Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with truth

I have a people problem. I have no idea what it is.

Anonymous — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 16:59:16 -0800

I have a people problem. I have no idea what it is. A lot more inside. I have a people problem and I have no idea what it is. I'm late 20's, just married, an expat in China, out-going, friendly, and intelligent. I have been described as having a "strong" personality. I know I talk too much (as the length of this explanation attests). I get passionate about things. I don't easily let things go. Though I wouldn't call it a grudge, I can hold one for months and years but am willing to let them go if the other party can show even a hint of remorse, or acknowledgement of how I might have seen things, for previous wrongs. I try to make the first move, usually rebuffed, in those situations.

I'm defensive. I've been called a know-it-all and I would agree in that I rarely claim to know something I don't and will happily check Wikipedia on my phone at that very moment to see if I'm right. I hold my ground but can quickly let go in proportion to the amount of truth offered to show me wrong.

I think of myself as very logical. I'm defensive, but with a thick wall and many doors that open with a little bit of cool (or) reasoned thinking by the other person. In college, as one of the top lefties on campus, some of my best friends were the leaders of the College Republicans. I easily let myself be proven wrong if someone else is willing to "argue" (again, not my word of choice - "discuss" is more appropriate) it out with me. I admit that I really enjoy a discussion/argument that makes me think on my feet and ends with me knowing something, or seeing something, I didn't know or see before.

I am very informed. I spend way too much time in any given day keeping abreast of current events and nearly anything of interest to me. I used to pride myself in being able to have a conversation about almost anything, so long as it wasn't pop culture.

To recap, I feel I have embedded safeguards against being accused of being too aggressive, pig-headed, know-it-all or whatever. I hold my ground but move with my "opponent" if they have any real interest in fact-finding.

Despite this, though, relationships are exploding all around me. I'm tired of these blow-outs. I never seemed to have them in college but they're happening a lot now.

I'm convinced there's something with my personality type that just fundamentally rubs a lot of people the wrong way. I, mostly, like myself and can't see what anyone wouldn't like (except discussion about politics and any sort of argument, which I try to limit when I think it's trivial or going negative). I'm just blind to it.

The closest I can get is this: people (especially me) are emotional creatures and not inherently logical. However, the idea of trusting logic and debate/argument/Socratic dialogue over our emotions in everyday life as a way of resolving issues just hasn't caught on anywhere outside the political science and philosophy classrooms of America. My "enlightened" way is just pissing everyone around me off all the time and I'm treated in much the same regard as a fundamentalist Christian by many people - outside the mainstream culture, speaking an entirely different language, and using a different social code of conduct that frequently breaks down when used with people who aren't practicing a similar code.

I think my need to “call [things/people] out” is something I know most socially healthy people don't have. I go crazy though when I hear people say something that just isn't true – especially if it's easily verifiable. I regard sticking to a key “fact” or strong opinion while being unable to qualify, back down from, or verify as one of the worst character traits possible. In other words, I know I respond negatively to arrogance with a dose of my own unwelcome, but verifiable and condional, “truth”.

For what it's worth, I think a lot of this comes from surviving as a child in a household where black was frequently called white. My father and stepmother have a very fundamental problem telling, and maybe even knowing, the truth. Untruths and irrationally were frequently thrown at me and I had to teach myself to stand up to it. I developed a strong and rigorous "bullshit detection" system to stay sane. The residue is that maybe I just don't automatically trust the information in conversation as much as is likely normal.

For reference, recent “blow ups”

---helped a friend who had a computer he wanted to throw out that kept crashing. I offered to install Ubuntu as a dual OS (wubi), work out all the kinks, test to make sure there was no crashing , and explained the pro's and con's before the installation. He agreed. He proceeded to never use it and tell people I did nothing to help him. When I confronted him, he let me work on his computer to save face. The words “you're unable to live your life with any dignity” were used after the relatively polite “please stop talking shit” message was sent. Two weeks running now. He's my best friends roommate.

---a friend came over with his visiting mother with some take-out dishes of a specific regional cuisine. I really enjoyed one of the dishes but forgot the name. I asked him. He told me the name was X, but X is the name of a very different dish. I tell him it's not. I get a “fuck you” within a minute even though I never raise my voice and only offered to check online and ask my wife. Go to Flickr and Google Images, all confirming what I'm saying, but he won't buy it. He tells me people don't even want to meet me because they hear I always start fights over little things. Left unresolved and brewing.

---My sister skips my wedding. She tells me she can't afford to fly overseas. The whole trip would cost maybe $1200. She invokes her son, saying he would be hurt if she came and demanded my wife and I pay for her ticket if she were to come and that she could never ask her Porshe-driving fiance for a loan or any sort of help. Big fight. Later we offer to pay for half the ticket. After that I find out she got breast implants at the same time. She had paid for it up front but her new husband was going to re-reimburse. I call her out and say I felt betrayed. HUGE fight, no contact for months now.

---My father decides to sell my car after sitting on it and letting it rot for two years. My stepmother and he transfer my title over to my step brother-in-law for a shockingly small sum of cash. They determined the value of my car without contacting or consulting me at all. I try to find at least some rational and cross-verifiable method of verifying the “fair” cost using any online pricing book (kbb, edmunds) they'd like. They never agree. They get many details wrong, including basic things like the trimline (they chose basic instead of luxury). I, and wife, offer tons of proof to what we're saying. I finally provide irrefutable proof (Carfax) and never hear a response back. They never change the sum they're offering. Haven't spoken in months.

Add to this tons of people I meet, think I have at least a small connection with, but the friendship never goes anywhere and I can just feel they don't like me.

What am I doing that's pissing everyone off so bad? I'm a friendly guy, really, but I feel like I drive a lot of people away.

How do I cope with this with fundamentally changing who I am? Do you have experiences with people like me? What rubs you so wrong? Are you like me? What are your coping methods?

Wikipedia Reliability Meter

mzurer — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 08:59:49 -0800

I'd like to put together a Wikipedia Accuracy Meter - Perhaps a browser plug-in or a web page that attempts to give an estimate of the reliability of any given article at any given moment. Please come in for discussion of algorithm and technical hoo-ha to help me assess if this is a weekend project or a master's thesis.... The kinds of things to be taken into account would be age of entry, number of changes, number of reversions, locked status. Most of these would have some sort of bell curve for influence on the rank. An article near the 0% reliability mark would be a new entry with few authors. A higher ranked article would be older with many revisions and a decreasing frequency of revision. I am not sure how to treat a locked entry - Same rank as before it was locked, minus something that takes into account the fact that someone out there strongly feel the existing status is incorrect? Contributions from "trusted authors" might help as well, though that could catapult this into a more substantial AI problem. I am kind of hoping to get a moderately useful number with little work by taking the Wikipedia methodology on its own terms, though I can see the possibility of using what I perceive as deeper weaknesses (and strengths) in the method to inform the algorithm.

Technically, I think the actual programming could be easy, though tuning should be pretty hard. I know I could stumble through a web page in php that takes a URL and figures out how to access the history of the page - Is there any back end API for that kind of stuff on the Wikipedia? My poking around made me think it's the kind of stuff they are happy to expose on the web page, though maybe not to developers.

Elsewhere on the net someone pointed me to the WikiTrust project but I am not sure if I can use that effectively without mirroring the entire Wikipedia. I do like the idea of being able to do contextual highlighting to note the more or less reliable parts of an article.

Thoughts, advice, recriminations encouraged!

Alternatives to the mainstream scientific method that have generated real, practical output.

ajp — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 11:47:28 -0800

Alternatives to the mainstream scientific method that have generated real, practical output. Hi all. I appreciate this is a wide-ranging question, and simply asking the question introduces a lot of points en-route that might provoke debate. The overall question, though, is whether any real, tangible, practical output has come from modern alternatives -- or complements -- to the "scientific method".

A debate about the value of the scientific method is probably out of place here -- whether it represents a pinnacle of achievement; if it's a "good" or "bad" thing; etc -- these are conversations that don't fit MeFi's purposes. Ditto the nature of truth, experience, and so on. All valuable stuff, but I'm looking for something specific, for now. I'll be investigating epistemology in my own time.

Both proponents of, and opponents to, the scientific method recognise that it has limitations. But are there any alternatives that have provided as much? I know of very few places to look. Goethean science seems interesting, in its acknowledgement of both the subjective and objective. But how many Goethean scientists have cured a disease?

If we consider the scientific method to be a "gold standard" (and I appreciate that some do not) then we'd recognise that it grew from a distinctly non-scientific background. Proponents would consider it as a pinnacle of sorts, emerging as increasing clarity from confusion. I'm less interested in the tangential off-shoots from this process, more interested in parallel or independent systems of thought -- if that makes sense.

Measuring the "value" of the outputs of any alternative system is tricky, if we're not to use the yardsticks of the scientific method itself, so perhaps that's a sub-question here! But, back to the main thrust: what are the alternative systems, and what is the value of their output?

I appreciate that by asking the question, I'm taking a rationalist approach; but every journey starts somewhere.

How can I appear truthful when stressed out?

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 15:04:46 -0800

How do you tell if someone is lying or telling the truth? I am in a bad situation. Not a legal situation, but a situation where someone experienced in spotting lies is going to be evaluating me. I tend to get pretty stressed out, especially by this stuff, and while I'm planning on telling the truth, I am worried that because of my stress over the situation, I may seem like I am lying to them. Can anyone, preferably someone with professional experience, give me any advice on how to present myself as honestly as possible?

I have read on the internet that things like looking in a certain direction, having your palms open, touching your chest with an open hand, all point to a person who is telling the truth. Another sign you're lying is supposedly moving your arms in close to your body, but I just caught myself doing that today with my therapist in a moment where I was absolutely telling the truth. Are these "tells" for lying just internet hooey, or do professionals really look for these signs when evaluating truth telling?

Is there any surefire way to tell if someone is lying or telling the truth?

Short & Sweet Truth About Obama?

jeanmari — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 10:35:15 -0800

On behalf of my parents, where is a source that they can use to look up short and sweet responses to counter to the attacks on Obama leveled by their Republican neighbors? My parents (who are voting Democratic this year for the first time in, well, ever) keep getting inflammatory chain letter emails that attempt to spread misinformation about Obama. They've been asking me for short and sweet ways to counter these attacks.

I've given them some "elevator speech length" talking points with sources, but I can't find a collection of these on the internet to address the rumors that they've been sent. I've had to do my own research and give them brief statement myself. There has to be something out there, yes? I'm finding the lengthy information and the sources and documents, but nothing that has been condensed.

The information we're looking for is not the Fight The Smears site. The rumors involve distortion or denial of his record.

(P.S. We are donating gas cards to college students who want to travel for the campaign. Any websites that show the major gas stations per state? Would hate to give these guys a Mobil card for a BP state.)

Who the heck's my pop?

Anonymous — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 15:09:18 -0800

How can I determine, with access to limited biological data, if my father is not who I thought he was? I was recently shown a photograph of my mother's college boyfriend that gave me a shock: he looks uncannily like me, to the point that people shown the photo assume it is of me. My divorced mother is being cagey about the possibility that this man could be my biological father, and while approaching my potential biological father is something I'd be willing to do, I hesitate to contact him and stir up a beehive in his life if this is just a coincidence. And of course bringing this up with the man who raised me is out of the question.

So my query, to all you genetic scientists and hobbyists out there: with access to my own male DNA and that of my sister (who is almost certainly the child of my mother and the man who raised us), is it possible to determine if we have the same father? If the results of such a test existed to show that my sister and I do not share a father, I'd feel better about approaching my mom's ex-boyfriend.

If so, how would we go about testing for this without spending a fortune? Follow up questions can be sent to the anonymous address humangenome.i85@gmail.com and I will respect your anonymity, too.

Thanks for helping me sort this wackiness out!

Funes the Memorious

tellurian — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 07:55:42 -0800

What happened to Calpurnia after Julius Caeser's death? Umberto Eco says "I have examined some of the thousands of websites dedicated to her, but all of them refer to her as Caeser's wife before his death, and that's all. It would appear that what little happened to her afterwards has been judged irrelevant."
Is this true?

The Truth is in Here

Secretariat — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:25:18 -0800

I need a name for my X-files themed blog. Last Christmas, we got the boxed set of all seasons of the X-files. Mr. Secretariat and I have been dutifully watching this show every night, and we're nearing the end. We know we're going to make a blog discussing the merits and failings of each episode-- we just don't know what to call it. Although this blog will be a deadly serious undertaking, I am looking for a light-hearted name. Hopefully it would evoke the purpose of the blog, as well as the X-Files. For example:

Trust NoBlog
Hurf Durf X-files Watcher
The Redux Files

Help me identify a book about honesty.

spacewaitress — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 09:42:03 -0800

Help me identify a book about honesty I skimmed a book a couple years ago about honesty that I'm keen to locate again. I can't remember the title, but I believe it would be similar in content with Sissela Bok's Lying or Brad Blanton's Radical Honesty. It was about telling the truth in various contexts.

Of particular interest was a chapter on using honesty with oneself as a way of dealing with the torrent of media most of us are confronted with in our day-to-day lives. I think it discussed ways to winnow through books, music, etc. to find what's really meaningful to you and not waste time on things that aren't.

I had to return the book to the libarary before I got a chance to finish reading it. I would very much like to find again. I believe it was written by a woman, but there's a 50% chance I'm wrong.

Examples of 'The Infinite' in Myth and Their Effect on Conditions of Truth

0bvious — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 09:32:00 -0800

I am searching for examples of The Infinite, or the immeasurably large, in our mythologies and archetypes. I am also interested in the categories of Truth which came out of the emergence of Western, ontological thought. Does the trust in a rationally conceivable reality deny us the infinity of the mythological realm? By rooting ourselves in the present, and denying atemporal mythologies, do we also deny the infinite origins from where we came? Mythologically rooted cultures do not usually posit a beginning of time. Humans exist as part of a holistic cycle which spans back and forward into the infinite realm of mythology. There can really be no 'truth' in this perennial world of myth, where the spiritual and 'unseen' realm is just as 'real' as our present state of being.

Western 'truth' (ontologically defined rationality) denies the holism of all things (as do the Monotheistic religions), actively attributing identity to patterns perceived in the world we can see (or to God). This taxonomy or identification of patterns creates a false belief in a fully formed reality - a 'truth'. This taxonomic understanding is to simulacrum what philosophical enquiry was to Plato's shadows in the cave. In consequence, our distinction from The Infinite, from the realm of myth, qualifies us as distinct from reality - we live the simulation, not the absolute.

----------

I am just going off on one here, to outline vaguely what the forms of infinity, myth and ontology have had on our development (/evolution?).

Please feel free to agree, disagree or add to my examples.

Thanks for reading. I look forward to your responses.

Where's the truth?

pelican — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 18:23:25 -0800

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says Iran is only seeking "peaceful nuclear activities"; Presidential Candidates contend Iran is seeking nuclear weapons. Which is right? I can't trust sources from my own country (U.S.) What does a more objective (is there such a thing?) view say?

wanted: source and wording of a quote. warm fuzzy feelings of helping someone as reward.

ancamp — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 22:10:52 -0800

wanted: help with the source of and exact wording for a quote. I heard a documentary director talking at a film festival. It was a great discussion about the importance of authenticity, and how (particularly where people are involved!) the truth is so subjective that it's impossible to attain it. In passing he tried to quote someone, but he wasn't sure who it was, and he didn't know the exact wording. I've since tried googling it a few times and haven't turned up anything useful, so I'm putting it out into the AskMe universe to see if it can help.

The quote goes something like this:

"There is no such thing as the truth, but there is such a thing as a damn lie"

Any leads on who said this or what the exact wording is?? :)

Quotes that offer insight?

quadog — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 10:44:00 -0800

What single quote is the best introduction (or accurately encapsulates) a philosophy, belief or conviction that you hold? Or alternately, a quote that describes something in a way that gives you a deeper understanding of a particular perspective that you may or may not endorse. I'm looking for a type of quote that articulates a view something, or lends insight. Perhaps it informs us of a familiar belief in a way we hadn't thought of before.

Is it ok to keep posing as a virgin?

SeparatetheLabelD — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 14:22:36 -0800

Was I "technically" raped? More importantly do I need to tell my girlfriend that I'm not a virgin? When I was seventeen, I had a party at my house when both my parents and my current girlfriend were out of town. I ended up getting really drunk at the party and slept with one of the girls at the party. However, because I was so intoxicated, I "browned/blacked out and barely remember the actual sex act (although I do remember everything leading up to it and bits and pieces during and after). The morning after, I woke up and found the girl in my bed and pieced together what had happened with her help. She was eighteen at the time.

Was I technically raped since I didn't offer consent, was not in a right state of mind, and did not want to cheat on my girlfriend? I'm not asking if I could take her to court over it or anything because I know I'd lose.

Now I'm 19 and involved in a relationship where we are finally ready to have sex. The thing is she is a virgin and I told her I was too. Was this wrong of me or was it alright to keep this from her?

P.S. I know I'm a scumbag for cheating so no need to reiterate that point to me.

Seasons change, but people don't??

srrh — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 19:26:17 -0800

How can a compulsive liar change their ways? Someone very dear to me is, and has been as long as I have known him, a chronic compulsive liar. He has a good heart, and doesn't usually ever set out to hurt anyone. However, he has, literally, a compulsion to lie. Even simple questions, like who he has gone to lunch with, are often met with fabrications, and he can't articulate the reasons he does this.

A lot of the things he lies about do make more sense though -- rather than ever risk any discomfort or worrying anyone or hurting their feelings, he will make up something, even to those he loves and cares about the most.

However, he is committed to changing. He has been in counseling since February, which seemed to help temporarily, but he has fallen back into old habits. Things have come to a head for him recently because of his lying problem, and he knows he really does have to change now. He is struggling though. How can someone change a habit like this that is so ingrained, and also so hurtful to those around them? Any MeFites with advice?

Should I tell my girlfriend I've had gay sex before?

Anonymous — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 15:57:57 -0800

Should I tell my long-term girlfriend (I'm male) that I have had sex with men in the past? I've tried to include all the details here, so this is a long one!

I am 22 year-old man. I've been with my current girlfriend for nearly 3 years now, and this is my first long-term relationship of any kind. We have a great relationship, in which we are both very supportive of each other. While I'm trying to write this dispassionately, I will say that I have grown a lot since we met 4 years ago and I really believe that she's the woman I'll marry. We talk often and communicate very well and openly. Except for one thing.

I have had 2 homosexual relationships before, and I haven't told her this. While keeping this from her is an issue for me, the questions it might raise about my sexuality aren't a problem. I'm quite confident in my sexuality, however it might be labelled (bisexual?). Most of my attractions are heterosexual. I've been physically attracted to men, but never emotionally. While my homosexual experiences were with guys I consider friends and get along great with, they were purely physical. I really doubt I'm going to wake up one day and think, "Oh shit, I was gay all along" -- I think I'm pretty much bisexual. I certainly don't feel like I'm repressing anything or missing out, any more than I'm repressing heterosexual urges. That is, I'm not going to cheat on her (or want to) with a man, for all the same reasons that I'm not going to cheat on her with a woman (although with that added reason that I'm less frequently attracted to men anyway).

I haven't told anyone else, simply because of all the bullshit I might have to go through for something that really isn't that important to me. I truly wish for others' sakes that not being 100% straight didn't carry a stigma in some peoples' eyes, but it does and for me personally, not coming out to the world doesn't bother me at all, so I've chosen not to risk suffering that stigma.

However I love my girlfriend, and while I'm fine with keeping this from everyone else I'm conflicted about keeping this from her. There's no doubt that apart from fearing her possible reaction, telling her would make me feel better. On the other hand, I don't want my telling the truth to make her worried that I might secretly be a gay man who's one day going to leave her for a guy. Her father left her family quite unexpectedly when she was young (he wasn't gay, fwiw) and she's told me before that this has made it hard for her to trust in relationships. Also I think she'd have a hard time dealing with this as she's pretty traditional in many respects. She's never expressed anything even remotely anti-gay, but I think it'd be huge bombshell nonetheless.

So my question is: What are reasons why I should tell her, and reasons why I should not tell her? Have you ever been in this situation -- on either side -- and what happened and how did it work out?

If you're not comfortable replying in the thread, please email mefi.anonymous@gmail.com. Also, I'll reply in the thread via the admins if necessary. Thanks!

By the way, I was properly tested for STDs before we started going out, and practised safe sex in all of my past sexual encounters. Despite this secret, I would never and have never put my girlfriend's health at risk.

Santa or no Santa?

I_Love_Bananas — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 07:31:49 -0800

I am struggling with my son and the truth about Santa. Unwrap the box, there's My son is 11, loves Christmas and was always a believer in Santa.

He's very smart and I think he "knows" the "truth," but he is such a one to hold on to tradition that in his heart, he doesn't want to turn the harsh light of day on this cherished myth, which has so much warm fuzzy childhood-ness wrapped up in it. He also doesn't want to force me to admit that I perpetrated a lie. And I don't want to have that conversation either.

But he's a smart kid and age 11 is (some would say past) the age when the scales fall from the eyes in this area. He wants to know the truth because his nature is to be informed, to gather information, to have all the facts and not let himself be duped (I wonder where he gets THAT).

When he has asked me about it, I tell him, "Santa brings presents to kids as long as the believe in him. When they stop believing, or find that they just can't keep believing, Santa stops and the parents start providing the gifts." But even that doesn't address the whole issue.

The clock is ticking on this (Target has its Christmas trees up already) and I am really struggling.

Whenever I sense that another layer of "being a kid" is being stripped away from him, it breaks my heart that much more.

Those moments will only come faster and closer together as the months and years advance. That's what being a parent is, I know. It just doesn't make it any easier.

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!

DragonBoy — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 12:50:47 -0800

When I came to I was tied to a chair in the dark basement of what appeared to be a farm house. Across the table was Herr Doktor with a menacing look behind his small circular glasses. He was filling a syringe when he said "Von dose of zee Sodium Pentothal and ve vill know zee truth!" "Sodium Pentothal?" I thought to myself, what the hell is that? How does it work and I'm pretty sure there is gonna be The Wikipedia article on Sodium Pentothal leaves a lot to be desired for this fan of the thriller genre. I'd like to know a bit more about how it works in terms of brain functions and what someone feels like when they're under the influence of the drug?

Can someone 'train' themselves to be resistant to the effects of the drug?

How easy is it to get specific answers to questions or do people under its effect just tell the truth about anything?

Also, how easy is this stuff to get ahold of? Would a small criminal gang be able to get their mitts on a doseage in the US without alerting the authorities?

This is all asked in preperation for NaNoWriMo in November. I'm not planning anything other than a book and even if I were, I would never tell you the truth!

I learned it in History; so it must be history!

defenestration — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 23:13:36 -0800

What are some things that are taught as History in a college/higher learning setting (as a piece of, or as the whole) that aren't fully supported by facts (such as documents, carbon dating, etc)? I realize this is a question that can invite very ludicrous and batty answers... But, I'm wondering if there are things that are currently being debated as to whether or not they are fact-- but in History classes (especially non-specific/non-niche courses) are being taught as true history ('This happened'). And if that proves to be extremely difficult (as it may), how about some examples of things that were taught, up until somewhat recently, in this way, but are now seen in the regard I'm describing.

I forsee there being a lot of answers regarding science, but I'd actually be more interested in examples in a history-book context. "I learned this happened... wait... it didn't? But, uh, college said it did!" Yeah, that type of thing.

It's late... I hope this makes sense.

Is there any medical or psychological basis for the idea that alcohol acts as a kind of truth serum?

hoverboards don't work on water — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 01:20:20 -0800

In vino veritas: is there any medical or psychological basis for the idea that alcohol acts as a kind of truth serum?

Should I tell my mortgage broker I just lost my job?

elisabeth r — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 06:47:36 -0800

Yesterday I got fired from a job I hate, but I'm in the middle of applying for a mortgage and I'm worried this will jeopardize my chances of getting approved. I need to know what I should tell the mortgage broker, if anything, about this whole situation. Some facts:
I was given four weeks notice (paid), but not required to report to work.

I was also given a severance agreement- this would give me an additional two weeks pay. Don't worry- I'm having a lawyer look it over.

I was planning on (and had budgeted for) quitting my job in seven weeks- I am starting a new job over the summer, at a substantially higher income, and have documentation to support that.

This is when it gets complicated- Even though every other mortgage person I talked to said it's common to get approved for a mortgage based on future employment prospects, the broker seemed to not want to know I was quitting my job and didn't want to see the letter documenting my future income.

So it looks like the broker is trying to do my mortgage based on my present income and the fact that I am currently employed. I don't know what to tell him- how do I tell him not to call me on my work number anymore without it seeming suspicious? What am I obligated to tell him? Am I "still working" even though I'm on what amounts to paid leave?

Other information- I have excellent credit (~770), but was in school until a year ago, so my income has always been very low. I am liquidating about half my assets for the 20% down payment, and my parents are gifting me with some money for closing/settlement costs, moving expenses, furniture etc. My parents are also willing to cosign the loan, but obviously I would rather not have to make them do that if at all possible.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Could I Get Sued for Talking?

fenriq — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 08:05:11 -0800

So I've just walked away from a job I'd held for four years where they cheated me out of my earned commissions and now I'm left wondering what sort of danger I would be exposing myself to if I blogged the company and the people involved? I.e. naming names. There is a very real chance that my blogging their really poor behaviour would, in fact, come back to bite them on the backside as I was the public face of the company.

The short version is that I put on an event for the company, I pretty much did everything for the event after our marketing manager quit several months ago. The event was a major success and will generate a seven figure revenue boost for the company.

And then my ex-boss decided to not pay me my commissions that I earned by selling sponsorships that amount to a half a percent of that million.

And I am, understandably, pretty pissed off about it. After four years of loyal service (I was the longest employee there by three years.

My question is what kind of trouble could I get in for blogging the real name of the company and the real name of my boss as I would very much like to make the story known but I would not like to get sued.

Objective Truth.

mecran01 — Wed, 02 Mar 2005 15:00:34 -0800

For some reason I have become incredibly irritated with bad rhetoric. I'm talking about the obvious stuff, like lies told by politicians, but I've also become incredibly frustrated with half-truths and distortions told by groups whose causes I espouse. It's not that I want to be told what to think, I just want to not have to constantly churn through the layers of deception to get answers to even the most basic questions about empirical reality. I wish there was a special newsletter I could subscribe to, written by someone who was generous and smart and at least attempting to fairly describe the problems and solutions. So, do you have any go-to publications that at least attempt objectivity, without obvious corporate/radical/religious/middle-earthian bias? [disclaimer: let's not bring up postmodernism] Further disclaimer: I am *fully* conversant in the debates about objectivity, and whether it is even possible. I don't want to *marry* objectivity, I'd just like to be in the same room on occasion.

How old were you when you figured out the bad news about Santa?

Irontom — Tue, 14 Sep 2004 11:36:23 -0800

How old were you when you figured out the bad news about Santa? How did you find out? I ask because my 6 yr. old son still believes. Fervently. And sooner or later, I'm gonna have to answer some tough questions. Earlier this year, a little girl he plays with tried to tell him the truth. He told her she was crazy, that he had seen Santa himself.

Explanation: when he was 3, we were on a trip and Santa came to visit him where we were staying, with a special present just for him. We went through a lot of trouble to make this happen, and it stuck in his mind.

Anyhow, he reported this encounter to me, and I agreed with him that she was crazy, and didnt know what she was talking about. However, it's just going to keep getting tougher to maintain this illusion, and I am now thinking maybe we didnt do ourselves any favors with this event we created.

Quiz examples - reality from fantasy, truth from propaganda, fact from fiction

ajr — Fri, 12 Dec 2003 07:05:11 -0800

"The greatest challenge facing mankind is the challenge of distinguishing reality from fantasy, truth from propaganda." (See link from here.) What are some examples of leading-edge science and/or technology that might illustrate the truth of this statement? [More inside] I want to begin a presentation by providing several examples of leading-edge science and/or technology intermingled with some science fiction fantasies. Hopefully, asking the audience to distinguish legitimate ideas from fantasy will illustrate how increasingly difficult it is to discern fact from fiction, especially without a solid foundation in the sciences. The presentation will focus on electronic discovery and will be presented to lawyers and judges. Verifiable sources of information (obviously, only for the real science/technology) would be greatly appreciated.