143 posts tagged with transgender.
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How should I ask HR to cover my transgender surgery?

My company is self-insured and thus can write their own insurance policy without being subject to many regulations. For whatever reason, they decided to exclude transgender health services. I did not find this out until last week. I have surgery scheduled in three weeks. I am going to pay for it myself but I want to ask HR if they'll reconsider not being [swear words redacted]. [more inside]
posted by AFABulous on Jan 2, 2017 - 22 answers

Transgender pronouns in stories

I know two transgender people. In both cases, I knew them when their gender presentation was their birth gender, and I know them now, when they have corrected their gender presentation. When I tell a story to a third person, and that story is about the past, what pronouns should I use? [more inside]
posted by OrangeDisk on Dec 28, 2016 - 19 answers

Looking for a Shelter that Helps Trans Teens in RI or MA

It's getting cold here in New England, and I want to donate to a shelter that specifically helps trans teens, especially given the shit that's going on at the national level.. I am having a really hard time identifying one. I'm hoping the hivemind can steer me in the right direction. I would prefer a shelter in RI or MA, but I am willing to go furtehr afield. I already know about the Ali Forney Center in NYC, but I was hoping for something closer to home.
posted by GenjiandProust on Dec 12, 2016 - 10 answers

Disclosing gender transition to a grandparent with Alzheimer's

My grandmother is elderly and has Alzheimer's. I grew up in a different country to where she lives and we don't share a common language, so our relationship has never been very close, but I love her immensely and I know she adores me too. Every Christmas we send each other a card - a tradition I look forward to very much - and since I started cohabiting with my partner six years ago, I have always signed the card from both of us. [more inside]
posted by gin and biscuits on Dec 12, 2016 - 38 answers

Professors, do I have any right to ask for an incomplete?

I've had a tough semester, partly due to current events, partly due to personal issues, and some of those personal issues could sound like "bad choices," especially to a conservative-leaning person. There's a ton of obnoxious thinkpieces making fun of students who needed counseling or safe spaces after the election, so naturally I think my reasons are invalid. I'm debating asking for incompletes. Sob story inside. [more inside]
posted by MuppetNavy on Dec 7, 2016 - 53 answers

Transgender 101

My (niece) nephew came out as transgendered shortly before Thanksgiving. The extended family is accepting and wants to support him, but a lot of us don't really know much about transgendered folk. Is there a basic guide/introduction to this, somewhere online?. Nephew is quite introverted, so talking to him about it is not the best option.
posted by sarajane on Nov 28, 2016 - 23 answers

Getting a passport while the getting's still good

I'm transgender. My only ID that doesn't match is my birth certificate. Therefore, I need a physician's statement to get a passport with the correct gender on it. The letter I travel with currently (to explain things to the TSA if necessary) is dated 2015. There is no guidance on the State Dept website or from the NCTE on this. Should I: a) get a new one from my current doctor, adding 2+ weeks to the whole process? b) use the one I have now? "Complete" means complete, right, or is that too logical for the government? [more inside]
posted by blnkfrnk on Nov 14, 2016 - 10 answers

Vow Renewal and Marriage License Renewal?

Question in light of the threat to Obergefell vs. Hodges, with transgender complications. [more inside]
posted by dlugoczaj on Nov 11, 2016 - 7 answers

Trans law help for a lawyer

Hi MeFi! I am a queer lawyer with a lot of trans friends. I am getting bombarded with questions from my community about what the Trump presidency is going to mean for the LGBT community generally, and questions about how to handle trans legal matters specifically. The problem? This isn't my area of practice. Help help, more details below the fold. [more inside]
posted by bile and syntax on Nov 11, 2016 - 8 answers

What do LGBTQ groups look like at your place of work?

Some coworkers and I are starting a networking/education group in our office for LGBTQ folks. We'd like to benchmark across other organizations and learn what has been successful. [more inside]
posted by rebent on Nov 11, 2016 - 3 answers

Policy requiring employees speak only with gender neutral pronouns?

A new transgender supervisor wants to implement a policy that requires employees to use gender neutral pronouns at all times... Is this sort of thing allowed? Where is the legal basis for this? [more inside]
posted by ascetic on Nov 9, 2016 - 21 answers

I accidentally named myself after an acquaintance. Help?

I'm a recently-out trans woman. Early in my period of self-discovery I fell in love with the name "Heather," completely forgetting that I have an acquaintance with that name. She and I haven't talked in the past few months, but we live in the same apartment complex, so we run into each other every now and then. We're friends on facebook, so she's definitely seen my coming-out post by now. Is this even an issue? Do I bring it up, or just ignore it? If I say something, what should I say?
posted by brecc on Oct 26, 2016 - 36 answers

Female with "five-head" contemplating hair transplant

I've been very self-conscious about my "five-head" since I was a little girl, when my own mother relentlessly criticized my appearance (I had no idea it was even a thing before that). Recently saw this article, and began contemplating how far hair transplant procedures have progressed in recent years as a viable solution for women. I'm looking for advice and thoughts from anyone who has been in a similar boat. More after the jump: [more inside]
posted by petitemom on Oct 4, 2016 - 27 answers

Second Guessing my Gender Identity

I'm 27 years old, designated male at birth. I recently recalled a bunch of gender dysphoria from when I was in middle school/high school, and I'm trying to work out if it matters, and what exactly I am. A part of me worries that it might just be a rational response to toxic masculinity rather than anything to do with me myself. [more inside]
posted by MuppetNavy on Sep 26, 2016 - 20 answers

Advice about gay culture?

I now identify as gay, and want to learn more about what it means to be gay in a broader, cultural sense. [more inside]
posted by rebent on Aug 28, 2016 - 15 answers

She's leaving home after living alone for so many years

I'm a 23 year old trans woman who lives with my religious parents, deeply closeted. I need to move out as soon as I can, and I think I'm figuring all that stuff out okay... I just don't know how to get myself to actually do it. And I don't know how to approach my parents about any of this. I know I am going to hurt them and I know they've given me no choice, but I'm still feeling a lot of guilt over it. Convince me I'm doing the right thing :/ [more inside]
posted by Flower Grower on Aug 21, 2016 - 30 answers

Transgender therapy?

I want to transition. How can I find a trustworthy gender therapist in the Philly suburban area? [more inside]
posted by elsilnora on Jun 28, 2016 - 11 answers

what's it like to tell coworkers your partner is trans?

Soon my husband will begin publicly transitioning. I want my coworkers to start addressing him as my husband in casual conversation, but I'm kind of at a loss for the protocols or tactics for such an announcement. [more inside]
posted by rebent on Jun 21, 2016 - 5 answers

Manning up isn't going that hot.

I'm a transmasculine transgender person, who was assigned female at birth. I got my first shot (50 ml?) 10 days ago in the Endocrinologist's office, on a Friday. I'm scheduled to take shots every two weeks. If I get no more shots, how long will the testosterone currently last in my body, and when will my hormones balance out again? [more inside]
posted by spinifex23 on Jun 6, 2016 - 10 answers

Advice for first out of country business trip

I am going to Ontario for a week long business trip in one week. I have never traveled for work, I have never traveled out of the country, and I am terrified. Can you help me understand what I should expect? [more inside]
posted by motioncityshakespeare on May 7, 2016 - 16 answers

This sounds dumb but I don't know what to do in NYC

I'm taking a four day trip to NYC over Memorial Day weekend (solo). I have plans on Sunday evening but other than that, my time is completely unaccounted for. And aside from a few non-specific ideas, I'm overwhelmed by choices. [more inside]
posted by AFABulous on Apr 20, 2016 - 32 answers

Where are the thoughtful debates related to transgender rights happening

Can you point me to thoughtful discussions related to transgender rights and locker room/bathroom access? The stuff I see in my social media streams are crazy extremes that talk about child molestation on one end or bigotry on the other end. I'm interested in more thoughtful discussions of these issues. [more inside]
posted by willnot on Apr 14, 2016 - 34 answers

MTF Transition in Prison: Hope Us Understand

Looking for reliable information (and anecdata) about how to read blood tests and understand hormone levels for MTF gender transition, particularly for someone currently in prison. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 6, 2016 - 6 answers

Help me make coming out to my parents as bearable as possible

I've managed to put off coming out to my parents as transgender for close to a year now. I'm 22 and have spent the majority of the last 4 years studying and volunteering abroad. Coming home last summer (to live with my parents, I should add) I thought I'd finally felt prepared enough to tell them what I'd been trying so desperately to hide from them. Over nine months later now I still haven't "gotten around to it", I guess. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 4, 2016 - 10 answers

I mean, I won't be leaving a cake with a vagina on it in the break room…

Is it crazy to tell my immediate coworkers that the "surgery" I'm taking leave for is indeed SRS? I know I don't have to disclose — but (for snowflake reasons within) I'd honestly really like to. I'd especially love advice from trans people who have dealt with this themselves, or cis coworkers of trans people who have dealt with it well and gracefully. [more inside]
posted by nebulawindphone on Jan 29, 2016 - 47 answers

How to handle a gender transition on LinkedIn

How should I handle a gender transition on LinkedIn? [more inside]
posted by odinsdream on Jan 28, 2016 - 11 answers

Seeking witty rejoinders for when someone gets my name or pronouns wrong

I've just come out as trans at work (like, yesterday) and I know that people are going to struggle with my name and pronouns for awhile, especially since I don't appear super masculine. I am sure that their slip ups won't be out of hostility. I'd like some ideas for jokey corrections that are still appropriate for a white collar workplace. (If "mistakes" persist I will get more serious, and management has my back on this.) [more inside]
posted by desjardins on Dec 16, 2015 - 34 answers

What do you wish you'd known before coming out as trans at work?

I am a trans man and I am legally changing my name and gender marker in 2 weeks. I have still not come out at work. I am extremely anxious about this and want to hear other people's experiences. Preferably from the trans person perspective, but also HR or managers of trans people, especially in white collar environments. [more inside]
posted by desjardins on Dec 7, 2015 - 10 answers

Resources for trans-adjacent folks?

I'm transgender and taking steps towards starting hormones (T) in the new year. A cisgender romantic partner is fully supportive, but nervous about the future. Hope us find resources (blogs, first-person essays, podcasts) created by and for cis partners of trans people? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 18, 2015 - 8 answers

What do I need to know before going in for major surgery (GRS edition)?

So I've just been given a date for some genital reconstruction surgery in a couple of months, and am looking for advice on how best to plan for surviving the hospital stay and recovery without going insane, and what I need to know. If you've had this sort of thing done, what'd you wish you'd known or done? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 17, 2015 - 2 answers

Try A Little Tenderness

How can I feel more comfortable around men, and find men who are gentle and solid and who I might like to date (as a queer/bi trans woman)? [more inside]
posted by elephantsvanish on Nov 14, 2015 - 10 answers

Other languages' terms for transgender?

What are some terms for transgender in other languages, especially Spanish? What words do they use to identify themselves? [more inside]
posted by the bird at the bottom of the tree on Nov 13, 2015 - 11 answers

How did you quickly implement lifestyle changes?

On doctor's orders, I need to fairly drastically change my diet and activity level on short notice. I've never had to watch or track what I ate. The specific goal is to maintain a healthy blood pressure and I am highly motivated; I've explained why inside. If you've done this, what tools did you use to plan and track your progress? What changes were most important in reducing your blood pressure? [more inside]
posted by desjardins on Oct 16, 2015 - 23 answers

Should I buy a PPO insurance plan in addition to my Kaiser coverage?

I have Kaiser insurance through my mom's employer (I'm 23), but due to the fact that I'm trans and have psychiatric illnesses I'm really unsatisfied with the care that I get through Kaiser. Let's put it this way: I'm totally at my wit's end. More and more I'm thinking it might be a good idea to buy a PPO plan (Blue Shield, et al) through Covered California this enrollment period. Could you help me suss out some of the issues at play here? Snowflake details within. [more inside]
posted by lilies.lilies on Oct 13, 2015 - 13 answers

Ashamed of dating a transwoman or am I respecting her/my privacy?

I'm a male in my late twenties and I consider myself straight. I'm not interested in men or dating a man, and have always had relationships with women. I dated a trans woman for two and a half years. (I'm loathe to specify the 'trans' and to feel like I have to assert that I'm straight but it's relevant to my question.) I'm now not sure about whether to disclose this to my current girlfriend. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 12, 2015 - 38 answers

Help me feel less weird about my name change!

I’m changing my name (for non-marriage reasons) and having a hard time. Looking for advice on how to make this easier and more positive, how to normalize it in conversation with people and deal with rudeness or nosiness, and also on dealing with a sense of loss and finding ways or rites to mark and celebrate this change. [more inside]
posted by ITheCosmos on Sep 30, 2015 - 16 answers

Help me build a future!

I'm in a caring profession which is being cut and slashed repeatedly by government financial cuts here in the UK. I'm tired of having a precarious life where I'm not sure where I'll be living and what I'll be doing from one month to the next. Being in the process of transitioning male-to-female, I'm looking to build a little more stability into my life, so that I can plan a real future for myself rather than just surviving on a short-term basis. Help me build a future! [more inside]
posted by winterhill on Aug 10, 2015 - 4 answers

What is the view of trans men in India and the Philippines?

I'm a white American project manager who works extensively with engineers in India and the Philippines (almost all male). All of them know me as female but I am going to come out as a trans man fairly soon. I have no idea how transgenderism (and specifically trans men) are viewed in Indian/Filipino culture. What might I expect? Should I handle the transition any differently with them than with American/Euro colleagues? [more inside]
posted by AFABulous on Jul 30, 2015 - 13 answers

Help me come out to my psychiatrist!

I have an upcoming appointment with my psychiatrist at the end of the month. I want to tell her that I'm transgendered and want to start HRT. I have a general outline of the things I want to say, but I want to make sure I'm not missing anything significant. Snowflakes: Bipolar II, broke up with my partner about three-four months back. Insurance via N. California Kaiser. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 24, 2015 - 11 answers

Experience with sperm banks in NYC?

A young relative is transgender and will soon be transitioning to female. Before doing so, she'd like to freeze sperm. Where should she go? What do we need to know? [more inside]
posted by islandeady on Jul 16, 2015 - 5 answers

Packing for my flight

I'm a trans man who is flying (domestic US flights) tomorrow. Can I wear a packer through security? [more inside]
posted by cheerwine on Jul 6, 2015 - 25 answers

Best college practices re: transgender students

What are the best practices right now, as far as official college policies dealing with transgender students' needs? For example, making it easy to change your name on campus records. Are there any good examples of colleges doing things right? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 2, 2015 - 15 answers

How does job hunting work while transitioning genders?

I'm in the beginning stages of transitioning from to female to male. Only my friends know at this point; I haven't said anything at work and I haven't started hormones (yet) so it's not very obvious physically. For many reasons, I want to start looking for another job but I'm wondering how to handle it with an impending transition. How do I present myself? How do I handle references when they know me as another name? [more inside]
posted by AFABulous on Jun 24, 2015 - 6 answers

Resources for a teacher to handle bullying in her class.

An acquaintance of mine needs resources to help one of her students who is being bullied for being (apparently) LGBTQ. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by Promethea on Jun 15, 2015 - 5 answers

Catchy name ideas for a transgender support group?

I am the volunteer marketing director for a transgender support group. I am trying to come up with a better name for it. I seek your assistance! [more inside]
posted by battleshipkropotkin on Jun 4, 2015 - 15 answers

Transgender Studies 102: Pronouns again

I've noticed that some websites, including the wikipedia page, are using "she" retroactively (i.e., "she won the gold medal in the decathalon at the 1976 Summer Olympics") for Caitlyn Jenner. I've always assumed that you use the pronoun of the gender which the person presents, so that we'd use "he" for Bruce Jenner prior to 2015, and "she" for Caitlyn Jenner from here on out. But I honestly don't know. Is there an accepted standard?
posted by kanewai on Jun 1, 2015 - 12 answers

Adopting and maintaining cis privilege as someone who is trans

My husband and I are talking about starting a family in a year or two, when we’ve paid off some debt. At this point I'm just beginning to do research and figure out how the process works, but I am curious if my situation will be a stumbling block. [more inside]
posted by polywomp on May 12, 2015 - 10 answers

Identity without erasure?

I'm planning to change my name, but I'm a little uncomfortable with removing the clear marker of latina identity that my surname provided in the past. How do I still represent my Mexican heritage and avoiding unintended erasure of ethnicity, as a white-passing individual? [more inside]
posted by elephantsvanish on May 4, 2015 - 17 answers

Tips for indulging in some femme alone time

How do I cultivate a more relaxing/sensual/sexy mood while masturbating, as a trans woman very much over old dudely habits? Vibrators, lube, and Bjork inside.. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 25, 2015 - 8 answers

Is going no-contact my only choice here?

I'm a trans woman, and my mom is completely unaccepting of my transition, and I feel like I need to cut her out of my life entirely. Is that my only option? [more inside]
posted by and they trembled before her fury on Apr 23, 2015 - 29 answers

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