Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with tragedy

Seeking stories of men and women who -- either by way of adventure or by circumstance -- succumbed to the elements after a protracted attempt at survival...

cadastral — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 09:57:30 -0800

I've read and loved the histories of Sir Robert Falcon Scott, James Kim, George Mallory, S. A. Andrée, et cetera, and now I would like to be pointed towards more stories of men and women who -- either by way of adventure or by circumstance -- succumbed to the elements after a protracted attempt at survival... preferably leaving a rich and well-written-about story.

Great God! This is an awful place and terrible enough for us to have laboured to it without the reward of priority... but for my own sake I do not regret this journey, which has shown that Englishmen can endure hardships, help one another, and meet death with as great a fortitude as ever in the past. We took risks, we knew we took them; things have come out against us, and therefore we have no cause for complaint, but bow to the will of providence, determined still to do our best to the last ... Had we lived, I should have had a tale to tell of the hardihood, endurance, and courage of my companions which would have stirred the heart of every Englishman. These rough notes and our dead bodies must tell the tale...-Robert Falcon Scott, 1912

This kind of stuff really tugs at me and gets me on some gut-level. I read Scott's journals a couple of years ago, and lately have been devouring everything I can get my hands on regarding James Kim. Which other stories have been documented (either first-hand, or by others) in similar ways. They need not be famous or well-known... just compellingly documented

Despite a past personal interest in dead alpinists and mountaineers, I feel like I've read everything printed on the subject, and it's not my chief interest at the moment... though I can't really see a reason to not include them, past my own personal preference.

Lastly, here are some wikipedia categories I've consulted that may give you an idea of what I've found, so far. Thanks for your help.

Category:Antarctic expedition deaths
Deaths from hypothermia
Mountaineering deaths
Mountaineering deaths on Mount Everest
Accidental human deaths in the United States

My heart longs for you, my soul dies for you, my eyes cry for you, my empty arms reach out for you.

anderjen — Fri, 15 May 2009 10:10:24 -0800

[BookRecommendationFilter] Please recommend some good tragic love stories. Specifically, I'm looking for books about tragic love stories where the tragedy or unhappiness could have been avoided if only one circumstance had been different, the kind of stories that leave your insides twisted with sadness and regret at the end because of how badly things went awry, and how preventable it could have been.

I'm thinking sort of along the lines of Ian McEwan's Atonement (where the ending could have been completely different if Briony simply hadn't walked into the library, for example, or Robbie hadn't gone off to search for Lola alone) rather than books where the tragedy is inevitable because of a character's illness or death (as in Nicholas Sparks's A Walk to Remember).

Fiction preferred, non-fiction is also fine, but not really interested in plays.

Thanks!

My Own worst enemy

Anonymous — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 08:13:21 -0800

How can I stop myself from destroying myself? I've had enough. For some reason, known only to the deepest darkest recesses of my brain, I seem to be on a self-destructive path that I'm having difficulty stopping. I'm an intelligent and talented guy and I've watched as I've wasted my energy on doing nothing but avoid doing the work I need to do and hurt myself.

Examples of my bad habits. : Eating terrible food, drinking drinks I know cause me stomach pain, smoking pot, wasting time, looking at internet pornography.

All these things cause me stress that has now manifested into physical pain and discomfort. Every faculty of my body hurts from eating food, to my vision, to my legs to my bowels. I am not joking when I say this.

I have, as an old counsellor described, a devious mind. Intellectually I know what I need to do to make myself feel better and all the pieces are in place for me to have a wonderful life but I just don't do it and my brain will just convince me to do it anyway. It seems I'd much prefer to be a sad sack who is sorry for himself than actually help myself and take the steps to make myself happy.

Going to the Doctor is pointless because I know the cause of all my problems. I don't expect any sympathy either. Getting therapy only helps so much as I am able to talk about my problems (which I seem to love to do at length- part of the problem) but when it comes to the crunch I just continue my old ways despite the pain they cause.

I don't dream any more. I used to think I was going to go somewhere but now, even though I know it is stupid and wrong, I've created a future scenario in my head where I'm alone. I won't end up doing what I want. I have this horrible negativity that distances me from people and in turn keeps me isolated.

Despite this I have lots of friends who I love but feel I don't connect with because I feel like I'm being false with them. I have a cheery exterior, but on the inside I'm in pain. It's the clown that cries syndrome...such a cliche.

I have had suicidal thoughts pop in and out of my head. But I know I can't give into that because it would destroy the lives of too many people - so I have to beat this.
I've tried anti-depressants and won't go back to them as I feel myself slipping way on them. Most recently I took to cutting myself out of sheer frustration that I'm STILL like this. Still wasting time. Making zero effort to further myself. My memory is shot to pieces, I don't remember simple things and I don't feel like I am connected to my past in any way. I feel so False. I've lost who I am. These problems are all I think about except for the few minutes I'm sometimes able to catch first thing in the morning when I think I'm going to be ok. Just getting through the day is a major struggle.

It sounds like I'm hard on myself and I am, but at the same time if I'm not I just don't do anything.

This is what consumes my life. I'm 30 this year. God damn it I'd like to start acting like an adult. Time is spinning by and I've got things to do if I want to get anywhere.

Can anyone else relate? Am I doomed? How can I pull myself out of this false hellish tragedy I've created for myself?

Throwaway email: Notquitesure09@gmail.com

Nice to meet you! Your son died? Okay, so...

abdulf — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 21:53:36 -0800

What should I say when people who I don't know well or recently met share personal, usually tragic, information about their lives with me? So I'm out there, working, volunteering, socializing and I find myself in awkward, but very human situations.

After the initial smalltalk, I seem to end up learning something about the person that's not happy news.

For example, "I moved here because of my sister, but she recently passed away," or "I work at this company mostly because my wife has disease X and we need the insurance"

I think my usual response is a frown and, "I'm sorry to hear that". I don't really know what I should be saying. I don't know if them sharing that part of their life is an invitation for me to ask more questions about it or just a fact of their life or what.

I know sometimes it doesn't really matter what you say, but how you say it. So teach me what to say and how to say it, because I don't want to come across as a man with no heart.

Finding the source of an unfortunately pertinent quote.

FatherDagon — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:17:48 -0800

Trying to remember the text and source of a quote I half-remember. There is a quote I came across a while ago, which I am sure I am misremembering to some extent. It was something along the lines of:
"The most tragic part of all relationships is that two people, who have their own singular views of the world and each other, will never love each other the same way" (or equally, or something). I'm mangling the structure thoroughly, but that's the gist of it. Anyone have any idea on the original speaker and text?

Any recent works on Elizabethan revenge tragedy?

Mr. Bad Example — Tue, 20 May 2008 13:45:37 -0800

ElizabethanDramaFilter. I'm considering doing a PhD (because apparently I'm a masochist who doesn't have quite enough student loan debt yet), and my area of emphasis is Elizabethan/Jacobean revenge tragedies. I'm trying to find a book on the comprehensive history of the form, but the most recent one I've been able to find is Fredson Bowers' Elizabethan Revenge Tragedy, 1587-1642 from around 1940. Does anyone know of something similar that was written in the last fifteen years or so?

How do humans find the strength to endure?

desjardins — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 06:04:38 -0800

I'm looking for writings about human psychological endurance in the face of extreme hardship, whether that hardship is by choice or circumstance. Examples inside. I watched a show recently about space exploration, and it briefly touched on the psychological strength the astronauts must have in order to survive in such isolated and confined conditions.

Awhile ago, I saw a documentary on a ten year old African boy who had become responsible for his entire family since his mother and brother developed AIDS. He lived in the face of crushing poverty and provided food for his family by walking barefoot for miles each day to sell [something, I don't remember what] at a market.

Certainly there are many examples in the news every day - people in war zones, people coping with natural disasters, etc. There are also those who put themselves in dangerous or high pressure situations, such as mountaineers.

I wonder how the people in these examples process their suffering. How did they find a reason to go on? How do they have the resilience to come back from hardship? What is the difference between those that mentally survive and those that crack under the pressure?

Has the world gone mad?

fogster — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 15:51:03 -0800

At least once a week, I read about a mall shooting or something similar. Today's story is about a 16 year old girl who murdered her parents and siblings. What gives? All of a sudden, these insane news stories have become weekly occurrences. My question: has the incidence of these things truly skyrocketed (as it seems), or have they just been getting more attention? And if the incidence has gone way up, can anyone offer credible evidence for why? Is this a uniquely American problem?

Brokeback Desert

xanthippe — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 03:36:28 -0800

Help me convince the man I love that he doesn't have to marry someone else. I have been in a very satisfying relationship for a year now. I love him intensely and have no doubts that the feeling is mutual. We are a perfect match in every way; I am certain that if we stayed together in the future, we would have a very happy life together. The trouble is that, despite all of this, my boyfriend insists that there is not and will never be a future for us, and it has nothing to do with love.

This relationship is happening in Oman, an Arab country whose culture is extremely traditional in many ways. Marriages continue to be arranged here; love comes afterwards. The enforcement of social norms can be extreme (in my Western view); it’s not Saudi Arabia, but is far closer to Saudi than, say, Syria or Lebanon. One’s status, first in the family, and secondly in the community, is determined largely by perceived conformance to socially mandated ethical laws, which in turn are basically Islamic. In practice, adultery is rife and the only things that matter are money and family/political connections, but my boyfriend is one of the few who are innocent and genuinely good enough to refuse to acknowledge this in spite of not being ignorant of it; he has a strong set of personal ethical values and is truly disappointed that others don’t live up to them, as they mostly appear to coincide with the cultural and religious expectations that apply to everyone here.

Some background about my boyfriend: he comes from a lower-class family and is not very educated; consequently he is very near the traditional end of the narrow cultural spectrum that exists here. Because the culture in Oman is quite anti-individualistic, he does not separate his personal values from culturally-imposed norms, and it is hard for him to understand this notion just because it is so philosophically foreign. Therefore, he conflates his personal desire to be good, honest, and morally sound in every aspect of life with conforming his behavior to rules and ideas that have been enculturated in him. He is not religious at all; although he will still explain that something is “good/bad in Islam”, insofar as he follows Islamic rules, it is because his family and community do, and this is the social interpretation of ‘good’ that has been firmly impressed upon him for his entire life. (He has an intelligent, inquisitive mind which has been conditioned to keep itself well away from these particular areas, and I don’t wish to threaten that security; if I query any of these issues in conversation, I do not present it as a challenge and always do it as slowly and gently as possible.)

In other words, having a girlfriend is a Very Bad Thing for him, despite the fact that he is very happy with me, clearly loves me, and generally acknowledges our ‘haram’ status as often as he prays (which is very close to never). Though he devotes himself to me as much as he is able to, the top priority in his life is concealing our relationship from his family – and finding a wife so that he will please everyone by following the proscribed path in his life. Love marriages are becoming increasingly common among young, educated and/or upper class Omanis, but tradition still has a strong hold on the majority, which definitely includes him and his family. I have casually mentioned mixed couples that I know of, but this does not influence him.

His mother is eager for him to marry, and he would also like to do that soon; however, for this he needs a dowry of about US$10,000 and a furnished home. He has no savings and a tiny monthly salary; I make about 6 times as much as he does and often support him. This imbalance is not an issue for either of us; the point is simply that for economic reasons, he isn’t prepared to marry an Omani woman anytime soon. It would also obviously be to his benefit to marry me for financial gain, but he is utterly unmotivated by this – indeed, this is one of the many reasons I consider him to be a such a catch. He has more integrity than anyone I’ve ever met, and even if I did try to tempt him into staying with me using less-than-honorable means, it would have the opposite affect; I would also never want to do anything manipulative with him, as the trust we share is the foundation of our relationship. Neither of us are very materialistic, and if we did marry, I would happily support him and his family. My love for this man would also compel me to live according to local tradition as much as necessary, including conversion to Islam.

It is a testament to the strength of our connection that we have sustained a serious relationship in this context. He has also shown his trust in me by gradually introducing me to friends and members of his family; the biggest milestone of our relationship was when he invited me to his home to celebrate Eid with his parents and siblings (as his “English teacher”, of course). I now have good relationships with some members of his extended family and visit them on my own, and have started spending time at his family’s home on a regular basis. His sisters, aunts, and most importantly, his mother, all welcome me and give him lots of positive feedback about me. (I am fairly certain that these women are not idiots and therefore have some intuition regarding our actual relationship, though it is not spoken of; for his part, a few uncles and cousins are in on it, but being a man, he inclines to believe it’s only between men and the women are clueless.) I strongly suspect that his family would be accepting and welcome me with open arms if we became engaged.

He still insists that it would be Not Good for him to marry me; he feels he must marry an Omani woman, and that his life would be ruined if anyone ever knew he had a girlfriend. Marriages between Omanis and foreigners – and love-marriages – are not nearly as uncommon as his worldview suggests they should be; however, he thinks that having a traditional wedding, to a bride chosen by his family, is paramount to his success in life and to pleasing his mother. He also says this has nothing to do with whether he loves me or not; he believes his life must follow a fixed course that he has known since childhood, and that he is powerless to change this without losing his moral self-respect.

Thus, he doesn’t allow for even the possibility of a shared future, despite the fact that we share our lives and depend on each other closely. We communicate extremely well, trust each other completely and have had open conversations about these issues, though they became so painful that we have agreed not to discuss it further. One of the reasons I am so convinced of his utter goodness and moral superiority is the fact that he has respected me from the beginning, warning me that there is no prospect for a future with me and telling me that if I cannot handle this, he will insist on letting me go rather than hurting me. I have said that I would rather spend what time I have with him than end our relationship before it's necessary, but the fact that eventually he will get engaged, probably without any warning to me beforehand, is a constant dark cloud over the ecstasy that otherwise defines our relationship.

So, in short, we love each other, I want to continue sharing my life with him, and I think he would realize that he might want the same if he could get past these real or imagined ideas of How Life Must Be according to Islam/his mother/his culture (though it might be the case that none of the above would actually condemn our marriage).

Finally, the question: what can I say or do to change his mind? (I am not trying to trick him into proposing next week and I do not wish to selfishly manipulate him; I just want him to be open to the possibility that eventually he may want to, because I truly believe that neither of us would be happier apart than we are together.)

To clarify, I am NOT asking your opinion on whether it is possible or likely to change his mind. I realize that the answer to that question is probably negative; please don’t fill this page with responses insisting that is the case, as I’m not aiming to increase my level of despair when reading replies to this post. I am also not asking whether you think he will, or should, marry me. What I am asking is, IF there is a way to change his mind about the mere possibility of our future, what might that be? Is there any (ethically acceptable) strategy I can use to reduce my chances of losing the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with to some anonymous woman he feels he has to marry to fulfill social expectations that may not lead him to a happier life, and that he may not fully believe in or understand his reasons for wanting to conform to?

Titus Andronicus; The Comedy

lekvar — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 14:30:31 -0800

A number of years ago I witnessed a comedic reinterpretation of Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, a decidedly non-comedic play. Can anybody direct me to more information on this version of the play? If further details would help, I saw the dress-rehearsal performed on the lawn outside the Metreon in San Francisco, probably in '98 or 99. The main details of the play were kept, but a lot of the dialogue was changed for comedic effect. There was a low-speed bicycle pursuit scene. It was freakin' awesome and I'd love to see it again, but Google gets confused when I type 'Titus Andronicus' and 'comedy.'

How can one sell/rent a great old traditional house in a great part of Japan for full value, when terrible real-estate practices hamper the endeavor.

Redruin — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 15:31:47 -0800

How can one sell/rent a great old traditional house in a great part of Japan for full value, when terrible real-estate practices hamper the endeavor. My Japanese tutor of several years wants to sell or rent her childhood home in Fujisawa's great and popular Shounan area near the sea, but the current (and mortifying) real estate practices dictate that the land needs to be leveled, the 13 varieties of old and gigantic trees be cut down, and the traditionally crafted Japanese garden and house be obliterated (along with much sentimental value).

Here's the rub. Not only does this cost around $50,000.00 (USD equivalent) to have done, the value of the property drops MORE than 50k if they try to sell it as is.

The large 6-room house has many features that aren't made anymore and are hard to find, from Snow-viewing doors, to traditionally lacquered inner sliding doors and samurai style roof. She doesn't want to rent to Japanese --since another great law says that you can't evict them after a certain amount of time-- but she doesn't know what else to do. We thought maybe renting/selling to foreigners who can appreciate the value of traditional style and quality, or to some kind of collector/group, but have no idea where to start (besides here!).

It seems almost a crime against nature to bulldoze the lot in order to put up another concrete cell-block. Can you help prevent this tragedy?

How to deal with "bad" anniversaries

randomstriker — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 17:49:06 -0800

What do you and those close to you do on the anniversary of something very bad that happened? A year ago last week my sister was raped. It has been a tough year, but we (my family) are all gradually moving on. My sister is healing, slowly but surely.

On the anniversary of her being assaulted, we weren't sure how to behave. No-one mentioned it, but obviously it was on our minds. We got together for dinner and didn't talk about it directly, but I could tell that everyone was pretty emotional.

It's confusing for us because one of my aunts died quite young of cancer on almost the same day, and the parents, spouse and children that survive her always get together for a memorial ritual on each anniversary of her death.

What do you do? What do you think you should do? I realize there's no correct answer, but some advice from those who have gone through personal tragedies would be appreciated.

Film about the girlfriend of a heart donor

flutable — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 03:26:25 -0800

Do you know this film? A girl whose dead boyfriend's heart has been transplanted, tries to find the transplant recipient. She arranges a meeting but the recipient turns out to be a fat, middle-aged man. She stays hidden, but follows him for a while, then eventually steps off a tram/streetcar and walks off. The film might be Italian. ...I saw this on SBS TV in Australia many years ago, and have been looking for it...but none of the film buffs I know, know anything about it. It's very tragic, as the woman seeks to be with the one part of her boyfriend that is still alive.

Get [blank] after having [blank] and achieve your own personal tragedy!

archae — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 00:01:35 -0800

Philosopher-Filter: I lost the source to something Schopenhauer once said... Philosopher-Filter:
I lost the source to something Schopenhauer once said
about the conditions necessary to achieve tragedy. It came off more as a witty epigram, but I believe it was part of a larger essay, perhaps dealing with irony.

What Oedipus Rex movie was that?

everichon — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 19:37:47 -0800

Years ago, I had an English teacher show our class a film version of Oedipus Rex. The prof explained that the director had taken pains to make the movie has period-accurate as possible, as far as the production design: costumes, sets, setting, etc. I think it was made in the early 70s or late 60s. What was this movie called, and/or who made it?

I am looking for a quote about a horrific human tragedy.

LoriFLA — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 10:11:24 -0800

I am looking for a quote about a horrific human tragedy. I believe the quote was pertaining to the Halocaust or the Rwanda genocide. The person speaking could of been a politician, author, or poet. I cannot remember. I believe I read it in a magazine.

The idea of the quote is, how can the world go on after a tragedy of this magnitude? How can millions of people die in such a violent way, and we keep living? One would think that the world would instantly end, and human beings would cease to exist.

Does this ring a bell? The quote is just one sentence, and much more eloquent and moving than my explanation.

Why do I associate Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree with great tragedy?

cillit bang — Wed, 22 Dec 2004 08:18:28 -0800

Why do I associate Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree with great tragedy?