Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with tween

How do I help my tween not hurt herself accidentally on purpose?

marionett gjorda av strumpor — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 11:26:29 -0800

My tween daughter recently had a minor but serious accident that required a visit to the emergency room and a few days on narcotic painkillers. During this time she missed school, skipped homework and other normal activities, and basically got a lot of attention and concern from relatives and friends, and of course me, her mother. Now, having recovered, she's articulated that she misses all that special attention and has explicitly said that she wants to get hurt again. She is under the care of mental health professionals for various issues most concisely characterized as social and perhaps generalized anxiety and maybe some attachment issues (her father has not been present since she was a toddler). She also has a lot of inappropriate attention-seeking behaviors, however she's never purposely hurt herself, though on two occasions she has threatened to. She is a "drama queen" but I have worried that her line between reality and playacting can get blurred and she might actually try to hurt herself.

Her health professionals and teachers are all on board and attentive to all of these issues, but the questions I have for the hive are these: How do you counter all that positive attention that comes when someone (especially a kid) is genuinely sick or injured? If this happens again, could (or should?) I somehow try to get the relatives and friends to not be so effusive and concerned in the face of what may truly be a serious situation? How can I help her know that injury or illness are not good ways to get special attention? How can I try to redirect her before she heads down what I'm scared is going to be a risk-taking path toward attention-getting and/or emotion expression?

Kanji wear it?

tilde — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 22:53:26 -0800

Any idea what this says? On a dark "ninja style" hoodie my young newbie martial arts enthusiast has fallen for. There is a stylized Japanese sun patch on it as well, so I'm assuming kanji ....

Mostly don't want to offend someone or look foolish with some crazy nonsensical thing; could say "eat Fruity Oatie Bars" for all I know. Knowledge is power. Thanks.

How to get a reluctant reader to love books?

Dragonness — Sat, 29 Dec 2012 14:29:25 -0800

How to get an 11-year old into reading? My 11-year old stepdaughter says she hates reading but has happily gone through all the Wimpy Kid books, finishing each in about two sittings, and does enjoy graphic novels in general - most recently she liked Bone.

She's behind her peers in spelling and still prints her letters, so it would be great to get her to read more.

What approach should we take? What writers do you recommend? I remember Enid Blyton being popular with that age group when I was a kid growing up in Europe - is that too outdated to appeal to today's kids?

Should be Holland Park, but without the bark.

Funmonkey1 — Wed, 27 Jun 2012 14:54:49 -0800

London Filter: Aunt and Mom plus one nephew looking for a place to stay mid-August. Any ideas that are three day weekend central to everything with some character? After checking expedia and some other travel places, nothing really pops out. Happy with an apartment rental or hotel, but don't know where to start. Unfortunately my london knowledge is outdated.

Key points: Should be accessible via a couple of tube stops to the tourist favourites. In an area with restaurants and distractions for a 13 year old.

Thanks for the help!

What's a good birthday gift for a tween boy?

pxe2000 — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 16:44:25 -0800

One of my friends' sons is turning 12. Help me find him a present. My friend L's son W has a birthday over Memorial Day weekend, as do I. We both have the problem that people are out of town over our birthday weekend, and we both tend to be alone over our birthday weekends. I'd like to give him a little gift to let him know I'm thinking about him.

Unfortunately, I'm at a loss about what to give him. He likes Adventure Time and the Lord of the Rings movies, but his big passion is baseball. His favorite team is the Red Sox, and he's a big stats geek -- he loves the book and movie Moneyball and even went out as Billy Beane for Halloween.

Compounding my confusion, I'm giving myself a budget of $20. With all these limitations in mind, what would be a good gift for W?

Help overweight tween girl find clothes that fit

corb — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 12:42:19 -0800

Please help me find stylish, attractive clothes that fit well for a tween girl who is somewhat overweight and not particularly tall-especially jeans, other kinds of pants, bathing suits, and other such items where expected weight/height ratio really matters and can't be fudged in the way that dresses and skirts can. They should be relatively reasonably priced, but I'm willing to splurge if that's the only way this is fixable. Details: She is a bright, intelligent, amazing girl who is 9 years old and extremely fashion conscious. We used to love going shopping together, but now it breaks my heart to see her go into the dressing room carrying a heapful of interesting clothes, and walking out again sadly holding perhaps one item that only fits poorly and trying to see the best side of it. She is not obese by any stretch of the imagination-but she unfortunately carries most of her weight in her stomach. This means pants that she can manage to button or zip are too long. This would be fixable with hemming, but also they seem to not go up far enough to the waist, thus occasionally leaving her with "plumber" situation that is intensely embarrassing for her.

Help! I'm enough at my wits end that I'm considering having at least a few clothes tailored for her, but I've never had this done for a child, and have no idea where to go, how expensive it would be, or if it would even be possible to get "Everyday" clothing done. I have found some places online that offer "plus" sizes, but I haven't been able to find a place that explains just what sort of waist size fits what plus size. I would prefer in-person stores, but only if they offer enough of a selection likely to fit to make it worthwhile, and not leaving her feeling worse about herself. I realize the situation may not sound desperate, but there are complicating factors, including self-esteem issues on her part that make it somewhat dire.

Tips for a vegetarian tween

subajestad — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 15:16:11 -0800

My 10 year old wishes to eliminate meat from her diet. I know in general of protein susbstitutes for meat, but not so much how to prepare them, or how much, etc. Please recommend your best sources of information, recipes, & insights into how to best help her do well in this regard. Best suggestions/recommendations for a beginning 10 year old vegetarian.

How do I clothe my tween tomboy?

Gucky — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 11:46:53 -0800

Cool for tweens -- where do I take the kid for back to school now that Justice (which was once Limited Too) is too "preppy" for her without subjecting her to social ostracism? Please suggest stores, brands, blogs or whatever. It's back to school time and the kidlet is hardly a kidlet anymore (she's about to be 12).

Last year, back to school was stocking up at Justice, which she loved at the time. Fast forward a year however, and she's over 5 feet tall and a seventh grade and Justice is no longer cool.

I buy my clothes at Threadless, Ann Taylor, Target and thrift stores, so this is not my realm of expertise.

Her style in the last year has gone from somewhat preppy with strappy sandals to big, nerdy shirts (Devo, Ghostbusters, Mythbusters, Goonies, Threadless), "jeggings" and Converse high tops. Lots of buttons and about 40 rubber bands around the wrist.

Her favorite store is now Hot Topic, which we will of course hit for more goofy t-shirts, but Invader Zim does not a wardrobe make. She likes H&M as well, but it's a bit too skanky/revealing as well as crappily made for me to do too much of that.

She hates Justin Bieber, iCarly and Hanna Montana and is offended if I take her anywhere with that kind of aesthetic. (She listens to equal parts dance pop and nerd girl music -- Lily Allen, Bjork, Weezer, Weird Al, "Once More With Feeling.")

I would honestly skip doing a big back to school run, but with the growth, all her pants are floods, her shoes are tearing out and the majority of her tops were once mine.

We're in San Francisco. I have no sense of what's in from the kids that mill around and she doesn't give a damn until she's mocked. She hangs out with enough different crowds that I couldn't pin down a look from any of her friends.

Chain stores or one offs are great, but online is out since I want her to at least try stuff on. She's very slender, if that matters. Since it's SF, no super summery clothes need apply.

I'm trying to parent on a budget, but not to the point of crap clothes.

She can fit in women's extra small if it's cut slim, but women's styles tend to assume some top heaviness.

(Yes, I saw this thread, but it seems a bit outdated.)

Thank you for helping me not embarrass her horribly.

Please recommend books for a tween boy

bluemoonegg — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 11:18:07 -0800

My eleven-year-old son needs more books. What would the hivemind recommend? My first AskMefi question! I'd like to drag my son out of Minecraft and Angry Birds (at least some of the time) and into more books. He likes reading, but seems bored by most stuff meant for his age group. He enjoyed the "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" series and the "Bone" graphic novels. He always leans towards graphic novels and comics (which are great), but could use more straight text books that will grab his interest. He: is scary smart, has a dry/sarcastic/dark sense of humor, is very tech savvy, is quiet and introverted, is not interested in sports, is not very interested in strong fantasy or scifi themes (heck, that's all I read at that age). Books where a nerdy kid solves complex problems/puzzles and saves the day are a plus. What do your tweens like to read, or what did you love to read when you were eleven?

Books for a 10 yr old?

kanata — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 15:43:53 -0800

I'm an Aunt who is utterly lost on what book would be good for her 10 year old nephew. He is just starting his first chapter books and I do not know what is good in tween? literature these days. Help? My nephew has just found the joy of reading after mighty struggles with English and French (He's in French immersion elementary school). With his father he has been reading chapter books at night. As part of his Christmas gift I would like to encourage this habit.

So far they have only read "Holes" and he has purchased a WWII non-fiction Canadian book to read after that. He's big into the army. That is all I pretty much have to go on.

Does anyone have any recommendations of a good book for a boy of that age?

Birds and Bees Online

Sublimity — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 16:13:14 -0800

Not quite ready for Scarleteen: good web sites for tweens about sex? I just learned that my almost ten-year-old daughter has been googling for information about sex. Predictably, she's found some stuff that is way out of her depths, and we've had long talks today about what she saw, what she thinks about it, facts about bodies, relationships, etc, etc.

She's just curious, and I'm not freaked out--but I told her that this is something that we should talk about together and make sure that she's finding facts that are actually right (because lord knows there's a lot of misinformation out there, in addition to all the porn...)

We have several books on puberty, so she's well-versed in those facts. I've been intending for a while to get "It's Perfectly Normal" and its predecessor in the series, and they'll be in the house before nightfall. We have a good talking relationship, and I intend to keep the lines of verbal communication open as best I can, of course.

I'd also like to direct her to someplace online with tween-appropriate info about sex and sexuality, and have no idea where to start. Scarleteen is awesome but I think will be more appropriate for her in a few years. Any suggestions of where to start? (I am not normally a chicken about googling up my own answers, but after all that talking today I really don't feel like seeing what might turn up if I google "sex and tweens".)

What size iPod Touch for a 12-year-old?

ferociouskitty — Mon, 03 May 2010 14:34:28 -0800

iPod Touch for a 12-year-old: More memory, or more buying power? Pretend you're turning 12, and you have an awesome aunt who's buying you an iPod Touch for your birthday to replace your old Nano. You only own about 250 songs so far, but you're really excited about playing a lot of games and emailing and stuff. Would you rather have the 8g unit and an iTunes card, or the 32g unit all by itself?

Daughter set up Facebook when forbidden. Now what?

Anonymous — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 12:03:15 -0800

Tween daughter on facebook behind my back.. Want to educate and discuss without freaking out. Help! Posted anonymously as I am a single parent and don't want my ex to use this against me in any way.

I have done my best to educate my children to online dangers - not only predators, but on chain emails, keyloggers, the dangers of sharing passwords with friends, viruses, etc. We have a family rule of not using facebook for a few reasons including that facebook put's too much of their personal information out there, even with permissions/etc. set, and that people may use this information in the future.

I will eventually let my children use facebook, but when they're 14/15, not 11 or 12.

I have recently discovered from the mother of one of my daughters friends, that while at a sleepover at her house, my daughter and her friends created a facebook account for her and is actively using it. The mother has told me that my daughter will "come out" to me about breaking the rules tonight.

So, my question is, I understand that by simply overreacting and freaking out about this, that I will a) drive this behavior, b) teach her to hide things better, c) teach her she can't come to me. But at the same time, I am not willing to budge, and think she should wait two more years before starting to use this site.

My question is, how should I approach this? What are things I should say, but also what are things I should avoid?

I think I am looking at points for consideration rather than a script or plan.

Any suggestions?

For the record, I do not have my own facebook account. I have provided my children with mobileme emails for their computers, and have basic content filtering running on their laptops using Bluecoat's free product.

Need Ideas for Tween Fortune Teller

moonlitpines — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 08:11:14 -0800

My co-worker is hosting a Halloween-birthday party for her tween daughter and friends. Her daughter has decided she'd like to tell fortunes at her party and we're trying to come up with some cool, funny tween-friendly fortunes. Any ideas would be welcome.

Create scale animation in Photoshop?

aaronetc — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:48:44 -0800

I am trying to create an animated button in Photoshop CS4 which includes a logo scaling down and moving a bit across the animation. I've created two frames that I'll tween between, but no matter what I do, when I scale the logo it changes in both frames. I've turned on and off the three unify buttons and the propagate frame 1 checkbox, and I've scaled using Transform and with the move tool options, every time it scales in both frames. Moving it from one position to another works just fine. Can anyone help?

Hosting my first-ever birthday party - and it's for a preteen!

parilous — Tue, 06 May 2008 22:57:57 -0800

I am throwing my first birthday party ever, for my pre-teen niece. Needless to say, I'm completely out of touch when it comes to kids' birthday parties (having not attended any since the 1980s) and don't know what's considered typical and usual. Please share your experiences and advice. This is probably an easy AskMe, but I'm really clueless when it comes to logistics of a kids' birthday party.

1. Cost. How much do these typical things cost? We were thinking of a budget of $150 for the party and another $20 for the cake/ice cream. Is that realistic for a girl of her age, or is it on the low side? Guest count will likely be 6-15 people.

2. Goody bags. Are they still required/expected, or are they passe? If they're still expected, what kind of stuff to put in male/female goody bags for 6th-going-on-7th graders that costs less than about $30 total?

3. Invitations. There's no rule at her school about having to invite everyone in her class, so how do we do this? Her birthday is in July and school finishes on May 22nd -- do kids use "save the dates"? Or how is it that kids relay the information about the birthday party back to the parents BEFORE we're able to give them an ACTUAL invitation?

(We can't send out specific invitations because what we do depends on how many kids can attend. We basically have to test the waters to see how many kids can likely attend and then we pick the party location, sending out the invitations when we know for sure.)

4. Unexpected guests. Is there a way to word the invitations that indicates that we're only reserving/paying for the number of people that RSVP and that any unexpected arrivals -- including parents who want to stay for the party -- will be asked to pay their own admission, or is that poor etiquette?

5. Opening gifts. Are gifts opened at the party? Do they have to be? Should they be? If they are, should the birthday kid still send out "thank yous" or is opening the gifts and thanking the gifter in public sufficient?

6. Bringing in the birthday cake. Most of the places allow you to bring in a birthday cake. One of the party ideas we have is to send the kids to a matinee movie. Has anyone ever tried doing the birthday cake thing in a mall Food Court? Is it better to get forgiveness (at the time, surrounded by a dozen pre-teens) rather than permission (where it could easily be denied)?

7. Is there anything that I'm missing that is considered standard at parties nowadays? The poor kid has been through a lot; I want to make her birthday as normal, usual, and predictable as possible.

Also, a caveat: I do data analysis for a living. I also single-handedly planned our wedding for 120 people. It is entirely possible that I'm overthinking this whole process.

Birthday present for tween girl who has everything?

cocoagirl — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 12:35:23 -0800

Stumped for birthday present filter: Ideas for a 12-year-old girl who has everything? Help with a present for a niece, please? She's going to be 12 but seems younger than that--definitely more "12 going on 10" than "12 going on 29." She has just about everything you can think of (iPod, Harry Potter set, projection tv, digital camera, cats, dogs, iPhone, clothes, tennis lessons, seen cirque du soleil several times) and things I wouldn't have thought of (designed a dress which was then hand sewn by someone). We gave her an electric guitar one year.

Her dad's an early adopter gadget-wise, so she has lots of gear. She travels extensively with her parents--both long international trips and short domestic jaunts--so even a present of a trip somewhere doesn't have the sheen it might for someone else. For other kids her age I've given bunches of movie vouchers so they can go to the movies with a group of friends. From what I can tell over the last few years, she doesn't really have a clique and is a bit introverted. She lives quite rurally, which might have something to do with it. I don't think boys are on the radar screen, at least explicitly. My only idea so far is an evening at the theater with us and dinner beforehand. But in our families, scheduling an event like this tends to drag on and then no longer feels like a birthday present when it actually arrives months later. I've read all the posts with the tag 'birthday' with no real leads.

Any ideas?

Girls go online

eatdonuts — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 13:10:11 -0800

Top websites for girls 9-14? Help me help my girlie tween find something fun online. Does anyone know where I can find a listing of top sites (for girls) for the ages of 9-14? I have a female 11 year old 'tween (who's very girlie) interested in something 'fun' to do online. Not really interested in 'direct buy' stuff like the webkinz's stuffed animal, more of maybe a community space for girls the age, games, etc. Is there a service that lists these kind of popular specialty interests sites?

how do i spy on tweenage style?

crush-onastick — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 11:11:53 -0800

bizarre consulting question. a friend of mine in a creative field has decided i'm the most fashionable person he knows. despite the fact that i'm a lawyer and have no children, he wants me to find out how a hip, cutting-edge tweenie girl would dress. aside from lurking around outside the local middle school (and reading your standard tween rags), what can i do to gather the necessary data? he's asked me not to divulge any other information about the porject, beyond hip, cutting edge, american tween girl. not girly, but not necessarily eschewing the onset of femininity either. no particular region. anything is useful: accutrement, accessories, style, heroes of the tween age.

the closest kid in my life, alas, does not fit the bill (too young, too rural).

Tween Music Intervention

GrumpyMonkey — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 07:10:59 -0800

I need some advice with music for my tween (10.5 year old) niece. The family was on vacation together and I was looking at her iPod and it was chock full of Brittney Spears and Kelly Clarkston etc... and that makes me sad. Granted, I understand that she is young and will grow out of that but I really want to get her horizons broadened early. Any suggestions or thoughts? I am trying to stick to songs that are young kid friendly (little to no swearing, sex and drugs etc...) and not too out there which will make a nice transition for her.

People at the office have suggested Maroon 5, Justin Timberlake and that style, I have been thinking along the lines of Kasey Chambers, Jack Johnson, Gnarls Barkley.