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My partner lied to me about alcohol. Now what?

My partner lied to me about alcohol. Now what? [more inside]
posted by Chrysalis on Sep 19, 2014 - 49 answers

How do we best donate to the family of a deceased colleague?

A friend and colleague recently passed away leaving behind two very young children. Although she did not have a substantial income, she was by far the primary wage earner for her household. Many of us at work and elsewhere are interested in contributing to the immediate support of her family and the future education of her children. Does anyone have suggestions about what the best mechanism(s) would be for doing this? Our office is in Maryland, and she and her family were residents as well.
posted by procrastination on Sep 10, 2014 - 8 answers

Is it possible to be with someone who has friends you cannot stand?

Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone who has friends you cannot stand, especially if one of them is female? [more inside]
posted by Fayrose on Sep 10, 2014 - 27 answers

Shocked at boyfriend's behavior... Help me!

I feel that my trust has been betrayed by my boyfriend. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 7, 2014 - 50 answers

Am I morally obligated to rent to someone after a huge breach of trust?

The person who was supposed to watch our pets while we were away on a short trip didn’t follow through. Our animals are fine but this situation has set off a complicated chain of events and now I’m not sure what to do. Well, frankly, I am sure but I’d like to sort it through here because you all can be objective in ways I can’t right now. [more inside]
posted by _Mona_ on Aug 8, 2014 - 48 answers

My girlfriend snooped through my phone. Now what?

I found out my girlfriend snooped through my phone. I don't know how to proceed. [more inside]
posted by hobodeluxe on Jun 27, 2014 - 47 answers

It's a bad time...but when is it ever a good time?

I'm coming to realize that my partner is seriously abusing alcohol (and being cavalier about other substances) just as he's embarking on an existential crisis following a messy legal situation (finalizing a divorce that's 2+ years in the making). The relationship needs work; he needs work; hell, I might need work; but he's got a lot on his plate and I can't really pile on. I have kind of lost sight of what is reasonable here, and could use some perspective. [more inside]
posted by magdalemon on Jun 18, 2014 - 30 answers

How do payments on property in a trust work?

Father left his stuff to me in a trust. Not sure what that means, and need an answer to the most basic of questions. [more inside]
posted by ratherbethedevil on Jun 1, 2014 - 4 answers

Husband and inappropiate pictures

I have discovered some questional pictures on my husband's computer. How do I approach him about them, without him getting defensive? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 23, 2014 - 40 answers

How to stop thinking about my relationship?

My marriage is in limbo and I need to stop giving it so much emotional energy. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 1, 2014 - 23 answers

Is there good reason to cry over spilled beans?

Throughout the entirety of my life, my immediate family has existed under a heavy shroud of secrecy. Within my current relationship, I cast it off for my boyfriend. Is this a decision I will come to deeply regret? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 29, 2014 - 24 answers

How to get over the petty stuff to maintain a healthy relationship

The relationship is great and we both see a future together, but at times I tend to focus on insignificant things or feel insecure for no rational reason. I want to prevent unnecessary conflicts arising from these feelings. [more inside]
posted by monologish on Apr 24, 2014 - 21 answers

Help me figure out how to trust again (both other people and myself)….

What I’m trying to figure out now is how to trust people again, trust myself again, and find myself/my voice again. [more inside]
posted by lullu73 on Apr 9, 2014 - 11 answers

Achieve customer's confidence in a service they're not paying for

I work for an IT company that provides certain VIP customers with consultancy services, free of charge for them. My job is basically help them identify new business needs, get first-hand information about their plans and projects, do some consulting work related to IT management methodologies, suggest ways to fix non-optimal business processes and in general, manage the business relationship at the highest level (CIOs and CEOs). [more inside]
posted by Matrod on Apr 3, 2014 - 7 answers

It's your pain, how can i help you carry it without collapsing myself?

How can i help support my partner when he's going through a rough time, when i feel sad too? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 21, 2014 - 11 answers

Babysitter Business

My wife and I always have trouble finding a babysitter. Our friends have the same problem. This problem came up at a party last night. Our solution to the problem was a website / app that allowed parents to search for babysitters. There are plenty of services that do this already, but we all agreed that none of the services were solving the 'trust' problem. We felt that none of the existing services were local enough, e.g. tied to our local community / social circles. As a parent, what would this service need to do to put you at ease? Do the babysitters need to be vetted, and if so, how? Referrals? Reviews? Video interviews? Personality tests? What would you need to know to trust a babysitter with your kids?
posted by jasondigitized on Feb 17, 2014 - 16 answers

Need an excellent estate attorney in NYC. Integrity a must.

Looking for an estate attorney so good it’ll make us forget how our last estate attorney shamelessly ripped us off. [more inside]
posted by ROTFL on Feb 10, 2014 - 2 answers

What and where is a gut feeling?

Frequently on Askme people say to trust your gut or inner voice when it comes to relationships. What exactly does that feel like and how do you teach yourself that? [more inside]
posted by kanata on Feb 5, 2014 - 31 answers

Can/Should I rebuild trust in an LDR? How difficult might that be?

I broke up with my LDR significant other ("SO") because of SO's emotional affair, which SO concealed from me. Is my regret and doubt for breaking up with SO a signal to reconcile or a natural part of the loss? [more inside]
posted by sciolisticfelix on Dec 9, 2013 - 15 answers

How do I deal with my spouse having an external romantic relationship?

I found out my partner of 20 years/spouse of 11 was having an emotional/romantic affair with our best friend and lied to me about it. Now that we've gone through the initial reveal, I've told her I've forgiven her; she's hinting she's been thinking about romantic relationships outside of our marriage. tl;dr- Are we done here or can this be saved? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 22, 2013 - 49 answers

Struggling to forgive my SO's emotional cheating

How can I forgive my SO (and myself) for emotionally cheating on each other? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 12, 2013 - 12 answers

I want to set up a fund for the children of a friend who passed away

A very close and dear friend of mine passed away a few days ago at a very young age and left behind a wife and 2 very young children ages 3 and 1. I would like to set up an investment fund for his children in his memory which people can donate to and will accrue interest until they are ready for college. To increase the chances people will donate I want it to be possible to use paypal or google wallet. I know nothing about finance or laws or any of the things that I imagine come with setting this up. Can anyone advise? Thanks in advance
posted by postergeist on Nov 12, 2013 - 5 answers

Trusting after past abuse

I'm already in therapy. What can I do on my own, when I interact with others, so I won't feel so guarded? I'm noticing that despite a lot of healing from my past relationship, including EMDR, I continue to be very cautious and awkward with people. I feel vulnerable and expect to be criticized and rejected. The walls I'm putting up are leading me to a feeling of loneliness. How can I go back to being my authentic, warm, openhearted self? [more inside]
posted by Rainflower on Nov 9, 2013 - 6 answers

Should I tell her?

A friend's ex-husband confessed a number of sins to me. Should I tell her? Drama below. [more inside]
posted by Josephine Macaulay on Oct 31, 2013 - 58 answers

What should my elderly parents do with their only asset, a liquid $250K?

I'm seeking as many opinions as I can get from people with knowledge of financial advising and/or trusts & estates and/or estate planning, about what my parents (in their 80s) ought to do with their $250,000 in liquid assets. I'm NOT looking for the kind of detailed plan we'd get from an advisor whom we hire; I'm looking for short, quite general, common sense answers (such as "These ONE OR TWO types of instruments are good/bad; all others are to be avoided/considered.") I'm also looking for as many answers as I can get. In order to get that assortment of answers, I want to disclose only a very few specific things about the folks: 1. they currently rent an apartment; they do not own a home. 2. they are in their 80s--relatively healthy and can drive, shop, take care of themselves, but I'm not sure how long that'll last. I'd like to see them in a retirement community within a couple years. 3. Their only income (which doesn't amount to much) is social security. 4. They lose about $2,100 in total expenses every month. That's just about equal to what they take in each month. 5. Their one and only significant asset is a liquid $250,000. Okay, at their age, and considering all the above, WHAT IS/ARE THE MOST PRACTICAL THING(s) THEY SHOULD DO WITH THAT LUMP OF LIQUID MONEY? THANK YOU from their worried adult child with a family of my own!
posted by losdavos on Oct 24, 2013 - 14 answers

Trustee won't distribute funds from the trust, won't even return calls.

A relative of mine died a over two years ago, leaving a very small estate and a small trust. There were various delays, so the trust was in stasis for nearly a year. The delays have been resolved, but I cannot get the trustee to pay out the funds. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by ROTFL on Oct 18, 2013 - 19 answers

Trust vs. Control

I posted a pervious question regarding dating a man who wasn't forthcoming about a detail in his life (a 2nd child with a different woman) and my creeping suspicions that learning about him hiding this child was an indication of a future of lies and trust issues. I have let this man go, not because of the child, but because I am unable to trust him for many other reasons and now I want to learn a healthy balance between Trust and Control in relationships and dealing with insecurities. How do you move past insecurities and know when to just trust someone and recognize if your insecurities are causing you to control and sabatoge. [more inside]
posted by BrandNewMe on Oct 9, 2013 - 8 answers

Is it ever ok to lie to your partner?

My job requires me to work away often with female colleagues. My girlfriend gets quite jealous and we argue if she knows I am away with girls. I have in the past confided in detail with one female colleague about problems in my relationship and I think this is where the aggravation comes from. There has never been anything romantic. To avoid an argument while I'm on the road I've started lying to my girlfriend about who is on these trips. So as far as she knows I only go away with men. So my question. Is it okay to lie to your partner if it saves stress and worry for both parties? Examples of similar situations would be useful...
posted by JIMSMITH2000 on Oct 6, 2013 - 68 answers

Is this just a special-snowflake-petty relationship concern?

If your partner did something wrong when you first started dating and you didn’t find out until later when you were deep in a happy relationship, what would you do? How much of the past do you let go and how much of the past do you let define the present (e.g., break up)? [more inside]
posted by inevitability on Sep 12, 2013 - 47 answers

I cheated, he found out. What now?

Boyfriend found out I was cheating on him. I want to apologize because I didn't get the chance to. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 3, 2013 - 51 answers

Whoops

I drunkenly fooled around with a married friend and now feel terrible about it. What, if anything, do I do next? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 2, 2013 - 28 answers

You pinkie swore!

Looking for perspective about a breach of trust in my relationship, albeit on a teeny tiny scale. Am I making too much of this, or is a promise a promise? [more inside]
posted by little_dog_laughing on Aug 31, 2013 - 49 answers

Cheating: Clueless girlfriend edition

How do I move on after infidelity? I recently discovered that my BF has been cheating on me. Need advice on how to proceed, mentally/emotionally - snowflakey details inside. [more inside]
posted by tillei on Aug 24, 2013 - 18 answers

Where to start when setting up a trust?

My mother has asked me to help her with setting up a trust for some assets. I get that I should contact a lawyer, but where should that lawyer be based? [more inside]
posted by doctord on Aug 23, 2013 - 7 answers

Partner lied about previous sexual partners & his faithfulness

A lie of omission, to be more accurate. When I met my (now) husband he understood that I hadn’t had sex and didn’t plan on it before marriage, and that I was looking for someone with similar beliefs about sex. Because he knew this, he was honest and told me that he had been in a long-term relationship with someone before for 7 years - I was fine with this. But I recently discovered that he had sex with 3 different women right as he was getting to know me, (one of whom I've since met at one of his work parties, and cringe to think I was the only one in the group who didn't know about this), and he didn't feel it was important to tell me about it when he proposed to me. [more inside]
posted by Zee101 on Aug 21, 2013 - 43 answers

How does one "date" at 42?

When do you know you're compatible emotionally, intellectually, and sexually? After a post-divorce period of saying "yes" to anyone who asked me out and then saying "yes" again to anyone who was interested in sex, I took a year off. I drank up the solitude, decided what I wanted in a companion, and started dating again recently. The thing is, I may have swung to the opposite end of the fucking readiness spectrum. I feel quite protective of my body and of my heart. I read in a mainstream woman's magazine that it generally takes 3 months before you (both) know if you're a good match for one another. What do you think? (Thank you!)
posted by bakedbeets on Jul 25, 2013 - 17 answers

Current boyfriend has lots of female friends...and I'm bothered...

Have you ever dated someone with several friends of the opposite sex? What about someone who is friends with many of their exes and still keeps up regular contact with them? He's given me no reason not to trust him, but I'm still hung up on this. Is it just a matter of me working on my insecurity? Or should he be changing his behavior? More details inside... [more inside]
posted by singinginmychains on Jun 11, 2013 - 57 answers

Once an attempted cheater....

I have had some tough times with my partner of just over two years and we were on the way to solving them. But something new has come up and I am trying to get some perspective on whether it is reasonable for me to carry things on or if I'm in denial and need to end it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 11, 2013 - 35 answers

Dating (and friendship): Screening for reliability

How do you screen for reliability and filter out self-centered/selfish nature in dating in real life and online dating? And, how do you find out whether a person (for dating or friendship) is a 'giver' or a 'taker'? By reliability and being a giver, I don't mean something as trivial as calling when they say they will. I mean more like being there for you when you are going through one or more major challenging life events, putting the relationship and "us" before individual interests especially when the going gets rough for you and not for them individually. Does this kind of reliability even exist among partners and can one really, truly, deeply trust another human being or do you feel you always have to watch your back even with a partner of months or years or decades?
posted by xm on May 7, 2013 - 20 answers

How can I gain perspective in my possibly red flaggy relationship?

Either one of two things has happened. (1) I've met someone I'm very compatible with who has "matching baggage" and with some patience it will work out to be a happy, healthy, sustainable relationship. OR (2) I've met someone whose issues spell trouble for me, and I may need to cut my losses but I'm not sure where to start. I'm way too close to it, and on balance so far it's definitly something I want to keep working on because I care about him a lot and like how we fit together - but I need a reality check. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 27, 2013 - 30 answers

Therapeutic Faith.

Do you have faith in your therapist's sense of certainty? [more inside]
posted by mild deer on Mar 31, 2013 - 21 answers

What to do when you're the asshole in the relationship?

So, I was a bad ex-girlfriend and a shitty friend. What now? [more inside]
posted by frizzle on Mar 12, 2013 - 48 answers

Dating when you already have feelings you never intend to act on?

I have feelings for another woman that I have no intention of ever acting on, and my current relationship seems doomed because of it. Help. [more inside]
posted by zeek321 on Mar 8, 2013 - 78 answers

Partner of 6 years kissed someone else - what next?

That's basically what I know right now. He kissed someone he's in a group with after the two of them went out to lunch. We've been together for 6 years, have been living in different states for the past year and a half; the distance was supposed to end this summer when we moved in together in a new city, but now I don't know what to think. He told me himself this morning; the kiss happened yesterday. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 4, 2013 - 24 answers

My boyfriend carry other woman's panties, am I overreacting?

On 3 different occasions, during a year and a half, I found in my boyfriend's stuff other women's panties. I was so in shock. I is like surreal to me. I am wondering if this is a sufficient reason to leave someone? [more inside]
posted by daile on Mar 3, 2013 - 53 answers

looking for recommendations for attorneys to create trusts in NH

Pretty much what it says - I'm looking for recommendations for a southern NH attorney to help create a trust for a relative.
posted by canine epigram on Mar 1, 2013 - 1 answer

An 18-year-old girl who I'm interested in dating's parents want my info

An 18-year-old girl I met online who I'm interested in dating's parents (who, I should note, are still financially supporting her) want all sorts of my info before they'll let her meet me and I believe they want it regardless if she meets me here or if I meet her there. Her parents want, among other things: My address and addresses and phone numbers of various family members of mine; scans of pieces of my ID; to check if I have a criminal record. Is it wrong of me to want to withhold this info from them? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 27, 2013 - 96 answers

How can we trust open source software?

Open source software is considered trustworthy because anyone can validate the source code and hold the developer accountable. Usually developers will also make compiled binaries available for convenience. How can we know that these binaries are compiled from the same source code the developer published, and not a malicious variant of it? [more inside]
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis on Feb 26, 2013 - 17 answers

What to think of a person promoting their book in a dishonest way?

I caught someone I knew promoting their book in a dishonest way. How to react? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 26, 2013 - 40 answers

Is it still your business even though I left?

I split up with my wife a couple of months ago, and have been doing really well since then. Recently I've been feeling a little bit like she's been stalking me on social media, and today I've woken up to messages asking me why I'm in contact with someone from my past. How do I handle this? (I've tried to anonymise this as best I can) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2013 - 45 answers

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