Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with toddlers

What are the best IKEA products for ages one to three?

Xalf — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 11:44:09 -0800

We are making a rare trip to IKEA tomorrow in part to get a table and chairs for our one-year old. What are other IKEA items that we should look at for him? The last time we braved IKEA, Young Master Xalf was just three months old. I was impressed by the selection in the kids section, but that was a while ago and I didn't have the perspective I have now that he's one.

So, what are your favorite things for kids from IKEA? I'm willing to consider anything they sell: furniture, toys, meatballs, etc. I put ages one to three in the title because I hope to not go back for at least a year or two.

We already have the awesome BUSA tunnel. Here it is in use.

Vancouver, BC with twin 2-year olds and no car

Emanuel — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 19:53:31 -0800

Me, my wife, and our twin 2-year old boys are taking a day-trip to Vancouver, BC next Friday, mainly to get some paperwork taken care of at the Bentall Centre downtown (above the Burrard Skytrain station). We'll be flying in by float plane in the morning, will be finished with our appointments at 11am, and taking a ferry home from Tsawwassen in the evening. What to do in-between? The types of things we're looking for:

Somewhere to eat lunch. Near the Burrard Skytrain station would be best, because we'll probably be hungry right after our appointment. The default option would be the food court in the basement of the Bentall Centre, but I'd prefer something more interesting. None of us are picky eaters, but there should be something more-or-less toddler friendly on the menu and reasonably fast service would be best.
Parks with good playgrounds for toddlers.
Anywhere we could see freight trains (e.g., a switching yard)? The boys love trains.
Is there a good place at the airport for watching planes take off and land? They also love planes.
Libraries to hang out in.
Quiet, calm places to escape to if we get overwhelmed by the hectic big city.
Is there a part of Science World that would be appropriate for 2-year-olds?
Might they enjoy the short documentary-style films that are shown at Science World OmniMax? They've never seen a movie or even watched TV, so it would be a totally new experience for them.
Other ideas?

Everything has to be easy to access by public transit without much of walking, preferably near a SkyTrain station or major bus line. We won't have a stroller at our disposal, but are bringing backpack child carriers. I have visited Vancouver many times and basically know my way around the city and the major public transit routes.

I'd also appreciate any general advice on handling toddlers in the city, on busses, etc. We're total novices at going anywhere off our small rural island (pop. 900) with the kids. We've only done a few half-day trips to the small town of Sidney, BC (pop. 11,000) with a car. We don't even leave our property very often. The boys have never been in a city, so just about everything will be new to them. They're not used to seeing a lot of people or other children either. As such, we're not sure how much extra stimulation we'll need to provide vs. places to calm down. We basically don't know how to "do" cities with toddlers in tow, especially without a car, so any advice would be very much appreciated!

what to buy for 2yr old girl, premature baby boy + due-soon nephew???

moreteaplease — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 07:19:10 -0800

Being without children myself and not that well versed on what they need/want or the big trends right now, i need suggestions for the following gifts i need to buy in the next month or so: gift for a premature baby boy (or his mum); gift for a 2yr old girl; gift for my soon to be arriving nephew the premature boy is fine and coming home this weekend, he is a teeny weeny 4 pounds. my friend (the mum) does not live in the same city as me and obviously i dont want to descend whilst she's newly at home. i will be visiting in around a month and will take a gift then. i think clothes would be tricky due to sizing so suggestions outside this please. i am happy to just take something for her as i think she could do with a gift really given whats shes been through and sometimes mums kind of get overlooked. so you could also suggest something nice for a new mum. Budget £20-25 (approx 30$)

2 yr old girl. again its a long term friend who doesnt live in the same city as me. i am seeing her in a month when we meet up halfway for a spa day (travelling by train) so i dont want to be taking something huge/cumbersome that she then has to lug home. For her first birthday i couldnt attend the party as i was out of the country but i sent something instead. Again it was actually more of a present for her mum - i found a short novel (i thought she probably wasnt up for 300+ pages at that point) of the kind i know her mum likes where the main character was called the same thing as her daughter and i wrote a message about how she could read it herself, read to her daughter and pass on when she's older (they are a book loving family). I dont want to do that exact thing again i.e. buy for her mum, but i am happy to buy books as i know how much value they have to her mum. Dont know what to get though if its that. Again i dont want to get clothes. Budget £20 - 25 (approx 30$)

My nephew. I am actually really excited about this! Not a broody sort myself but really excited to have a nephew. Not massively close to my brother or sister in law but this kid is family and will be my eventual childrens cousins so it does make me feel a bit dopey about it in the way i havent about kids before. I want to buy something big/lots of cool little stuff for this. budget £100 (approx $150)

Im open to anything really and happy to buy online so if its outside the UK but could be shipped thats fine. might even be better as they're not likely to get the same thing twice that way.

Thanks!

What do I do with this toddler?

litnerd — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 05:38:55 -0800

Parenting a toddler: what should I know? What are your tips? Lil Bit is a year old now. I've come to realize I'm probably not at all prepared for what's ahead. What should we be doing together? What should he be doing alone? What should I be teaching him? How do you structure your days with a toddler?

On the average day, he gets breakfast, nap, snack, lunch, nap, snack, dinner, bedtime. He nurses quite a bit in between there. A lot of his playtime is spent with his favorite toys of the moment: a large sensory/soft book, the electronic activity panel from his walker, and a toy piano. He loves to climb the stairs, and walking is still a no-go.

I feel like by the middle/end of the day, he's so bored from the same-old, but I have no idea what else to do together. It's too cold to go to the park, and he can't do anything there besides swing anyway, and he only likes the swing for short periods of time. We go to playgroups and meetups occasionally, but they aren't regular enough to be routine. Our library has Toddler Time, but it goes on and off the schedule for weeks at a time. We have a Gymboree very close by, but I'm paranoid about the germiness.

Besides activities, I'm just not sure what to do with him to help him learn and advance. I hear about kids his age already being able to respond to questions like "what does a dog say?" and I feel like a horrible parent that he can't even say "mama" on command. How do I teach this kid? What should I be teaching him?

I thought diapers were supposed to, you know, actually contain the pee.

rabbitrabbit — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 11:02:53 -0800

Is everyone changing diapers at 3am and I just didn't know about it? My son is almost 22 months old. We cloth diaper during the day (Bumkins) and have been using disposables (7th Generation) for overnight since the cloth stopped containing pee at around 9 months.

Up until 2 weeks ago, I could put a disposable diaper on him at 8:30pm and it would contain all his pee until 9:30 the next morning. And during the day, he could stay in a cloth diaper for 3 hours most of the time.

Now, very suddenly, he is very wet by 4am every morning, and he can literally have a dry cloth diaper and then 5 minutes later he will have entirely peed through the diaper so spectacularly that his pants are wet all the way down to the cuffs. He is not drinking more at bedtime lately than he usually does

Is this... a thing? That I did not know? Is it because he had a growth spurt and his bladder is suddenly bigger? Is it because he's saving it all up and then lets go in one big rush?

What can I do to contain these rivers of pee? I tried switching from the 7th Generation to Huggies Snug & Dry for overnight, but he's still soaked by 4am. The cloth diapers... I hate to stop using them because they still fit well but not if they're completely failing at their one and only task.

Did you have this problem with your toddler? What did you do?

Should foxglove be removed from a garden used by a toddler?

Grinder — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 11:44:32 -0800

Should foxglove be removed from a garden used by a toddler? Our garden has some foxglove plants in it, planted by some previous owner. Should we be concerned about our daughter (now 19 months) coming into contact with them? She's at the mobile-and-very-curious stage, loves playing with the plants and still puts things in her mouth, but it is in a corner of the garden away from everything.

I've found some relevant Internet pages but they vary from 'foxglove is deadly, remove it now' to 'it's only dangerous if you eat lots of it'.

When you gotta go...

otherwordlyglow — Sun, 10 Jun 2012 21:48:14 -0800

How can I help my 4-year old get over her new fear of public toilets? Our 4-year old girl has been potty trained for about a year and never had any trouble with any sort of toilet. About 2 months ago I was with her in a public restroom that had auto-flush toilets and it flushed while she was still sitting down and it totally freaked her out and now she's afraid of pretty much all wall-mounted toilets, auto-flush or not, especially if they have the split seat (with the gap in front). She'll go on any toilet that looks like a residential toilet whether it's in a public restroom or not but if she sees the wall-mounted type with the pull lever, she totally resists and won't sit down. Sometimes she'll let us hold her over the toilet but sometimes even that's a struggle.

She hates the loud flushing and sticks her fingers in her ears for any unfamiliar toilet but for the wall-mounted ones, I let her exit before I flush it. We've tried covering the auto-flush sensor to ensure that it doesn't flush before we're ready but she's still wary and usually won't go without a big effort. She'll deny needing to go, even though she'd clearly in agony. Freaky loud noises are a bit scary for her and she's always had that response but toilets were usually okay, even if she remarked on how loud they were.

I'm fine holding her up over the toilet but even that doesn't help all of the time. And after having my shoes peed on (again) today and bashing her head into the toilet paper dispenser yesterday attempting to get her into position in a tiny stall when she was really desperate, I'd like some ideas for strategies to get her over this.

We've had lots of conversations about how yes, it's loud and we understand that she's scared but nothing bad will happen (not just in the moment but at other times when it's not the crisis situation). We can reason with her about lots of things but this just doesn't want to budge. Never leaving the house isn't really an option and though she right before we leave the house, it's gonna happen that she needs to pee again while we're out. We used to have a portable potty, do we need to drag that around with us again? Other ideas?

Help me not screw up my kid!

rabbitrabbit — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 13:21:10 -0800

Please tell me about your toddler's difficult questions. I am the parent of an 18-month-old who is just starting to use words, and I'm reading the [really great] book The Emotional Life of the Toddler right now, to try and understand where he's coming from with the no's and the tantrums and such. There is a short mention in it of a difficult situation that the toddler presents that I realized I have NO IDEA how I would handle.

The example in the book is: "He loves being naked. He discovers his penis and is enamored of it. He notices and comments when he has an erection: 'Mommy, my penis is big. Touch it, right here.'" (p. 89)

The book does not say how the parent responds. I think I would probably just say "Not right now" or maybe "That's yours and you can play with it in your room" or something, but I honestly don't know what the best response would be -- I want my son to grow up with healthy sexual attitudes but I'm suddenly afraid that I'm going to freeze and say the wrong thing because I haven't anticipated these types of situations.

So what I'm looking for is true stories of awkward questions or situations posed by your toddler, what you did, and if you feel it was the right or wrong thing and why (and if it was the wrong thing, what you'd do differently after having thought about it).

My goal is just to be a little more prepared for these things as my toddler becomes more curious about the world and some of the things in it that are harder to explain and navigate.

What are some science experiments that would be fun (and impressive) for a 4 year old?

imabanana — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 14:01:46 -0800

What are some science-y experiments that would be fun (and impressive) for a 4 year old? Bonus points if his two year old brother could participate and enjoy also.

Car seat for a Mini convertible?

nkknkk — Thu, 10 May 2012 20:21:50 -0800

My husband loves his 2007 Mini Cooper S convertible, but also loves his 3 year old, 38" tall, 30 lb daughter. We're hoping to bring the two things together with the perfect car seat. It needs to be easy to get into for the kid, harness (as opposed to seat belt) preferred. Have any actual real-life Mini owners made this work?

My best guess is that the Very Hungry Caterpillar is really terrifying.

sonika — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 14:10:29 -0800

Toddler nightmares: what helped you calm the shrieking beast? My 13mo. old son has been waking up screaming and upon taking him into the pediatrician to get checked for an ear infection (of which he's already had two in his short life), he was diagnosed with nightmares.

His night wakings fit the profile of nightmares in that he wakes up *screaming* (not crying) and is fairly inconsolable. They're not night terrors in that he is truly awake and responsive when I go in to try and help him - he reaches for me and responds, though usually by screaming and crying more. Unfortunately for everyone involved, this happens many times per night.

I'm at a loss as to how to help him. The pediatrician suggested a white noise machine and a nightlight - both of which he already has and we've used every night since birth.

One of the unique challenges with this particular kiddo is that cuddling him does not help him in any way. He's never been soothed by snuggles and when I hold him and try to get him to relax, he responds by trying to throw himself out of my arms. At best, he wakes up *more* and wants to play when I hold him. I can't bring him into bed with me as he thinks that's a great party and does not settle down and go to sleep, but rather crawls all over everything and pokes at the eyes of any residents of the bed, who then obviously are no longer sleeping themselves. He no longer breastfeeds and giving him a bottle doesn't do any good when he's not hungry as he just won't take it.

Given that we have the nightlight and noise machine and he can't be soothed by snuggles, I'm totally at a loss. If you've dealt with this with your own kiddos, what's helped you? Is it better to go in and try to soothe him anyway or to let him wear himself out? (He can, under normal circumstances, self-soothe.)

Business trips when you have a toddler at home

agent99 — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:05:58 -0800

How do you make business travel as painless as possible when you have a toddler at home? I am the mother of a 2-year-old, and I have to do a fair amount of business travel in the coming months. I will be gone anywhere from 3 to 10 days at a time, roughly every six weeks or so. What kinds of things have you done / avoided doing to make this as painless as possible? Or, if you had a parent who was away on business, what kinds of things do you remember that made the pain of separation better?

Details: He is in full-time daycare, so his daily routine will not change drastically when I'm away. My husband routinely does (at least!) half the childcare. He is not a particularly anxious child, BUT lately he tends to cry that he wants his mommy if he's tired/hungry/sick/cranky. He often cries for me at night, and I often sleep with him part of the night.

I'm too exhausted to know where to vacation.

rabidsegue — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 12:10:29 -0800

Where should my family with 2 toddlers travel for week-long vacation in June based out of the Mid-Atlantic? I will have a 1.5 year old and ~4.0 year old by June. We have a week or so off. I have a bunch of frequent flier miles. I can spend maybe $2k additional on the week including car rental/lodging. In past years we've gone to Austin, TX; Portland, ME; Gold Coast (Halifax area) of Nova Scotia; and east side of Prince Edward Island. Leaving out of DC area.

We like small quirky, kid-friendly towns in drivable distance to fun stuff, eg, museums, beaches, parks, shops crammed with random stuff, and food carts/great cheaper eats. Slower pace, where we go on one "outing" per day between nap times and chill out in a house/condo from a HomeAway rental and eat takeaway or very early dinners. I am thinking about Montreal or Jacksonville but really would love some more ideas from MeFites.

I am most interested in places that are nonstop flights! (Or <7 h drive) I'm not opposed to international if it is not overly stressful. If you need more details to help guide me please let me know.

I need mind-blowing books about parenting!

zoomorphic — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 11:03:30 -0800

I'm looking for parenting books that blew. your. mind. I'm teaching a parenting class in the next few weeks, and I'm looking for parenting books to bulk up my already decently-researched experience on childcare. I am especially interested in books that clear up common misconceptions and/or go against the grain of standard parenting assumptions.

I recently read Nina Planck's Real Food For Mother and Baby and was pleasantly shocked to read that while many pediatricians and parents believe that kids should eat starchy cereals, breads, crackers, etc., research says that this diet sets kids up for obesity and poor eating habits.

Other examples are How To Get Your Kid to Eat (don't pressure with "one more bite," let kids decide when they're done eating, don't use desserts as a reward), Nurtureshock (praise effort, not ability), Brain Rules for Baby (self-explanatory), Happiest Baby/Toddler on the Block and Pink Brain, Blue Brain.

Details: most interested in books that deal with newborns to 4 or 5 years old at the oldest. I am not looking for useful but too-specific material, such as The Explosive Child or books on autism and ADHD.

Hey, I don't really want to hug her, either.

Bardolph — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 04:25:55 -0800

Unwilling toddlers and forced social interactions with adults: is it OK to instruct your child to (for instance) hug Great-Aunt Maisie, when she'd prefer not to? As my 2.5-year-old daughter has advanced into the toddler years, I've increasingly marvelled at the pressure other adults place on young kids to engage with them socially. Sometimes we're talking low-level interactions like saying "Hi" back to the checkout lady, but during this last month of holiday visiting, my daughter has also been expected to give out hugs and sit still for cheek kisses from various funny-smelling old people, to sit close by random uncles when opening gifts, to ride on Great-Grandma's lap in her wheelchair at the nursing home, etc., etc. I understand the grown-up impulse to want to cuddle, touch, and otherwise make much of a small child in a ruffly dress; but I also sort of resent people's placing pressure on a toddler to accord them unearned physical and social intimacy, often to a degree that'd never be expected of an adult. I also feel-- perhaps mistakenly?-- that people demand much more of this sort of interaction from girls than they would from boys.

I'm wondering how other parents have struck a balance between teaching kids to be polite and to interact effectively in social situations-- and not to hurt the feelings of elderly, lonely relatives-- while still raising children who are capable of setting their own boundaries when appropriate. I think I tend to default to supporting the wishes of the adult-- "Go ahead, give Grandma a hug, sweetie!"-- and my daughter (who's a shy, quiet, obedient type) generally complies without comment; but the look of passive discomfort on her face makes me worry that I might somehow be creating a pattern of placing others' demands over her own feelings. On the other hand, as an introvert myself, it's been my experience that that's kind of what socializing is: a long series of uncomfortable and tiresome interactions that you submit to because other people seem to expect it. I'd just like to be sure I can get my daughter to the point of dinner-party proficiency while stopping short of making her a future doormat or victim.

If anybody has a good set of rules to follow in these circumstances, I'd love to hear about it. Parental strategies for politely deflecting other people's advances, when necessary, would also be most welcome. Thanks!

[Oh, and just to clarify, I'm of course not talking about interactions that are legitimately inappropriate or dangerous here; no caresses from random strangers on the bus, absolutely unsupervised time with distant relatives of either sex. Just wondering how far to permit or promote the everyday, safe, yet impertinent intimacies that people seem to feel they have a right to expect from your average adorable toddler.]

Movies for the very young and the very immature

zardoz — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 16:59:48 -0800

Movies that I can watch with my two-and-a-half year old, that both of us can enjoy? The only feature we've watched is "My Neighbor Totoro", which my son (and I) liked, but even as light and short as it was, his attention wandered at times.

What are some simple movies that we can watch together that don't rely too much on plot and dialogue? Animation is probably ideal. And something that I can enjoy as well and won't annoy or bore me to distraction.

Terrific, not Terrible, Twos Party

shiu mai baby — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 15:00:59 -0800

Help me throw a birthday party that doesn't suck for my soon-to-be-two-year-old. This was supposed to be a small party for just our close friends, but stupid me got all ambitious and invited a number of neighbors (and their kids) as well. Since many of these people have never been to our house before, I have just upped the pressure on myself. Swell! Plus, last year's party was all adults, since my kid was too young for friends, but now things have changed.

Anyway, there will probably be a dozen-ish children at this thing, ranging in ages from 1.5 to 4. I think I've got the food covered, as I plan on having a ton of juice boxes, and we're borrowing a hot dog roller from a friend, which will be fun. I'm more concerned about keeping said kids entertained for a couple of hours without losing my mind, as I will have the usual party-minding duties to contend with.

Since the party's in a couple of weeks, I was thinking about maybe setting up a station for kids to paint miniature pumpkins, but at this point I'm open to just about any idea.

Salient points:

1. I'm leery of planning on any activities that require being outdoors, because, given the mercurial weather this time of year, it could be 75 and sunny or it could be 50 and raining. Also, going out into the backyard requires going through the basement, which is currently filled with spiders and basement junk, and to get that kid-friendly would take way more work than I can give at this point.

2. The budget for this is pretty limited. We're cooking all the food, buying the cake, and ordering the favors off of Etsy. I'd thought of hiring a face painter, but a cursory search tells me that they usually start at the $100/hr range, which is too much for this particular event.

3. The party itself doesn't have any major theme, although I'm not opposed to it. Since it's still early October, it feels a little soon to do anything overtly Halloween-y, but I did just get the Oriental Trading catalog in the mail and it was filled with all sorts of neat (and insanely cheap) Halloween stuff, like fake vampire teeth and cute lollypops and stuff, which was tempting.

4. As I said above, a lot of the neighborhood moms are coming to this, so I acknowledge there's a lot of self-inflicted pressure to make it fun. I don't really socialize with these ladies a lot, but for the sake of my daughter, I want to establish friendly relations and a positive precedence for her to be included in future events. Luckily this neighborhood doesn't have a sense of one-upmanship, as far as I've been able to tell, and the birthday parties around here are pretty reasonable, e.g. no crazy inflatables, no Cirque du Soleil acts in the garden, etc.

I'd love to hear any suggestions, recommendations, and warnings from folks who've thrown toddler parties -- what to serve, what to avoid, how to make sure the kids (and parents!) have a good time.

Help me not be such a neurotic freak of a mom!

minx — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 20:06:36 -0800

Do I need to calm down A LOT, or is it okay to yell until I'm hoarse in the hopes of keeping them safe when my little kids create such out-of-control craziness? I'm the mother of a 4.5 yr old girl and a 3 yr old son. My anxiety goes through the roof and I freak out whenever they run around chasing each other screaming, poke and prod and pull on each other in tugs of war, and do other supposedly normal things in the house that could cause someone to get hurt. I was an only child growing up so I never ever saw anyone running in our house and I never got wild like that with my friends when I was that young. (I think I might be just a bit uptight. :) )

My husband comes from a family of 6 children, and he says that this is all totally normal, and is even mild by comparison to what he's seen and been a part of.

So, this weekend we got them 2 big-kid twin beds, one for each of their rooms. Each bed is about 2 feet off the floor. I got a bed rail for the 3 yr old, but not for the 4.5 yr old.

The kids were so excited by the beds that they climbed onto the little one's and were hanging on the bed rail, standing up, jumping on the bed, and the little one was trying to do somersaults toward the headboard (which is a little bookcase).

Okay, so I totally freaked about this and told them to stop and get down, etc. etc. and made a scene. I hate when I lose it like that, but I'm so afraid that they'll get hurt, especially now that they're 2 to 2.5 feet off the ground! My little one even stuck himself between the bed rail and the headboard, trying to wiggle out of bed head first.

Anyway, my husband says that the kids will not hurt themselves severely even if they fall out of this big-kid bed.

Do I need to calm down A LOT, or not? What advice can you give me to try to not lose it whenever I see our kids potentially getting hurt (though perhaps not seriously?) ? How do I deal with this anxiety that has been rolling through my veins constantly ever since the second one was born? Your answers will help not only me but hopefully our kids as well. Thank you!

Can you help us get our kid to go back to sleep?

hollyanderbody — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 00:31:48 -0800

Can you help with our toddler's sleeping problems? Lately, almost every night, our 2.5yo son wakes up in the middle of the night crying and won't go back to sleep. He cries for a long time. after a while it seems he's getting tired, and his crying is winding down, but suddenly he gets a second wind, and really renews his vigor and enthusiasm. My husband as a lower tolerance for it and will usually take him to the guest bed, turn on a movie, and they will both go back to sleep. I think he needs to learn how to go back to sleep without this "crutch" but I don't know how. I worry that it is now REQUIRED that Daddy take him to the guest bed to fall asleep again to a movie, and that it is an unhealthy habbit. I'm certain there is a book I should read, and I will, but can anyone help us now? Currently he's been screaming for about 20 minutes. He just went to the door (which he has trouble opening) for the third time. Each time I heard him go to the door, I went in and put him back to bed, and said "Bedtime" and left him to continue crying. (the first time I gave him a drink which he was crying for) I feel AWFUL! What is the right approach? If I let him up, and let him watch some tv (which will certainly stop the crying, and facilitate going back to sleep), won't I just be reinforcing this problem? Make that 4 times, and the crying is still going strong! Please Help?!

Good ways to deal with a toddler who hits

agent99 — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 18:41:23 -0800

How to deal with a toddler who hits? All right, so Baby99 is 22 months old and a really awesome baby. In the past month or so he's started getting much more aggressive. It's mostly with us (his parents), especially with me (his mother), though his daycare providers have recently told us that he's started pushing other kids (they say all the kids do it at that age and it's nothing out of the ordinary, so I don't think he's unusually aggressive). The problem we're trying to deal with is that he hits us when he doesn't get his way (countless examples from today, the most recent one from when I was putting him to bed and he got upset that it was time for lights out). I should say that he is also very affectionate with me when he isn't hitting me, but the hitting is getting old fast and we really want to curb it. He hits hard and he hits often.

We've been doing 1-2-3 time out type disciplining, and while it interrupts the behavior, it certainly hasn't diminished its frequency. Today we went so far as to abort a trip to the natural history museum because he was hitting me on the subway ride over there, so we just turned around and went home, explaining to him repeatedly why. This elicited a lot of complaints but it's not clear that he made the connection between hitting and lack of dinosaurs. Baby99 is way more verbal than other kids his age: he understands complex concepts, has a large vocabulary, and speaks in sentences, so he does understand what we explain to him (and often argues back, but that's another story . . .)

So, parents of toddlers and those who love them, what are some effective ways of dealing with toddler aggression?

Hey, I'm "Reading" Here!

zizzle — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 07:00:27 -0800

Toddler Zizzle doesn't like being read to, but he likes to "read" books on his own. Should we make more effort to read to him, or is this okay for now? TZ is two and a half. He had an EI intervention and was determined to have a language delay, but has all the right precursors for language and he uses two word phrases contextually and he babbles a mile a minute pretty much constantly. So he just seems to need a little help, which he should be getting soon.

I want to read books to him, and we have a lot of books for him. He loves his books, but he doesn't like us to read to him. He does like to take them and "read" them himself. He'll flip through the pages and then proudly shout, "The end!" And he'll do this for a long time. But any time we try to read to him, he grabs the book, says, "Mine!" and sits down to "read" to himself. Sometimes he clears his throat, "Ahem!" like and will clearly start to "read" to us.

Sometimes I'm able to read to him on the train during our commute, but lately he'd rather "read" to himself on the train. We also took to reading to him when he was having his bath, but now he wants to take the books in the bath....

Reading is clearly important for language, and I want to read to him --- but he'd rather read to himself. How much do we just sorta insist on reading to him whether he likes it or not? I'd much rather not make reading a power struggle, and I'm happy he likes books so much. I just wish I could read one to him.

How does a French immersion school work?

pyjammy — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 10:21:19 -0800

What will our experience be like in sending our kids to a French-immersion school? Our 3 year old triplets will be attending a French immersion school starting in August. They will be starting in preK-3, and assuming all goes well, will attend this school until they graduate from high school.

Neither my husband nor I speak French. At all. Well, except for a handful of words I learned in elementary school. I am assured this is not a problem, but I'm just wondering...how is this going to work?

What's going to happen on the first day of school, when my kids go into a classroom where they don't know the language? Of course they won't be the only kids there, most of the kids and parents will be in the same boat as us.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any experiences to share about language-immersion schools, or can point me to any resources.

(And I'd ask current parents at this school, only there aren't any. This is the first year this school will be open.)

His Name Even Means Curly Headed

zizzle — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 11:15:41 -0800

My two year old son has really curly hair. How do we brush it so he's not traumatized? We give him a bath twice a week, wash his hair with shampoo and conditioner once a week. I do my best to comb his hair when he is in the bath, which until about three weeks ago was just fine. I use a wide tooth wood comb and brush his hair when it is wet, and on the day that I also wash his hair, I leave the conditioner in until I am done combing.

Lately, however, he has been getting large mats -- not even knots, but mats --- on the back of his head. He's started screaming the moment the comb touches his hair. I assure you I'm not even pulling.

Last night I used a regular bristle brush, which seemed to do a quicker job, but was harsher on his hair.

I do not comb his hair every day because he never seemed to need it before, but maybe he does now? Are there any no-tears non-perfumed detanglers that would help? Try a new shampoo (currently use the Johnson&Johnson baby) or conditioner (currently use a Kiss My Face because that's what I use) Any brushing or combing techniques? Should I brush his hair more often? Less often?

My husband says just to leave his hair alone, but I'm not eager to face down the rat's nest that would almost assuredly happen if I were to do that.

For what it's worth, we have not yet ever cut his hair and don't intend to for some time. Really, this is not an option for us at present.

My kid is bored and I am frustrated.

Anonymous — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 07:27:58 -0800

Is it fair that I ask my 2.5 year old daughter to play independently? She wants me around to do *everything* with her and I feel like she should at least be able to occupy herself alone for a few minutes at a time. I need guidance and suggestions. My daughter is extremely verbal and bright (but of course, I'm biased). We've enrolled her in preschool for this September when she turns 3, but for she's mainly with me all day until my husband gets home. We have tons of music classes, art classes and playdates with friends to keep her occupied, but I worry we should have enrolled her in preschool earlier. C'est la vie, because preschools in NYC are all overbooked so we can't get her in anywhere earlier.

When we're at home alone, my daughter expects me to do everything with her. If I have to answer emails or take a phone call, I'll set her up with art supplies or give her a "task" she usually enjoys ("tear up this magazine page into tiny pieces"/"put Kleenex diapers on your dolls") to keep her occupied, but she gets extremely upset and clingy. It's gotten to the point where I can't get a free minute to plan the day, look up what museums are open or who's free for a playdate, because she's crying about being ignored. If I set her up at the kitchen table with crayons and paper so she can color while I make dinner, she begs me to color with her the entire time and gets agitated when I finally leave to put things in the oven.

Just now I dropped her off at our neighbor's house because I needed to check directions on how to get to our new music class. We'd been pretending to go to the store, so I asked my daughter to take her baby to the store while I found information. She elected to stand right by my side, staring at me with huge Anime eyes full of tears, and then sobbed in my lap during the 3 minutes it took me to check the subway directions.

I know she's still very little, and Mom saying that she has to check her email can seem like Mom is saying "go sit in a lonely corner and wait forever." I understand that when I do simple adult tasks where I can't include her (like taking things out of the broiler, or talking to my editor on the phone for 5 minutes, or checking the computer for subway directions) make her feel neglected and sad. When there are ways to include her, I do, but I also think she needs to learn how to amuse herself independently for short periods of time. Is that too much to ask of a still-youngish toddler?

The worst part is that I get so frustrated when I can't get a second to pee or answer emails for 2 minutes that I snap at my kid, which in turn makes her more anxious and upset and needy for my reassurances. I need more constructive ways for dealing with the "staring at Mom pointedly while tears well in my huge eyes" than simply feeling guilty and irritated!

Other details: she watches a half hour of TV a couple times a week, but I don't like using TV as a babysitter unless absolutely imperative. I am at home with my daughter M-F, 8-6, but when my husband gets home he takes over main parenting responsibilities until bedtime.

What documentaries for a 2-year-old, like Babies?

k8t — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 08:14:03 -0800

Documentaries/movies like Babies for 2-year-old? While at a friends' house, my 2-year-old saw the documentary Babies (on Netflix Streaming) and really liked it.

I liked it too and had actually intended to watch it at some point.

This was also a nice change of pace from kid-designed TV show, was very slow paced, and provided us a lot of good opportunities to talk about stuff. I felt like he was much more engaged than he is watching SuperWhy or Sesame Street. (Although I do realize that things that are designed for his age and have age-appropriate educational content make sense...)

Recommendations for similar films that toddlers may like, especially ones available instantly on Netflix, would be appreciated.

Also, he LOVES the All About series.