longer the email doesn't get sent. And that's not so good.

I'm kind of embarrassed by how hard this is proving to be for me. I guess being unemployed is causing my brain to atrophy. Can anyone help me out please?

Help

Anonymous — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:47:10 -0800

I'm unemployed, and probably depressed. Any help? Apologies if this is a bit rambling and unfocused. It's reflective of my mood today.

I lost my long term job 2 years ago after the company I worked for shut down. I tried to work with some existing clients in the field for a year, but I didn't "go for it" 100% because I was burnt-out and ambivalent about my profession. I went back to school to pick up some new skills hoping to move laterally into another area. I have been looking (unsuccessfully) for work the last 6 months.

Making a transition doesn't seem to be in the cards with my current skills. Even entry level jobs, that I thought I could get easily, I simply get stock rejection letters from.

I can see how this has all happened. I'm naturally introverted and tend towards close relationships with a few people. I've avoided professional networking, social networking, and let my old skills slide. I've become unmotivated, confused, and full of shame. I relied on my old job as a stabilizing force in my life. Without the anchor of full time employment I've drifted and my worst tendencies towards procrastination and avoidance have blossomed.

I couldn't sleep last night and found myself pacing and crying alone at 3AM. That's not normal. This morning my wife blew up again (understandably) about the little things that I continue to slip on. That smallest things now point to my failure in life. She loves me, but she's done with the situation.

I feel fucked. I've ruined my life and my marriage (that feels like all I had/have going for me). I need to get my life and self together quick.

I've just started working with a career coach, but I don't feel like I did when I was younger; I don't feel hopeful and full of potential at this point in time.

Obviously, my current situation is all my responsibility. I know I've got to pull myself up by my bootstraps. But I feel like I can't find the handles right now. I'm worried about my mental health, and I am not sure where to turn, or if this is just situational.

Reeking of the Desperation Cologne

camylanded — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 22:03:33 -0800

I’ve been researching a lot, and have read time and time again, that during interviews, you’re also interviewing the employer to see if you’re a “good fit” together and that you should never seem desperate for a job, but rather, you should pretend money is no object and you’re only there because you think it would be fun, etc. The question is—how do you do this when you are in fact desperate for money and you need a job ASAP? (long-winded details behind cut) Forgive me, and let me know if this needs clarification. It's something I've been mulling over in my brain the past couple weeks.

I’m a bit confused on the “employment game”—I’ve been researching a lot, and have read time and time again, that during interviews, you’re also interviewing the employer to see if you’re a “good fit” together and that you should never seem desperate for a job, but rather, you should pretend money is no object and you’re only there because you think it would be fun, etc. The question is—how do you do this when you are in fact desperate for money and you need a job ASAP?

I’ve been on 6 interviews in the past 6 weeks. I’d say that’s pretty good, right? I’ve practiced a lot, and even have good questions for them during the interview process and proper etiquette once the interview is over (a phone call, the thank you letter/e-mail). I have great experience, especially ones relating to customer service and technical support. One of these interviews turned into a temporary week-long position as technical customer support for an online college—which was great. I was told, however, that it could evolve into a more permanent position and that every employee went through this kind of ‘test’ to see how well they’d do. Only I spoke to other employees… and they never went through this kind of ‘test’ as I was told. While I’m not entirely certain, I do not expect this employer to offer me a permanent position, and they’ve never even hinted that it’s a remote possibility except for on the phone right before asking me if I accepted the temporary position.

So now, for me, it’s back to the job search game… only it’s really starting to wear on not only me, but my ability to handle rejection and also my self esteem. How do you get over something like this? How do you prove to an employer that you really want the job without seeming desperate? I know I'm employable. I know I have great experience and my references say nothing but good things about me. I'm very bright and adaptable and have a near perfect GPA in college. I know, it's the economy, the lack of jobs, etc. But I really feel I have a leg up on a lot of other candidates. I may lose my apartment thanks to lack of employment and really have nowhere to turn at this point. I need a job. Something more permanent. ASAP. What do I do?

Things to think about in a lay-off

Anonymous — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 12:57:22 -0800

I have a feeling that I am going to be laid off at my review next week. Since I suspect that this is coming, I would appreciate any suggestions on what I should say at the review and also, what the next steps I should take are, particularly things that I may not think of or overlook during the somewhat emotional time. Further details on my particular situation inside... I am a senior associate in Biglaw in the US. I am an at-will employee. Our annual reviews are next week and I suspect/fear that I will be told during mine to look for other opportunities. My firm, like many others, tends to "push out the door" senior associates who are not on the partner track. (I am not interested in becoming a partner at this firm, and I do not have the hours to credibly argue that I would like to.) When an associate is pushed out the door at my firm, the associate is typically given 3 months to wrap up or shift their deals to other associates and to look for a job while still employed, without the expectation that much work will be done. Thus, I would expect to stay on the firm's payroll until mid-March. That may be enough time to find another job, but it may not. I have been looking at other jobs (I am hoping to change jobs in 2013, though ideally it would be later in the year, and on my own terms) but have not spent a lot of time yet on the job search. I also believe I would be eligible for unemployment (which is one of the questions that I would confirm if this happens).

Financially, I would be okay - a delay in finding a new job would set my savings/debt repayment back but I could live on my savings for 6 months without much of a problem and without considering unemployment benefits or taking a non-legal job.

I am mostly worried that even though I suspect this is coming, I will freeze up in the moment and fail to ask certain important questions or protect myself. I would like to have a list of what I should think about so that at the meeting or in the days afterwards, I have a framework to work from. For example, I would ask HR about Cobra benefits and about 401k roll-over. If anyone has been in this position or has any thoughts, I would appreciate them. Thank you.

Unemployment in WI: nonprofit edition

Anonymous — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 13:50:25 -0800

I work for a small non-profit in WI and the organization is about to close its doors. Because we are so small, the non-profit has not had to pay into the state UI fund. I don't know what that means for my ability to collect unemployment. I am going to see an unemployment office as soon as possible, but I would appreciate any info from MeFi about whether there are ways I am eligible to receive benefits, if there are specific questions I should ask the UI office, and whether there are other state or federal benefits available to me as I look for a new job.

what's the best way for me to appeal my unemployment claim?

Anonymous — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 16:33:34 -0800

what's the best way for me to appeal my unemployment claim? I live in CA and, after over 2 months since filing the claim, have been denied unemployment. I'm really worried about money and believe that I should get benefits. I am going to appeal, but want to go about it the best way possible to be approved.

My first major job was Awful Job, a full-time job with benefits. It ended up being terrible, and a horrible mismatch for my personality in terms of culture, industry, everything. After 9 months of working there I was severely (my psychiatrist's term) depressed and was barely functioning beyond going to work and sleepwalking through my day.

Finally, after working at Awful Job for 1.5 years, I found other work, at Better Job. It was somewhat similar, entry-level administrative work, though with more responsibilities, and at an awesome small business in a field that is a big part of my personal hobbies and passion. It paid the same hourly rate, but instead of being 40 hours a week, was 21 hours a week.

I loved it, but after working there about 3 months, I was fired. As you will see below there's no reason to go into detail, but basically I was good to great at 95% or so of my responsibilities, but my mess-ups on those other 5% had major consequences. I think that with time I could have overcome those, but for such a small business, it was too big a deal for a learning curve.

I applied for unemployment, and went through the whole process, talking about Better Job and why I was let go. My former employers still like me and wish it could have worked out too, so I'm sure they supported me when the EDD contacted them. It was looking like I was going to get benefits. Then I got a call from EDD - they wanted to know whether my work at Better Job was as an independent contractor. It was, so I said yes. It turned out this meant I had to do the process all over again, with Awful Job.

That took weeks, and now I've finally received a letter saying that I have been denied benefits because I voluntarily quit Awful Job to take another job that was less permanent and/or paid less than it did.

I am going to appeal. But what's the best approach? On the one hand it says I can write a letter rather than cramming an explanation into the tiny space on the form, but on the other hand my experience dealing with the CA EDD is that they are vastly understaffed, so I don't want to do something that will take a lot of someone's time and annoy them. Should I write a letter and just try to keep it brief? How brief?

Should my appeal mention that I became depressed at Awful Job, and that the switch was for mental health reasons? (I mean, I was also excited to work in the field of Better Job!) Would I need documentation about the mental health reasons? This is complicated because the psychiatrist I was seeing was through insurance from Awful Job, which of course I no longer have! I do have a therapist I am paying for out of pocket who would write something, but I'm not sure that's a good idea - I mean, I wasn't too depressed to work, and wouldn't claim that...

Should it say that I took Better Job because there was not much room for advancement at Awful Job, and I would be taking on a lot more tasks and challenges with Better Job? While not the primary reason I switched, this is true, unless I wanted to stay in the field of Awful Job, it was a good career move - I am applying for jobs now based on a lot of skills I acquired at Better Job. My inclination is to argue that Better Job was meant to be permanent - and I am sure I could get my former employers at Better Job to back me up on that. But what about the fewer hours? Hope me!

(I'm of course applying for jobs, but even if I get one next week, I would also like the back unemployment benefits from the months this process has been going on!)

How to help a fired friend

Laura Macbeth — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 17:38:49 -0800

How to help a close friend who was just fired? One of my closest friends, Brandon, was fired today. (He didn't do anything wrong, It was a wrongful termination by an unstable manager and failing company, but the legality isn't for this question.) I've known him and his wife, Kelly, since childhood and they're my chosen family. We're in our 30s.

They have a 4-year-old and a baby on the way in 3 months. Kelly brings in a small amount of money from a part-time job, but mostly stays home with the 4-year-old. They have a mortgage and some debt. They're relatively close to their families, but both families are the type who will guilt them about this and offer "help" with strings attached. Any help they've ever received has been strife with drama and guilt.

Brandon fortunately has marketable skills in high demand, but there's no telling when he will be employed again in this market. (We live in a major Midwestern city, but it's still tough out there.)

I'm doing well in my career and making more than enough money for myself. I have time, energy and resources to give to them.

My questions:

What can I do to help them? These are two sturdy Midwestern folks who won't ask for help. I will need to offer concrete help, take a read if this is the help they want (they will have trouble accepting) and then just act, so it's a delicate psychological balance.

Have you been fired suddenly and faced a terrifying loss of income and health insurance? What did your friends and family do to make you feel better? What did they do that made you feel worse?

How do I offer money to help them through the holidays and birth of their baby? This is no-strings attached money and not a loan. I've thought about offering to pay for any COBRA insurance they might be eligible for or their mortgage, but I don't know the best way to approach this.

I want to know what I can do now and down the line to make sure they're supported completely. I've been in frequent contact with both Brandon and Kelly today, just being an ear.

Thanks for any advice you have.

make the most of my pregnant and unemployment in nyc!

sabh — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 18:41:25 -0800

i am five months pregnant, in NYC and just got fired from my job... now what? i want to make the most out of my unemployment until baby is born in march. i want to explore this city, go out and enjoy myself on my own, but not spent too much money.
so, what should i do? how should i spend all of this free time? i imagine i won't have much time to myself for quite a few years, and i'm trying to make the most out of this less-than-perfect situation.
i have a blog i'd like to pay more attention to, i'd like to do more yoga and... the rest is up to you!

How to convey enthusiasm on the job hunt?

bluelights — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 11:47:47 -0800

I just moved to a big city after graduating college in August. I'm not sure exactly what I want to do, and I'm not the most ambitious or confident person, to say the least. I have a somewhat untreated case of ADD, but I don't take my meds anymore; I'm finding coffee and exercise are much better. Anyways, I have gotten two different pieces of negative feedback on my phone behavior with people who had the potential to give me a job; they both basically said I sounded unenthusiastic. What is a good way to remedy this? There's a larger problem here, my lack of confidence and ambition, but I know I can do this... fake it til you make it.

I guess I had thought the phone conversation was more casual, an exchange of information, but I do understand they are screening for whether I'd be a good candidate. The lady I last talked to said more than once "Now, you went to college, right? So (insert something impressive you did/learned)" which really put me on the defensive.

Also, how do I handle the networking from here on out? If people get this kind of feedback, are they still going to want to help me? Or should I just stop expecting it after something like that. I cannot let this job hunt demoralize me or crack my already-fragile self esteem; I need to make this work. I AM intelligent, attractive, engaged, and capable, and in-person I tend to make a good impression.

Just moved here, may I walk your dog/serve your burger/tutor your child?

geegollygosh — Sun, 07 Oct 2012 09:51:14 -0800

Just how tough is the minimum wages and/or temping jobs market? If I were to move to Chicago tomorrow, how long would it take me to get some sort (any sort) of employment? Obviously this is hard to answer with certainty (and also, I feel like someone must have asked it before, but I did search for similar. Anyway, I am considering a move to Chicago with no employment lined up. How tough will it be to find a job with a temp agency or food service job while I job hunt for something better?

Snowflake details:
College grad, lots of work history but no retail or food service experience (most of my work history is with nonprofits, kids, and environmental education). In general I'm presentable and I have good references. Can probably swing a few of my past jobs to look like they were 'customer service oriented.'

I have around $3k that I could use to buffer the move if I'm about to starve, but I don't really want to spend it if I don't have to-- I would rather find something within a couple weeks (even if a part time job at a grocery store) that would bring in enough money to cover most or all of my living expenses (probably around $700-800 a month based on what I was paying for the bare essentials last time I lived in Chicago a few years back) while I look for a job that is more in line with my interests. Is this realistic?

My current job is not terrible, but I've been living on the east coast for a little over a year now and eventually I want to relocate back to the Midwest to be closer to family. The death of my car (if I move to chicago I don't need to replace it), the moving away of quite a few friends, and in general the underwhelming-ness of the job I just started has me thinking that now is as good a time as any.

I want to take some time and travel internationally for a few months after I quit this job, so I couldn't line up a job while still employed.

I could live with my mom cheaply while job hunting (she lives about 3 hrs away from Chicago), but I'd rather avoid returning home because I'm worried that I'll end up there longer than I thought and I really don't want to live long-term in my hometown (or with my parents, as much as I love them).

Am I thinking about this in a logical way/are my expectations realistic?

Trapped in a pigeonhole

ichomp — Sun, 07 Oct 2012 02:42:36 -0800

How do you draw boundaries when you don't have the grounds to? Specific to first-gen East Asian immigrant family... As my past questions reveal, I do not have a full-time job right now. Having one and being able to support myself would give me more ground to draw boundaries between me and my parents. By living at their house and relying on them right now, I have to deal with their nagging and what they say/do-- it's the necessary trade-off (and I understand that they want me to be independent too).

However, I think by giving me more space to conduct the job search, I could be more effective. For example, I feel very unonfortable and Incompetent when they tell me what to wear and what today before interviews. Today, my dad took my resume and started editing it without my giving the resume to him, and my parents want me to apply to very specific jobs short of applying FOR me themselves.

Despite their good intentions, their actions are very condescending and makes me feel very underestimated. Because I live at home, they know when I go to interviews and their attention makes me feel very incompetent, which comes across in interviews; and when I don't get the job, they know and it further confirms their (lack of) belief in me. But I can't tell them to back off b/c I do depend on them-- so this feels like something I can't get out of.

How do I deal with this? I don't mind having to search A LOT before finding a job-- but when my parents see me failing it makes me think I'll always fail, and I am depressed living in their pigeonhole for me. I know i am more confident and capable when they aren't around. How do I set boundaries when I don't have the grounds to? And when building the grounds will require them giving me the space to?

(I want to talk to a therapist about this in the long run. Also, I think my parents being 1st gen Immigrants who are scared of uncertainty plays a big role in this too.)