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Questions about Hong Kong Chinese people renaming themselves with more "American" sounding first names

Jacqueline — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 23:01:52 -0800

Questions about Hong Kong Chinese people renaming themselves with more "American" sounding first names. One of my classes is doing this funky cross-cultural international virtual team project with a bunch of students at City University in Hong Kong.

My project mates are Mei Ling, Ka Yan, and Wai In, but they've introduced themselves as Amy, Amy, and Cherry, respectively.

I was wondering if y'all could help me with a little cultural insight:

1. Why do Hong Kong Chinese people rename themselves with more "American" first names? (Every person I've ever known from Hong Kong does this.)

2. I would like to mess with my project mates a little by giving myself a new Chinese name. Would that be considered offensive?

3. If it wouldn't be offensive, what's a popular Chinese first name for girls in Hong Kong?

Thanks!

Can I learn to be a better writer?

mokeydraws — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 07:50:27 -0800

How can I be a better writer? My value at work would increase if my ability to write formally improves. I'm an admin in the IT department and don't realy understand the technology or procedures that I have to write about. I think that part of the problem is that I am just not that great at communicating in general. I don't talk a lot, hate leaving vm's. And even writing an email can leave me frozen, constantly worrying saying the wrong thing and/or not being understood. I just started school again and am taking 2 writing intensive courses. This is slightly easier since it is based on my interpretation of the text.

The people I work with are pretty good at trying to explain things to me. Another issue is that even after one of these sessions the information is not sticking. It will make sense and I think I understand but when I get back to my desk I'm blank. My boss has noticed this and asked me to basically prove I understood him by repeating it all back to him.

So I guess my question is two-fold.

-How can I improve my listening/understanding skills and retain important information?

-How do I become a better formal/informal writer even when I am not an expert on the topic?

Help me help him . . . before I lose my mind

lblair — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 10:57:37 -0800

Help me help him . . . be a better boyfriend. Specifically, looking for book recommendations to help him understand his 'role' as boyfriend. I'll try to keep it short-

We were dating for a little over a year, and after much back-and-forth I decided to break it off. Even though we loved each other, we were having a hard time relating- I was his first serious girlfriend, and I think he has some issues relating to others, including me. Basically, even though I loved him, he didn't know how to be a good boyfriend and I figured he would never learn. He has a hard time listening to what I'd say, and then internalizing it.

Well, now we've been broken up for a week and we're both basically falling to shit. It's horrible. I've never missed anyone so much (and I've broken up with several long term boyfriends.) He is saying all the usual stuff too- he loves me, misses me, realizes now that he took me for granted, wants to try harder. etc. I'm not 100% sold yet, but I kind of want to give him another chance- with conditions. one of the things i want to do now, while he's feeling open to suggestion, is drag him to a bookstore and find some sort of book that will help him understand what a relationship is really supposed to be like, and what i should be able to reasonably expect from him. (I realize I can tell him all these things myself, but I like the idea of him having it there in black and white, written by an expert, to refer to whenever he's feeling unsure.) Besides, I think it's only fair considering I've done plenty of that sort of reading in order to be a better girlfriend. I know these types of books must exist for men as well, I'd like to know which ones you've actually read and found useful.

Please don't judge me for my decision to get back together with him. If anything, this is kind of one-last-chance to get his shit together like he says he wants to, or it's off for good. And I know counseling is helpful, but neither of us can afford it, plus I don't know whether it's really appropriate for two people who have only been together a year.

Thanks everyone.

Paralyzed With Resentment

Anonymous — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 14:30:23 -0800

How can I stop thinking about my father's bigotry, hatred, and intolerance? With the impending election, emotions are crazy right now. My father (and mother), a die hard Republican, is driving me crazy. I know that Republican does not equal racism or intolerance, but my father is a racist and intolerant. He knows I am voting Democrat this year and we are both tense and on the offensive. I rarely discuss politics with him because it's useless. He is unable to engage in civilized conversation. He mostly yells, interrupts, storms out of the room, and bullies me.

Differing political ideology isn't the only thing that is bothering me. I can't stop thinking about the time (three years ago) he told me he thought faulty parenting caused my cousin to be gay. I can't stop thinking about the time when he wanted to join the KKK, and had literature on his desk about the KKK. I think he was a member for a short time. Other things keep running through my head: The time he told me people that wore Malcom X hats were idiots. The endless and numerous lectures that black people were only looking for handouts. The time he accused my mother of raising my sibling and I as "nigger lovers".

In the last several years he has toned down his language, but I know he still holds these beliefs. He rarely used the N-word around growing up. He never denounced homosexuality outright. He has said, I don't care what gay men do, but some of them "do disgusting things." I hate him for it. He has sent me derogatory, racist emails and YouTube links denouncing Obama. He and my mother think all Democrats are "mean and hateful" and "will bite you on the hand if you let them." They also claim that Democrats are either looking for a welfare check, have class envy, or are elitists. I take all of their opinions as a personal attack and feel paralyzed by it. My chest hurts. I get headaches. I'm stressed. I've started clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth for the first time in my life. I feel like my father is a monster in a way. Who is this man that raised me? I'm ashamed. I'm envious of people that have normal relationships with their parents. At times I feel I don't want my kids around him, even though he never says anything hateful around my kids. I visit my parents almost weekly. On one of the latest visits he apologized for sending me emails. I never complained about the emails, he just apologized out of the blue.

I'm looking for coping strategies. I wish I could forget about his ignorant ways and accept that he is only fearful. How do I continue a relationship with him without feeling defensive and angry? I'm going crazy. I resent my mother for loving and marrying someone like this. I resent her for sharing his views. I'm on the defensive with both of my parents. I live 10 minutes away. I cannot cut ties. My father and I have had a very strained relationship for a long, long time. He was abusive in my childhood, all the way up to my late teens. Some years were better than others. The running theme was that my father never cared about my opinions. He isn't, and was never, interested in my life. In my dreams, aspirations, or thoughts. I don't think he respects my profession or my gender. I expressed interest in returning to school for my graduate degree. He asked, "What for? and "Why would you want to do that?"

I'm afraid of him in a way. I'm afraid of confrontation. I pleaded with my husband not to put an Obama sticker on his vehicle because, "I didn't want to deal with my father's bullshit."

Even if he wasn't a bigot, I'd still have the past abuse to deal with. I don't blame them for my problems but I do have resentment that surfaces on a regular basis. I'm in my mid thirties now. I've been to months and months of therapy. I thought I had all of this behind me. My father and mother are not without their good qualities. I want a relationship with them. Cutting ties at this stage in our lives would be painful, I think. I do try to avoid them. I don't call my parents as much as I used to. I sometimes blow off visits. I mostly dread visiting them. I'm ill at ease when I'm there. When I speak with my mother on the phone, I'm not myself. I'm afraid of what they might think. I'm afraid that they will judge me and think poorly of my decisions.

How do I cope? How can I be around them and stop being so defensive and angry? How can I relax? I want to be the enlightened person that can maintain a relationship with them without wanting to scream, or hate them.

Language-Related Equivalent of Empathy?

amyms — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 09:23:41 -0800

Is there a word or a phrase, other than the too-broad "understand," for when a listener understands what someone else is trying to convey even when the speaker doesn't express it clearly and/or correctly? For instance, if someone uses a double negative like "I ain't got none" or "I didn't hear nothing," we all understand what they mean, even though syntactically the sentences mean the opposite. Or, if someone misuses a common phrase, like the examples in this thread, we still know what they meant to say. Or, if someone is peppering their speech with lots of slang, we may not know exactly what each slang term means, but we can still get the gist of what they're saying.

I'm not looking for response-type phrases that mean "I understand what you're saying" (e.g. "I got ya," "I hear that," etc.)... I'm looking for a general term for the understanding itself.

The best way I can describe what I want is that I'm looking for the language-related equivalent of "empathy."

The more you know

Orange Pamplemousse — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:18:08 -0800

How has our understanding of Astronomy, Biology, Chemistry, etc. changed in the last five years? When I first started university I heard a lot of tales on how an education doesn't really instill 'facts', but instead improves a student's overall thinking ability. The key point in a lot of these lectures was that by the time I was five years past graduation most of what I had learned during my degree would be proven wrong, or at least incomplete.

So, fast forward a bit, and I'm wondering. How has our understanding of the world/ourselves really changed in the last five years?

Stomp stomp stomp, KILL

bondgirl53001 — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 10:21:29 -0800

Some new neighbors just moved into the flat above us. How do I reduce the noise of their constant stomping? Would asking them nicely render a solution? And more importantly, is there some stomping disorder in modern psychology that I should know about? Because their flat is the same size and layout as ours, which isn't that big at all (you can walk across the hall to the door in about 10 steps) and I am genuinely baffled at how much stomping can indeed be done in such a capacity.

How can I learn to understand and produce speech in a foreign language as well as I can write it?

SuperNova — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 18:09:57 -0800

I'm learning a new language (Italian), and as with other languages I've learned, I have no trouble with the written form. But, as with the others, the spoken variety gives me trouble. The front page part may be all you need, but in case it helps, here are some specifics. I'm starting to learn Italian through a university course. I already know a fair amount of Spanish (4 years of high school) and a little Portuguese (one semester in college) so I took the accelerated course that moves faster than the typical intro. FWIW, probably 4/5 of the class is majoring in another Romance language; I am not. (This probably doesn't matter other than they have more experience with a course not being in English.)

I'm not sure if I buy into the whole visual/auditory learner distinction, but I do know that in every language I "know" (including, to a lesser degree, English), I am much more proficient at reading/writing than listening/speaking.

This is the first course I've had that is given almost exclusively in a foreign language, so it's also the first time this has really been an issue. I've got a pretty good handle on conjugations, vocabulary, and the like when I write it, but when I speak, I get all tangled up. It's not primarily a pronunciation thing -- I know how most of the letters sound (even if I throw in some Portuguese-style long Es at times) -- but just can't get the words right, like throwing in a gli for an i, etc.

I got some good info from this thread but it seemed more applicable to non-academic settings. (While having a beer before my lunchtime class isn't out of the question, it's not really a solution for me.)

I'm in my last year, so the grade isn't really a big deal. (If it was, I might not even worry about this!) I'm taking the class because I'd like to actually learn Italian. So, polyglots of MeFi, how can I become better at comprehending and producing a spoken foreign language?

Common denominators for common denominations?

freddymungo — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 00:57:37 -0800

I'd like to read about the beliefs and lifestyles of denominations in the US that teach about Christ. Basically, their beliefs, history, and organization in the US, focusing on who they are today and how they got there. I realize this might be beyond the scope of the internet, so book recommendations are probably ideal. Preferably showing them in an even-handed and fair, if not even favorable, light. In fact, extra points if it's written from a believer of that denomination's perspective (but not necessary). Nothing that would blatantly mischaracterize them from their standpoint.

Some sort of sample subjects: what they teach and why they teach it; their feelings about church organization, local or nationally or worldwide; feelings about personal lifestyle; what they read, watch, or listen to that's more targeted at them than the US in general; how they relate to other people or churches; fundamental beliefs; etc., etc., that kind of thing. Pretty vague, I know. Whatever's important to them, or characterizes them well.

(Just for the record, I'm not trying to be all US-centric on you all-- I live in the US, and I'm trying to learn more in depth about what people I meet every day believe. Religion worldwide will come next, when I have a better handle on something more accessible, haha.)

Some that particularly come to mind are Catholicism, Evangelicalism, Lutheranism, Mormonism, Baptists, and Methodism. But you know, take it and run with it.

Why are boys so physical?

LadyBonita — Tue, 23 May 2006 07:49:51 -0800

Boys! And their manifestation of physical energy + why do they have a love/hate relationship with trying to kill each other? I am a mother of all boys and I'd like to understand their behavior better. Sometimes I'm concerned about the way they behave with each other and not sure where/when/if/how to set limits. My husband always tries to calm me down with "that's just the way boys are and need to be."

So I'm curious, and would love some insight on young male behavior. Our boys are close, they show lots of affection towards each other, they defend one another - yet nearly every day they seem to also wish to kill each other. What is going on?

For example - they will put each other in choke holds, laugh uproarishly, throw each other to the ground, wrestle, laugh, chase each other - then 5 minutes late one of them is furious about the very same actions (choking, wrestling, etc.) - and the real fight and angry tears begin. I don't understand this, and I'm beginning to dread when they start this physcial 'playfulness'.

Same thing happens when they wrestle around with Dad - all laughter and fun until someone (boy) gets mad about something - and then I have to deal with the fallout.

Also, every evening between dinner and preparing for bed, they seem to have a huge surge of physical energy - running, jumping, generally being very physcial - this time of day doesn't always lead to a fight but I'm curious about why it happens.

I'm wondering if this is proper behavior to allow, if it should be tempered somehow, if it's just normal boy behavior that shouldn't be stiffled. It just doesn't seem very civilized to me and makes me feel nervous.

Some background - I was raised with all girls (and Dad), we didn't have very many hair pulling, slapping fights. We were affectionate and physically gentle with each other (my sons are more likely to give me a light punch in the arm than to give me a hug - though they do hug).

My husband was raised with all brothers, single hardworking, tough-minded mother, absent father. He claims he and his brothers acted the same and even much worse (and they've all turned out to be well-mannered upstanding citizens).

And the boys are much different when alone - more calm. It seems as if things begin to get more physically 'active' when more than one boy is together. They behave well in public but I've seen this same physical stuff start up when they meet a friend while we're out.

Any insights for me?

Ask a Nepali (or insert group here)

Gnatcho — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 06:15:27 -0800

Inspired by this post, I want to either create or find a repository of links to sites facilitating asking possibly insensitive questions of a member(s) of a group. Thus, I'm looking for links to such sites. I wrote a post about it on my blog (obvious self-link, there's no material gain from me receiving more visitors, but I'll quote it here in full to make that clear) and I hope that clarifies what I'm talking about.

understanding comic books

rdr — Mon, 20 Mar 2006 23:03:50 -0800

A friend of mine recently told me that she can't read comic books. She doesn't have problems with understanding text or visual information. She's been a voracious book reader since a very early age and she's a dedicated film watcher. I didn't entirely understand her explanation but she says that she never learn to decode the tight coupling of textual and visual information in comic books. Has anyone heard about or experienced something similar? I don't think that she finds comic books completely incomprehensible. She just can't casually read them.

Need someone to help me run 'Google Translate' on a woman ...

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 17:04:02 -0800

I'm a man in his thirties who has gone on very few dates in his life, and I'm having trouble getting a good read on the behavior of a woman who I've been interacting with. She is someone who works at my company, although she and I are in entirely different departments, and neither of us are managerial staff or in a position where one of us would be a supervisory role to another. (Please, no comments about interoffice dating. I'm being cautious, but given that we work nowhere near each other, don't interact with each other almost at all in our jobs, and our office's sexual harrassment policy is fairly progressive about the concept of employees dating, I think I'm fine.)

I had asked her if she would like to grab lunch one day, and she said she would; we grabbed Italian at a place down the street. During our first lunch, I admitted I wasn't entirely clear whether we were on a date or enjoying lunch as friends; she indicated that she was seeing someone (only since the end of December, though), but didn't mention who, only saying that he too worked at our company. However, later in the meal, she said that a meeting of the minds was sexy, and at that point, we had been jazzing back and forth on different conversational topics and mutually enjoyed tastes for quite some time. ("Oh, you should check out ... ")

We have had numerous great conversations since then. Her eyes seem to light up when we run into each other -- that's definitely something I'm picking up on, it's not just me imagining it. We're introducing each other to our respective tastes, and we seem to have an insane amount of things in common.

And she's definitely taken steps to incorporate me into her life.

Yesterday, she came up to visit me at my desk and drop off a DVD of a comedian we had discussed and she thought I might like.

Tonight, we're grabbing dinner, then visiting a comic book store (she is a fan, as am I), then seeing a friend of mine perform stand-up.

What I find an especially mixed signal is that this Saturday, she invited me to dinner at a friend's house out of town -- but, noteworthily, I'm accompanying her to this meal at her friend's house and her friend is married, so it's me, her, her friend, and her friend's husband. In the resulting quartet, I'm sort of the male companion to her in that role. You see how that last one could definitely throw my "what the heck?" filter for a loop?

Rereading this before posting, I fully understand that all of these signals could be read textually as expressing simply an interest in her in cultivating a good friendship.

But, I really think that were you to have interacted with her face-to-face, you'd see these signals are falling in a gray area, and I don't think it's smart to read this simply in blacks and whites. If I've not given you enough data (which I don't think I have), what might I look for in her face, her behavior, etc. to give me some better feedback?

In my early twenties, about ten years ago, I let myself fall for a woman who brought me deeply close as a friend but didn't reciprocate my feelings. I'm really quite scared of opening myself up that deeply again, but at the same time, I don't want to misread signals that might be indicating an actual romantic interest in me.

Also, frankly, she's special enough, and shares enough of my interests, that I'd like to keep her in my life as a friend even if there truly is no romantic interest in me. I just need some help parsing out the signals, trying to get a clear read on this situation. Ladies, I tell ya, you sure can be difficult to figure out at times!

[Parenthetically, I've also heard that some women, as a strategic "tactic" of sorts, claim initially to be dating someone, and then, after they've determined they like the guy, "break up" with the boyfriend (who never existed in the first place). I don't know for certain that's what's happening here, but I wonder.]

Why did you vote for Bush in 2004?

papercake — Sat, 06 Nov 2004 12:33:49 -0800

I really want to understand: Why did you vote for Bush? Not snark at all -- a sincere question. I voted for Kerry. 51% of the people in this country think differently than I do and I'd like to try to get past my usual filters and biases and hear your point of view. If you voted for Bush/Cheney I'd appreciate you taking the time to explain to me what issues, beliefs, hopes, and fears motivated you voted the way you did, if you're willing.

I'm looking for book recomendations about the quest for knowledge for knowledge's sake.

jeffhoward — Sun, 18 Apr 2004 13:08:54 -0800

I'm looking for book recomendations about the quest for understanding. An exploration and acquisition of knowledge for knowledge's sake. A sort of unbounded curiosity about the world that shows up in the sketchbooks of Da Vinci for instance. Maybe something along the lines of The Discoverers by Daniel Boorstin.